Mandy Pepperidge was extremely displeased at seeing the drunken guy there holding onto the streetlamp. But then, for the last fifteen minutes or so, ever since the recent humiliating episode at Lookout Point near Faber College, she'd been bad-temperately carrying within herself, at full incandescent boil, a truly major grudge against the entire idiotic human male species!
Starting with her lying, no-good, boyfriend Gregory Marmalard, who'd earlier during their date tonight had led her to believe that his…'little' problem had been cured for once and all. Ha! The utter falsehood of this optimistic declaration soon became more than apparent. No matter how much work she'd earnestly done in the front seat of the car, nothing had changed the status of what was currently something resembling a limp toothpick, much less an actual woody. The exasperated cheerleader soon muttered a particularly unkind remark that quickly started a screaming fight with Greg.
Which in turn, immediately resulted in a sullen trip back to Faber, and then being coldly ordered out of Mr. Floppy Noodle's car on the exact opposite end of the campus from her sorority. Absolutely sure he'd done this on purpose, Mandy had shaken a furious fist after the speedily departing sports car, its rear brake lights mockingly shining their scarlet radiance towards the irate college senior.
Angrily making her way along the dark school grounds to in the end winding up here, Mandy glared at the intoxicated man she'd have to pass by before at last arriving at the Tri Pi House a few hundred yards further on. Performing a silent sniff of unreserved contempt, the girl nevertheless stalked ahead, directly towards the guy seemingly ignorant of her presence in his drunken stupor. She wasn't scared the slightest of getting near him. Growing up roughhousing with three older brothers quickly taught Mandy just where to kick with all her might to instantly subdue any jerk who might want to take liberties with the striking blonde. Still, she was sensible enough to stay at the far side of the sidewalk, out of arm's reach while edging past-
Stopping dead in her tracks, Mandy gaped across the walkway at the man, whose scarred face was now fully revealed to her. She knew him! Well, not really, they hadn't ever actually met - but she'd seen him around the campus, and Mandy couldn't help but overhear all the unbelievable gossip the other girls in her sorority house had eagerly recounted over that fascinating older stranger with the intriguing eyepatch. Frowning to herself, Mandy now remembered there was one thing everyone agreed upon, in that somebody whose last name was Harris was the only Delta frat member who didn't drink. Not a single drop.
Come to think of it, he didn't really look drunk. Instead, he seemed to be…sick.
Closely studying the man still clutching with a death grip onto a streetlamp, all while keeping his sole eye tightly shut in pain, Mandy started to become pretty worried. He wasn't well at all, what with his extremely pale face having sweat streaming down the sides of this, chattering teeth, and full-body shudders. Without actually thinking about it, the cheerleader asked in a very concerned tone, "Are you all right, mister?"
Taken completely by surprise, Xander violently started, his shut eye popping open while letting go of the streetlamp, to instantly spin around on the sidewalk and crouching in a defensive posture, arms extended and hands stiffened into claws. He was ready, willing, and eager for immediate action against…the startled young lady right there staring at him like he'd just lost his mind. In fact, at this exact moment, Xander gagged, and he would've lost the entire contents of his stomach if he hadn't already done this onto a handy bush five minutes ago.
Taking a cautious step back, the unknown girl watched in astonishment while Xander sheepishly straightened up, only to begin swaying on his feet, until a hurried lunge toward the streetlamp followed by a quick grab at this kept the man from collapsing to the ground.
"What's wrong with you? Should I call an ambulance?" offered the blonde, who nervously glanced down the street towards her sorority, as if judging how long it'd take for her to get to the phone inside this house.
Xander didn't speak right away. Instead, he was frantically trying to come up with a somewhat credible reason for his present plight. The really ironic part was that the New Council member never thought for a single moment of confessing he'd had too much to drink tonight. Making a snap decision among several fairly believable excuses (yet another souvenir of good ol' Sunnydale), Xander at last stammered something he sensed the girl might actually buy: "Ma-ma-malaria. I get these attacks once in a w-w-while, but I'll recover. I d-d-don't need help, thanks. Just go on, and I'll be okay, b-b-but it was nice of you to ask."
A sudden expression of stern resolve now appeared upon the blonde's features, which made Xander's heart instantly sink. He'd seen that identical look all too many times with the rest of his girls. Resignedly, he heard her firmly tell him, "Don't be ridiculous! Come on, I'll help you to the Tri Pi House, and you can lie down there and have a drink of water, some aspirin, and a blanket, until you feel better."
The quite sincere young lady now bustled forward and seized Xander's right arm, as she started to tug on his elbow in a clear signal to make him let go of the streetlamp. A very bemused Xander eventually acquiesced, with his helper then quickly draping his arm over her shoulders as she partially supported his weight while they started traveling together down the sidewalk. After half a block, the former carpenter found he'd sufficiently recovered to walk on his own, but even though Xander politely stopped leaning upon the girl, he didn't take his arm away from around her. This was because he'd just realized who she was. Specifically, one of the featured characters in the movie Animal House. She was called, lessee now-
Glancing up at feeling the load of a very muscular male form being taken off her own body, Mandy looked right into the slightly puzzled gaze of the rugged man with an eyepatch, who was intently examining herself. Completely without any warning, the young lady then felt a deep shiver inside her tummy, and even a little lower… Abruptly blushing brick-red, Mandy tried to squash her sudden naughty thoughts of how she'd like to get even closer to the really robust guy at her side than she was now, without all their clothes they were wearing getting in the way-
Her features now absolutely scarlet, the girl blurted out, "Uh, my name's Mandy! Mandy Pepperidge!"
After introducing herself in such a juvenile manner, the mortified college student next glumly expected nothing less than being laughed at by the older man. However, after a second of looking a bit surprised, he'd started to smile while drawing in a breath to tell her his own name. Mandy's spirits started to rise at seeing she hadn't offended him - except right after that, she instantly stared in bewilderment at how the guy's face had unexpectedly become totally blank. There on his features, an actual glazed expression developed, which included a fixed eye that seemed to look directly into her soul.
Xander had almost entirely recovered from having his mind magically rejecting tonight's latest round of being possessed by yet another supernatural entity. His rapidly recovering body was also mirroring the final eradication of the last remaining portion of a horse's soul that earlier accidentally invaded his brain. Now reluctantly dissipating into non-existence, that animal's essence managed a last sardonic parting shot, gleefully whinnying: *The little filly there, her whole scent shows she's more than ready to be mounted! Judging by her haunches, it looks like she'll be able to take all-*
At that point, a very firm headshake completed the banishment of the spirit of Trooper. Unfortunately, the New Council member now found himself staring at close range into the rather alarmed countenance of someone whom he still had his arm around her shoulders while they'd continued walking. Remembering what he'd been about to say a mere second before, the hastily cleared his throat and he offered a bit shamefacedly, "I'm Xander Harris, and it you like, I'll remove my arm and we can shake hands."
Mandy blinked at hearing this, and then she surprisingly giggled. Lifting her left hand to pat the top of the male arm dangling down at her right side, the girl snickered, "Oh, don't bother." Boldly smiling at how the face of whom she now knew to be Xander brightened in relief, Mandy was encouraged enough to ask, as the side-by-side pair headed towards their destination, "Are you okay now? From what you said, malaria?"
"Oh, yeah," Xander reassured Mandy, while thinking to himself this was quite true. Apparently, what Willow had done with her witchy mojo years ago to his head had now finished its job (and not before time). Still, no matter how crappy it'd made him feel, this was finally over, and he was nearly back to normal, thanks very much, without even a stray mental twinge or two. Which meant it was best to stick to his story, since he must've looked exactly like he'd been suffering from this invented malady. "I caught it in Africa, and after I recovered and came back here, the doctors told me I should expect the occasional relapse, maybe for the rest of my life. They were right. I've had it again a few times, but at least my latest bout tonight means it'll be over for the next couple of months."
"You were in Africa?" squealed Mandy in awed delight. Seeing her companion's matter-of-fact nod, the fascinated college student eagerly blurted out, "Why- What were you doing-" only halt in sudden embarrassment at such a personal question. Hurriedly casting around for something else to ask which wasn't so prying, Mandy tried, "Um, is Africa anything like the Tarzan movies?"
Xander's warm grin at hearing this question made Mandy tingle again all the way down to her toes, especially when he chuckled, "The Cameroon rain forest is a great deal different from any kind of Hollywood back lot. But when you're inside the hot, damp, green dimness of hundred-foot trees growing so closely together they block out the sunlight and leave the ground mostly clear, it's easy to believe any second now, some guy in a leopard-skin loincloth could swing by on a vine."
As they continued down the sidewalk, Xander began to spin even more tales of his travels around the Dark Continent to the entranced girl. It was effortless, given he'd spent a couple of years there after the destruction of Sunnydale. All he had to do now was to make a few necessary edits about his exact purpose back then, since it would've been rather difficult to explain to Mandy why he'd gone there looking for other girls rumored to be stronger and faster than every guy in their villages and neighborhoods. Plus, while recounting his stories, Xander also had to keep in mind not to use the familiar names for him concerning the African countries he'd visited, but to instead speak of what these nations had been called nearly fifty years earlier.
The one-eyed man succeeded well enough in this task, so that when they finally arrived at Mandy's sorority, the young woman reluctantly slipped out of Xander's arm still thrown over her shoulders, as it'd been throughout all their walk together. Smiling at the downcast girl, Xander began to stick out his hand to give her a farewell shake-
Standing motionless there in front of Xander, Mandy now lifted her head to look her escort straight in the eye, all while a very absorbed expression appeared upon her pretty face. This girl's features then firmed as she made her decision, and stepping nearer, Mandy threw both arms around Xander's neck, and the startled man was irrevocably pulled down in to a scorching kiss with the blonde student. His remaining eye bulging with astonishment, Xander froze for a few moments due to being completely flabbergasted by this. Still, when their kiss went on without Mandy showing any signs at all of stopping, Xander mentally shrugged, and he put his strong arms around the young woman while he gallantly kissed her back.
The minor part of Mandy's personality that took pride in being a nice girl was now anxiously protesting her unladylike behavior. Not only was she brazenly acting like what could only be termed a fast woman, but she was cheating on her boyfriend! With a complete stranger, to boot!
However, the remaining portion of the girl busily exploring her fellow participant's mouth told Miss Prim and Proper to basically just go jump into a lake. What she'd sensed most of all tonight, from the funny and mysterious and kind and brawny male clutched in her arms, was how safe he'd made her feel throughout all of their stroll together. As for Greg, her supposed boyfriend- Well, if she hadn't come across Xander earlier, right now she'd be grumpily taking an extra-long bubble bath soak in her en suite bathroom at the sorority, and reaching out towards what she'd previously placed upon the bathtub rim. To be precise, the rubber object normally hidden deep inside a drawer which was discreetly referred to as a 'stress reliever massage aid' that had been shipped to her in a plain brown wrapper.
Miss Prim and Proper instantly shut up in her sheer virtuous outrage, and she went off in an exaggerated huff to read a good book.
Pulling away from kissing Xander, who graciously let go at once, Mandy didn't say anything, but she now gave this awaiting man a very wicked grin. Next, the girl happily seized his nearest arm, immediately turning to tug him after herself while heading towards the near side of the Tri Pi House. Not knowing what else to do, Xander trailed along after in pure bemusement, but he was beginning to suspect how things were going to turn out.
Not that he minded. At all.
The Delta House member known to his fraternity brothers as Bluto quickly shambled across the darkened campus grounds. He was feeling a lot better now than a while back, when he and his friends had fled from the Administration Building after leaving a dead horse inside the Dean's office. A couple - eight or ten, say - of downed beers later, from the bar set in the basement of his frat, and most importantly, the chance to brag to his enthralled listeners there about what they'd done had rapidly restored Bluto's ebullient mood. There was no way anyone would ever forget this. Okay, it had to be admitted he and D-Day and Flounder hadn't meant it to happen in the first place, but who cared? Once the story got out - not just around Faber, but everywhere else - nobody would ever bother to remember this minor detail. Instead, Delta House, as represented by one Bluto Blutarsky, had just become immortal.
Drunkenly sniggering to himself, Bluto paused by a tree to yank a full beer bottle from his jacket pocket. Opening it with his teeth, Bluto spat the metal cap to the ground, and he then guzzled the entire beer at one go. Uttering a sonorous belch, Bluto tossed the empty bottle over his shoulder, ignoring the sound of shattering glass this produced, and while weaving slightly on his feet, the young man stared ahead and upwards at his target for tonight.
From the light in the second-story bedroom, she had to be in there. Slack-jawedly staring at the back of the Tri Pi sorority house a few dozen yards away, Bluto knew that tonight was truly the most special night when he'd finally get to watch what nobody else but him deserved. How could it otherwise be? Getting away with the most incredible prank in college history simply had to lead to the next supreme triumph, when he managed to see Mandy Pepperidge totally starkers. With actual bush, no less.
Instantly putting his burly body to work, Bluto swarmed up the tree in an expert climb. It was done in such an anthropoidal fashion that even the most rock-ribbed Christian fundamentalist witnessing this would've grudgingly acknowledged the theory of evolution might be somewhat correct. At last making it to the proper elevation, Bluto stood upon a handy branch, while holding onto the tree trunk with his left hand. Gazing straight ahead, he was looking into a lit bedroom, with its inside curtains drawn back to reveal-
Mandy Pepperidge stepped into view, wearing nothing but a bra, panties, and stockings with a garter belt, all composed of blinding white cloth. Standing in the room, unaware of her awestruck watcher outside, the young blonde woman began to sensuously caress herself. Stroking her smooth, alabaster skin, this girl's fingers soon enough drifted to her bra, cupping her magnificent breasts constrained by the silky fabric.
At that exact point, Bluto swung around in his position in the tree to silently smirk at an unseen audience behind himself. If anyone else had actually been there to ask him just why he'd done this, Bluto couldn't have explained. It just seemed the thing to do.
Turning his attention once more to the window, Bluto began to drool at seeing how Mandy had now turned in a half circle to present her back to the Peeping Tom in the tree, who then saw how she brought her hands rearwards to casually unhook her bra. Making low, gurgling noises from deep in his throat, the frat brother fixedly watched this piece of lingerie get removed and dropped to the room floor. Shrugging her shoulders in relief, Mandy then put her hands out of sight in front of herself, but from the way her arms were moving, she had to be-
"Turn around, turn around," softly whimpered Bluto. Unfortunately, this didn't happen, but Bluto still got to see Mandy drop her hands to her sides, hook her thumbs inside the waistband of her panties, and for one endless moment, this nearly naked girl stood there, a fleshly statue of absolute female pulchritude.
Bluto didn't give a damn. He was gonna see pussy.
In his dazed state of erotic euphoria, the young man in the tree unconsciously leaned forward, as if to get nearer, until he was just barely maintaining his grip with his left hand upon the tree trunk. The other hand now went groping for his pants zipper.
In the bedroom, Mandy started to lower her panties.
Out on the tree, Bluto leaned a fraction of an inch further forward, while at the same time he eagerly yanked down to open the zipper.
That was all it took. Under Bluto's left hand, a patch of tree bark broke away from the trunk, causing him to entirely lose his grip and fall forward out of the tree. Too horrified to even despairingly scream during his swift tumble, Bluto's last frantic sight of Mandy was when her also-descending panties just began to reveal the crack of her perfect ass. Right after that, Bluto's entire world went dark in an agonizing explosion of pain and unconsciousness when he landed head-first upon the hard ground.
Hearing through the closed window an extremely loud thump, Mandy abruptly stood up, leaving her panties puddled around her ankles, and she half-twisted her upper torso around with such urgency that her fabulous breasts in reaction to this then wobbled and shook in unison. Staring in sheer confusion at the night's blackness out past the window, Mandy exclaimed, "What was that?"
"A branch must've fallen off a tree out there," blandly offered Xander Harris, leaning against a side wall of the bedroom, well out of the line of sight through the room's window.
Turning back to completely show off her gloriously nude body to the man sharing her bedroom, Mandy frowned as she absently stepped out of her panties. She doubtfully said, "It sounded kind of really loud for something like that."
Xander shrugged, buying himself a moment to put on his face his best deadpan, as he responded, "It must've been a really big branch."
With perfect timing, Xander had shifted his eyebrows while he straight-facedly offered this last absurd comment. During the instant he stressed the word 'big', Xander particularly managed to vigorously wiggle the eyebrow over his eyepatch. This specific article of clothing happened to be the only part of his former attire for tonight which the man was wearing at this exact moment.
As Mandy could very well see, when her gaze dropped to adoringly regard a certain portion of Xander's wholly revealed anatomy. If earlier tonight the young woman had scathingly compared her boyfriend's penis to a limp toothpick, here was a proud, unyielding redwood tree.
Mandy Pepperidge hungrily licked her lips.
Dean Wormer was not having a good day.
A frantic phone call from the early-morning cleaners hastily brought him to his office, where the demon in a man's form beheld one of the most unusual sights of his entire unearthly existence. A sudden appalled realization had the dean then privately make a quick check of the Administration Building's basement, where he found (in that order), a destroyed illusion spell, a dead minion, and no trace whatsoever of the soul he'd been desperate to collect.
Numbly making his way back to his office, the head of Faber College now found there a very phlegmatic janitor about to remove a half-ton animal presently deep in rigor mortis. Somehow, this was to occur through a room doorway which seemingly this expired equine couldn't possibly fit. Oh, there was also in his office the horse's owner, with this commander of the ROTC troops currently hysterical with grief.
Dean Wormer couldn't move fast enough to escape being seized in an inconsolable hug while Douglas Neidermeyer heavily sobbed upon the front of the exasperated older man's suit. An instant later, the whine of a chainsaw getting ready to work droned throughout the office.
At the same time across the campus, a very surly group of young women dressed in their pajamas and robes and nightgowns sat down together at the Tri Pi's breakfast table. Every one of these grouchy ladies sipped at badly-needed cups of coffee, with their identical puffy eyes and disheveled hair confirming that none of them had caught a single wink of sleep last night after their slumber party in the downstairs front room of the sorority. Not when they'd all had to listen to the ecstatic shrieks of delight coming from Mandy's bedroom directly overhead, which lasted for hours.
Upstairs in the bed, as he cuddled the still-dozing cheerleader presently having a very happy smile upon her slumbering face, Xander Harris was having a great day.