Hello marvelous world of Artemis Fowl Fan Fiction. I'm sorry that I kept you waiting. My basketball team is currently in a tournament, we have practice right after school for a good 90 minutes. I'm stuck in my room working my ass off on homework. It's our last week of school before Christmas break, so the teachers are piling on a bunch of preparation worksheets for semester finals.
(Which thankfully, I don't have to do. Our school has a policy that states if you haven't missed more than two days of school and you have all A's, you don't have to take Semester finals. And I have both regulations on my side.)
I'm working out for an hour each day on a weight system, to keep my parents happy and my new girlfriend happy. My friends interrupt me with calls to get online and play videogames with them. I reluctantly agree, since I am trying to improve my skills. And I also had other fan fictions to attend to. I have songs I'm writing, and poetry for my English teacher to submit to an out of town poetry contests…..
Read between the lines, I've had a lot of work to deal with.
BUT NOW I'M BACK. And with a new and improve chapter of Apollo.
So, without further interruptions, here it is.
Song: Planet Telex by; Radiohead.
"Taking care of Kids….. I don't know how to explain this….it's basically like one day, a mini clown car pulls up, and a thousand of clowns run out all at once, and you can't catch them! We had five kids, now we think there are twelve my wife and I actually believe that there are parents dropping their kids off at our house just so the kids can cry, break things, poop their pants, and then leave."
Denis Leary
Apollo didn't talk much on the car ride to the private leer jet. Other than a simple investigative question about his parents' life, he really didn't focus much on speaking. Not to say that he didn't listen to the answer's Holly and Artemis provided. He did learn about his mother's tragic death of her parents, and he stood silent and nodded his head when Artemis Fowl spoke about his life and the disappearance of his father.
But Apollo's mind was focus on other matters; such as what songs to pick out of the numerous songs on his IPod to choose for a playlist for his father to squirm uncomfortably to. Apollo smiled maliciously at this idea. As soon as that leer jet would land in Dublin, Artemis was going to endure a little Rock history 101 taught by the master himself; Apollo. Artemis was going to have a head ache the size of Texas by the time Apollo was through with him.
But what songs to choose?
Oh, there were plenty; 1002 to be exact. And most of them were great iconic rock and roll gems, like 'I can't get no satisfaction' and 'She Loves You.' Apollo even had an exciting and massive list of heavy metal songs, ranging from the old school like Black Sabbath and Anthrax, to new and explosive heights, such as Lamb of God and the Illinois nu metal gods by the name of Dope. And If Apollo gave his father the mercy, Apollo had a pretty impressive progressive rock itinerary, featuring such bands as Yes, Rush, Pink Floyd, and Electric Light Orchestra.
But which ones should Apollo decide upon? Which ones would make his dad squirm the most? What order should they be in? And should Apollo focus more on making his dad writhe in agony, or giving his father an actual lesson? After all, Apollo was quite certain that whether his father would like it or not, Artemis was going to get an 'in your face, but by your side,' lesson on the artistic growth and history of rock music. So the songs were clear, and he knew that somewhere around the bend, people like John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, John Mayer, and Jefferson Airplane had to make an appearance on the playlist. But when? What order should the deliciously evil teenage Apollo place the songs that would benefit as well as harm the grown Artemis?
Apollo decided to go easy on his dad, and would start the playlist with a short, but sweet and powerful punk rock song by The Misfits; entitled "Hybrid Moments."Apollo activated the Genius App on his IPod for this song.
He looked out the window and noticed the leer jet coming into sight. In a few minutes, Apollo was going to step out of this rented vehicle that his father and mother chosen, and enter the insanely large, expensive and epically upper class flying machine.
Apollo looked back down at his IPod, and noticed that the first five songs after "Hybrid Moments" that Genius selected went in this order. "Ex Lion Tamer;" by Wire "Smells like Teen Spirit;" by Nirvana. "Hypnotize;" by System of a Down "See No Evil," by Television, And "N.I.B;" which was a duet between Primus and Ozzy Osbourne.
Apollo smiled a maliciously evil grin that would send shivers down any demon's back, and would send even hell itself, into panic. This is going to be fun, Apollo remarked inside his head.
Apollo didn't even talk while on the plane as they crossed the ocean towards Dublin, Mostly because he was fascinated by the interior of the plane. It amazed him what the upper class living was like. And since Apollo dreamed of a day where he would have such a colossal amount of cash from a song writing and film career, it was basically like he was given a preview of where he would be heading if his dreams came true.
He was like a little kid being dropped off in a candy shop, and being told "Just, go wild kid." He couldn't stand still for even a moment. Basically as soon as he placed a foot in the plane, he wanted to jump up and down with joy and run through the exteriors. He wanted to flip his lid and go crazy. This was an amazing moment for the teenager.
Unfortunately, Artemis noticed this facial expression of sheer joy going across his son's face. And while it did pain him to tell his son, "You're going to have to be strapped in while we take off," it was the truth, and Fowl only did it because he really cared for his son's safety.
Apollo gave a off a frown that looked like a bird shit on him.
On the bright side, Holly added, "However, when we're in autopilot you may do as you like."
His face lit up like a fire cracker on the fourth of July. So Apollo strapped himself in, and basically waited for that moment to explode. The excitement kept building and building as the airplane got higher and higher. And when the entire plane was covered in the thick layer of fog in the atmosphere, Holly turned around from her chair with a big smirk, and proclaimed "Now you can go berserk."
And Apollo proceeded to do so for the rest of the plane ride to the manor. He went up and down the aisle with amazing speed. He opened up millions of cabinets and gave off a shriek of joy when he'd see something amazing (like say, a personal fountain drink machine under the freaking sink,) and would proceed to fiddle with it. He'd flip on hand light switches and would open and close random doors for minutes upon minutes. And while he did this, a giant grin of joyful fun was ever so presence across his face. He was enjoying everything.
But the best was yet to come.
When the plane touched down in the Dublin international airport, the stairs began rolling themselves out onto the tar mat. When the doors opened, Holly and Artemis removed themselves from their seats, and walked over to the opening. "Let's go," Holly declared to Apollo. Apollo stood up, went to the back to grab his luggage. Once he grabbed "Betsy," He walked towards the stairs which lead outside to the Dublin airport. Suddenly, Apollo felt a sharp pain searing through his skull. His eyes were adjusting from the dim yet rather elegant lighting of the private jet, to the vastly bright, wild, and smog filled habitat of an airport. His hands covered his eyes for a moment, as pain raged from his skull. He groaned out of annoyance. After a while, the headache began to drift away, and he removed his palm from his eyes, and let the natural adjustment of his pupils take place.
Then, when his eyes became fully focused, he stared. His mouth went dry, his iris dilated, and his heart beat sped up to twice its regular beats.
She. Was. GORGEOUS! No, wait. Gorgeous wasn't good enough. Amazing? No. maybe spectacular? Apollo couldn't decide. Words would never be able to describe this woman beauty she was defiantly alluring, and made Apollo mad with love. She had to be a goddess from the heavens above, who came here to this planet in human form for all the people to gaze upon, so that the human race would now fully know the definition of a woman.
She was around 5'9; (making her rather large to Apollo, for he was 5'8) she had long curly red hair that was about 2 and a half feet in length. Her skin was rather pale, but her complexion was still, simply perfect; brilliant actually. There was not one blemish upon her perfect milky white skin. She wore a white button up t-shirt, which was rather strange for a woman who looked so young to wear, but it suited her just fine. Her sleeves were rolled up, showing that she seemed to have a rebellious outlook. And completing her outfit was a very fine, and very silky smooth skirt, which ended just around the top of her knees. And thank god it did, for since the skit did end somewhat short, it revealed her finely tuned, lengthy, very beautiful stork-like legs. Somewhere in the back of his head, Apollo could swear that he heard ZZ Top's "Legs" playing. She was rather skinny, but her presence and the way she stood, with one hand on her hip and another hand by the side of her black skirt, showed that she was a very strong woman. It made her look like she was not to be trifled with, and that she could handle herself in any situation.
Standing beside this woman, was a taller, slightly aged, blonde headed, and very elegant lady. She was pretty, but comparing her beauty to that of the red headed angle which stood beside her, was kind of like comparing a DVD Player to a digital Blu Ray player; both are very useful, but it's a no brainier. Strangely, this woman had the same presence as the woman beside her; strong, powerful, and showed that these women were not to be messed with. Apollo wondered why they seemed like that.
Then, the most wonderful and most terrifying thing to ever happen in Apollo's life began. It was wonderful, for he could get to study this wonderful stranger's presence up close, and it was terrifying, because it meant that Apollo may actually have to talk to this lady, and he feared of what would come out of his mouth. These two women, were getting closer, and were preparing to meet them at the bottom of the aircraft.
Apollo's brain came up with a simple, yet unreasonable decision. Don't move. He simply thought. If I don't move from these stairs, then I don't have to get closer to this beautiful girl. Thus, I can light a match to start the fire, and possibly get myself burned in humiliation.
Of course, Artemis had to ruin that. All the grown genius had to do was place a hand on Apollo shoulders and tell him, "Well son; don't just stand there. Let's go." And Apollo's fear came rushing back. The teenager made slow and peaceful steps down the leer Jet, and as he got closer and closer, Apollo silently prayed to God that he wouldn't embarrass himself.
When they finally reached the end of the leer jet stairs, the blonde head women held out her hands in and embrace, asking for a hug. Both Artemis and Holly did so.
"It's so good to see you guys again," The woman replied as she embraced the both of them.
"It's great to see you too, Juliet." Holly replied.
Juliet let go of Holly Short and then focused her attention to Apollo. Her face lit up with a smile. "And this here must be your son." Juliet proclaimed, as she leaned over a bit and gripped Apollo in a very tight hug. It was almost too tight, and Apollo feared that he might have lost circulation. Apollo noticed while Juliet was hugging him, that there was on her hip bone, a small Sig Sauer Pistol. When Juliet let go, Apollo noticed that this blonde headed woman seemed to be very excited. "Oh My God, you've grown up to be quite the lad."Juliet proclaimed. Then she raised her fingers, and held her thumb and index finger only millimeters apart. "I remember you when you were only this big." Juliet stated.
"Juliet was around and helped with your birth." Holly explained. "She would babysit you from time to time."
"God, you were such the cutest thing." Juliet declared. Then, she motioned her hand towards the red head goddess. "And let me introduce you to my daughter, Melinda." Juliet proclaimed.
Apollo's eyes widen to the size of saucers. Did she just say daughter? Apollo thought. He also noticed that Melinda had on her hipbone a gun as well. Apollo could now see some resemblance with the gun attached. As this red headed beauty shook the hands of both the father and the mother, and hugs were exchanged, Apollo thought about how it was strange and yet so incredibly noticeable that this beautiful mistress and this lovely blonde headed girl were related. Then the red headed lady held out her hand for Apollo to shake. Apollo was so nervous and fidgety that he almost exploded at that moment. He slowly gave out his hand and with nerves and suspension at its peak Apollo nervously stuttered, "-h-hi…I-i-i-I'm Apollo."
Melinda laughed at this. Her laughter was the most beautiful sound Apollo ever heard. "God, you are such a shy thing." Melinda greeted. Apollo never thought he could blush this hard in his life. As Melinda let go of Apollo's hand, she commented, "Apollo huh? So you're mister lightning boy."
Apollo's face suddenly broke. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. He turned to his father with blazing fury. It looked like the teenager was going to have an aneurism.
"YOU TOLD HER?" Apollo screamed.
"Relax," Melinda proclaimed. "I'd be pretty damn proud of myself if I had those powers."
Apollo turned his face towards Melinda. He was awestruck, and wasn't sure he heard her correctly. "Really?" he asked like a puppy.
"Of course, sugar." Melinda commented.
Apollo's ears perked up. His expression was that of a spellbound, flabbergasted, excitement and awestruck. Never before in his life, had a woman called him sugar. In fact, the only words that a woman ever said to him came from the spiked tongues of his fellow freshmen girls, who called him a freak and a weirdo just because he had pointed ears and listened to Led Zepplin.
"She was born and raised in Texas," Juliet commented; as if to explain her strange fondnest and comfort of speaking. "She lives here now due to the divorce.
"As far as I'm concerned, I'm a true blooded Texas cowgirl." Melinda proclaimed.
"And to answer your question earlier," Fowl began, "I only told Juliet, she must have told Melinda. But that's beside the point. There's something that I should tell you. Son, Juliet Butler is, as you know, a butler. And Butler's as you know, are trained bodyguards. When Domovoi left us, Juliet became my bodyguard. As part of the Fowl and Butler tradition, a new Butler bodyguard will be added to every generation of Fowl. And since Juliet has filled in for her brother…well….son, I think I'm basically saying that Melinda here is now your bodyguard."
"And thank God you have lightning powers," Melinda commented. "That's going to make this job a little bit easier for me."
And Apollo turned and looked at this moment, with all the same feeling that he had before when he first saw, but this time, they were extended beyond belief. Never before in his life, did Apollo think he could get so turned on. Apollo, was very aroused that the fact that this goddess among mere mortals, was a bodyguard. Not that Apollo was into sick, sexual, S&M shit; but there was something about a woman, who knows how to lock and load a rifle, and how this beautiful, slim, red headed Texan, could easily grab a hold of his throat, break his fucking trachea, flip him, and hold him on the ground while placing a rifle to his head, that was so damn sexy.
And Artemis couldn't disagree with the fact, that a badass woman couldn't get him worked up as well. After all, he married Holly Short of all people. The first woman on Recon, the most badass elf woman ever, was his wife. Maybe it was genetics, but for some reason, the Fowl's were easily turned on by strong willed, powerful women.
At this point, a curious question popped into his mind. "So is she right now, at this moment, my bodyguard."
"Yes and no." Artemis replied. Juliet walked over and extended her palm to Artemis. "Yes, because she is your bodyguard from this moment on; No, because Melinda and Juliet have a little job to do, and they won't be there in the manor when we arrive." Artemis then reached into his pocket, and pulled out a very large key. "You know the drill; put the plane in hanger 23, and for God's sake, don't run into the door."
"It was one time, and I was only 15." Juliet proclaimed. "The plane was paid off years ago, and yet you still hold me to that. Jesus, Fowl. Learn to forgive and forget." And with that, Fowl dropped the key into her palm, and Juliet directed her daughter to follow her.
As Juliet began to walk up the steps, Holly and Artemis gave their child a strange look. It Apollo immediate recognize this look, knowing that it was time for them to get in the Bentley. Apollo and his parents started walking forwards. Something kept playing through Apollo's head as the teenager got closer towards the car, "She called me sugar." He mumbled to himself as he placed "Betsy" in the trunk
"What was that?" Holly asked.
Apollo immediately looked up, red flushed with embarrassment, hoping to God that Holly didn't hear him. "Oh, nothing." Apollo quickly replied.
Holly shrugged this off and didn't think once more of it. For Apollo however, they way Melinda called him sugar; it just kept replaying in his mind like a record getting stuck.
And speaking of records….Apollo deviously thought as he entered the Bentley. The first thing that Apollo searched for was that IPod player that had been for told to the young lad. And he immediately found it, shinning in all of its glory, right on the dashboard. Apollo immediately pulled out his clever device that was attached to him by heart. He placed the metallic object on the player, and selected the playlist to his liking.
"Artemis," Apollo said with an evil grin, "Get ready to have your mind blown."
Possibly, for the first time in Artemis's life, the genius was confused.
Artemis correctly assumed that most of the music that Apollo was going to play would be earsplitting, face-melting, hardcore punk and metal that sounded like it came from the nightmares of both snot nosed teenagers, and survivors of Hiroshima. And, that was true. Apollo's face got a little more devious with every song. It began with "Hybrid moments," which was a punk rock song that was very much the Meat and Potatoes of what Punk was and should be. And then it ranged on from alternative rock anthems like "Smells like teen spirit," which clearly defined a generation.
Artemis also correctly assumed that the songs that Apollo would play for him would be very simple and almost generic. Three or four chords were all it took for anyone to master these songs he was listening to. (A shame really. If Apollo could read minds, he would have immediately switched to Led Zepplin's 'stairway to heaven.' Which was not a simple song in the least, and was anything but generic.)
And at the same time, even though these songs that Apollo was currently playing annoyed Fowl with their simplicity…..in a strange sort of way…they were bold. They were almost daring. To Artemis, it almost reminded him of Shakespeare. Not in the musical since, heavens no. Shakespeare was a little bit more literate and complicated than a punk rock song. But for some reason, Artemis really thought that these songs….were powerful. They seemed to have a sense of nonconformity and boldness about them, sort of like how Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet was bold and daring, for it depicted premarital sex among teenagers; WAY before that was in the "norm."
For example, the song that was currently playing was "Beat on the Brat," by The Ramones, and Artemis almost felt like there were two sides of this argument, and that there were two different voices in his head.
The first voice: *snobbish* are you kidding? That's only three chords, and the singer sounds like he has meningitis.
The second voice: *surprised and shocked.*WHOA! Wait a minute. BEAT ON THE BRAT? With a BASEBALL BAT? You can't say that in a song!
But The Ramones could, and they did. And that's why Apollo loved punk. He loved other forms of music too. And if he had to choose, bands like Pink Floyd and Radiohead would be in his top five, making classic and alternative rock his top 2 favorite genres of music. But Punk was always right there with them. For him, Punk was the type of music to play when pissed. Punk would fuel his hatred and anger, and would cleanse it as well. Punk rock was about finding the rule book, ripping the pages and making your own rules. And that was why Apollo was in the back, jamming along to this song, with an air guitar.
Once the song was finished, Artemis thought that he could finally rest. He was wrong. Out of nowhere, there was a giant guitar pig squeal. It was high pitched and almost choppy. And strangely, it was also swingy and wavy. Apollo immediately recognized this, as Tom Morrello's opening riffed to the Rage against the Machine song, "Year of the Boomerang." Apollo was getting ready to let loose, and rap out the lyrics about America's absence over Africa's health crises.
But at that moment, Artemis was finally tired of the music, and with a long pianist finger, he paused the song.
"Aw, c'mon!" Apollo whined without reserve. He sounded like an eight year old child. "And it was just getting to the good part."
"I've had enough of this so called music." Artemis declared. "And if you think that this garbage was going to meet my musical standards of "good," than you were sorely mistaking my fair child." Artemis than handed the device back to the frustrated Apollo.
"I'll admit this," Apollo declared as he prepared to place the IPod back into his pocket. "When I first heard this song, I was a little annoyed by the opening riff as well. But now, I consider it, besides Township Rebellion, as Tom Morrello's greatest work with R.A.T. M. I mean, think about it. The only way he could achieve such a sound is with the whammy pedal, and even with a whammy pedal, the sound would be out of tune and missed place. So Tom had to go into the studio every day, finding the right frets to hit while keeping the whammy pedal pushing back in forth. It may sound easy, but trust me, it's very hard."
"Whether the song is a challenge to a guitarist or not, I'm still finished with the music, and I'm tired of music, and I want to relax." Artemis commented.
"But music keep's me relaxed!" Apollo exclaimed. Running out of options, he single handedly did the weakest argument ever. "Mom," Apollo whined, asking for her help.
"While I did enjoy most of that music you were playing," Holly declared. "I think it's time to give the IPod a break."
"But IPod's are machines, they have no breaks!" Apollo announced.
"Besides that," Holly continued, as she ignored Apollo's comment. "We haven't even begun to do what we came here to do."
Apollo corked a brow. He was now extremely interested, yet annoyed at the same time. He was curios to what Holly may be thinking. "Such as?" Apollo asked.
Holly looked at her husband, and then looked at her son. Her eyes seemed to have an off distance look. "Well…..you know…..we missed out on twelve years of your life. And we asked you out here because we wanted to know you better, and to love more than we did. We want to become your parents, for real. But we can only achieve this by asking questions. And we are more than ready to. But the thing is, you've been silent since you announced Arty's nickname. It's been 12 years. Aren't you a little curious? Don't you have….like….questions?"
Apollo then began to ponder this. He brought and index finger to his lip, as he began to think deeply. The truth was, he was curios. And he had a multiple array of questions to ask. But which ones were the most important to him? Apollo really wanted to get the biggest questions he had, out in the opened, so that they may be answered quickly and that Apollo would immediate know his parents, and himself, a little more in depth.
Once three big questions appeared in his brain, he removed the index finger from his lips. "Yeah, I got questions." Apollo replied. "Three big ones to be exact."
"Fire away," Holly challenged her son.
"My First Question;" Apollo began. "I don't remember much about myself when I was three or younger. So, I guess my first question is: What was I like as a child?"
And without missing a beat, Artemis immediately declared, "A troublemaker."
*Flashback*
Artemis worried about his son all the time. He worried that 2 year old son had a bit of a too long attention span, and worried that Apollo might be developing autism. He worried that his son might have troubles walking in the future, seeing as how Apollo was 2, and could only walk for a few minutes at a time. He worried that Apollo might grow up angry. He worried that Apollo would not remember him.
And right now, at this moment in time, he worried about Apollo's safety. Why? Because the baby was missing!
Artemis was freaking out. His breathing was hyper ventilating. His heart beat was now twice its normal BPM. He was racing around the manor in a haze of fear and nervousness. Where was the baby? How could the baby have escaped his crib? Why would the baby escape his crib? For the first time ever, Fowl felt stupid. He had the lowest self esteem ever. How could he, Artemis Fowl, first and only human to discover the fairy race, misplace his own child?
Upon running through the hallways, he found an extra living room, which was one of the private sectors in the mansion. In this room, Holly was seated at a wooden table, drinking tea, and reading another Stephen King book, to which Holly was becoming dreadfully addicted to reading such books lately. Also in this room, Artemis discovered Melinda, Juliet's child. Melinda was seated on the floor, playing with Lego blocks and toy cars. Melinda was only at three at the time. And Artemis never thought that he would ask a three year old anything. But here he was, rushing up to the Melinda, with one burning question playing through his forehead.
"Hey, Melinda." Artemis asked, trying to look calm, but ended up looking crazy. "Have you seen Apollo anywhere?"
While Artemis's stance looked threatening and nervous, Melinda didn't pay one attention to it. After all, she was three. So, playing with the cars for a little bit, and creating slobber bubbles with her mouth as most kids were prone to do, she looked up at Artemis and asked "What?"
Artemis slapped himself in the face, and dragged his palm across it. At this point, the adult mastermind was so frustrated, he felt as if a blood vessel would burst in his head. Asking again, trying not to lose his cool, Artemis inquired, "Apollo, my son." He explained. "Have you seen my son?"
"…..yeah," the small Melinda replied, and afterwards, began making a ticking nose with her tongue and teeth.
While Artemis was slightly annoyed with the ticking sound, relief rushed over his body like a tidal wave. Artemis finally began to breath normally, and then placed a hand on Melinda's childhood shoulder. "Thank you Melinda. God Bless you." Arty exclaimed. Then he asked, "Where is my son, exactly?"
At this point, the baby began sticking her tongue out and blowing, causing the well known childish fart sound that many little kids did voluntarily, (and sometimes involuntarily.) Then, she looked up at Artemis, and replied, "The garage."
Artemis immediately stood up and proclaimed, "Oh, the garage. Thank you." As if the garage was a valid place for a child to be. It was when Artemis turned around, that something clicked in his consciousness. With the look of confusion and a somewhat hint of suspension, Artemis asked Melinda, "What exactly is Apollo doing in the garage?"
As if this were a normal conversation, Melinda proclaimed out of the blue, "Drawing."
Now Artemis was even more confused. Without a drawing utensil, one cannot draw. And a normal person would defiantly not choose this activity to perform in a garage. Artemis was very doubtful that Apollo got his hands on chalk, so that meant his son was drawing on something besides the concrete, and he was drawing with some unknown tool. So, taking the next logical question, Artemis asked. "What exactly is my son drawing on?"
And then, she said it.
"The car," Melinda replied.
"THE CAR?" Artemis screamed out of horror. This was something that no parent wanted to hear. With his heart beating as it were before, Artemis rushed down the hallway, and headed towards the garage
Now Holly wasn't really paying attention to the conversation that was acting out. She was quietly enjoying her book and tea. It was quiet. And after years of adventure with Artemis, she was finally happy that there was some quiet around the house. Of course, Fowl had to screw that up. For even though Holly was tuning in and out of the conversation between the Artemis and Melinda, she did hear, rather clearly, Artemis screaming "THE CAR?" When she dropped her book, she notice her husband running down the hallways. Confused, Holly immediately started running to catch up with her husband.
Artemis ran so fast that everything around him began to blend together like a still drying water painting. He made each turn down the hallways sharply and quickly. He ran with much speed, and fear fueled his running. As he made his way to the door which lead into the manor's garage, Artemis hoped that Melinda was wrong. He hoped and prayed that Melinda was just telling him a big fib, as kids were also prone to do. With paranoia over his car's safety, Artemis immediately opened the door.
His mouth dropped, and his throat cracked. The boy almost had a stroke.
Apollo somehow and in some way, found a perfect utensil to draw on the car with. Artemis really should have been a little smarter, and just left the keys in the car, and not on the nail on the wall where he usually kept them. For Apollo now had the keys. And instead of turning on the car with the keys, he decided to draw upon the car, with the keys. On the running board of Artemis's trusted and very useful Bentley, was Apollo, the child from hell. Apollo must have had a lot of time to work on the car, sort of speak. For now, on the entire left side of the car, was a mural of flowers and bunnies that would have even made Picasso ask, "what the hell did he just draw." And with the added effect of the key scratches, these markings were almost permeated. What made things worse, was on the left side of the car, was Apollo's name, written horrible and spelled horrible. For one, both P's were backwards and two, he spelled it A-p-p-a-l-o-f-o-u-l.
Artemis wanted to scream. This…..rodeo clown, this monkey on acid, this drunken midget, had completely ruined his most trusted and most used car of over 10 years. His eyes grew wider and wider, and a vein in his head could easily be seen. Artemis really wanted to yell at him, but thought that by yelling at him would cause some mental scars and would permanently stop Apollo's artistic pursuit in the future. He did love his child, but right now, in this moment, His left eye reeled in dollar signs, flashing away like casino slot machines, And in his right eye, was an angle telling him no to yell.
Luckily, at this point, Holly finally caught up to her husband. Her eyes reeled in the image of the torn to shreds Bentley car was well. She looked at her husband, noticing that with each passing second; Arty looked as if though he would explode. She gasped at the sight of the demolished Bentley, which Apollo heard. The two year old Apollo turned around, and smiled so brightly, that it almost gave Artemis a heart attack.
Holly immediately rushed over and grabbed her two year old son's hand, noting that Artemis looked as if though he was about to scream. She quietly walked with her son, nervously smiling, trying to cover up the real world, to make her son unaware that Artemis was on the verge of erupting like a volcano.
"Oh dear. Come here Apollo," Holly proclaimed with a nervous smile. "Now, let's get out of here while your father quietly has a stroke."
And with that Holly lead the tiny Apollo out of the door, and slammed the door shut behind her.
Artemis's breathing began to growl like that of a beast. Artemis did a quick dash of his eyes, looking around the room trying to see if anyone was present in the garage. Noticing that he was the only soul in the tiny space, Artemis let go of his defenses. He then screamed and cried over his destroyed vehicle; falling upon it like one falls upon a loved one's grave.
*present day.*
Apollo felt as if though he couldn't stop laughing. When his father explained this story to him, Apollo laughed to the point where he felt like throwing up. "I ruined Professor Dickwad's car!" the teenage Apollo exclaimed with laughter raging through his voice. "Apollo one, Artemis zero." He then held up his hands, like a statue of Zeus. "Vengeance is mine, thus said the Lord!" Apollo shouted.
"Ha, ha, Ha," Artemis sarcastically laughed with a monotone. "Laugh it up now kid. Just wait till you have children and one of them does the exact same thing as you did to me. You'll be surprised at how angry you'll be."
Apollo continued to laugh for a couple of minutes. Finally, after a while, his laughter died down. He whipped his nose with his sleeve, (due to the snot bubbles that came abound during his laughing fit,) and quietly tried to calm himself down. When this was accomplished, Apollo exclaimed. "Alright, question two." Suddenly, Apollo seemed to get shy. "And this one is a tough one for me to ask."
Holly, with the deepest concern in her voice, turned to face her son, and asked, "What is it?"
Apollo looked down to the floor of the car. He was a little embarrassed to ask this question. However, it was a really significant one that he always wanted to ask ever since his adoptive mom made up the lie about a father who ran away. Now, faced with his real parents, this question popped up once more.
"Well…." Apollo began. "This was a question I always wanted to know ever since my mom told me this lie about her and a fake father who left us. Now, I'm here with my true parents, so this question will be answered with truth and honesty, I hope. And while the context of it is a little mature and embarrassing, I really feel like I should ask this. It's really important into developing an idea of who I really am. I want to know more about myself, so this question has always been on my mind."
"And what is this question?" Artemis asked.
Apollo face turned a shape of crimson. He felt like the words would never come out. But the truth was, he really wanted to ask this question, and the only thing that would be worse than not asking this question, would be trying to keep the words inside. The pressure almost made him feel like his appendix would burst.
"How was I conceived?" he asked.
Immediately, Fowl began to cough. It was like he was choking on his own wind. The fact was the question was so out of the blue, and so out of the ordinary, Fowl wasn't prepared to answer the question. In Fact, Artemis wasn't even aware that such a question would be asked. But it was not like Artemis was the only one shocked, Holly was too. But instead of coughing, she gasped. And her hand covered her mouth to keep her from screaming out of sheer surprise. The only one that wasn't surprised was Apollo. He knew that his parents would possibly over react, and he knew that they possibly weren't expecting such a question. But Apollo didn't give a damn. This was a question that to him, needed to be asked. Otherwise, he'd live for the rest of his life not knowing how he was made.
After a few minutes of tense anticipation, Artemis swallowed the little lump in his throat called 'pride,' and answered his son.
"Well," Artemis began. His face turned into an awkward flash of teeth. He really felt like answering this question was going to put himself into a dangerous conversational territory. "Your mother and I weren't exactly a normal couple. After all, she's and elf and I'm a human. It was about as weird of a relationship as it could get. However, we loved each other and we continue to do so day by day. The strange thing was, as abnormal of a couple we were…..uh…intercourse was very normal and serious between us. Neither of us had Kinks, and if we did, they were very small kinks that almost seemed adumbrate."
"Such as?" Apollo stated with a wicked smile and a cork of his brow. Normal kids would be disgusted at the thought of a parent explaining their sex life. And Apollo was not an exception. It disgusted him as well, to the point where the poor teenager almost felt like vomiting. However, Apollo knew that his dad was not liking this conversation more than he was, so the sight of his dad writhing in an awkward stance made him smile in evil delight. This was pure torture to Fowl, and Apollo knew it. So trying to keep the torture wheel going, Apollo asked the question.
Fowl tried to keep it inside. He ran through every verbal tactic in his head that he could possibly use to disarm the conversation. Still, there was no such luck. Whether Fowl liked it or not, he was going to tell his son about his kinks. Why couldn't Fowl just lie, you may ask. Artemis had learned over the years, that lying, while it may serve a useful propose at the time, would only come back to haunt you and every conceivable and imaginable way possible. So truth, honesty, and pure openness is always the correct and right answer. Is truth the easiest answer, no. But it's the right answer, and that's what counts.
"….finger sucking." Fowl mumbled incoherently.
Apollo gagged, and laughed at the same time. Wanting to antagonize his father just a bit more, he cupped one hand around his ear, and made a sarcastic 'what was that' face. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that." Apollo laughed.
This time, Fowl's reaction was a little bit harsher. He turned around facing his son briefly, and while he didn't yell, he defiantly spoke in a manner that got his point across. "I said finger sucking, all right! May we please move on?"
Apollo gave off a slight groan in disappointment. He was really hoping to milk this agonizing conversation for what it was worth. But, with all of his speaking attacks now disarmed, all Apollo could do was sit back and let Artemis finish the statement.
"As I was saying," Artemis continued, realizing for a very bleak moment, 'why the fuck am I continuing this torture on me,' "Me and Holly, while the subject of our relationship is abnormal, are coatis is normal." At this point, Artemis grew and off distance look, as if of remembrance. "Then one night…Holly wanted to experiment."
*Flashback.*
Artemis looked up from her chest after kissing her naked sternum politely. Her face provided a soft and warming smile that would melt the hearts of millions. Artemis's face, on the other hand, was molded into that of shock and awe from the comment she just made seconds ago. It wasn't a large kink. In fact, by normal standards, this little request was nothing more than just a pinch of salt to spice up the bedroom. However, Fowl thought that she was happy with the way things were in the bedroom. Why would she want to try something new? Besides that, he never tried this before and wondered how he would be able to adapt to this.
Holly smiled at her husband's face. The look was priceless. Eyes wide, and face agape in surprise, Artemis looked like he didn't understood what she just said. In fact, Artemis wasn't quite sure he heard his wife correctly.
"What did you say?" Artemis asked surprise.
Holly chuckle lightly under him. He seemed completely surprised. After the initial laughter, Holly stared into her husband's eyes. She could get lost in them easily. Shaking off the small hypnosis she received from those mismatched eyes, she retold him what she said earlier.
"Music." She commented. Then, she lidded he eyes and spoke in that tone that Artemis was so accustomed to hearing the bedroom. "I think that a little music in the background will really get me in the-"
Holly was cut off with a finger to the lips. Arty's index finger placed itself just on the tips, shushing her. His eyes close and he shook his head. Cleary, he caught her comment, and wanted to explain something to her before she reeled him in with her ability to pull on Artemis's heart strings.
"No, no, no" Artemis aoristically repeated several times. "I did hear you say music, but may you please explain what genre you listed."
Holly now furrowed her brows, and her eyes were no longer lidded in seduction, but in annoyance. These were the types of moments were Holly really wished that Artemis was poor; at least then he wouldn't have this self important snobbish attitude. "Rock and roll." She replied with a monotone. She then groaned and began to give off a rant. "I swear Artemis, can you enjoy a little bit of something you aren't all ready accustomed to. So it's not Beethoven or Mozart. So what! It's only music, and I want to try it."
Artemis at this point was now at the side of the bed. He ran his hands through his hair. Holly anticipated his answer, and held the pillow to her chest, clutching it tightly. Artemis looked a little discouraged. And when he turned around, it was evident that whatever his answer was, it pained him to say it.
"Holly, I love you." He began. "But I can't perform intercourse with you while there's rock music in the background."
Holly really wanted Arty to come to bed with her. All she wanted was a little drabbling of music added with their usual nightly romps. Trying her hardest to bring him into her desires, she gave off a playful pout on her lips, and whined without any reserve. "Artemis, please?"
"Hear me out, Holly." He asked politely. "My classical music, while not very popular with the culture today, is real art. These composers that I keep true to my heart and even imitate in some extreme circumstances, worked their whole lives to achieve their goals, in a time where goals were not easily followed. Rock musicians? Their Grammy's are literally handed to them up front on the first day of work. All anyone has to do to be a rock and roll legend, is to have the popular clothes at the time, have a pretty face, and sing songs about women. Holly, I love you so much, and you are so dear to me. But, I cannot, I will not, make love to you while the music of drug addicted, illiterate, destructive, sexual deviants is playing in the background."
At this point, Holly was now straight up pissed. Whether he liked it or not, there was going to be music. So pulling out the secret weapon, she threatened him with an ageless argument that always works. "Artemis, if you can either do me with music or don't do me with music. Either way, there's going to be music. So now it's a matter of how much you want sex. So you're either going to listen to the music and fuck me, or don't fuck me at all."
Immediately, Artemis changed his decisions, and obeyed his girlfriend like a puppy dog. "Yes dear," he replied. And with that, Holly reached out for the night stand and turned on her IPod.
*present day*
Apollo's eyes widen to saucers. He was completely astonished. A part of him felt sick. After all, his parents had just got done explaining to him about one of their love sessions. However, the other half of him was, interested. Not that he wanted to go deeper and more in depth into this conversation. As far As Apollo was concerned, the conversation was over. But, there was something about the context with the songs. Apollo looked down onto his IPod with shame.
"So that was your first time you heard Rock And roll music." Apollo inquired looking down.
Artemis looked at his wife with a lot of love and care. She looked back at him with a warm hearted smile. They both were in love still, and were both glad that they decided to try something new that one fateful night. So sighing with memory, Artemis replied happily, "Yes."
Apollo chuckled for a little bit. "Guess that means my IPod was a little redundant, huh?" Apollo placed the IPod back in his pocket. Then he looked up, and asked the sub question that Apollo wanted to know, for it dealt with his conception. "What songs were used?"
Artemis and Holly looked at each other with a surprised look on their face. None of them were expecting that question. And the problem was that it had been so long ago, that they barley remembered all the songs that were used. After looking at each other for a little while, Artemis and Holly began to ponder that night long ago; not for good times, but because they had a question to answer, and that answer seemed to be eluding them. But as they kept thinking back, the songs started to get clearer.
"Well…." Holly began. "I think the first song was 'Fame' by David Bowe. That's Arty's only favorite rock artist, so I had to choose him."
"Quite the chameleon." Artemis commented. And after stating this, he began to add his two cents. "And then…I think two more songs were played, but I forgot them completely. Pardon me for this. However, I do remember that 'Burning down the house,' By the Talking Heads, began somewhere around the fifth song."
a definate forepaly song, Apollo thought.
"After that," Holly stated. "I think it was 'Hey Joe' by Jimi Hendrix."
"Apollo," Artemis proclaimed. "We can talk about this for a numerous amount of time, but I think there will only be one song that will spike interest with you."
Apollo leaned in close, trying to hear what his biological father was about to say. Fowl almost felt embarrassed to say this, but it needed to be said, knowing that this moment with this song that was in his head would spark a great deal of interest indeed. So, with is cheeks a bright crimson, Artemis let it fly.
"Ahem, well….the 'climax' of the day, as it were; if you catch my drift, was around the fifth minute and 31st second of the song 'Time,' by Pink Floyd. the….uh…ahem….'feeling' started, around that point and time. And almost 8 seconds later, you were conceived."
Apollo cocked his brow. "Why did you look this up?" he asked.
Artemis only smiled. "When Holly announced that she was pregnant with you, I decided to look back and see if there was anything significantly important in case of any possible stories in the future. If you have the song on you multiple media player device, please look up the time frame I just spoke about."
Apollo reached for his IPod in his jeans pocket, deciding that there must have been something big surrounded that song. Apollo, immediately turned on his IPod, and found the Pink Floyd section with ease, (For Pink Floyd was his favorite band). Already knowing the album, Apollo selected Dark Side of the Moon, and selected 'Time.' Using High speed scrubbing Apollo found this point of the song, and listened.
His face immediately brightened with an over the top smile.
"Holy Shit!" Apollo exclaimed. "You mean to tell me that as soon as David Gilmore finished the lyric 'the time is gone/ the song is over/ thought I'd something more to say,' I was born!"
Artemis had a deep smile on his face when he answered. "Yes," Fowl proclaimed honestly.
"….OH MY GOD! THAT'S LIKE THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER!" Apollo exclaimed.
Artemis smiled to himself. He knew that Apollo would be excited to know this. And he continued to drive as Apollo got excited over this small little nerdy factoid. After a few more seconds, Apollo finally calmed down. Straightening himself, he asked his final question.
"Okay, Last Question." Apollo announced. "Now, I know about Holly's parents, so this question isn't really directed to her." Apollo explained. "I just really wanted to know, what are grandpa and grandma going to think of me?"
Suddenly, silence filled the air. It was like a death thump went through the cabin space once Apollo announced his question. Artemis seemed to be acting calm, but from the look of how Holly hissed and rubbed the back of her neck, Apollo could see that this question must have been asked before, with horrible outcomes. He could tell that Artemis was trying to hold back something.
Without even looking in the rearview mirror, Artemis replied, "They would be proud of you."
While Apollo was somewhat happy knowing that he wouldn't experience trouble form the grandparents, this was not the reaction he was expecting to here. For one thing, Apollo was expecting for the grandparents to be pissed off. But the important thing was how Artemis said it. He said it with the deepest look in his eyes. And why would he use it in a past tense.
"Would?" Apollo asked.
Suddenly, the car began to slow.
Apollo looked out of his windows and saw that they were on a small two lane road, and that they were surrounded by the vast Greenland of Ireland. However, on the left side, Apollo could see the ocean in clear view, since they were near the shore.
The car finally stopped on the side of the road. Something was wrong. And Apollo feared that it had to do with what he said. Artemis looked collective, but he had this strange look as if something bad was coming off his aura. Artemis slowly and calmly exited the vehicle. He slammed the door behind him. He went out and touched some rocks that were on the side of the road, and tossed them around in his hands for a bit, as if to study them.
Then he flipped, and started throwing rocks towards the ocean with such fury and anger.
"Oh shit," Holly moaned in such a manner as if she had seen this times before.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and exited the car. Apollo was now more confused than ever. Watching, he noticed that Holly went up to Artemis, who was throwing rocks like an insane political protestor, and placed him on his right shoulder. Suddenly, It seemed as if though Artemis tripped. For one minute, he was up and throwing rocks, and as soon as Holly laced her hands upon him, the prodigy fell like a ton of bricks. Apollo leaned upwards in the car to get a better angle. He could see Artemis on the ground, knees curled up to his chest, head tucked between his arms, and he was crying. Apollo had to know what was going on. Slowly, Apollo rolled downed the windows, and the vicous and brutal sounds of his father crying filled his ears.
"It's not your fault." Holly proclaimed.
"Yes it is!" Artemis shouted. "I'm a failure. I don't get it! It's cancer! It's not rocket science! It's not an alternative fuel source! It's cancer! I should have been able to handle it, but I couldn't! I can escape a time field, but I can't fucking cure cancer? I'm a failure!"
At this moment, Artemis felt a presence near him. Apollo had exited the vehicle and went to his dad, and set beside him. He watched the tides of the ocean roll back and forth far away from them. Ironically, at this moment if he were to check his IPod, he would have noticed that it was on shuffle, and that Pink Floyd's 'breath' was playing its famous last lines.
'Long you live/ high you'll fly/but only if you ride the tide/ balance on the biggest wave/ a race towards an early grave.'
Apollo didn't really want to talk. He learned from years of hardship that he usually didn't want people to talk to him when he was having a breakdown, but all he wanted was a presence. And so that's what Apollo was, a presence in this time of storm. Just another face in the crowd. Or so it seemed.
"So my grandparents died of cancer," Apollo concluded.
Wiping away the tears from his eyes, Artemis replied sniffling, "Yes."
A strange silence fell between the two. They continued to look out to see. Even Holly at this point, decided to sit down by her husband and just watch the waves. With Apollo having the fear of awkward silences, he decided to ask one more important question; one that he felt was right to ask.
"Are you proud of me?" Apollo asked his father.
Artemis turned to look at his son. His eyes were red and bloodshot. He slowly grew a smile, and those bloodshot eyes, turned from sadness to joy. With the scratchy throat, due to his earlier crying, Artemis replied happily, "Yes, I am. But I want to know you more so that I can be truly proud of you. I could tell you all day that I am proud of you, but I want to be truly honest when I saw this, and the only way I can do this, is if I know you more. And that's why I have you here, and I hope you understand."
Apollo patted his father on the back, truly understanding why his father felt this way. And trying to help his father, and mother, Apollo offered this piece of information.
"In order to truly know who I really am, you first must know what I want to be remembered as." Apollo stated.
"And what's that?" Holly asked.
Apollo grew a smile as he said this. He fully knew who he truly was, and would expose himself to those who wanted to see it. Apollo was the type of person who basically said, 'here I am, and if you don't like it, tough shit.' But how he wanted to be remembered, was somewhat different.
"I want to be remembered as the guy who got put up on that pedestal for a couple of times to shine, and he got some hits and some misses, but those misses were just as cool as his hits. Why? Because every time he swung, he would always put all his effort into it, and would swing for the fences. So whether he got a hit or miss, it was really cool to watch him because he'd try so hard to get his point across, so he'd swing hard. Not necessarily graceful, but really hard. Lazy people can be graceful, and I don't want to be remembered as Lazy. I want to be remembered as a guy, who worked his hardest on everything, and it didn't matter if his newest record or movie was a hit or miss. It was evident that he tried his hardest no matter what."
And with that, Artemis placed his hand on his sons shoulder. "Then I am most defiantly proud of you. Let's continue home, shall we?"
And with a smile on his face wider than twenty interstate freeways in a row, Apollo replied, "Aye, Professor Dickwad."
So, yeah. This is probably my longest chapter to date. And I'm sorry that this chapter is so long, and I've still haven't managed to reveal the main plot. Don't worry. The next chapter will contain this, I assure you. Thank you to all those who have read this all the way through. And I would just like to say MERRY CHRISTMAS, and a happy new year.
As a Christmas Present, I've uploaded three video for you all on my YouTube channle. one is my rendition of Wire's Ex Lion Tamer. the video is called one man band since i am the only one playing all the instruments. the second one, is called amazing drummer, and i think it truly is some of my greatest drumming...yet. the third video, i'm not sure if it's been uploaded yet, but it's me on my acoustic playing "White Christmas."
PLEASE REVIEW
Next time: Julius's return.