Hey guys!

I hope everyone is doing well. I wanted to elaborate a little more on why I chose to write this story. In school, the subject of eating disorders was kind of just brushed over, and in health classes, it was made to seem like it was something temporary that all girls going through puberty experience, but this is not true. It's a life-long disease, and it affects men as well as women.

I watched an HBO documentary titled: "THIN" and it forever changed me. It's about several women who struggle with eating disorders, and gives one a look inside of their world. (It can be watched on Youtube)

I want to tell one girl's story, and it shouldn't matter if this is based on me or anyone else, what matters is that Bella fights through this. This story will have a lot of struggle, but trust me, Bella is going to fight tooth and nail to get her life back.

I want this story to help anyone in the darkness. I want this story to let someone inside of the world of someone struggling with this monster. I want people to gain perspective, and I want people to learn.

I remember always using fanfiction to escape my reality in the dark times, because most of the time things are fluffy and perfect in fanfiction, but I thought about how amazing it would be to make fanfiction a mirror, and to bring the characters into some of our lives.

I am so thankful that fanfiction exist, and that I have the opportunity to create. I wish you all the best. Now, onto the chapter!

I place the pitcher of orange juice on the table, and put the finishing touches on the meal that I have prepared for Edward and Rose.

I have butterflies in my stomach as I walk into the living room. I can't help but smile when I see what a mess both of them are.

I clear my throat loudly and they both begin to stir. "I was a bitch last night."

"Yeah you were," Rose says in her raspy voice, and then yelps when Edward elbows her in the side.

"I have been stressed and I took it out on you guys. I'm not proud of it, and so this breakfast is me apologizing."

Edward smirks, and it relaxes me because I know that I am forgiven. He then says, "I'm insulted! You think food will buy our forgiveness? I mean you're right, but you didn't have to say it."

I tell them that I ate as I was cooking.

I'm hypnotized by the butter melting-sliding down the pancakes, and the steam coming off of the eggs.

My head is pounding, and I should take some medicine, but the pain is something to hold onto, it's something to distract me from the twist in my stomach.

They'll start seeing soon and I can't do a thing about it.

I am just waking up from a nap when Rose walks through my bedroom door.

"Put on your red lipstick, B, because we are going out!"

"I'm exhausted, Rose."

"Don't care! We are going out! Edward will meet us there. It will be fun."

This isn't fun. Rose and Edward are drunk. I've been throwing my shots behind me, but they are too far-gone to notice.

Edward stumbles to the bathroom, so I'm stuck listening to Rose go on a drunken rant.

A hand rest on Rose's shoulder, and when I look up I see that it's Royce. He is such a fucking pest.

"Go away, Royce."

"Let me talk to my girl."

"She's not your girl, you crazy asshole."

"Royce, I-I was so good to you, and you just-" Rose burst into tears, and I feel nothing but rage.

I'm always on edge these days, and he's really the last straw on the camel's back.

He's telling her it's okay, like she's the one that should be sorry. She's so drunk and needy, and he's taking advantage of that.

So I do the only thing that makes sense, and these days what makes sense to me is kind of fucked up.

I break a bottle on his face

He's bleeding and screaming

My heart is beating fast, and the little energy I have in me is burning up quick.

Rose is crying

"What did you do?! " Edward screams. When did he get back?

I start to tell him that I did what made sense

But before I can get it out, there's darkness

Two weeks Later

"Hey, Barbara! Edward forgot this draft at home, so I wanted to bring it by."

"Oh thanks honey! Why don't you go in and give it to him? It's a light day and he'd love to see you."

"No! It's okay. I need to get back to the office."

"Alright, dear. Are you coming to my Halloween party this weekend?"

"Of course! I've really gotta run, but I'll see you soon." I start to turn around, but Barbara grabs my hand.

"Bella, I just wanted to tell you that no one blames you, honey. We all know how terrible Royce is. I don't see you any differently." There is so much kindness in her eyes.

Yeah, she's right. I did the right thing, and I may be getting smaller, but I'm getting stronger. I had the courage to put Royce in his place and he will never mess with Rose again.

You're Fine.

You're Evolving.

This is Great.

I almost forgot what a smooth talker my old friend is.

Yes, I almost forgot what a fucking manipulative smooth talker this bitch on my back is.

Edward and I decide to dress up as Harry and Hermione for Barbara's Halloween Party.

We pick up Rose on the way. She's dressed up as some woman from Game of Thrones.

It's pretty crowded so we have to park at the end of the development and walk a ways to Barbara's house.

"We are only staying at this old bag's house for two hours tops, and then we are going out to get dru-"

I'm confused when she stops, but I see that Edward is giving her a death stare.

He doesn't want me drinking for a while.

I grab his hand and give him a reassuring smile.

I know he's trying to protect me.

When we finally get to the house, Barbara is ecstatic. I introduce Rose to Edward's co-worker, Riley, and then leave them to mingle.

I'm outside looking at the full moon when I feel Edward hug me from behind.

"I love you, Bella, and I can't wait to marry you."

I turn around to kiss him and I can't stop kissing him. I want to go home because I finally feel in the mood.

"Oh, Bella! Come here, dear."

"Later," I whisper to Edward as we walk inside.

"I want you to try my dirt cake. Your friend Rose is a very uh-avid fan..."

Rose is sitting on the loveseat with cake smudged around her mouth and then says, "This cake rocks, Grandma!" I'm almost certain she's emptied her flask.

"I wanted you to try it! Edward tells me that you have an affinity for sweets."

"I do and this looks amazing, but I'm not too hungry now." Her shoulders droop. "But wrap some up for me and I'll take it home."

Her warm eyes are bright again, as they should be. "Sure thing, dear."

When we get home, Edward can't get me undressed fast enough.

When we make it to the bedroom, I'm sure to cut the lights off.

I strip down to my underwear and get under the covers.

In a flash Edward is next to me, and then on top of me kissing down my stomach.

When he finally makes it to where I want it most, he kisses and sucks and strokes and it's so right, and he knows how to turn me inside out.

I pull him up so that he is on top of me and try to guide him inside, but he stops me.

"I want you on top, sweetheart." He whispers

I'm glad he stopped me because it reminds me to reach into the bedside drawer.

"What are you doing?"

I don't answer and attempt to distract him with kisses while I try to put the condom on him.

He grabs my arms and holds me in place. "Bella, what are you doing? We never use condoms."

"I haven't been taking my birth control."

"Okay…why?"

"I don't know, I just always forget, so I decided that this would be better. We can just use one whenever we decide to have sex."

"What happened to the daily reminder you got on your phone?"

"I've also been stressing, and I read that stress can make it ineffective."

"Did you ask your doctor if that's true? I just feel like condoms are dangerous, like, they could easily break and we said we don't want to have kids for a while, so I think you should go back on the pill."

"Okay!" I snap.

"I don't care if you get an attitude," He snaps back.

I try to start kissing him again but he stops me.

"I don't want to do this until you're back on the pill."

"I'm finally in the mood and you don't want to."

"I'm just trying to stick to the plan, Bella. No kids yet. We both said that's what we wanted."

I rip the covers back and grab my pillow "I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Whatever, Bella."

I slam the door on my way out.

EPOV

I wake up around four and go out to the living room and to the couch.

I kneel down so that I'm face to face with Bella. Her eyes immediately pop open.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I've missed being intimate with you too, I just got a little scared. Come back to bed."

When we're back in bed she gets on top of me. I try to take off her nightshirt but she stops me.

I work my hands over her breast, "I want to see them."

She gives me a small smile and tells me she's cold, which is weird because she's sweating, but it doesn't matter because it's so fucking nice to be connected again.

She works herself over me, and it's so good, so soft, so Bella.

We explode together.

Post-orgasm warmth surrounds me, but she's a little cold.

I go to the bathroom to get rid of the condom and when I come back I see that Bella has fallen asleep.

I don't remember not one night in all the time we've been together, that Bella has slept with her back to me.

I guess there's a first time for everything.