Chapter VI

x.-.x.-.x

Open my eyes.

Wide.

Wider.

I see him; warm. Glowing.

I see him beautiful, wrapped head to every toe in love.

I see him reach out for me. Desperation. He doesn't want me to let him go.

Every day was enchanting.

Every second.

"Stay away from him, he's no good for you. I forbid you to ever see him again. He will hurt you."

I see them tell me, warning me. I took it for granted then. Unconditional love given to me, tied up in shiny foily paper, topped with a bow and handed to me on a gold platter.

I had it. I had it all and I threw it all away.

Because I thought he loved me more. They couldn't have seen how much he loved me, how much he cared or how magical it seemed. They were jealous. They wanted to take him away from me, leave me loveless.

I see hurt.

I see words that I regret now.

I see broken love.

They didn't understand. No one could.

So I left for something I thought was real.

Blinded.

Or maybe I was just greedy.

I thought it was real, that I'd found it. We were finally together.

Thorned vines entwined like roses wilting.

And this, this that I'd become.

Her.

She.

This.

I can't blame it on anyone else, but me.

He'd asked me a question once. He'd been acting weird lately. Blunt. Distant. The light in his eyes was dimming, but just a little bit. Almost as if I couldn't notice that it wasn't there in the first place. He'd asked me a question once.

"Do you love me?"

I see myself, brighter. I tell him that I do, with all my heart.

He begs me to because we don't have anything. Not everything we want.

I didn't think.

I see myself believing that it'll be okay.

I'll do it. I tell him I will.

The thorns prick, drawing blood. Vines tighten like coiling snakes. Roses brown, petals falling to floor. There's nothing left to raise them back up.

The brightness was extinguished.

The love disappeared inch by inch.

Until only a spec was left.

I see broken love.

I see so much that eventually I can't see at all.

I'm swallowed by the dim light, until my whole wide world darkens completely.

I can't see much of anything now.

My front door creaks.

I force my eyes open. A kaleidoscope of red while white spots dance in front of me, dying to be seen.

"Serena?" A voice ask quietly from somewhere. I hear feet creeping through my apartment.

So quietly as if they were to make any loud noises the floor would fall out from underneath them and the walls would wake up and tell them things that they don't really want to hear.

The bottomes of feet crunch broken glass.

"I'm," I take a deep breath, slowly pulling myself up to sit on the bed. Everything hurts. I clear my throat when I feel that familiar twinge in my nose. My eyes burning with disaster and unshed tears. "I'm here."

Mina appears in the doorway. Her hair is piled on top of her head and she's wearing sweats and sneakers. She gasps when her eyes land on me. "Oh sweetie..." she rushes over, but isn't sure what to do. I can tell. She sits on the bed next to me, taking my hand in hers. She brushes my hair away, carefully wiping a tear from my cheek. She sniffles and I can tell that she's crying too. "Are you okay?"

I can't help when laughter bubbles up like foam. It turns into a sob.

Mina wraps an arm around my shoulder. "Stupid question." she says quietly.

"What happened?"

Startled, I look up. Andrew's leaning in the doorway. "Who did this to you?" he asks.

It all got out of control. I couldn't stop it, but I couldn't go. I stayed because he became all that I knew.

I don't want to know anymore now.

I want to be emptier than I am. But no words come out. I don't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." I blurt out. Was this a good idea? Calling her? Them?

Mina shakes her head. "You have nothing to be sorry for. We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to." she sends a glare Andrew's way. "We're getting out of her. You're staying with me."

"No, I-"

"Don't bother trying to get out of it." Andrew smiles from the door.

"He's right. We're friends now aren't we? Friends take care of each other."

"Okay."

She beams, wiping her own tears away. "Okay," she repeats. "Can you stand?"

I get to my feet, stumbling from the pain in my ribs. Andrew steps forward, gripping my arm gently.

"Easy, I've got you."

I don't look up at him when I say thank you.

"I'll pack up some of your things and then we can go."

"Come on," he steers me out of the room and into the kitchen.

I lean my back against the counter. It cools my skin through the torn lace of my dress. He leans up against the fridge, arms crossed in front of his chest. I can tell he's eyeing the damage of my living room; of the lamp lying in pieces near the sofa. Of the droplets of blood randomly dotting the floor in perfect circles like unwanted blemishes on soft skin.

That's all he sees. All he will see.

It's been going over and over again in my mind even though it's just happened. I've become the person that this has happened to.

You'll see her on the news and you'll feel a rush of sympathy for her. The victim. You'll feel pity and you'll shake your head accordingly. It's a terrible thing, and when you hear about these terrible things, you always remind yourself that you're lucky to not be in that situation. You never think you'll be that girl.

It's been playing over and over again behind my eyes like a movie.

But I'm not that girl.

I left everything I knew to become this thing. I knew. Diamond wasn't ever going to be the same; whatever it was that I had made him out to be. I knew.

And I still stayed.

I don't need pity or anyone's sympathy because I've got enough for myself to blanket the world.

Andrew will see broken glass and blood stains, a broken, troubled girl.

I see the past few years of my life. No rainbows or butterflies in sight. Just occasional adoration and painful drips.

Demands.

It will consume me entirely. I think it already has.

"Do you want to tell me what happened then?" His crisp British accent knocks me out of my thoughts.

I open my mouth. No words claim the space between us. I close it again.

"Almost done!" Mina calls out from my room.

He tilts his head, a thoughtful expression taking over his face before he moves toward the sink. He runs a dish towel under the tap. After ringing it out, he steps toward me. I step back.

He frowns. "I'm not going to hurt you."

I shrug even though I feel a little stupid for even thinking it. "What's that for?"

"The blood." I think I look alarmed because he hands me the towel. "You've got a bit of blood on your face."

I press the damp cloth to a cut on my cheek. "Thanks."

"Okay!" Mina exclaims, dragging a duffle bag that I vaguely remember keeping in my closet for dirty laundry. "Everybody ready to go?

Andrew rolls his eyes, going over to her to grab my bag. The sadness is gone from them, not completely. The two of them aren't falling over themselves to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay. They're not drowning me in apologies and I'm glad for this.

"Hold on." A voice says so quietly. It takes me a minute to figure out that it's my own. "I'll...I'll only be a minute."

She smiles. "We'll be here. Take your time."

I close the bathroom door behind me. I don't want to look in the mirror, but I don't really have a choice. I set about taking my clothes off. I kick off my boots, attempting to pull the dress over my head. It hurts like hell, but I manage.

I turn to my reflection. I expect tears to well up in my eyes. To sob and scream, but I think I'm fresh out for the day.

I stare at myself standing in my bra and underwear. Somehow, blood's dripped down both to dry on my thigh. I don't know where it's from. For a minute though, I'm fascinated. Stilled. There's a large, nearly black bruise running from my hip to almost across my stomach. Other little bruises pepper my arms and legs. My bottom lip is cut with dried blood clinging to my nostrils and top lip. I've got the making of a black eye too. With the cut on my cheek, my hands gently coast over my face, pushing my hair behind my ears. I poke the bruises on my stomach and wince.

I look terrible, but I can't look away.

For once the girl in the mirror and I are finally the same.

I turn the water on warm and wash my face. I don't care if it burns. I try my best not to scrub too hard at the dried blood, and I brush my teeth afterwards. In my medicine cabinet, I take out a pack of bandaids and lay one over my cheek. I weave my hair back into a braid. My arms ache.

Carefully, carefully so I don't move too fast, I peel my bloody bra and underwear off, wondering if Mina had bothered to pack everything or if she was waiting for me to choose what I wanted to bring.

But I won't ask.

The pile of clothes that I left on the tiled floor yesterday is exactly where I left it. I pull them on, careful. Slowly. I'm out of breath when I get the tshirt over my head.

I open the door and Mina is sitting on the couch, her brows knitted together. A frown pulls at her lips. Andrew is standing next to her, looking down at her, the duffle at his feet. Their conversation stops when I step into the room. I don't want to know what they were talking about. I shouldn't have called.

"Listen," I say." let's just forget-"

"All set?" Mina cuts me off. She leads the way. Andrew grabs the bag up off the floor with ease. I stand still, not knowing what to do.

He turns back to me, a toothy grin lighting up his face. "You're stuck with us now."

Somehow, somewhere deep inside me, the thought doesn't seem so bad.

I don't bother locking the doors. What's the point? I could ask myself why a million times, but the answer is crystal.

I can't be her anymore.

I don't want anyone to see.

I want her to disappear so I can catch my first breath. I want to be left alone.

We make it to the elevator. The ride down, Mina chatters about sleeping arrangements and a friend of hers. Andrew cuts in every now and then. It's like I'm seeing everything outside of myself, like I'm on autopilot. I don't say anything.

The elevator stops on the ground floor. I follow the pair of them across the lobby. Many of the people bustle around, probably in a rush to get to work. I recognize some of them who live in the building. Some of them give me curious glances, their eyebrows shoot up to their hairlines. They want to know what the hell happened to me, but they don't know me well enough to ask.

"Miss Tsukino?"

It's Charles. As we walk closer to the doors, I see him stand from his seat at his desk. His old eyes are swimming with concern, worry.

"I'm okay." I blurt out.

The wrinkles around his lips deepen when it pulls into a straight line. "You don't look it. What's happened to you? Should I call the police?"

"Don't worry." I smile. "I've already called them. I'm on my way to see them right now." It's not the truth, but this sweet man doesn't deserve what I have to say.

He takes hold my hand, gently cradling it between his own. "Who did this to you?"

The mere question scrambles my mind.

Who?

Well, it was me all along.

I don't say anything. He knows. I'm sure he knows. Maybe I'm wrong though, just like I've been with everything else.

Smile, and the whole world smiles with you.

Or they pretend to. To hide their sneers and broken souls and selves. To hide.

I smile.

"I'm going away Charles. I won't be coming back here."

Realization seems to settle in. He nods. I can see his eyes glaze over. "Where will you go? You can stay with us if you need to." His wife Edith always liked me. I think she brought me cookies once.

"She'll be staying with us." Mina states with a wave.

Charles looks over at them as if only just noticing. "You take good care of her!" he tells Andrew.

"Of course we will. Scouts honor." he says, followed by an 'ouff' when Mina wacks him in the stomach.

"I'll be fine Charles."

He immediately pulls me into a hug. I bite my lip at the pain. I wrap my arms around him, almost tentatively, patting him on the back.

"You take care of yourself miss."

"I will Charles. You too." I want to say something like 'Have a nice life' or 'It was nice knowing you'. Something sentimental at a time like this, but both things sound so extreme. So final.

I give him one last smile before walking out the door and into the backseat of Andrew or Mina's car. My duffle goes in the trunk.

"So," Mina begins once we set off to I don't know where. The radio plays some sad love song as background noise, playing softly, almost whispering. Almost tantalizing.

I don't want to hear anymore.

As if sensing my thoughts, Drew flicks the dial and it goes quiet.

"Hey, I liked that song!"

"I'm concentrating on my driving skills."

She grumbles something. Twisting in her seat, she gives me a look.

"So," she starts over. "I've got a friend who works at the hospital. Maybe she can take a look at you and..."

"No," I say. "No hospitals or police or-"

"Okay."

"I'm sorry." I say it, but I don't know why.

She laughs, the sound filling up the car. "Don't be sorry. It was just a suggestion. It's cool."

The back of my neck heats up. I can't decide if it's from the embarassement or the hot pain I feel. I don't think it matters anyway. "Sorry."

Her eyes twinkle mischievously at me from the rearview mirror. "You're going to have to get used to the no apologizing rule."

I bite down on my bottom lip, tonguing the copper taste of my blood. It burns, but I do it anyway. I can't help it. "Sorry."

Andrew casts me a quick look from the driver's side.

My hands find themselves wringing together, caught in lonesome thumbwars.

"Stop." She says firmly. She twists around to look at me again, her face the most serious I've ever seen it. She shakes her head at me. "Don't ever apologize. Not to anyone. You live your life how you want and say what you feel. Just go for it, you know? Once you start regretting things, you'll just keep going over all the mistakes you've made. It'll make you crazy for nothing." she turns back around. I can still see the messy bun piled up on top of her head.

I nod even though she can't see me.

I'm not what I pretend to be.

I don't want to be.

x.-.x.-.x

Alright! Chapter complete. Whadja think? It's not really much of anything, more of a filler really, it'll be a lot more chipper-ish and the ever fanciful Darien filled. I've had the next chapter floating around in my head the whole time I've been writing this one, so I just want to get it out of the way. Also no one's answered me about the soundtrack idea. Fail. I love you all anyway. I loved the reviews, if I didn't reply to you just know that I totally appreciate it and love all you little darlings:]

Love,

Sasha