Secrets

The next morning, Sunao did something he had never done before – he sat with Sora for breakfast.

"I need to talk to you."

Sora swallowed the morning rice he'd been wolfing. Sunao narrowed his brows in obvious distaste – how could he even put that much food in his mouth, let alone swallow it?

"Going to tell me what happened Nao?" Sora asked. Sunao's eyes flashed dangerously at Sora calling him by his nickname - not to mention as a pun - but he let it slide for...now.

"Yes. As my roommate, I decided that you have a right to know. But – you'll think I'm crazy..."

"No offense, Nao, but I've always thought you're crazy." Replied Sora immediately, taking a few more bites of rice.

"Fine. I have DID."

Sora blinked a few times. Sunao stared back at him.

"You don't know what that is, do you?"

"Not a clue." He pushed away his breakfast tray, looking sulky that it was now empty.

"It's short for 'dissociative identity disorder.' I think you understand what it's effects are from last night."

"Boy, do I..." Sora muttered. Sunao made an irritated noise at this: to Sora, it sounded like "hmpf!"

"So, you have serious mood swings. Got it."

"No, Sora." Sunao explained. "The second personality isn't another mood. He's another person."

A dramatic pause emanated as that sank in – the kind Sora thought only happened in movies. He wondered how they looked to the others in the cafeteria: with Sora, sprawled carelessly over his chair with his legs stretching out under the table, and Sunao, who was sitting politely, though proudly, with his hands neatly in his lap. How so very different they must have looked...

"An entirely different...person...?" Sora managed.

"Yes. Ran has his own thoughts and his own feelings. I can't control him, but with some effort I can see what he's doing."

"That's...incredible. But how is that possible? How did it happen?"

This was the wrong question. Sunao tensed suddenly in his seat, and Sora wasn't sure, but it seemed he was holding his breath. He gave the impression of someone depressing a deep, aching pain.

"I was born with it." He said. His cheeks turned slightly pink, and he started to fidget in his lap. At this Sora could tell that he was lying, but he let Sunao keep that comfort. If he didn't want to talk about it – well, the least he could do was respect that.

"But... is there anything else I should know?" Sora pressed. "Anything at all?"

Sunao hesitated, and for a moment he parted his lips just a fraction, desperation in his eyes – he wanted to tell Sora something, to just tell Sora everything – but then he closed his mouth and looked defiant again. Instead, Sunao said:

"I just need you to be careful. If Ran ever comes out with you again, be on your guard. I know he doesn't seem like it, but he can be dangerous. And don't listen to a thing he says."

Sora's brow raised a little. If Sunao told him not to do something – well of course he would do it. Sunao must have realized this, too, because now he looked furious with himself.

"Well, at least – don't tell Matsuri or the others. I don't want them to worry."

Sora nodded. That promise he could keep. He could tell this was personal.

"I'll keep your secret. But, Nao?"

"What?"

"Don't keep anything from me. Okay?"

Sunao looked away.

"I'm not your friend, Hashiba. I'm telling you this because I'm your roommate and nothing more. Please remember that."

And with that he got up and walked away with the bell.

In the showers that night, Sora had another dizzying spell. It came unexpectedly, and it frightened Sora a little, because he had thought he was done with them. He sat on the shower floor with his head between his knees until the world stopped spinning. The showers were his thinking place; and because his head was still full of Sunao from that morning, he'd felt uneasy again.

Sora didn't know if he was asking the right questions anymore. Should it have been "Why does thinking of Nao make me feel like this?" or "Why am I thinking of Nao?" He didn't know; and he didn't understand.

Sora stood up and washed himself when he was sure he wasn't going to faint. He lathered his dark hair (blueish in certain light) and realized that he wasn't okay with not knowing anymore. He wasn't okay with not understanding. He wasn't okay with how things were between Sunao and himself.

He accepted that he needed to untangle his past – right then and there – no matter how scary it might be. And what on earth was this feeling he felt deep inside, this feeling for Sunao?

He didn't know.

He finished cleansing with these thoughts, and when Sora turned off the shower nozzle, he could have sworn he heard someone laughing.