Arizona dropped herself down onto the bar stool, swinging her bag onto the one next to her and looking up at Joe to flash him a thankful smile when a large glass of white wine was placed in front of her. She lifted the glass and took a small sip, feeling it run down her throat and loosen the tightness in her muscles from a long day hunched over her desk going through copious amounts of paperwork. Arizona would always moan about how her body ached whenever she spent a whole day in the OR, but that was a good ache. She appreciated the way her lower back felt stiff and her thighs felt solid after a day like that. But a day spent in her office wasn't worth the way her back cracked and her neck felt rigid. She glanced around the bar as she took another sip from her glass, setting it down and twirling it in her fingers. She watched Yang and Kepner bicker for a few minutes, arguing over surgeries being stolen and threats being passed between the two. Arizona admired their flare from afar, just casually watching the conversation before feeling her eyes being torn away when the bar stool to her left was being filled by Teddy.
"Joe, can I get a gin and tonic and two tequilas please?" Teddy asked as she leant on the bar, a wide spread grin tugging on her lips. Arizona just watched her for a moment, waiting until the drinks had been placed in front of Teddy and she was sliding one of the shots across the bar to the blonde, the grin on her face only growing.
"Are we celebrating something? Did you and Henry finally sign the papers for the apartment?" Arizona asked as she eyed the shot cautiously, Teddy smirking into her drink as she took a gulp before setting it down and shaking her head gleefully.
"Nope."
"Then what?" Arizona sighed tiredly, taking another drink from her wine and running her finger up and down the glass. Teddy turned in her stool so that her body was facing Arizona, making the blonde feel slightly on edge by the way Teddy's eyes burned into her and the smug grin beamed at her.
"I broke Callie." She said in a satisfied tone, lifting her drink and laughing softly into it. Arizona just frowned at her, it was all she could think to do. She let out her own small laugh, partly in confusion and partly to control the sinking in her stomach at hearing the woman's name.
"Excuse me?"
"I broke her down. You know, got her to let the cat out of the bag. The chicken out of the henhouse. The whale out of the-"
"Teddy, speak English." Arizona cut through, Teddy wiggling her eyebrows at Arizona and leaning further forward on the stool with her arm on the bar to balance her. Arizona could feel her heart thumping in her chest, curious about what Teddy was about to say but at the same time wanting to stand up and leave the bar. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to know about Callie right now, any or any longer to be fair.
"I knew there was something going on between you two and I got her to talk. God, I am a pretty much a medical marvel."
"Oh yeah, what did she say?" Arizona smirked at Teddy who was draining the rest of gin and tonic in an impressive speed, signalling to Joe for another refill before looking back to Arizona with one of the proudest smiles she had ever seen.
"Well, it took a while to actually get everything out of her because she thought I knew it all so she kept leaving parts out, but I got it all in the end. Anyway, I know that she told you she loves you, you both slept together and now you're stuck on the island of unknown and she's just sort of floating by waiting to see when you're going to reel her in."
"Oh," was all Arizona could manage, the blonde just nodding her head for a moment. Teddy sighed softly, the grin now dropping and turning into a small, concerned and sincere smile. The joking tone that had been simmering in the conversation was now gone, leaving a heavy bubble of air between the two women.
"She's confused as fuck, Arizona. I'm even confused by the whole thing and I like to pride myself on knowing you pretty well. What's going on?"
"I don't know." Arizona mumbled into her wine glass, her voice sounding childlike and moody as she took a gulp and ignored Teddy's gaze that was burning holes into the side of her head.
"Well, I'm sorry, but I don't know isn't really good enough. Not for me and especially not for Callie."
"Well it's all I've got to offer right now, Teddy." Arizona snapped, her voice coming out bitter and rude. She let out a small breath and offered Teddy a weak, apologetic smile. Teddy smiled back as she sighed, turning in the stool so she was facing the bar again. She stirred her gin and tonic with the small red straw, poking at the ice as Arizona just sat and twirled her glass again, the silence between the two women deafening until Teddy groaned and spoke.
"Arizona, do you love her or not? Because that's the simple part."
"Of course I love her, but it's complicated."
"Why is it complicated? Why does it have to be complicated?" Teddy exhaled, looking exasperated as she continued to poke at the ice in her drink. Arizona just shrugged her weary shoulders, looking to Teddy with a small, gloomy smile.
"We broke up because she wanted kids and I didn't. I still don't. I'm not deliberately making it complicated, it just is."
"Okay, fine. But why, if it is so damn complicated, are you two having sex every chance you can get? You're going at it like two horny teenagers in on call rooms."
"No we're not, that was over a month ago. We're not doing anything anymore. I've been-"
"Avoiding her? Yeah, she's noticed. Why?" Teddy asked with an arched eyebrow, Arizona feeling a wave of guilt wash through her when Teddy looked at her like that. It reminded her of every time she walked down a hallway and saw Callie, turning the other way and just hoping the brunette neither saw her nor followed her. It reminded her of the multiple times Callie had sat down with her to share lunch, walked with her to the carpark, offered casual conversation as Arizona handed in her final charts at night. Every single time Arizona had done the same painful thing; kept the conversation short and sweet, leaving as soon as possible. Sorry, I really need to go. I can't talk right now. Have a nice night, Callie. Arizona sighed softly as she dropped her head into her hand, looking to Teddy next to her.
"Mark told me to stay away from her."
"And since when do you listen to Mark?" Teddy laughed, looking across the bar to where the man himself was stood with Derek throwing darts at the board. Arizona followed her eyes, Mark catching their eyes for a moment and offering a weak head nod before continuing with Derek. Arizona looked back to Teddy, not being able to stop the smirk on her face when she noticed Teddy glaring at Mark. She tapped her arm to pull the woman's eyes back, rolling her own eyes at her.
"I listen to him since he's right, Teddy," Arizona sighed as she took a gulp from her wine, "Callie is- we're not good for each other anymore but we keep going back to each other, every single time, and all is does is hurt us both. I thought we could be friends but I was wrong. I don't think we can so now I'm just- now I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just avoiding her because I don't know what to say. But I know it's better than pulling her back in and making everything harder for both of us."
"Maybe you two keep going back to each other for a reason. You both say that you don't want to hurt each other, but neither of you can see that you're both hurting now. I don't understand it, Arizona."
"I'd rather hurt her like this. Like this she can find someone else, she can be happy with someone else, as hard as that is for me. We can both move on." Arizona sighed, Teddy chewing on her red straw in the corner of her mouth like a cowboy. She snatched it from her mouth and gave Arizona and infuriated laugh.
"But you're not moving on, you have never really tried. Yes, there was all of those women for a time but you never really tried anything. You never saw them as anything else but a fun night out in a bar and sex on your couch. And she clearly hasn't moved on either. You both still love each other."
"This is just for the best, Teddy. Maybe after some more time we can try and be friends or something, but for now it's not working."
"Jesus, Arizona. You two are a mess." Teddy sighed, her voice sounding hopeless as she cocked her head and looked at the blonde. Arizona just shrugged her shoulders, trying to curve her lips upwards into a smile and failing. So instead she just looked at Teddy, a sad glaze in her eyes.
"I just want her to be happy. That's all I want."
"Even if it means you aren't?" Teddy asked softly, their voices so quiet compared to the rest of the bar yet still managing to speak everything so loud.
"Yes, even then."
"We're going to need more of these," Teddy spoke as she pushed the shot of tequila closer to Arizona, lifting her own and knocking it back. She eyed Arizona for a moment until the blonde caved and lifted the small glass, downing the contents and trying to ignore the way her throat had to tighten to stop vomit from crawling up it. Arizona scrunched her face as she looked to Teddy who was waving Joe over, pushing the two empty shot glasses back to him, "we're going to need more of these and we're going to need you to keep them coming. We're in for a long night."
/
Arizona knew she needed to look away, she had been staring at her for too long. But she didn't want to. She just wanted to look at the way Callie's hair was falling in tighter curls today, the way it always did whenever she fell asleep when it was still wet. Arizona used to get home from a late day at work, climb into bed and feel the pillow wet from Callie's hair, her shampoo smelling stronger. Arizona was sat and looking at the way her lips were curling into a smile at something Mark spoke to her, the smile growing wider and wider and showing all her teeth. It was a full, proper smile. Arizona felt her own mouth tugging into a smile at the sight of it. She could faintly hear her laugh at the end of the table, but she could see the way Callie pushed her head back a little, the way her hand stretched out to touch Mark's arm for a brief second as they both laughed over something he said. Arizona wanted to make her laugh. She wanted to be the one on the other end of the laugh. Hearing it. Seeing it. Feeling the touch on her arm.
"You're staring at her."
"What?" Arizona fumbled as she tore her eyes away from Callie, looking up at Teddy who was setting a tray of food down on the table and was flopping into the empty spot next to her. Teddy just laughed at the way Arizona tried to act nonchalant, forcing a confused frown onto her face.
"You can't avoid her and ignore and act like you're strangers and then stare at her. Not only is it not fair on her, it's weird. Stop staring at her. You said you wanted to keep things casual and normal, so do that. She's still in the same friendship group as you, she's still sat on the same table, you still get to hear how her day is going. Just don't stare at her from the other end of the table."
"Shut up." Arizona mumbled pathetically, Teddy just laughing as she forked a mouthful of lasagne into her mouth and chewed on it with a proud smile. Arizona prodded at her salad, stabbing a tomato and popping it into her mouth as she zoned out of the conversation now passing between Teddy and Owen about a wreckage that came into the ER that morning. Arizona felt her eyes flickering to Callie every now and then. She looked as when she was checking her phone. She looked when she was chatting with Mark. She looked when Callie asked Teddy how the apartment search was coming along. And then she looked when Callie was looking at her, their eyes meeting and freezing. Arizona's heart felt like it clenched in her chest, her eyes drowning in Callie's dark brown ones and struggling to tear away. She felt like they had looked at each other for minutes, but in reality it had been less than a minute, a passing glance almost. Seconds.
"Sloan, have you seen…" Derek snapped as she marched towards the table, his tie hanging loosely around his neck and his tired eyes looking stressed. His voice trailed off as he scanned the table, his eyes falling on Arizona who swallowed down the tomato in her throat thickly, "Robbins, there you are."
"Chief?" Arizona asked weakly, flashing her best work smile up at him as she watched him scratch at his unshaven beard for the day. His eyes looked tired, layers of skin hanging limply underneath them. His suit that he was wearing looked somewhat crumpled, as though he had spent the entire day sat in his office chair not moving.
"Robbins, is there a reason why I'm getting phone calls from McCale at Hopkins wondering whether you have made your decision on the job offer yet? They wanted to know if it was me that was holding the process up."
"They called you?" Arizona fumbled, swallowing once more when she felt like the tomato was still stuck in the base of her throat. It felt like it was swelling in size, making her choke on the words that were trying to come up.
"They offered you a job again?" Teddy asked from beside her, Arizona's eyes only looking to her quickly for a moment before she looked back to Derek when his voice snapped once more.
"Yes, they called me. When were you planning on telling me that you're leaving?"
"Those rat bastards. I told you they were trying to poach you. Why won't they take the hint that you're not interested?" Teddy laughed through a mouthful of lasagne, Arizona just swallowing slowly as she looked around the table. Every single set of eyes were burning in her, including Callie's at the far end. Arizona felt like she was under a spotlight as she looked back to Derek, his brow arched and waiting for an answer. Arizona pushed her salad around with her fork as she fumbled over her words.
"Uhm, I'm not- well, I haven't fully decided on anything yet so I didn't mention it. I didn't think they were would ring you just yet."
"Well they did. So when you do decide can please let me know whether I need to find a new Peds attending? I really don't need this right now."
"Yes, of course. I'm sorry." Arizona spoke weakly as Derek started to walk away, the table silent for a moment until Teddy cracked through it, her voice not its usual chirpy-self and instead laced in confusion. Arizona looked to her and could see the frown all over her face.
"Wait a minute, you're seriously considering it this time? What happened to you saying it was never really a proper job offer?"
"Teddy, I don't really know at the minute. I'm just- I'm thinking about it and seeing what they're offering. I haven't decided anything yet." Arizona offered, Teddy just frowning even further. The silence on the table was suffocating, Arizona staring down at her salad when she couldn't look at Teddy's confused and disappointed face anymore. The deafening silence remained for a moment more until the sound of chair legs screeching across the floor made Arizona look up, watching as Callie spoke to Mark quickly. I have surgery, I need to go. Arizona felt guilt wash over her like cold, frozen water as Callie stormed away from the table, Mark speaking her name weakly but knowing it was pointless. Arizona wanted the ground to open and swallow her up when he turned and glared her.
She let out a small groan as she speared another tomato and popped it into her mouth, her head hanging low as she just stared at her wilting salad and pretended she couldn't feel the eyes burning into her.
/
Arizona and Teddy flashed a thankful smile to the woman who had opened the door for them, watching as she turned and walked back out into the hallway after offering them time to look around. Arizona turned on her heel and looked back to Teddy who was walking into the empty space, eyeing the bare walls as she slouched about and kicked her heels against the hardwood floor. Arizona peered down at the pamphlet she had been handed, scanning the information on the apartment as she strolled through and followed the sound of Teddy's clicking heels on the wood. Arizona stopped when the noise of Teddy's feet stopped, looking up to see her peering through the wide glass windows that lined the apartment, looking out over the city.
"What happened to the other apartment? The one that you both liked? This one is more expensive." Arizona commented as Teddy turned away from the window and walked over to the kitchen area, eyeing all of the dark black cupboards that lined the wall before running her fingers over the shined marble island.
"Henry said he wasn't sure if it was for us. What does the even mean, not for us? It's an apartment. All I do is eat, shower and sleep here. And even then, most of the time I do all of that at the hospital. What about this apartment screams me and Henry?"
"It screams bachelor pad, if you ask me. This is something Mark would live in. Henry liked this one when he viewed it?" Arizona asked as she stepped closer to the window, peering out at the sunny Seattle day and looking at the downtown buildings and the glimpse of water. She turned back around to Teddy after a moment, watching her open and close cupboard doors haphazardly without ever really looking in them.
"Yeah, I've been busy so I just told him to go and view some apartments without me and then I'd look when I could," Teddy commented as she closed a cupboard door and looked back out over the open living space they had just walked through, "I guess we could make it more homey and cosy. You know, make it less-"
"Less Mark?"
"Yeah." Teddy sighed as she leant against the kitchen island for a moment, swirling her fingers on the marble counter top and looking over to Arizona who rolled her eyes and let out a low breath.
"Well, I don't want to be the one to point out the obvious here, but I saw the pictures of the last apartment that you both liked. And apart from this one being a little more expensive, the only thing different is that this has two bedrooms instead of one. So, unless you and Henry have separate rooms, I think he's trying to hint something to you about what's to come in his future plans."
"Trust me, I'm very aware of the second bedroom." Teddy groaned as she pushed off the island and turned to walk down the small halfway that led to the bedrooms, Arizona following after as they entered into the second bedroom.
"You would think after all of our talk about me not wanting kids I would know about you. Do you want them?"
"I don't know. I mean, yes. Of course I want kids, but this is all very fast. This time a year ago Henry was just some patient without health insurance and I was just some doe-eyed doctor who was in love with her friend and thought I would do something nice for someone who needed it. Now look at me, I'm looking for a new two-bedroom apartment to live in with my husband who keeps badgering me for a divorce."
"I'm confused. You don't want a divorce?" Arizona asked as they walked out of the bedroom and headed for the other, their feet now padding on soft, plush carpet. Arizona walked to the window and looked at the view of the city as Teddy flicked the light on for the ensuite bathroom, eyeing it from the doorway.
"If I divorce him, he's going to ask me to marry him."
"That makes no sense. That's just a waste of money, isn't it? You're already married."
"I know, it's ridiculous, but it's what he wants. He wants to get down on one knee and propose to me, he wants a big fancy wedding with me in an ugly, puffy, white wedding dress. And fine, okay, I can sort of deal with that if it's what he wants. But I can't deal with it right now. I'm barely wrapping my head about moving out of my apartment, which I love by the way, and moving into this thing. He just… He moves quickly, too quickly, and I just don't understand what the rush is sometimes."
Arizona sighed as she strolled across the bedroom and stood at the bathroom door with Teddy, walking in a second later to look at the large glass shower that nearly covered an entire wall. Arizona couldn't help but think about easy it would be to have sex in that shower, her mind momentarily flickering to a memory of her and Callie, before she focused her thoughts. She ran her fingers over the marble the encased the two sinks, turning and looking to Teddy who was just leaning against the door frame with a lopsided smile and sad eyes. Arizona let out a small laugh, cocking her to the side and catching Teddy's eyes.
"He was sick, Teddy. Like coughing-up-blood-in-the-ER kind of sick. Someone who's been through that learns to just live life, they do the things they want to do and say the things they want to say. Henry just wants to live as much of his life as he can and does everything quick so he can squeeze more in. He had a pretty huge reality check to kick him into gear. If it's too quick for you, just tell him. Just be honest with him."
"Because you're the queen of honesty?" Teddy muttered before pushing off the door frame and turning to walk away, Arizona stunned to the spot for a moment with wide eyes as she listened to Teddy's heel echo through the apartment once she was back out on the wooden floor. Arizona sighed and forced herself to walk, catching up with Teddy as she strolled down the hallway and back into the kitchen.
"So there is it. I was wondering how long it was going to be before this came up. I'll be honest, I was surprised you've managed to go for five whole days without mentioning it." Arizona joked as Teddy walked over to the stack of pamphlets on the kitchen island, snatching one up and throwing a glare at Arizona before reading it for a moment. Arizona waited for her to say something, sighing and walking back over to the window when Teddy didn't bite. It was another minute or so before she finally spoke, Arizona knowing the woman struggled, just like she did, to stop her words once they were coming.
"You've got this whole secret plan going on and I didn't know any of it. I never know anything anymore, Arizona," Teddy snapped, Arizona turning around and crossing her arms over her chest as she heard Teddy let out a frustrated groan, annoyed at herself for snapping, "I thought I was your friend. You never told me any of the stuff about your dad, you don't speak to me about Callie anymore unless I force it out of you, and you failed to mention that you might be moving across the country."
"Teddy, come on, you know you're my best friend," Arizona spoke softly, cocking her head and offering a goofy smile to Teddy who just huffed and scuffed her shoe on the floor, "I just didn't want to say anything about it until I knew more. I'm still not decided."
"Well, you can't move. There, I made your decision for you." Teddy grumbled like a small child, looking back to the pamphlet and walking towards the fire place that was on the wall. Arizona just stood and watched her, a small smile on her face and a weak shrug coming to her shoulders.
"Why not? This is a great job opportunity, if I was anyone else you would be telling me that yourself. Hopkins is one of the best children's hospitals in the country. I would be running the Paediatric department at the same hospital I was trained at."
"You run the department here-"
"I know, but this is Hopkins." Arizona offered weakly, hearing Teddy let out a snort.
"I know we're not as fancy as Hopkins but Seattle Grace is still something, it's still known. We have surgeons here that people travel for. We have Mark, Derek and Webber. And we have you. People travel across the country for you, Arizona. You're the best in your field, you can't just leave. You have a life here."
"What's keeping me here?" Arizona sighed as she walked over to the kitchen island, leaning back against it and watching as Teddy fiddled with the fire place. She turned around a moment later and threw her arms about, her mouth wide as she thought of something to say.
"What about your apartment? You love your apartment, which is here, in Seattle." Teddy fired out a moment later, Arizona just laughing.
"The last time I checked they have those in Baltimore."
"What about the weather? It gets really hot in summer there, like stuffy-kind-of-hot. And it snows, you hate the snow. You love the weather here."
"I know, I lived there for a while, remember?" Arizona laughed, Teddy just sighed as she folded up the pamphlet and shoved it into her bag. Her head shooting up a moment later and her finger pointing at Arizona.
"Oh, what about Chewie? You can't just leave him, you're the only person he likes."
"He can get on a plane as well," Arizona laughed, Teddy swinging on her heel and walking away as she sulked, Arizona sighed and followed after her, "Teddy, come on, this is a good opportunity for me. I'd be stupid not to consider it at least."
"Okay, well, what about me?" Teddy asked as she turned mid-walk, Arizona nearly walking into her but stopping just in time, "I'm here, in Seattle. I work here, I live here. I'm here, aren't I?"
"Teddy," Arizona sighed softly, a lump in her throat suddenly forming as she looked at Teddy who offered a weak shrug of her shoulders and the saddest smile Arizona had ever seen her give. "Of course I'll miss you if I go, you're my best friend. But I'll come back and visit, and you can come and visit me. We'll have some crazy drunken nights in Baltimore, I'll take you to all the place I used to stumble out of when I was resident. We can relive my heyday of drinking."
"You really need to think about this, Arizona. This isn't just some move over to Seattle Pres, or even LA. You can't just hop on a plane and be back in two hours. This is across the whole country, it's a big move."
"I know, that's why I'm still thinking about it. Trust me, I'm not making some rash decision to pack my bags and just move to Baltimore, I'm thinking it through. I promise." Arizona spoke softly, grabbing Teddy's hand and giving it a small squeeze. Teddy flashed Arizona a more hopeful smile, squeezing her hand back before turning and looking to the wall where an oversized tv hung. Arizona stared at it, thinking about what cooking programmes would like on such a big screen. She wasn't expecting the way her stomach churned when Teddy spoke.
"Do you really think that moving to the other side of the country is going to make you love her any less, or forget about her? Because you're an idiot if you do."
"So where are you going to put that hideous coffee table that Henry has in his apartment?" Arizona asked almost immediately, glancing to Teddy when she felt her eyes on her.
Arizona just stared at her, pleading Teddy not push this. She didn't want to talk about this. She didn't want to discuss Callie when it came to this because she was so painfully aware that the entire thing was laced with the idea of Callie. She didn't want to think about the thought of moving to the other side of the country and leaving Callie on the other. It made her heart ache and her stomach churn. Would they ever speak again? She doubted it. Best case scenario would be Arizona popping back to Seattle for a few days or maybe to work on case. She would bump in Callie at the coffee cart, or see her in a hallway, and they would pass brief small talk. Callie would ask how Baltimore is. Arizona would ask how Seattle is. They would both say they've been busy and that's why they haven't had the chance to call and stay on touch like they promised on the day Arizona left. And then they would make another feeble promise of staying in touch better before they walked on. And that would be it. If Arizona moved to Baltimore that would be her best case scenario with Callie, and it made her want to crawl up on a ball in the middle of the empty apartment she was currently in and ignore everything. Ignore Teddy. Ignore the world. But she couldn't, so instead Arizona just stared at Teddy and pleaded with her eyes for Teddy to answer her question and not push the topic of Callie.
"Well, he doesn't know this yet, but the ugly table isn't coming. If he's going to make me move into this apartment, pop out a kid to fill the second bedroom that'll only fill with dust if we don't, and marry him a big, white dress, he can lose the ugly table. I think it's only a fair deal."
"Count yourself lucky, he could suggest you look at three or four bed houses instead of just two bedroom apartments."
/
Arizona watched a small group of people shuffle out the elevator, the small smile dropping from her tired face once they were gone and she stepped in. She shoved her thumb against one of the buttons before moving to the back of the elevator, leaning against and thankful when the doors closed and left her alone. As the elevator moved she leant her head back against the wall, her eyes falling closed as she let out a long, slow, deep breath. The days felt like they were going impossibly slow. Every time she turned a corner she would see Callie, and instead of her running Callie now was. She would take one glance at Arizona and bolt in the other direction, but not without throwing a glare at her first.
Arizona couldn't help but think maybe it was for the best. Maybe she should just accept the job offer and leave with Callie being angry at her. It's easier to forget about someone you're angry with. You don't sit around and miss someone you're angry with. It was all too exhausting. Every single day she had Teddy questioning her on whether she had made her mind up yet, Derek appearing moments later and asking the same thing. Every time she answered she said the same words. I'll let you know as soon as I know, okay? Because Arizona still didn't know. She still didn't know whether to move to the other side of the country to escape everything. Not just Callie, but her father. Every time she walked into the ICU she would see the room that her father died in. She operated in the same OR that he had been in the other day, the wave of memories hitting her as she stepped up to the table and forcing her to take a moment. Everything here carried a memory of something Arizona either wanted to forget or struggled to ignore. Everything here just meant something and it was all too much recently.
Arizona opened her eyes when the elevator came to a stop, only two floors below where it had been, and the door opened to reveal Callie stood waiting. She looked like she wanted to scream when her eyes fell on Arizona, her arms hoisting her bag further onto her shoulder before she stepped into the elevator and prodded a button. Arizona just stared at the back of her head, eyeing her dark curls as the doors closed and the heavy silence feel between them. It was thick. Suffocating. Arizona opened her mouth, closing it when she thought better. Callie didn't want to speak to her. Her trying to justify herself was only helping her. But Arizona opened her mouth once more and blinked away her thought. Screw it, I'm justifying myself this time.
"Callie…" was all she managed before Callie turned and raised a hand to her, her eyes stern and cold.
"Don't, Arizona." She barked at her, Arizona closing her mouth like a puppy who had been scolded. She slouched against the wall as she watched Callie turn back around, her head cocking to the side impatiently as the elevator moved slowly. Arizona sighed, watching her for a brief second before trying again.
"Callie, I was going to tell you, I just-"
"When did they make the offer?" Callie asked as she turned her whole body to face Arizona. Arizona suddenly regretted the decision of standing against the back wall, she felt closed in. She felt like she couldn't run away and that wasn't because she was in a metal box with closed doors that was moving, but because Callie was staring at her in a way that was making her shrink down the size of a small ant. She swallowed thickly, not wanting to answer that question. She knew the answer would lead to. Yelling. Anger. More glares. Nothing good would come from it.
"Callie…"
"When, Arizona?" Callie snapped in a brutal tone, Arizona not being able to stop the flinch that rippled over her body. Callie's eyes were burning into her, dark and cold. Arizona clenched her jaw for a moment, sucking her bottom lip in and chewing on it. She looked back over to Callie, her eyes feeling sad as they peered at the furious woman.
"About a month ago. They called me and said that McCale is retiring and they want me to take over as they Head of Peds there."
"A month ago? Wow," Callie spoke, a small laugh of disbelief coming from her as she took a step back from Arizona, just shaking her head a little. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
"Of course I was, I was just waiting until-"
"Until you had stopped avoiding me? Until you weren't ignoring me? Until you had finished packing your bags?"
"Will you just let me finish?" Arizona snapped, her voice not sounding harsh but just tired. She couldn't find the words quick enough to keep up with Callie and it was all going wrong. She wasn't saying the right things, she wasn't using the right words. The glare in Callie's eyes wasn't leaving, only intensifying and it was all going wrong.
"Why should I, Arizona?" Callie snapped, a huff of breath coming after it. Callie stepped back until she was leaning on the side wall of the elevator, Arizona gripping the bar behind her. She just looked at her for a moment, offering a smile that dropped when Callie just looked back at with a straight-lined mouth.
"I was waiting until I knew the whole story. What the official offer was, whether I wanted it or not. I was waiting until I knew everything before until I told anyone. Nobody knew, Callie, it wasn't just you."
"And now you know that you want it. Well done." Callie muttered, readjusting her bag and pulling her hair out from under the strap. Arizona just shook her head weakly when Callie looked back over to her.
"I still don't know."
"I get it, Arizona. Don't worry. Congratulations, I guess." Callie mumbled weakly, her voice turning from angry to sad within one sentence. Arizona opened her mouth to say something, anything to make it better, but before she could the elevator doors were opening and Callie was walking down the hallway away from her. She watched as she went, her hair swaying and her feet moving quickly. Arizona was just stood against the back wall, watching her leave. Much in the same way Callie had watched her leave after their kiss in the elevator all those months ago. How had they gotten here? Arizona just watched her until the doors reclosed, dropping her head back against the wall and not even groaning when it hit with a thud. She deserved it.
/
Arizona swung the door open and walked into the research lab, her eyes falling on Teddy who was peering down into a microscope and Lexie Grey who was stood beside her holding a stack of petri dishes in hands. Arizona walked over to the chair on the other side of the table, flopping down into and throwing her arms over her chest, letting out a puff of air.
"What's wrong now?" Teddy asked without moving away from the microscope, toggling the measurements on it and peering into it for another moment before looking up to Arizona, arching an eyebrow and waiting for her to answer.
"Callie is mad at me." Arizona huffed, hearing Teddy let out a small chuckle as she took one of the dishes from the stack in Lexie's arm and scribbled something onto the lid.
"How mad?"
"Like, really mad. She glares at me every time sees me, she avoids me every time I'm near her. And if I finally do get close enough to her to talk, Mark is there like a human wall of China, staring me down with these stupid eyes until I finally walk away. I mean, this is silly, right? She should at least let me explain myself."
"Can I say something?" Lexie pondered, raising one of her hands like she was in school and balancing the dishes before dropping the arm to catch them when they slipped. Arizona look at her for a second before shaking her head.
"No."
"Hey, she's my resident at the minute. Fire away, Little Grey, hit Dr Robbins here with some of your insight." Arizona rolled her eyes at Teddy before looking to Grey, raising her eyebrows to tell her to begin. Lexie coughed to clear her throat.
"Well, respectfully Dr Robbins, can you blame Dr Torres for being mad? I mean, she loves you. I don't know what went on but hospital gossip spreads like wildfire so whether I want to or not, I hear things. She was there for you when you needed her, you were both something and then suddenly you were nothing. And, again respectfully, I think she's pretty confused about that part. Add that to the fact you're suddenly moving across the country, which she knew nothing about, I think she would obviously get mad. So, respectfully, I don't think it's outrageous for her to be a little angry, you've sort of been as ass with the way you've handled all of this. I'm sure you had your reasons for being like this, but still, you're as ass in her eyes. I don't think you have any right to expect her to just listen to you, you need to earn that. Respectfully, of course, Dr Robbins."
Arizona just stared at Lexie, having to clench her jaw to stop it from dropping open. She could see a shade of red growing on Lexie's cheeks, her eyes now staring down at the dishes in her hands. Silence settled through the room until it was broken by Teddy snorting, lifting her head from the microscope and laughing as she looked between Lexie and Arizona.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I don't think you could have spoken that with any more respect. Bravo, Grey. You can go now, I know you're bored. Go and find some surgery to weasel your way on to."
Arizona watched as Lexie mumbled an excited thank you, dropping the dishes onto the desk next to her and fumbling to restack them when they all collapsed and spilt. Arizona eyed Teddy for a moment, the other woman arching an eyebrow and communicating with just a look. Arizona sighed, looking over her shoulder when Lexie opened the door.
"Grey, I have a kid in the ER who needs an appendectomy. Go and admit them and then get an OR booked. You can scrub in on that."
"Thank you." Lexie spoke quickly before disappearing out the door, the only noise in the room being Teddy's laugh. Arizona just shot her a glare, Teddy laughing more.
"What? She had a point. And she spoke it well."
"I know," Arizona grumbled, slouching further down in the chair and hearing Teddy sigh as she grabbed one of the dishes from before. Arizona threw her legs up onto the edge of the desk, having them knocked off by Teddy a minute later.
"Arizona, if you really want to speak to her, then go and try one more time. But if she won't listen this time, then maybe you need to just leave it for a while, give Callie some time to simmer down. Speak to her when she's not as angry," Teddy spoke, Arizona just grumbling to herself before Teddy snapped, "Arizona, seriously, woman up and go speak to her. Do something, anything. Just stop sulking in my lab."
/
Arizona strolled lazily down the hallways of her Peds ward, popping into the occasional room to speak to a kid or have a conversation with a parent. She played with her stethoscope as she walked, pulling it against her neck and sighing as she stopped at the nurse's desk, asking for any updates and groaning when there was nothing. It was a quiet day. A quiet day was never good. Arizona stood and stared at the clock for a moment. She still had hours until her shift was finished. She sighed as she glanced around, her eyes falling upon the room to her left and stilling when she noticed dark hair that she recognised. Arizona pushed away from the desk and walked towards the room, stopping in the doorway.
She watched as Callie opened and closed the small cupboard beside the bed, swinging the drawer and slamming it closed a second later. Callie was part way through pulling the bed apart, swinging pillows up and pushing blankets to the side, when Arizona coughed to clear her throat. Callie looked over, stilling for a moment, before continuing with her search. Arizona watched for another moment as she shoved her hand down the crack of the bed, pulling it along and groaning when it came out empty.
"What are you looking for?" Arizona finally asked, Callie not even looking at she walked to the drawers and began to open them, shoving the things inside to look under them.
"A stupid elephant." She answered a moment later, slamming the top drawer closed and opening the next one. She was angry, very angry. Arizona swallowed and considered leaving. Teddy was right, she needed to simmer down. Maybe Arizona did want to speak to her, and maybe it was for selfish reason to justify herself, but now wasn't the time. She considered turning to leave, but stayed.
"An elephant?"
"I'm meant to be operating on my Osteosarcoma kid but he refuses to even start the aesthesia without some stupid stuffed elephant that he never lets go. I sent Yang to find it but of course she never pays attention to things like that so she had no idea what it looks like. So, here I am searching for a stupid elephant which means I'm going to have to re-scrub and I'll be behind on my schedule all day."
"Do you want me to help?" Arizona asked softly, watching as Callie stood up for a moment, her hand fumbling to tighten her scrub cap before she looked to Arizona. Her eyes looked soft for a mere moment before they returned to the harsher ones she was used to.
"No." She snapped, Arizona sighing as she stood and leant against the door frame. She watched Callie make it through two more drawers before she forced herself into the room and looked for the toy anyway. She lifted the cushion from the chair, dropping it back down and looking under the chair. As she went to push herself back up she stopped, her eyes falling on a small, blue, stuffed elephant sat under the bed looking right at her. She walked over, bent down and grabbed it before pushing herself up. Callie was kicking the bottom drawer closed in frustration, turning and looking for a new area to search before stopping when she noticed the animal in Arizona's hand. Arizona smiled softly as she walked towards Callie, offering the elephant before pulling her hand back as Callie went to grab it.
"Callie, I swear I was going to tell you." Arizona spoke, the words tumbling out of her mouth before she even thought about them. She gripped the elephant in her hands, Callie sighed and dropped her hand that she had stretched out to take the animal.
"I don't have time for this right now. I can't- I need to go."
"I know, but I was just want to explain. I was just waiting for the right time and I didn't-"
"That's not why I'm angry, Arizona." Callie sighed softly, her eyes turning from angry to sad. Arizona frowned in confusion, running her fingers over the fluffy ears and watching as Callie sighed and played with the seam of the long blue operating gown that was wrapped around her.
"Then why are you angry?"
"That's why I was annoyed at first, but now I'm just angry at myself for being so stupid. God, I'm such as idiot," Callie breathed out, rubbing her forehead for a minute before looking straight at Arizona, "I'm angry that this keep happening, over and over again. I love you too much and sometimes-"
"Callie, please don't…" Arizona whispered. Hearing that wasn't going to make this any easier. Hearing those words wasn't going to help anything, all it was going to do was make Arizona's chest ache more.
"No, Arizona, that's not what I'm saying," Callie spoke, her voice stronger than Arizona expected, "I love you too much. I love you so much that sometimes it hurts to be around you now, yet I always come back to you. We always end up back in the exact same position and then wonder why we're hurting. And for a while I thought that's what love was supposed to feel like, I was supposed to love someone so much that it engrossed every single thing in my life… but it's not. We shouldn't feel like this. So I'm angry because I'm so stupid that I keep doing this to myself over and over and not learning. Maybe you leaving is the best thing for both of us now. It'll stop whatever it is that's going on between us."
"What are you saying?" Arizona croaked, her throat feeling tight as she stood and stared at Callie who leant forward and took the stuffed elephant from her hands. Callie fiddled with it for a minute, looking at it instead of Arizona. She sighed a moment later and just shrugged her shoulders when she looked up.
"I just…" Callie's voice faded, both of them whispering in the room.
"Do you want me to leave? Is that what you're saying?" Arizona asked weakly, praying that Callie wouldn't answer in the way Arizona felt like she was going to. She wanted to close her eyes and pretend she didn't see the way Callie nodded her head. She wanted to throw herself under water and pretend she couldn't hear Callie when she spoke, her voice shaking and cracking.
"I think it would be the best thing for both of us now."
Arizona felt frozen to the spot when Callie just moved to step around her. Arizona didn't turn, she didn't want to watch her walk away. Arizona couldn't believe how egotistical and naïve she had been at the same time. Throughout this entire thing she had never considered that maybe Callie would want her to leave. She had always just assumed she would be the one saying goodbye, leaving Callie heartbroken but both knowing it was for best. She never considered that Callie would be the one saying goodbye first.
Arizona wiped a quick tear from her cheek when she heard her name being spoken from the door, turning around to see Callie still in the room having been blocked by the nurse in the doorway. Arizona cocked her head at the nurse, waiting for her to speak. She frowned when she heard the confusion and stress in the nurse's voice.
"Dr Robbins, we've been placed on lockdown."
….
So I thought I would post the next chapter to this seen as we've all been through a tough week after Grey's on Thursday. I still have hope for Calzona in the future and until then I guess we'll just have to write it ourselves. Thank you to all of those who are reading and to those who comment. Much appreiciated.