Beca Mitchell

Hanging out with Chloe is beyond wonderful. It keeps Beca's mind off the itch and off the body. She still gets the itch but then she calls Chloe or even better Chloe calls her and then the itch leaves and Beca feels a moment of temporary yet blissful sanity.

She hangs out with Stacie and Courtney a bunch too. She loves them. The familiarity of being with Stacie and the unconditional love and admiration she gets from Courtney is a winning combination. Beca loves Courtney, a fierce love that she has never felt before, a love that quickly becomes the only thing Beca is afraid of. Not so much the love but having it taken away from her.

She hits up her personal studio a couple times to but never comes up with anything album worthy. That pisses her off. She's supposed to be here for the music but other things and her addiction keeps getting in the way. Guess she should of thought of that before diving into the fucked up world of drugs.

She doesn't mend things with Aubrey and whenever they bump into each other when Beca drops Chloe off at their apartment or waits for her after her shift and few times at Stacie's, Aubrey always threatens to rip her throat off if she does anything to Chloe.

Beca doesn't plan on doing anything to hurt Chloe but she understands that Aubrey's worries are not unwarranted. Beca is fucked up she knows it. Aubrey's a smart girl if she thinks Beca's going to relapse and hurt Chloe, then there's a huge chance Beca might do exactly that.

She wouldn't do on it purpose though. She's trying to reduce the hurt factor by sticking to just friends with the redhead. It works for the most part but thanks to Beca's inability to control herself they still have that kiss looming over them. Sometimes when there's a lull in their conversations Beca wonders if Chloe's thinking about that moment because God knows Beca always is.

Beca gets a call and she picks up without bothering to look who it is, "hello?"

"Hey Beca," it's Jesse. "Where are you?"

Currently Beca's sitting on top of a cliff. Barden's peak point. It's a hiking trail that leads to a cliff that looks over all of Barden. Beca's Doctor had flown in for a check up and told her to start exercising more so Stacie recommended this place to her. It's wonderful, Beca runs it every morning and gets to the top just in time to see the sun come up. It's surreal.

"The cliff," Beca tells Jesse.

"Okay, can you stay up there until I text you?"

"Yeah sure, what's up?"

"Remember that incident that happened two weeks back?" He means the dead boy incident.

"How could I forget?"

"Good point, well this morning I spotted some paparazzi roaming around our building." Jesse says, his voice dripping with annoyance.

Beca sighs, she knew this was coming. "Alright dude, just text me after you deal with it."

Beca hangs up.

Of course they'd come now. Right when Beca was actually recovering. They wanted to ruin her life. She knew the world didn't want her to get better. Why was she even trying. She felt the itch start up at the base of her neck.

She texts Chloe. Come to the Barden Cliff.

Chloe responds immediately. Why?

Beca answers with. The world wants me to relapse.

Chloe texts back. I'm coming, don't do anything stupid.

Beca laughs. Bring food.

Beca clicks off her phone. It thrills Beca the way Chloe always responds right away. Chloe's proven that she cares and Beca knows she doesn't deserve it but Chloe makes her feel like she does.

Getting bored Beca stares at the buildings they all look so small and the people are nonexistent. All her worries are so small when she's up here. She gets lost looking at the town that raised her. The place she lived before LA took her in, chewed her up and spit her back out. A place where Chloe, Stacie and Courtney exists.

All of sudden somebody thwacks Beca upside the head.

"What the hell?" Beca twists around rubbing the stinging spot and looking for the culprit.

Chloe stands there an adorable angry look on her face and one hand on her hip the other clasping a Starbucks tumbler and a paper bag, "don't say those things."

"What things?" Beca rubs her head harder. "Jesus Christ, Beale."

"Don't tell me you're going to relapse."

"Oh my God dude." Beca sighs, "did you bring any food?"

Chloe rolls her eyes, "of course that's all you care about."

"So did you?"

Chloe throws the paper bag at Beca. Beca catches it and smirks at Chloe. Chloe shakes her head and narrows her eyes at Beca.

"Chlo'," Beca says when Chloe won't stop glaring at her. "Please will you just sit with me? My morning was already ruined and I don't need you being mad at me just because of a stupid joke added on top of that."

Beca turns her head to face back over the town. When she hears Chloe sigh she knows she's won but Beca hides her smile.

Chloe sits down next to her and sips what Beca guesses to be coffee. Both their legs dangle off the cliff.

"So I guess none of the of the celebrities are getting into shit in LA because the paparazzi have finally touched down in Barden and are currently circling my apartment hoping to find me face down in an alley way somewhere."

"Are you trying to make me leave?" Chloe asks frowning.

"No, I'm just saying. They didn't come back to expecting to find me spending my time with a four year old child and the girl that's equally as sweet as the shop she co owns." Beca says, dryly.

Chloe looks at Beca, "the paparazzi can't force drugs down your throat, that's on you."

"I know."

"Becs, I'm begging you don't throw your progress away. Two weeks is a big deal. Everyone's proud of you." She's quiet before she adds, "I'm proud of you."

Beca gives Chloe her Beca Mitchell smile, "what're you sipping?"

"Coffee, wants some?" Chloe holds the tumbler out for Beca to take. Beca does and sips it, the hot coffee burning her throat on its way down.

Beca checks her phone to see if Jesse has texted her yet.

"Have somewhere to be?" Chloe asks.

Beca nods, "I want to go see Courtney."

Beca had made Jesse order a baseball jacket just like Beca's own in Courtney's size since the girl refused to wear anything else when Beca was around. Beca also thought it'd be cute if she added the name Conrad on the back, so she did.

"You always see Courtney."

Beca smirks at Chloe's tone, "jealous?"

"Please, I'm not jealous of a four year old." Chloe says, picking at the grass that's on the cliff.

"Don't worry Chloe your still my best friend." Beca lightly punches Chloe's arm.

Beca's phone buzzes it's from Jesse. All cleared for landing.

Beca grins at her phone and the grabs Chloe's arm to help her up, "we're being let off early for good behavior."

Chloe scoffs, dusting off her leggings, "good behavior."

Beca knows Chloe's still angry at her comments about relapsing but Beca was only saying the truth. Messed up Beca is what the paparazzi wants and Beca had made a vow to herself that she'd give them exactly that.

Yeah, she knew her progress was really good she'd actually gone two weeks without any drugs entering her system but one pill here and there wouldn't kill her. And no one would have to know. She's still pretty carefree without the drugs so no one would assume any different if she did take a couple.

What is wrong with me?

When they were a little less than half way down the mountain, which was probably 10 feet up from the ground Beca decides she'd just jump off. Chloe isn't talking to her so she wouldn't have to explain. Beca knows she can make it, she's done it before and it's just grass down there.

So she backs up and sees Chloe raise an eyebrow at her, "Bec-"

Before Beca can hear the rest of what Chloe has to say she is already hurtling towards the ground. For a fleeting moment that Beca isn't even sure is real Beca feels free. Like someone cut the strings off her puppet. Like she doesn't owe anyone anything.

It doesn't last long cause her body slams into the ground leaving her breathless. Not in the I'm so amazed that I can't manage to suck in oxygen but in a my lungs were squished and all the oxygen was scraped out of my body kinda way.

Beca's eyes roll around and she squirms a little squeezing her fist into the grass. She moves her foot and she's pretty sure it's sprained and her cheek bone is probably bruised.

"Beca!" she hears Chloe's scream and decides to play a trick on her. Beca stills herself which for her to do is really really tough.

"Beca, oh my God!" She feels Chloe's hands slowly turn her over. She feels her head in Chloe's lap.

Beca struggles to keep a straight face.

"What the hell, your so stupid!" Chloe tells her. Beca's lip twitches and she prays Chloe didn't see.

Beca feels her breath coming back at her. It's probably Chloe checking to see if she's still alive.

Chloe's fingers graze her face and presses on the stinging spot on her cheek. Beca's sure she's about to have an aneurism trying to keep her face from contorting in pain.

She feels a drop of wetness fall just below her eye. Beca hopes it's rain and not Chloe crying.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Chloe asks. Her voice cracks and Beca knows she's crying. "Ever since I met you all I do is worry. Do you know what that's like?"

She laughs in a very unfunny way, "of course you don't, you don't even care about anyone, not even yourself."

Beca wants to open her eyes but she knows Chloe would lose it so she keeps them shut.

"You know Aubrey tells me every day that you're selfish and that you'll never care about me. That you only see me as an object that you use to...to pacify yourself."

Beca's heart trembles at hearing Chloe's watery voice say what's probably been stuck in her head since day one. Was Beca using Chloe as her pacifier? That seemed awful but also kind of like the truth.

"And I always refuse to believe it...maybe it's true. Maybe you are just selfish but it doesn't matter because I know I'd do anything for you."

Beca feels Chloe's fingers run through her hair.

Another drop hits her face.

"I want you to be afraid of something. Of losing me, or failure or dying but you just don't care. None of this is important to you. You'd rather not have to deal with the real world. Oh my god this is so fucked up...because.."

Another drop.

"Maybe you're not worth it..."

She isn't. Beca's definitely not worth Chloe.

"But it's too late to go back because..."

Another drop.

"I think I'm in l-"

Beca fake coughs not wanting to hear anymore of what Chloe has to say.

"Nice of you to join the real world again." Chloe Beale is cut from ice. Her voice is so different from the vulnerable one she was using less than a minute ago. There are tears still on her face.

Beca does her best to act like she's coming out of being unconsciousness and it must work because Chloe seems convinced. Maybe she should of been an actress instead. The thought causes Beca to smile.

But Chloe can't read her thoughts so she takes it the wrong way, "you think this is funny?"

Beca sits up feeling a little wobbly.

"No. No that's not-are you crying?" Beca fakes not knowing.

Chloe goes to wipe the tears aways but Beca beats her to it and cups Chloe's face with both hand using her thumbs to brush away her tears.

"Chloe I'm fine," Beca says.

Chloe swallows, "you're infuriating."

There's no bite to the words though. Beca feels bad, her heart twists and her body hurts not just from the fall.

"It was pretty stupid of me to do that." Beca admits her hands still on Chloe's face.

Chloe just shakes her head making Beca's hands drop.

"Come on let's go." Beca takes Chloe's hand and helps her up. When she goes to let go Chloe holds tighter.

When they near Beca's apartment Beca spins Chloe around to face her. Chloe's startled Beca can tell by the look on her face.

"Look, I was an idiot for jumping, I didn't mean to make you cry. Are w-can we be good again?"

Chloe looks down at the pavement, "I have to get to work."

"Chloe."

The redhead turns and walks away.

"Chloe!" Beca shouts but she keeps walking.

Beca shakes her head and laughs. That's another constant during their hangouts. Beca will inevitably do something stupid and Chloe leaves angry. Things always mend just to break again.

When Beca unlocks the door to her apartment she finds it empty. Not wanting to be alone she texts Jesse. Dude where are you?

Ten minutes later Jesse responds. Parents with Luke. Coming over?

Beca responds with. Totally.

On her way to Jesse's she walks by The Sweet Shop and only sees Aubrey through the window. She tries not to be bothered. Chloe could just be in the back after all.

When she gets to Jesse's house she knocks on the door and is greeted by Mama and Papa Swanson.

"Beca, good to see you." Papa S says. He shakes her hand, always so formal.

Mama Swanson however pulls her into a hug, "you look older. LA have you stressed out?"

Beca just laughs, LA definitely had her something if by grown Mama S meant fucked up.

"Jesse and his British friend are downstairs...Liam?" Papa S scratches his beard. He literally looks like an older version of Jesse. If Jesse had a beard and glasses. Maybe the older version of Jesse would. Who's knows, only time can tell.

"Luke," Beca corrects. "Am I allowed to stay over for the night?"

"Of course, you don't have to ask." Mama S pats her arm.

Beca knows she doesn't, when she was seventeen and her dickhead father kicked her out, the Swanson had taken her in immediately. She was basically already living there before they just made it official when they'd signed the papers to become her guardians.

"Oh Beca, sweetie, Jonathan and I were actually just headed out to John's parents place but we'll back before lunch tomorrow, see you then?" Mama S asks, her hopeful expression answers her question for Beca.

"Of course."

Beca heads to the basement where Jesse and Luke are sitting on a couch in front of a tv with a box of vhs's on the floor next them. Their both sipping beers. When Jesse spots her he throws her a juice pouch.

Beca catches it, "seriously?"

"Yup," Jesse smirks.

"What happened to your face Becky?" Luke asks. Jesse looks over and frowns.

"Fell." Beca notices Luke looks weirdly tired and he's starting to fill out his beard more. "Whatcha watching?"

"Home videos shot by yours truly." Jesse bows to his imaginary audience. "Sit down and watch there hilarious."

Luke looks around, "where's the redhead?"

"She had to work," Beca sits on the love seat beside the couch her friends are on.

After of watching embarrassing clips of mostly herself and Jesse but some with Aubrey and Stacie, Beca gets bored.

She texts Stacie. We're watching home movies at Jesse's, wanna come over?

Stacie's response is immediate. Do you want me to come over?

Beca rolls her eyes. Yes.

Then Beca gets an idea, "hey Jess, can I invite Stacie, Bree and Chloe over?"

Jesse nods too preoccupied with his movies skills. Luke looks zoned out and Beca frowns, what's up with him?

Beca texts Stacie again. Court?

At my moms. Stacie answers.

Beca texts. Bring stuff to stay the night.

Stacie texts. Dibs on your bed.

Beca laughs and is hushed by Jesse. We can share.

Stacie texts. ;)

Beca smiles. Invite Blondie too. I'll invite Chloe.

Ten minutes later. Okay...

Beca briefly wonders what a sleep over with four, twenty one year olds and one British twenty five year old (that Beca is pretty sure is stoned) would be like...probably crazy which makes Beca like her idea a thousand times better.