Disclaimers: I do not own the rights to KotOR, Star Wars, or its characters. I do not make a profit from this story, although I sure as hell could use it. Do not sue me. Trust me, you'd be wasting your time.
Okay... let's all take a deep breath and remember not to shoot the writer. I know that last chapter was dialogue heavy. In fact, I'll readily admit this whole story has been. Sorry if it's boring or not your cup of tea, but this story is all about character analysis and interaction. That requires a lot of conversation. Also, remember that KotOR, depending on how you play, can be as much if not more talking than action. So it really isn't just me. Everyone put their guns away? Good.
Now, reviews. Thank you to those who have reviewed, and to those who haven't, may I ask why? I know one reason I don't always review stories is because I feel that someone else will say what I think. Turns out that isn't often true. Just keep that in mind. That, and the fact that I want to hear what you have to say. Even if it's negative.
Dakari: The Real Story
Chapter 6: The Mother of All Terrors
Alriah slept most of the way to Tatooine, and could barely force her eyes to open when Bastila woke her, ostensibly to tell her they'd be at the planet within an hour. The woman sat down next to her, and she could feel that she was shaken and scared. She didn't have to look far for the reason why. Another of those dark fragments had broken off and was worming its way into her mind. With an effort of will she took Bastila's hand, drawing the younger woman closer.
'Don't be afraid,' her mind whispered, still drained from her contact with Dantooine, 'I'm here.'
She hadn't expected that to do more than cause Bastila's prickly pride to reassert itself, but to her surprise the younger woman rose and curled against her, clutching at her armor.
'It hurts, Alriah.'
This time it did, and Alriah forced herself to concentrate on why. She found a tenuous link from the dark fragment to a greater darkness that radiated rage and malice. Bastila was fighting it, and the struggle was what was causing the pain. She worked cautiously but quickly, taking on the worst of the pain while still allowing Bastila to experience the emotion. If she had deprived the other Jedi of that, she would have been doing more damage than had already been done.
'Let go, Bastila. Don't fight it. I'm here. I won't let it hurt you. It's just a memory... and an echo. If you don't let it, it can't harm you.'
Bastila only seemed to tense further, and the dark woman shook herself free of her lethargy to wrap her arms around the woman, bringing her closer.
'Bastila... don't do this to yourself.'
As the dark fragment embedded itself into her consciousness, she wrapped her mind around Bastila's in a protective cocoon where she could experience everything but would be constantly aware of Alriah's gentle, anchoring presence. Within that cocoon Bastila finally relaxed and allowed herself to experience everything without fear.
'Bastila...' she started, but before she could finish, the memory took control and swept them away. They found themselves surrounded by sunlight and sand, and Bastila started in her arms, looking over her shoulder. She turned, and if she could have stepped back she would have. Revan stood a short distance away in her dark robes, looking unfazed by the hot desert sun. She carried her red lightsaber and her short purple one, and all around her lay bodies. Malak was on his knees behind her, a much smaller group of bodies around him. Revan turned to him, her cloak swirling around her.
"Are you all right, Malak?" she asked, striding to her friend's side. Malak tried to rise without taking the hand she offered, but she stood patiently until he gave up on trying alone. She pulled him up calmly, the Force gathering around her. His eyes widened as healing light erupted around him, and as she walked away he stared.
"Revan! If someone saw you using those Force powers-"
"I know, Malak," Revan interrupted, "and I don't care. Anyone who has an issue with me can address it."
The Dark Lord gestured to the corpses nearby, and Malak's eyes widened. Bastila's purple-gray eyes were fixed on the pile of bodies, and while Alriah was determined to see where Revan was going to go, the younger woman was her priority. She turned away from the scene, looking down at Bastila. The Jedi almost flinched under her gaze, and Alriah sighed. Trying to understand this woman was like trying to predict where a mynock would chew on power cables. Sometimes it was logical, easy, other times the damn pests were so deep in the system there was no tracking them.
'Is that really how you see me? A pest?' she heard Bastila ask, her voice trembling.
The pain in her voice was intense, and it tore through her like a vibroblade.
'I'm sorry, Bastila,' she whispered inwardly, and the agony in her own voice startled the young Jedi. Her black eyes locked on her companion's, and Bastila gasped at the turmoil she saw there.
'You... you really don't...'
Alriah shook her head, the tone of her thoughts still rough with pain.
'No, Bastila. Never a pest. You're just... as difficult as one.'
'I don't mean to be...'
'I know.'
Bastila seemed to stare at her for a long moment, then sighed, the fear that had been so prevalent in her gaze and thoughts fading somewhat. She looked past Alriah to the corpses, and the scout followed her gaze. She sighed, closing her eyes against the sight for a moment, then faced it, knowing she had no choice.
'It bothers you, doesn't it?'
'What?'
'The bodies. The trail of dead she leaves.'
The dark woman frowned, provoked by the thought that she wasn't affected by the carnage.
'Of course it does, Bastila! How could it not!'
'You just seem to take it so calmly, to accept it. To accept her, the Dark Lord of the Sith herself. I don't... I cannot understand that.'
The scout sighed, torn between something like anger and a deep well of grief that threatened to overwhelm her, though she didn't know its source. That was probably the worst part, she realized. She didn't know herself, her mind, and it tormented her. Bastila, who was still studying her, seemed to realize that and embraced her tightly.
'I apologize, Alriah. I fear I've misjudged you... again.'
The older woman shook her head, looking down at her companion with dark, haunted eyes.
'I do accept this, Bastila. I want you to realize that.'
When the younger Sentinel might have interrupted, she shook her head again.
'Acceptance is something very different from approval. I do not condone this in the least. I hate that everywhere Revan goes a trail of death is left behind. But think, Bastila. Everywhere we go there's death and destruction. That is the life we have chosen. Revan...'
Her thoughts trailed off, and Bastila glared at her, the fear returning to her gaze.
'How can you just-'
Alriah took a step away from the younger woman, taking her by the shoulders and shaking her slightly, her black eyes flashing. When she tried to pull away from Alriah's grip, the Sentinel demonstrated both her physical and mental strength and kept her where she was. Bastila's eyes were fearful, and while the look cut through her, Alriah refused to give up on the argument. She was tired of being feared, underestimated, overestimated, and generally misjudged and misunderstood by the one person who should know her more intimately than anyone. From anyone else she would tolerate, perhaps even accept it, but not from this woman. Bastila had every reason to know better, and still she treated Alriah like a mad wookie ready to rip her apart at any moment.
'I don't just anything, Bastila Shan!' she growled lowly, aware that she'd surprised the younger woman with her sudden intensity, 'I think before I act, before I speak. I do not kill, destroy, or fight without taking the consequences into account. I also know, however, that I cannot change what I have seen here. I cannot change what Revan has done. What good would it do to rage about it? I might as well yell at space for having no air. That's how much of a difference it would make!'
Bastila trembled in her grasp, but Alriah didn't release her. Instead she bent down, her black eyes boring into Bastila's purple-gray, the pain in their depths unmistakable as the younger Jedi stared at her in terror. She could sense her wondering if she would be hurt, and that was too much.
'I swore I would do nothing to hurt you, and I won't. If, however, you continue to believe that I am so heartless as to condone the murder of so many, than I would prefer you leave me alone and find a way to get out of my mind, because clearly you are not paying attention to what is there.'
She turned away, not angry enough to break the protective cocoon she'd put around the younger woman's mind, but no longer wanting to touch her. Physically she turned away, leaving the Jedi to herself. She tracked the residual echoes of Revan's presence and found herself in a cave. The Star Map was before her. She wished she could get closer, see the information more clearly, but the barrier in her mind blocked her. She looked up, realizing that Revan was standing next to her. The Sith Lord's head was bent, and she radiated sadness.
"This... has to be worth it..." she whispered, and turned away, seeming haunted. Malak waited at the mouth of the strange cave, out of earshot, but Alriah remembered that he had been the one to ask if this was worth it.
"If this doesn't work... then I have destroyed countless lives for naught."
She looked up, seeming to look right through Alriah.
"And I will have destroyed myself. I do not care what it takes. This must succeed, no matter the cost."
Revan turned away to rejoin her companion, visibly straightening. She seemed harder, harsher, and Alriah decided that for all the suffering and death Revan had caused, she still respected the woman. She didn't do the things she did mindlessly, as Malak seemed to now. She thought, she planned, and, perhaps most impressively, she seemed to feel all the pain she caused and accept it with a calm, unbiased understanding that Alriah understood and admired.
'I wish she weren't so... honorable...' she heard Bastila comment, sounding strained. The young woman stood across from her, on the other side of the Star Map. She was beautiful in the light that radiated off it, but Alriah was determined not to give in to that attraction the way she had in the beginning. She might have turned away, but Bastila's gaze didn't waver from hers, and when the young woman approached she decided to wait, wondering what her decision would be.
'I never would have called her that, you know,' the young Jedi continued, 'but you understand her, far better than anyone ever has, I think. And you're more correct than they are.'
She paused then sighed, her gaze dropping.
'You are, in some ways very much like the Revan I thought I knew, and in others you're very different. I just... I don't know what to make of you, or her. You both have such strong personalities... and you both know exactly what you're doing, all the time. It's like you don't feel fear or doubt like I... like most people do.'
Alriah heard the correction Bastila had made and almost smiled.
'Bastila, you know better than that. I don't know much about Revan, but you've seen, as I have, that she does have fears and doubts. As for me... well, you've been inside my mind. You should know that I am definitely not immune to fear or doubt.'
'I know,' the young Jedi replied softly, still not quite looking at her, 'but you don't freeze up or panic. You act, you take command, and you do what's needed. I can't... I can't do that. With the kath hounds, with Juhani and Mission, with the Matales and the Sandrals...'
Now the truth was coming out, and Alriah waited patiently, knowing there was more. She wished there was something she could say, but she sensed that this was something Bastila needed to talk out for herself.
'You frighten me at times. I think you know that. You're so sure of yourself... or at least you seem that way, even when you're not. Even though I have this bond with you, even though I know you feel fear at least as acutely as anyone else does... I cannot help but... well... let us say that you...'
Alriah couldn't hold back a smile any longer, but the flustered Sentinel didn't seem to notice. She struggled for the words the older woman already knew, apparently oblivious to how intensely her emotions were broadcasting.
'I... I must admit, Alriah Dakari... I think I envy you at times. You have many strengths that I do not... that I do not share. I cannot help but be somewhat... intimidated by those qualities. I hope, however, that you can forgive my... tactlessness. You... you were right. I have never known you to be reckless or uncaring. Quite the opposite, really.'
Alriah nodded, but she hadn't forgiven the younger Jedi. She could accept most insults to her character, but the thought that she did not care for the dead and the dying was unpardonable. Bastila seemed to sense this, and she came around the Star Map, reaching out to very gently grasp her arm.
'I know I have no right to ask you this, but... can you forgive my carelessness yet again?'
The scout looked down into those stormy eyes, struck again by the pain that was so visible behind them. She didn't want to add to that pain, that fear, but now that this had happened once, she was afraid to let herself love Bastila. The woman carried so much fear and doubt, almost as much as she herself did. If she could think Alriah capable of apathy, what else might she be capable of in the young woman's mind? How many times would they have this argument, or similar ones?
'I don't know, Bastila.'
The young Jedi retreated as if struck, turning as if to leave, but Alriah stopped her, unable to bear the sight of her burdened by yet another trouble.
'Give me some time.'
Bastila searched her eyes, and the older woman couldn't resist pulling the her against her body again, feeling her body trembling and her mind's fear again. Now she understood some of the fear that came with these visions. She could sense it clearly, the young Padawan's turmoil making it painfully obvious. These were Revan's experiences, her memories, and Bastila feared being lost or overwhelmed by them. Rightfully so, it seemed, as these little fragments of memory thoroughly overwhelmed them both every time they had to experience one. That was why her behavior and emotions became so erratic at these times, and Alriah realized she just might be forgiving the younger Jedi. She shook her head, gently disentangling herself and taking hold of Bastila's arm.
'Hold on a moment. I think I can get us out of here. Close your eyes and trust me.'
She was slightly surprised when the usually argumentative prodigy didn't put up a fuss and did what she was told. She knew it was because the young woman was frightened and unsure of herself, and she was putting her trust in the only thing in this environment she knew. Still, it touched something within her, and she decided to at least try to put the argument behind her for the time being.
'Alriah?' she heard Bastila ask as she gathered her energy to wake up her body. She had seen enough to begin to guess where the Star Map might be, and she sensed that she would get no more information here. The barrier was getting closer as it was, and if she were to be of any use, she couldn't let it get too close.
'Yes?' she replied distractedly, turning only a small part of her attention back to the woman she held. To her surprise, Bastila hesitantly leaned into her, her mind supplying her own with energy. As their bodies began to reach consciousness, Alriah felt a rush of energy, much as she did when immersed in the Force.
'Bastila?'
'There is no reason for you to wander around exhausted, Alriah,' she scolded gently, 'but that isn't what I...'
Bastila cut herself off, and Alriah sensed her confusion. She might have reached out, tried to sense more, but then she sensed something else, something that forced her to turn her attention to the outside world. She forced her body to full consciousness and leapt out of bed. She had reached the door when something stopped her, and she turned back. Bastila was coming awake more slowly, drained by connection they'd shared, but otherwise okay. She felt the first blaster bolt of the enemy craft she'd sensed approaching just as the younger Jedi started to rise, and in a burst of motion grabbed her just as the deck rocked under their boots. She braced herself automatically, pulling the younger Jedi against her.
"Hold on, Bastila!"
'I have no intention of letting go Not of you.'
The thought took Alriah off guard, but she quickly realized that the younger woman hadn't realized she'd been overheard. She smiled, the last of her anger fading away. She hadn't forgotten the argument, but she decided she could put it aside for now.
"I have to go. Be careful."
For just a second as she pulled away, the scout felt her companion's hand squeeze hers before falling away. With a smile on her face she sprinted to the gun turrets, tracking and destroying the attacking fighters. She stayed in the turret control until she felt the ship land, meditating in the relative quiet the turret provided her. When she sensed the ship had landed she returned to the bridge where Carth and Bastila waited.
"The Force has given us a... a vision. Like the one we shared on Dantooine. Did you see it?"
Bastila shook herself inwardly when she realized how ridiculous the question was. Something wasn't quite right with her, and when Alriah realized what it was, she almost laughed. Bastila was embarrassed, and preferred not to think too much about their experience. This was her way of denying it. She remembered the essential parts, the cave, the Star Map, while choosing to more or less ignore the rest of it. That was not good.
"Of course... you must have," Bastila went on, sounding strained, "The Force is strong with us both."
'Please... I do not wish to address it with Carth or the others. I...'
'If you can assure me that you will not ignore the issue, I will keep silent about it.'
'Of course... you are right. Do not worry. I will not forget.'
'No,' Alriah whispered in the guarded part of her mind, 'you certainly won't. But will you learn from it?'
"Tatooine is known for little but blowing sand," the young Jedi continued, her tone softer, almost sad, "I find surprising that there would be a Star Map somewhere in its desolate wastes."
The scout sighed, but found herself somewhat relieved. Perhaps Bastila would learn the lesson she so desperately needed to.
"Maybe Tatooine wasn't always a desert," she commented, remembering the strange statues that had been near the Star Map. There had been something about them... something about the weathering on them and the way they'd fallen...
"Perhaps, though that would have been tens of thousands of years in the past," Bastila replied, tracking her thoughts, "Now there is nothing but the howling emptiness of the Dune Sea. The Star Map would likely have to be within some kind of shelter to protect it against dust and sandstorms. I suspect there are many such caves and caverns hidden in the sands of the Dune Sea. The creatures of this world probably use them as their lairs."
She sighed, just as Alriah did inwardly. There were too many uncertainties, too many doubts, too many questions.
"No doubt things will become more clear once we discover the Star Map's location."
In agreement with the younger Sentinel, she started to turn, but as Carth passed her something pulled her back. Bastila wanted to talk privately, and now was as good a time as any.
"How can I help?" she asked when Alriah turned back to her. The scout smiled, realizing that once again Bastila hadn't realized how much of her thoughts she gave away.
"You wish to talk to me?" she asked, smiling slightly when her companion started. She really hadn't realized how loud her thoughts were. That was all right. Alriah had no intention of telling her unless it became a danger.
"I do," she responded hesitantly, obviously shaken, "I've been watching you. Studying you closely to see what kind of progress you have made since your training at the hands of Master Zhar."
Alriah was tempted to be annoyed, but she controlled the emotion, letting it take its course without taking over. Instead of the angry response she'd braced for, the younger woman found herself on the receiving end of a charming grin and knowing black eyes.
"I think we both know the real reason you've been watching me."
"You never give up, do you?" Bastila muttered, torn between amusement and annoyance, "I admit I'm interested in you. I find you intriguing. Compelling, even."
Before the scout could say anything, the Jedi held up a hand.
"But it's not what you think. You have a great gift. You have an awesome command of the Force, and I tremble when I think of how you might misuse it."
'I'm not that easy to throw off.'
"I make you tremble? Do you get all tingly inside, too?" she asked, laughter in her voice that completely went over Bastila's head. Her purple-gray eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
"What? I... no!" she stammered, staring at Alriah as if she'd just transformed into a Hutt, "No, of course not!"
When the scout fixed her with a knowing look, she glared, managing to mutter. "Not like that, anyway."
She was none too convincing, but then she grew serious, remembering what her original point had been. She straightened, her eyes lighting with some inner fire.
"In many ways you are... you are dangerous. You could be the savior of the galaxy; or you could bring untold destruction upon us all!" she continued, her voice rising until she was almost yelling. When she saw the look on the other Jedi's face, she calmed somewhat, her eyes softening as if she were really looking at the older woman for what almost seemed to be the first time.
"I've seen how you have resisted many temptations and continue to walk the path of the light side," she went on, her tone softer. She shook her head, visibly struggling to look and sound more academic.
"Very commendable, but I'm afraid you might stray from this path. You need to see what the dark side represents in its entirety, for it is what we battle. Only the wisdom of a Jedi Master can truly explain this, but I will do my best to make you understand."
"What are you trying to tell me?" Alriah asked, seeing that there really was something bothering Bastila, something she needed to allow the woman to get out. Bastila seemed to appreciate the change in her attitude and gathered herself, looking out the windows to the Tatooine spaceport, her gaze distant and rather sad.
"The dark side is not simply giving in to anger or temptation to use the Force to destructive ends. These things only lead to the dark side. The dark side grows stronger and more insidious the closer you draw to it. It begs you to surrender to it, to release all its terrible power... and it becomes harder and harder to resist. And once you stop resisting, it is too late. It twists you up inside and... and turns you into a mockery of everything you once stood for."
She frowned, looking back at the dark woman with eyes that were haunted and a mind that was being torn apart by grief, regret, and rage. Alriah stumbled at the unexpected deluge of emotion, and Bastila reached out, taking her arm and bracing her. She might have apologized, but Alriah just shook her head, straightening and carefully shielding her mind from the brunt of the emotional wave without losing touch with it.
"You seem to know that temptation very well."
Bastila looked haunted again, and the Deralian frowned, seeing past the exterior to the turmoil in her mind.
"I am no less resistant to temptation than any other," the Padawan replied sadly, lost in some memory she hid from their bond, adding in a pained tone, "I simply have the benefit of training you do not. But even the training of the Jedi might not be enough to save us. We need only look at the atrocities which have been committed by those under its sway to understand the terrible, corrupting evil of the dark side. Millions dead, and far more suffering. What sort of person would you have to be to perform such deeds gladly?"
"I couldn't see myself ever doing such things," Alriah replied slowly, but at the same time she wondered. She could see herself doing such things, if not gladly, then willingly. If it was necessary... she might just do it.
"And that is why the dark side is so insidious," the agitated Jedi hissed, her eyes flashing, apparently only partially aware of her thoughts, "If you are not careful, you do not even see each small step you take towards it until it is too late."
She both agreed and disagreed. She knew when she did things that were not exclusively "good." She guarded herself as best she could, but she knew she wasn't perfect. Far from it. She also knew that not all were as vigilant of their own behavior. Bastila was a good example of that, actually. She could see how a person could be unaware of the small things while being too focused on the larger picture, and fall. It bothered her, however, that all the Jedi seemed to think their side was pure, perfect, and innocent.
"Are you saying the light side is innocent of killing?" she asked sharply, wondering how Bastila would respond. That wasn't possible. They had all killed dozens of living beings just to get this far. What did that make them?
"One who serves the light side does not strike down an innocent. We take arms against the dark side and the injustice that follows it only," the Jedi answered after a moment of doubt and hesitation. She sounded like her old stuffy, prissy self, but Alriah wasn't buying it.
'What kind of person would do such deeds gladly?' Bastila asked again through their bond, and she shook her head, slightly startled by the sudden intimacy of the question.
"I don't know," the scout whispered, finding herself as haunted by the question as Bastila sounded. Something about that question, about what Bastila was suggesting a Jedi was capable of if they fell to the dark side wormed away inside her. It pushed at her mind, at the barrier there, and her head started to pound. She shook herself, trying to pay attention to her "teacher."
"Neither do I, and I hope I never do," Bastila replied aloud, for a moment sounding ever bit as tired and vulnerable as Alriah could sense she was feeling before she straightened, shifting back behind her "teacher" mask, though with limited success, "It is so easy to think that we would never fall prey to such a horror; that we have unlimited control, vigilance and foresight. If only that were true. The Sith have become powerful because there are many Jedi who have succumbed to the lure of the dark side and joined their cause. What greater weapon is there than to turn an enemy to your cause? To use their own knowledge against them? We are weakened while they are strengthened. So we must harden our hearts and do whatever is required to fight against the dark side. Even when the battle becomes wearying."
'It sounds like the battle is always wearying,' Alriah whispered, shielding the thought from her companion. What Bastila had said was causing the wall in her mind to rise up again in force, preventing her from thinking the idea over much. With an inward sigh she filed the thought away where she could reflect on it later without too much trouble from the barrier. For now she focused on the rest of the Jedi's statement.
"Do whatever is required? Such as?" she asked, wondering if Bastila had heard Revan wondering something similar about what she had been doing. The discomfort the Padawan radiated told her she'd been aware of at least some of Revan's thoughts.
"I don't know. The vision of our future is clouded by shadows cast from the dark side. But I sense something ominous lurking in those shadows," she answered softly, both women intensely aware of the shadows she was referring to. Their every step was dogged by them, and what Alriah sensed in them... well, ominous was an understatement. The younger woman shook herself, adding briskly "But words alone cannot save one from the dark side. Come, we should continue with the task at hand. When the time comes I only hope we are all strong enough to do what we must."
The subject was clearly closed for discussion, so with an inward shrug she strode to the loading ramp, bringing Bastila and Carth with her. At the base of the ramp an officer of Czerka company from his uniform waited, asking for a fee of some sort. She considered just paying it, but she knew she would need all the money they had soon, though not quite way. She could have used the Force to persuade him, but instead she used words only. It was her feeling that violating the man's mind would be wrong, especially over something so trivial. He agreed easily enough, giving her information about Czerka's operations on the planet and who to talk to about work, as well as giving her what little information he had on the inhabitants, the Sand People and the Jawa. She left him to his work and went toward the large doors to the rest of Anchorage, only to be stopped by another dock worker. When he told her a crate of Gizka had not only been loaded onto her ship but broken open she sighed. Sometimes the Force had a twisted sense of humor.
'Juhani,' she thought, projecting her thoughts to the other Jedi with an effort. It was much harder to speak to someone this way than it was to communicate with Bastila, but she wanted to be sure Canderous didn't kill the creatures. They were harmless, and they wouldn't chew power cables.
'Yes?' the Cathar asked uncertainly, clearly startled to be spoken to like this.
'Could you please ensure that no one harms the Gizka? They're harmless, playful creatures. I don't think they deserve to die because of a dock error.'
The younger woman agreed readily enough, and Alriah laughed aloud at the image she saw of Canderous trying to catch the Gizka or shoot them. Carth looked at her strangely, but Bastila saw what she did and had to suppress a chuckle of her own.
'Thank you.'
She closed off the connection to the Cathar, mentally reorienting herself and moving forward, noticing an alien shopkeeper of the same race as one she'd seen on Taris, the one that seemed to be made of two different creatures. As she recalled, the one she'd spoken to had said that she could only hear one voice, but the other certainly had plenty to say. She'd sensed an unusual intelligence from the person, or people, and she had realized that having two minds could be beneficial. When she approached the alien seemed surprised by her easy acceptance of his unusual appearance, and it happily chattered while she browsed its wares, determined to buy as much from it as she could use, rather than spending money at Czerka stores. She didn't like the Czerka company, but she did like this alien. While looking through its goods she noticed a vial of Gizka poison, which it seemed surprised to see. It also had Bantha fodder, which was curious, and on a whim she bought some. She could sense it might come in handy later, and it was very inexpensive. As she strode away after paying the alien she could sense it watching her with a great deal of curiosity and smiled to herself. Outside the docking area in the main area of the port a Duros was walking around muttering to himself. When he saw the three humans he approached, looking annoyed.
"That... human woman! I am... outraged at her arrogance. You! Do all of your species place yourselves on such annoying pedestals!"
Alriah tilted her head, trying to make some sense of what he was saying. Finally she asked in a polite a tone as she could, "I'm sorry? What are you talking about?"
He muttered to himself, giving her a dark look.
"You should be sorry for sharing a species with that... that creature. I swear, 'Helena' must be your word for pit rancor."
That definitely got her attention, and explained quite a bit. She turned to her companion, trying not to smile too broadly.
"Helena? Bastila, isn't that your mother's name?"
Bastila growled softly, her purple-gray eyes darkening noticeably. She didn't understand the Duros language, but that didn't seem to be bothering her much. If nothing else she seemed to have grown very comfortable with the wide array of languages Alriah spoke.
"My mother was supposed to be here somewhere. Ask if they have seen her."
When she relayed the question the Duros spat on the ground, his eyes widening in his large blue head.
"Seen her? Human, you couldn't miss her if you tried. She strolled into the cantina like she owned the place."
"Is she still there?" she asked, keeping her tone neutral while inwardly having to fight not to laugh at both this man's expression and Bastila's.
"Probably. I don't think anyone else could top her attitude, so she won't be leaving. I won't be going back while she's there, though."
"We should try to find her. I doubt she wants to be kept waiting," the Jedi remarked, sounding more than a little annoyed by all of this. The Duros looked between them, not understanding what she'd said but clearly understanding their intention.
"You're actually looking for her? You humans, you're all out of your minds."
He brushed past, leaving the two Jedi and Carth alone on the dusty pathway. She'd been aware that Bastila's mother would likely have an attitude, but hearing it from the Duros made her worry about having not only Bastila's temper to deal with, but also Carth's.
"Carth, I just realized that it would be a good idea if someone with some technical skills were checking up on the Hawk, just in case there's a problem. Why don't you go back and ask Juhani to join us."
He glared, prepared to argue about it, but she very deliberately ignored him, not giving him the chance to. While he stomped off she turned to Bastila, using their relative solitude to ask her something she'd been wondering.
"How can I help?" Bastila asked distractedly, using the familiar to shield herself from thoughts of her mother. Alriah decided to ignore that for now, staying on the subject she had wanted to talk about in the first place.
"Why did the Council send me with you on this mission?"
"Why?" the other Jedi repeated, sounding surprised by the question, "I could not accomplish this on my own, I need the aid of others - especially one who is strong in the Force. The bond between us made you a natural choice. Besides, the events on Taris proved that the Force wanted to bring us together for this mission, and there is little left to chance when the Force is involved. Is that not enough for you?"
It wasn't, and that was the reason she'd brought it up in the first place. Along with that, Bastila made this sound like it was her mission when in fact the Council had made it Alriah's. Bastila was here to aid her, not the other way around, or so they had implied. Semantics aside, however, the other woman had just left herself open to another round of teasing, and Alriah was not about to pass up the opportunity.
"If the Force wants us to be together, why do you keep resisting my undeniable charms?" she asked, trying not to laugh or reveal her amusement. She managed to say it with a straight face, though barely, and somehow managed to hold it even as her companion stammered and sputtered, searching for a response that wouldn't get her in any deeper, which of course wasn't going to happen.
"I said we were brought together for our mission: to stop Malak. I hardly think the Force would be pushing us towards a romantic involvement when the fate of the galaxy is at stake!" she shot back, almost managing to sound like she believed it, then added a touch weakly, "Please try to stay focused. I doubt the Council would approve if they knew we were busy discussing our mutual attraction when we should be saving the galaxy from Malak."
The Deralian caught the slip before Bastila even knew what she'd said and pounced, knowing an opportunity like this wouldn't come very often.
"Mutual attraction? I knew you were interested in me!"
Those eyes widened and there were several seconds of shocked silence before Bastila regained her composure, managing to glare darkly at her. What she didn't seem to realize was how much her thoughts gave away of her emotions.
'I can't believe I admitted that! Take it back! Take it back now! Do not give in!'
"Mutual attraction?" Bastila repeated out loud, apparently unaware that her continuing mental fit was being overheard. "I never said... it's just an expression! Whatever our feelings... uh, I mean... whatever your feelings, you have to try to ignore them. Don't let this complicate things. Finding the missing pieces of the Star Maps is our only hope of locating the Star Forge and defeating Malak. The Council explained this all quite clearly."
Once again Alriah took a moment to simply enjoy the other woman's blustering and confusion before going back to the matter at hand. She didn't forget or dismiss Bastila's slip of the tongue and mind, however, storing them away for future use.
"It just seems odd they would send me off without a Master to guide me."
The simplicity of her response, and the fact that it was serious, threw the other woman for a loop again.
'One moment she's flirting with me and the next she wants to discuss the Council and our mission! This damn woman is going to drive me completely mad!'
"I admit, there were times that I wondered if this is more than just a mission to stop Malak," Bastila replied slowly, using the time to get her bearings and think of an appropriate response, "There were times when I wondered if this was also a way for the Council to test my own abilities."
The young Padawan didn't notice the way those black eyes narrowed or the way Alriah's mental barriers rose to shield her thoughts, still too flustered to pay attention to such nuances.
"I get the feeling that there's more going on than I know," the Deralian remarked softly, her voice low and cool. That Bastila did notice and hurried to explain herself. Her rush was, as usual, something of her undoing, however.
"I wondered if the Council wanted to see how I would help and guide you on our quest. I wondered if they were testing me to see if I was ready to become a Jedi Master myself. And then I realized how foolish such thoughts were. As the Council explained, sending a Master in our group would only have drawn unwanted attention from the Sith. The fate of the galaxy is at stake, the Council would not risk it merely to test me. They calculated the risks and in the end chose the only option available."
"I guess that makes sense," Alriah said doubtfully. To her it made very little sense. It was clear the Council, and Bastila, feared and mistrusted her. It was strange that they would send her off on a mission like this with only two unstable Padawans, a temperamental and haunted war hero, a Wookie, and a street kid as help and guidance. That didn't seem wise or safe to her.
"You must learn to trust in the wisdom of the Council. Your destiny will come in its appointed time. You mustn't be so impatient," Bastila chided, earning a long look from the dark woman. Alriah shrugged, setting the issue aside in favor of something more interesting, and possibly more productive. She didn't trust the Council, and she probably never would, so there was no point in worrying about that. Some things, however, were not so futile.
"Me? You're the one who thought this was her big audition for 'Masterhood'!" she retorted, hiding her amusement at the other woman's frustrated response. She didn't do this just for the fun of it. It was obvious Bastila was attracted to her, and denying her own emotions was dangerous, especially when they were that strong. Still, she had to admit it was fun, as long as it didn't threaten the young Jedi's control.
"Must you be so frustrating?" Bastila asked rhetorically, again unaware of the older Jedi's internal dialogue, "I admit, I had a moment of foolish pride. But I'm over it. Now I am focused on my true responsibilities. I am simply trying to help you and complete this mission and yet you battle me at every turn."
Alriah had to smile at that. She wasn't the one doing the battling. She was quite certain of that. It worried her that Bastila didn't seem to see that, but it was also rather... cute.
"What can I say? It's fun."
For a moment Bastila's thoughts were torn between a desire to smack the grin from her face or just kissing her senseless, but neither could quite get the upper hand. Alriah almost laughed as Bastila took a step forward, her body trembling with poorly contained desire and frustration.
"Fun! Fun! Driving me insane is your idea of a good time!" she demanded, standing toe-to-toe with the taller woman. Alriah chuckled, deciding it was time she pointed out a simple fact.
"Hey, you brought this on yourself."
"I started it," Bastila replied, clearly nonplussed, then started simply ranting, that being the only thing she could think to do.
"You were the one who brought up the issue of the Council! You were the one who questioned our mission! You were the one who mocked me for thinking I was being tested! You..."
She trailed off, shaking her head, all the fire draining out of her rant.
"You are a very odd woman, do you know that?" she commented in a bemused tone, "I simply don't know how to deal with you. All I want to do is help you, but you seem determined to drive me mad."
"Complain all you want, but you know you love it."
Bastila eyed her for a long moment, seriously considering just walking away and ignoring her, but then she finally shook her head, actually smiling a little as she realized, though privately, that Alriah was right. She carefully shielded that understanding, both a little afraid of it and rather unwilling to provoke the other woman into teasing her again. She noticed Juhani approaching from the corner of her eye and sighed, part of her regretting that the conversation was about to end.
"I don't know if I should be outraged that you keep joking about serious matters, or if I should be grateful that you can always lighten the mood. Come on, come, let's move on... there's much to be done."
Alriah agreed, knowing she had gotten what she'd been aiming for. Bastila may have been rather skilled at shielding some of her thoughts, but she was far from a master at guarding her emotions. For just a moment she'd accepted what she felt, and that was all Alriah wanted from her. Pressing the issue now would undo all the progress Bastila had made. Once Juhani had joined them she strode to the Czerka office, speaking with the company representative there about hunting licenses and the Sand People. She agreed to bring the Chieftains gaffi, but she knew that if she had any control of the situation at all she would not be killing him to get it. She also asked about Griff, discovering that he was being held captive by the Sand People. It took some persuasion to get all the information she needed, but once she did she was glad she had. She had answers for Mission and a way to search for the Star Map, and those were important things. Now she just had to deal with finding out what Bastila's mother wanted.
'Believe me when I say I am in no great hurry,' Bastila commented darkly through their bond. They left the Czerka offices, only to be stopped by another Duros. She remembered him. He had been arguing with the Czerka rep when she'd arrived and had stormed out. Now he explained his efforts at conservation and his argument with Czerka. She agreed to try to communicate with the Sand People as he asked, getting a recommendation on where to find a droid that might be able to manage the job. When he left he was still upset and muttering, but he seemed somewhat comforted now. They passed the hunting lodge the Czerka rep had mentioned as they went on, but as they did Alriah suddenly looked up, sensing distress nearby. She noticed a woman with the look of a settler standing outside a residence and approached, feeling the woman's pain. The woman, Sharina Fizark, explained that her husband had died, leaving her only a large Wraid plate that she couldn't go to the hunting lodge to sell. She said it was worth around 500 credits at least, and Alriah looked at the thing, agreeing. It was huge. She didn't know where or when she'd learned to judge the value of such things, but this piece of bone was definitely valuable and unusual. She offered the woman 700 credits, waiting patiently as she stared at her in shocked silence for a few moments, noticing the lightsaber she carried for the first time. Slowly Sharina handed over the plate, thanking her profusely on behalf of her and her children. Behind her she sensed her companion's approval and pleasure in her actions.
"This is how we Jedi should always act: with honor," Juhani commented, and Alriah could sense that she meant it. It pleased her to feel that in that moment Juhani felt just a little more at ease with herself than she had.
"Thank you for helping this woman. It may not seem like such a great thing to you, but you are making a difference," Bastila added softly. When Alriah glanced back at her she was watching her with warm, sad purple-gray eyes. The expression was gone in the next moment, but through their bond Alriah could feel a tender warmth that Bastila rarely allowed herself to show.
"For whatever it means, may the Force be with you. You've saved us," Sharina said when she turned back to her, hurrying back into her house radiating gratitude and immense relief. The dark woman smiled to herself, glad to see someone on this planet with a real smile. She went into the hunting lodge and met the various hunters, noting that the Gamorreans seemed dangerous and aggressive and making a mental note to beware of tricks and traps. There was a quiet man who spoke with dignity and respect, and while he seemed just a little naive she wished him well. Another man was an open flirt, and the way he hunted, using battle droids, didn't strike her as particularly honorable or sporting, but she didn't say much about it. It wasn't her place. There was also an unusual looking Twi'lek who had a sense of timelessness and gravity about him. He, she sensed, was probably one of the most experienced hunters here, and he gave her a brief explanation of what prey he hunted, including the Krayt dragon. Lastly she spoke with Fazza, the keeper of the lodge, and sold the Wraid plate for the expected 500 credits.
'Does it really make a difference?' she asked softly, startling Bastila. The other Jedi was silent for a few moments, then a sense of warmth and understanding came through their bond.
'It does, Alriah. I assure you, it's actions like this that make all the difference.'
Alriah nodded, reassured. She knew on some level she had already known that, but it helped to hear it from someone else. She left the lodge and started toward the Cantina, noting as they walked that they seemed to be heading into a cloud of a darkness. Her hand slid to her lightsaber, and she noticed the other two Jedi doing the same, looking around carefully. As they turned a corner they were met by three dark Jedi. Their leader said something about their master and his displeasure upon finding out that she was alive. She could easily guess that their master was Malak, but why would it matter to him if she were alive? The thought made her head reel as the barrier rose up again, and in that moment of weakness the dark Jedi attacked without warning. She managed to block a deadly downward stroke and take a step back, but the barrier didn't let up. She struggled with herself, lashing out hard to force her opponent back. Her saber met his and she pushed hard, using sheer force rather than skill to cause his blade to drop slightly. The opening was enough and she plunged her yellow blade past his armor into his chest, killing him almost instantly. Sensing movement nearby she growled softly, her offhand blade, which she hadn't revealed until now, slashing back and up, wounding another dark Jedi but not killing him.
'Alriah!'
She turned in time to see Bastila's lightsaber sprout from the chest of her attacker, leaving him to collapse at her feet. Juhani finished off the last attacker a moment later, leaving her to try to regain her equilibrium through the intense pain burning a path through her skull.
'That damn fool!' she heard Bastila think, disgust coloring her thoughts, 'His "precaution" is going to get her killed!'
She tried to respond, but the pain continued to intensify and she didn't know why. She wasn't thinking about much of anything except the pain, and normally it would have retreated by now,
'Bastila...'
That was the only word the could think of, the only word that she could get out. She felt rage building up inside the other woman, then blessed relief as the pain stopped increasing. She could bear it now, though it was still at torturous levels.
'He must have known this would happen! That coward!' the other woman spat mentally, apparently unaware that Alriah could hear her thoughts. Now that she could at least function again she took the lightsabers the dark Jedi had been carrying, as well as their spare medpacs and gear. They certainly wouldn't need them anymore. As she rose, she considered asking Bastila what had just happened when she noticed what looked like a swoop track. She vividly remembered the race on Taris, and the amazing focus she'd had, and remembered also that Davik had left a bike in the garage of the Hawk. She strode into the building, taking note of the various racers before speaking to Motta the Hutt, who was obviously in charge. She talked him into letting her race for free, not an easy thing to do with a Hutt, and got into the bike with no sense of fear or trepidation. This was a sport humans didn't typically excel at, but she wasn't just any human. She was Deralian, for one, and her people were a hardy sort. She was also a Jedi.
'This I can do...'
As soon as the indicator was green she was off, almost scraping several of the rock obstacles in her path as she got to the first boost platform. She drove intensely, focusing so completely on making the absolute smallest adjustments possible and avoiding obstacles while going so fast she couldn't see that all the pain faded away, just as she'd hoped. Her time shocked the Hutt, and he was impressed enough to tell her about his doubts about the success of his track and the circuit in general, asking for her help.
"I've got one," he said, answering her question about potential racers to give his track a name, "Nico Senvi. Great potential. Only started racing a year ago and loves it. He lives for it now."
"And?" Bastila asked from next to her, outwardly ignoring the way the Hutt's huge eyes looked her up and down, "It sounds like you have something special. What do you want help with?"
When Motta didn't answer immediately Bastila shifted uncomfortably, the only obvious indication of how little she enjoyed being looked at like a slave dancing girl. Alriah didn't like it either, and it was the aura of danger she found herself projecting that got Motta's attention. A look passed between them, and he pointedly shifted all his attention to her, not daring to look at her the same way. He went on to explain Nico's reluctance to sign with him, and she pointed out calmly that he needed to give the racer a better deal. When she turned to talk to Nico himself after Motta agreed he was dismissive, so she decided on a way to get his attention. She raced again, beating the second rank time, then again to beat his time. Every time she rode the bike she fell into a state of calm, but the last race was the one that really mattered. As she dodged past an obstacle that no normal human would have even seen a sense of peace filled her.
You are growing, Alriah Dakari, she heard the shadow whisper, sensing that somehow a barrier had been brought down by the focus of the race, allowing her to be heard again for the first time in a long while, Not just anyone would have thought of swoop racing to deal with that Master's folly.
'Which master?' she asked curiously, but the shadow shook her head.
You know the answer to that. Only one master would be so blind and foolish as to put such a dangerous 'safeguard' in your mind.
'Vrook.'
She didn't say more. She didn't need to. They both knew she was right.
The little one has done what she could, but it will only get worse as you get closer to the truth he hoped you would never uncover. At times it will be debilitating, but...
Alriah chuckled to herself, understanding.
'There's always swoop racing.'
She hesitated before asking the question she really wanted to, them simply sighed.
'Who was it supposed to protect? Clearly not me.'
No, the shadow agreed, He thought he was protecting the Force and the greater good. But for all his years and experience, Vrook is a blind fool who listens to no one but himself. Be on guard against him. He has not fallen, but his choices will aid the dark side, as will those of another Dantooine Master. Their blindness could lead to the Death of the Force. You must be the one who sees.
Alriah considered that as she crossed the finish line, remembering her sense that the Council had been missing at least one of its members. The pain came back, but it lacked the harsh edge it had before, and she turned her thoughts to Bastila, smiling affectionately at the girl from Talravin.
'Thank you.'
The Sentinel blushed, turning away both mentally and physically. She let it go, instead talking to Motta to get her reward before addressing Nico, telling him about Motta's revised contract for him. He thanked her profusely and went to talk to the Hutt, leaving her to go sell off the racing bonds Motta had given her, then focus on finding Helena. She walked into the cantina and immediately found a human woman by herself in a corner. She noticed that both the employees and patrons were conspicuously giving her a wide berth and smiled to herself. She knew exactly who that had to be. At her approach the woman deigned to look at her and her companions, giving her the impression she considered the three Jedi beneath her. Now she knew where Bastila got that damned aristocratic attitude.
"Yes, I'm sorry, do I know you?" she asked, sounding as if she expected them to be there to serve her. Bastila stepped forward slightly, though the scout noticed that she didn't move past her, instead standing next to her and just a step behind, as if hoping the dark woman would protect her from her mother.
"I am here Mother. Or don't you recognize me?" she asked softly, her voice laced with sarcasm. The woman looked closer, frowning deeply. When she spoke she sounded aggrieved and impatient.
"What do you expect, when I haven't so much as a picture of you since you left? Do you know how long I've been trying to find you?"
Bastila's expression darkened, and Alriah could sense her struggling to control her temper. It was clear that Helena knew how to press her daughter's buttons and was fully willing to do so, and the dark woman was already wondering if she should have avoided this confrontation for Bastila's sake. The woman had enough issues with control as it was.
"You knew as well as I communication would be impossible once I joined the Order. Now what is this about? Where is Father?" Bastila asked, her tone making it very clear she wanted nothing to do with her mother, and what she was really there for.
"Then you haven't heard. I should have known."
Bastila shifted, her body tensing until she was coiled as tightly as a Talravin blood snake, a constrictor capable of completely crushing a man in a matter of seconds.
"Has something happened to him? Are you going to tell me or not?" she retorted sharply, but through their bond Alriah could sense that for all her apparent strength and confidence she was terrified.
"Your Father is dead, Bastila. That is part of the reason why I was looking for you."
The blunt reply made Bastila's thought process grind to a halt, and she paled dramatically, looking like she was going to be sick.
"Dead? What happened? What did you do to him!" she demanded, shaking visibly now. Alriah shifted slightly so her arm was brushing the younger woman's, a comforting gesture that just managed to get past Bastila's terror and rage. The younger woman leaned into the contact, but she was still looking at her mother with eyes like blasters.
"Isn't this a lovely reunion? Already she is flinging insults at me," Helena responded sarcastically, turning to look at the tall Jedi, apparently noticing as her daughter did not the way Bastila gravitated toward her, "Tell me... you're one of her friends. Do you treat your mother this way?"
Alriah felt a twinge of annoyance but shrugged it off. She wasn't going to argue with this woman. She had her hands full with Bastila.
"My mother is long dead, if you must know," she replied softly, remembering that nightmarish day easily enough. Her parents had died in a Sith attack and she had been forced to live in an orphanage of sorts until the Jedi found her.
"Is that so?" she asked rhetorically, seeming rather put out that she hadn't gotten more out of the young woman, "Well, I'll be joining her soon enough, I suppose."
"I was told you were sick," Bastila remarked, managing to sound much calmer than she actually felt, "Are you actually dying, or is this merely melodrama for my benefit?"
Alriah couldn't help but wonder the same thing. It was clear this woman was well aware of the effect she had on her daughter, as well as Bastila's temper. She could just be taking advantage of those things. Unobtrusively Alriah reached out with her will, brushing against the Force echoes that surrounded the woman. She wasn't about to be so irresponsible as to scan the woman's mind, but the faint ripples around Helena told her enough. She sighed inwardly, wishing she could explain what she had felt to Bastila, but knowing her companion wouldn't listen.
"Such sweet things you say," Helena retorted with a sigh, "Perhaps I should tell you everything, first, before we start arguing again."
"You could start by telling me what you got Father into that killed him."
The stark statement hung in the air between them, and Alriah's felt her own fear start to rise up within her. Bastila was too angry, too scared. It was almost painful to touch her, but she did, lightly brushing a strong hand against her back, feeling the muscles quivering beneath armor and flesh. At the same time she used their bond as a gentle reminder, hoping that would be enough to calm Bastila a little. It did distract her just enough that she didn't physically assault her mother, and for now that was enough.
"I hadn't realized Jedi were so spiteful," Helena retorted, oblivious to the exchange between the two Jedi on just that subject, "You want me to tell you I brought your father here for an expedition, do you? You want to blame me for his death? You never accepted that your father loved going on his treasure hunts, leaving you alone with me. I was always to blame for everything, what else is new? So yes, fine. I brought your father here to look for Krayt dragon pearls. He took an expedition into the Tatooine desert and he died."
The intensity of Bastila's grief and rage almost overwhelmed her control, and she shook her head almost violently, breathing slowly and deeply to counter the nausea Bastila was unwittingly causing the other Jedi. At her other side she felt Juhani gasp and stumble and reached out with her free hand, anchoring the Cathar with both the physical contact and with the Force.
"How can you be sure of that? Father was an experienced-" Bastila was saying when she was able to listen again, only to be interrupted by her mother.
"Do you think I would look for you if I wasn't sure?" she asked coolly, almost seeming to revel in her daughter's reaction, "They were attacked by a Krayt dragon and one of the guides fled the battle. He saw your father killed."
Before Bastila could break down, losing any semblance of control, Alriah abruptly threw herself and Bastila into that space within the Force, unconcerned with the cost to herself. The suddenness was enough to catch the young Padawan off guard, leaving Bastila's internal self gasping.
'Bastila, breathe,' she commanded softly, wrapping her arms around the woman without giving her a chance to object. The darker woman cradled the sobbing Jedi, though outwardly neither moved, and Bastila seemed to have regained her self control.
"I... see," the prodigy replied slowly, though inwardly she was still crying against Alriah's chest, her control shattered and her emotions raw, "So what is it you want from me? Credits?"
While the question wasn't nearly as sarcastic as Bastila had wanted it to be, it was better than what she otherwise could have managed, and she knew it, for all that she was loath to admit it. She tried to back away from Alriah only once, and weakly, before succumbing to the comfort the older Padawan was offering and just leaning into her inner self.
"Don't be insulting. I want you to use those senses of yours," Helena retorted, and Alriah noted she seemed almost dismayed by how Bastila had recovered from the news, "I want you to find him. I want you to bring back his holocron."
"Why? So you can sell it?" the braided woman asked, her weary tone colder now, more angry. Alriah didn't quite understand, but she could tell that this holocron meant a great deal to both women, though for very different reasons.
"Is it too much to ask that I have something to remember your father by? Of course it is, isn't it. You couldn't be bothered."
Helena definitely sounded put upon, but Alriah could sense that she knew she was getting to her daughter again, pushing buttons and getting under her skin. With the Force surrounding her as it was, she didn't even have to try to feel the way the woman was gloating internally. She hoped Bastila wouldn't notice and kept her distracted as best she could, privately reflecting on how dangerous it would be if the extremely powerful Jedi lost control in the middle of a crowded room. Thankfully the girl was oblivious, torn as she was between her grief, her anger, and the calm Alriah surrounded her with.
"We're very busy on a mission from the Jedi Council," the Sentinel replied, her voice cold and haughty again, "I doubt I'll have the time. Ask my companions if you doubt me."
She knew that was her cue to step in, so she did, once again shifting to physically put something between mother and daughter.
"Why don't you get the holocron yourself Miss... er... Helena?" she asked softly, unsure if Shan was the correct surname to use and deciding that a little extra respect could go a long way. She knew her attitude took the Talravin woman off guard, which is what she had intended.
"As my daughter is quick to point out, I haven't the coin to hire another expedition. Nor am I the adventurer my husband was," she replied honestly, momentarily stunned by the controlled calm of the dark-haired woman standing so protectively over her daughter. She hadn't expected that. Privately the scout turned her attention back to Bastila, asking gently, 'Don't you want to find your father's remains, Bastila?'
'What remains would there be?' the younger Jedi replied inwardly, not willing to say this in front of her mother and needing the comfort of the quiet, peaceful space they hung in now,'Krayt dragons are huge predators, easily able to devour a human, and the desert is a harsh environment. Finding my father's remains would be an even more impossible task than finding his holocron. An ignoble end to a fine man.'
'What about your mother's sickness?' the Deralian asked persistently. She knew Bastila wasn't listening to her own mind very carefully, but Alriah was, and she would make sure the Sentinel did what she so badly needed for her own closure. The mission didn't mean nearly as much to her as this moment, this woman, which said much. She would do a great deal to protect the galaxy. She would do more for Bastila.
"It doesn't seem to have anything to do with what she's asking," Bastila muttered aloud, looking from her taller friend to her mother and asked, "Are you actually sick, Mother?"
"What difference does it make to you? None, I'm sure," the woman retorted sharply, giving no indication of either an affirmative or negative response to the actual question, "Just find your father's holocron and you won't have to worry about me again either way."
The younger Sentinel shook her head, outwardly dismissive of the issue, but Alriah knew better. She kept her peace for the moment, however, knowing that as long as they were in front of her mother Bastila wouldn't tell her much of anything.
"That's the kind of response I would expect. Very well. We'll look for the holocron if we have time. I can't promise any more than that," Bastila replied in an excellent imitation of her mother's tone. Helena smiled sweetly, seemingly oblivious to how noncommittal her daughter had been.
"I believe your father was headed north towards the Sand People enclave. I would check along that route, dear. Do please hurry."
The two Jedi watching the interaction glanced at each other, and Alriah could tell that the young Cathar knew as well as she did what the sudden sweetness really meant. Bastila, however, didn't even seem to register it, too distracted by her raging emotions. As she turned to walk out she gave the older Jedi a quick look, then just as quickly turned away. Mentally she retreated as well, breaking away from her companion's embrace and hiding herself behind thick barriers. Again the two Jedi glanced at each other, black eyes pained and golden eyes concerned and full of turmoil. Juhani could sense some of what was going on with Bastila, as well as how much more of the storm Alriah had to bear than she did.
'Alriah,' she whispered softly, connecting with the older Padawan's mind with an effort, 'This isn't right. No Jedi should lose control so easily. I do not sense that the worst has passed, either.'
'Nor do I, my friend,' she responded gently, feeling the cat-woman's pleasure at the address, as well as the chaos that was gathering like storm clouds within the Cathar's mid, 'but she won't let us help her. Not yet. And as you learned... sometimes you have to be faced with your own darkness before you will see it, before you can defeat it. Perhaps this is a trial for Bastila, a way for the Force to show her how she runs from the truth within herself. I cannot and do not know. All I know is that as Jedi it is our duty to watch her. She may be our senior in training and power, but...'
Juhani nodded, understanding the deeper meanings behind what her new mentor was saying. If anything, she understood better than Alriah herself did.
'I understand her anger, her rage, even her bitterness,' she commented thoughtfully, 'but what I cannot understand is her willful ignorance. Do you believe the Masters have seen that in her as well?'
Alriah turned to look at the young Cathar, her black eyes suddenly icy. Juhani almost regretted her question, but then realized that none of the older woman's anger was directed at her.
'What I believe is that the Masters willfully ignore Bastila's shortcomings so they can take advantage of her unusual abilities. I believe that she has been trained to be ignorant, groomed to be proud, and instructed to ignore what might weaken her. As I have said, I cannot know these things, but that is what I believe. I also believe that before the end of this journey we are going to be the ones who pay the price for those teachings,' she answered swiftly, then softened, adding, 'But until the worst happens, I prefer to hold out hope that one of us will get through to her. I do not like what I sense of what lies ahead for us all if we do not.'
Juhani nodded, but the Deralian could sense that she was having trouble of her own, not just with Bastila. With an inward sigh she started toward the Ebon Hawk, knowing they all needed a short rest and hoping she could get more out of the two Padawans there. She was so tired, but she knew she had to go on, for all their sakes. She just hoped she was strong enough to withstand both storms at once.