A/N : A huge thank you goes to LabRatsRule for her wonderful help with editing and ideas.

The silence in the room was painful. Silently Gibbs handed out Tim's letters of goodbye to everyone. Looking each of his remaining team members over one last time, he slipped out of the room. He needed to get busy, keep his mind occupied.

Ziva was angry. She didn't know if she was angrier at herself for not pushing Tony, and even Gibbs, harder to make an effort to reach out to Tim yesterday or at herself for not doing it herself. Either way, Ziva knew she was partially to blame for this and it saddened her greatly to have lost such a good person and a wonderful friend. With regret for the way things had turned out, Ziva opened her letter from Tim.

Ziva

I don't want you to think badly of me for leaving. But, I can't help it, if that's how you feel. I will certainly understand it. I know that you are tougher than I am and probably consider me weak for bailing out like this.

But, right now, it's all I can handle. I almost wish you had been here for the entire time I have, Ziva. It would be easier for you to understand things from where I'm standing, if you had been. But, what is; is. And there's no changing any of that.

Ziva, I'm so incredibly thankful that we were able to get you back. Please don't ever doubt that. My leaving is no reflection on you or your coming back to our team.

I treasure our friendship and if my leaving like this has damaged it in any way, I am truly sorry. Thank you for being my friend.

Tim.

************

Blinking rapidly to clear away the tears, Ziva pocketed her letter and returned to her desk, anxious to let work help her deal with the loss of a friend.

Tony was lost in thought as he absently accepted his letter from Gibbs. Ducky's words hit dead on and left no doubt just how much of role the Senior Field Agent had played in the current situation. With a heavy heart, he opened the goodbye letter Tim had written to him.

Tony:

We've never been close. From what I can tell, you don't have any use for me outside work. The few times you've come to my apartment, it was to bully me into talking about something you thought I wanted to talk about, if it wasn't about work. So, I hope you'll forgive me for not telling you goodbye in person.

I just didn't think you would care either way. If you are pissed about it, then I sincerely, apologise.

If this sounds callous or unfeeling, I'm sorry. I really don't know what else I can say to you. Ours has always been a working relationship of the antagonist vs. the underdog, the comedian vs. the butt of the joke. Neither leave a whole lot of room for conversation. Even being considered your sidekick does nothing to change the facts. I can honestly say that being the junior member of this team has left its' mark in more ways than one.

I thought this past summer working together without Ziva had strengthened our working relationship; although most days the only increase of strength I see is in within my own self. I know rescuing her added a little cement to our team. But, even after everything we've been through as a team, I'm not seeing or even sensing that anything has bonded us any closer.

Again, if I misread things and you are upset, I apologise.

Take care of yourself, Tony. And take care of the team.

Tim

***********

Tony felt his heart break. Had this truly been the way McGee had seen things? Did he really think Tony had no use for him? Oh, wow. No damn wonder the kid never came to him about anything. And now there was nothing he could do to fix it. McGee had gone home to his family and didn't want to hear from any of them. Who the hell could blame him?

Abby was devastated. Tim hadn't even treated her to any more of a good bye than the rest of his team. It was like he suddenly decided their special friendship was non-existent. Why would he do that? With a heavy heart, Abby opened her letter from Tim.

Abby:

I know you're pissed at me and hurt that I didn't say goodbye in person. You probably don't understand why I didn't talk to you about this before I made any decisions, too. The simple truth of the matter, is, Abby, I didn't want you to have the chance to bulldoze your way through what I was feeling; what I needed to say. This time, it was important for me to do what I needed to do.

I'm sorry if that hurts you, but it's the truth. Seldom do you stop long enough to listen to what's being said. You react to the first thing you hear that you don't agree with or don't like. The rest winds up being an episode of dealing with what that conversation then turns into. I love you but I can't handle being around you right now.

If there's one thing that our relationship, short-lived as it was, and every subsequent relationship I've attempted to have, has taught me, it's that I need to make some serious changes before I self-destruct, or worse, let the next lunatic take me out.

Again, I am sorry if this hurts you.

Tim.

*******

Abby wiped at her tears, unsuccessfully trying to stop them from falling. Heartbroken, she took herself to her inner office, locked the door, sat down at her desk, laid her head down on her arms and let the tears flow.

Gibbs hadn't expected Tim to have written him a letter. Then again, Tim hadn't expected to have to sit through lunch with his boss after he'd gotten his okay to abandon ship. As the conversation he'd had with Tim at lunch ran through his mind, he could only hope he'd have a chance to fix this. With a heavy heart, Gibbs opened his letter from Tim.

Boss:

I know, you're not my boss anymore. I can't help it. It's not just a name to me. And it's been in place for six years.

I am sorry that I always seem to handle things wrong when it's a personal issue; in terms of coming to you with it or not. It's not that I haven't learned. It's that I have. I've learned how to read you better. Although you are quick to ask why I don't come to you and quick to tell me that your door is always open, we both know that it's not. Not for me.

I've always understood that your relationship with me is different than with the rest of them, even beyond the fact that we're all so different. I've never understood why. Just that it is. And while I've tried my best to accept it, sometimes, like now, it's so incredibly difficult to swallow; I find myself choking on it.

This is probably the only chance I'll ever get to tell you exactly what's on my mind. And it's all I can do to get the words out on paper, God knows I'll never be able to say them out loud. It's not my place to tell you how to run the team or criticize you for how you do it.

But I have to say, I couldn't be the silent one who didn't count, the one left out of the loop anymore. I couldn't be the one nobody thought to to ask if they're okay, anymore, the only one not given a voice when bad things happened. I may have been the junior team member, but why did that earn me the distinction of being the one nobody gave a damn about?

If you think about it, those times I was either tazered or stricken with poison ivy or locked up in the prison with my life threatened, or attacked by dogs, when all I got from my teammate, your Senior Field Agent, was criticism and ridicule; do you even have to ask why I didn't come to you with anything personal? After all, you let him treat me that way. You never stopped him. You didn't even teach him to show that he cared.

You've shown the rest of them more compassion and concern with things over the years than I even got a glimpse of from you on my account. When you dropped the bomb on us that Ziva was dead; you comforted Abby and you listened to Tony. You totally ignored me. I didn't matter. And when we got Ziva back, you did the same exact thing all over again.

When the team was split up for those four months, I spent those four months in almost complete solitude because you acted like I no longer mattered to you, like I had never been anyone who mattered to you. It hurt so much worse than when you'd abandoned us to retire in Mexico. God knows, that devastated me enough. But, somehow, I muddled through. When you brought me back to your team, I was happy to be back, but it did not erase the hurt; especially when you welcomed Tony back so much more warmly then you ever did me.

I understand that Tony's been through a lot of really hard stuff, the plague, feeling responsible for Director Shepard's death. I tried my very damnest to be there for him every single time he was going through something. I cannot be held responsible for him shrugging off my concern and attempts to be there for him.

Sure, Tony being sent undercover and then losing Jeanne Benoit that way was painful for him. Yet, somehow you seem to think that what happened to me yesterday was a walk in the park for me. If only that were the case.

Before I lose my nerve and throw this away, I'm ending it here.

I'm sorry for letting you down like this.

I'm sorry for not finding the strength to try to talk to you about it.

I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations.

G'bye.

Tim

***********

Gibbs was speechless. He was thankful Tim had gone beyond his usual shyness and put as much as he had on paper, but at the same time, he was shocked beyond the ability to think straight. His agent had given him so much to think about. How the hell had Tim managed to carry arround so much hurt and sorry for so long and still function? He still looked out for the team as if nothing was wrong, never once giving Gibbs cause to doubt his ability or committment to the job or the team. Fixing this was gonna be a hellova lot harder than he'd realized.