Thanks for the Ella love everybody! Much appreciated!

Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama or its characters.

Do you have a dream? To be big? To be like somebody? For years I have always looked up to one Chris McLean. He's the reason I'm who I am today. He's the reason that I have taken lessons, classes, and little side jobs.

One day, I aspire to be a host. And not just any host. I want to be the Total Drama host. Can't you just hear it now? The beginning of the season will start and I will be standing on a dock. I'll look straight into the camera and point at all of the viewers. "Hey there, everybody, name's Topher! And this is the newest season of Total Drama!"

Tabloids, blogs, videos. They will all be about me? And why? Because I'm totally awesome like that. Just you wait and see!

Chris has just announced that it is challenge time. Challenge time means better camera time!

"Last one there eats a rotten egg!" I cry, catching up to my team. "See? Sounds better with a younger inflection. Agree or strongly agree?" But I never get to find out the answer. Some tree gets in my way and I run face first into it.

Get out of my way, tree! Now is not the time for this! I need to be looking my best today. I haven't been able to contact the network yet, but they watch the show. They watch the show, and they see me. They see me, they'll totally want me!

And with them watching, I need to step up my game and be the best that I can be. So out of my way, stupid tree!

I arrive in the clearing, but Chris breaks some terrible news. "And Topher arrives last, so he gets to eat the rotten egg!"

What? No! "Aw man!" I cry. This is totally unfair. Totally! "For real?"

"Lucky for you, it's already in Sugar's stomach," Chris reveals.

Never before in my life have I felt so relieved… Well, I'll be more relieved when I take old man Chris' job. But this totally works for now!

I grimace when Sugar's stomach grumbles. I grimace even more when she says, "Smell what you missed, sucker!" I duck down just in time as she burps in my direction. I cover my hair as a disgusting green gasp comes from her mouth.

Jasmine becomes my momentary hero as she blows the toxic gas away. It heads for Dave and he immediately falls to the ground face first. Oh man. This is totally not happening. That could have been me. Me! Do you know how bad it is for my complexion to have Sugar's gas on me? I'm going to need a facial just to get the thought of that happening out of my mind!

"Listen up, campers. Today's challenge is called Hush or Die. The teams have to race through three separate and unique danger zones. Three zones have one thing in common, though: the noisier you are, the greater the danger becomes," Chris reveals.

My arms instinctively cross over my chest. Okay, interesting challenge so far, I will admit. It doesn't seem like something that has been done before. It's a completely original idea. Totally fine. Except for the fact that old man Chris could be doing a totally better job at doing his job. Or I could. Whatever the network prefers, really.

"Area one is called the Lion's Lunch," Chris says. The monitor comes to life and shows a small zone with lions lounging about. "You gotta sneak through an area of sleeping lions. Wake one up and you're lunch." Chris laughs at his little statement. Why, dude? It wasn't even funny. Poor man, he's going senile.

Shawn speaks up. "But they're sleeping, so…"

"Oh, there are rattlesnakes too!" Chirs quickly adds. A rattlesnake pops up on the monitor.

"Oh, that's bad," Shawn whines.

"Um… a rattlesnake's poison is kind of deadly," Jasmine says.

Chris smirks to himself. "The venom in our snakes has been slightly diluted. So, you'll only feel like you're gonna die! And if you make it out of that zone alive, maybe you'll die in Area Two: the Pasta Blasta!" The monitor shifts and reveals a relatively empty area. But then it shifts to Chef with a bunch of cans sprawled around him. "Make a noise in zone two and blindfolded Chef with blast ya with pasta!"

I can hear the faint chirping of a bird, but it doesn't sound close. My eyes snap to the monitor and Chef Hatchet instantly reacts. He holds the gun over his shoulder and aims higher up. He fires his gun and pasta flies at a bird perched on a branch. The pasta launches the bird to a nearby tree and holds the bird in place.

"Ha! Noodles can't kill anyone!" Shawn retorts.

"Truuue, unless the burning hot noodles cause you to scream and wake up the carnivorous Pasta Bear," Chris says as the monitor focuses on a cave, "forcing your team to untangle you before you're eaten alive!"

"Well, yeah, that could kill someone," Shawn comments, looking down at the ground.

The monitor statics out and then reveals a snowy area. "The last phase of the challenge is crossing the Avalanche Zone!" Chris announces.

I smirk to myself and walk over to the monitor, placing a hand on my hip and reaching my other hand for the top of the monitor. I'm laughing on the inside, but I have to look cool for the camera. "Ya kinda ran out of creative steam coming up with a name for that one, huh? Old age will do that to ya." This is why Chris is terrible at his job and I need to replace him. Why can't the network see this by now?

Chris pulls out a walkie-talkie, clearly ignoring me. The nerve! "Chef, give me a shot ten o'clock, seventy-three degrees high, please."

I frown, what is he talking about? Then I see a big blob of disgustingness flying towards me. I don't have time to avoid the pasta as it hits me in the face and knocks me to the ground.

Oh, gosh! No! It's everywhere. "Ow ow!" I cry. My hands fly up to my hair and my eyes widen as I sit up. "Not the hair!" I whine. Did I just whine? No, just no. Not cool! You need to keep your cool. I chuckle. "I mean, these little games may be challenging for old people, but not us. You really need to start thinking younger, Chris!"

Chris ponders, tapping the walkie-talkie against his chin. "Topher makes a good point. You're all so young and agile. I should step it up, so nooooow everyone will have to carry a special something through the entire challenge. It will make it way harder. Everybody say thanks Topher!"

"Thanks, Topher," everybody angrily mutters. My eyes shift nervously. Don't say my name so maliciously. My name needs to have a cool tone to it!

"Okay! Release the babies!" Chris calls out.

We all gasp and look up. The interns cut ropes and eight babies fall from the sky. Nice going, Chris. But even I have to say that doing this with babies is a little dangerous. The network won't like this, will they? But it's okay for you to go and screw up! Don't come crying to us when I take your spot.

I stare at the purple clad baby in my arms once I catch it. I grimace. Babies don't go well with my image. Hell, children don't even go well with my image. And why is this? Because the network won't appreciate any challenge that we throw at them!

"Shhh," Chris mutters, "they're sleeping. You wake a lion up with a crying baby, and it's not going to be a party." He pauses as we all glance around at one another. He pulls out the blow horn and then barely presses it. "And go," he quietly says.

But I'll let my image be ruined for today's challenge. Once the network sees that I actually care about children, the job will be mine.

We quickly make our way to the first zone and I follow Jasmine and Scarlett behind a tree. They mutter something about Sky. It's now my moment to do whatever I want. I lower the baby, holding it by the blanket, and I pull out Chris' phone, scrolling through out. There is still no message from the network.

"Here's the plan: we maintain a lead on them, and wake up the danger we've already passed, and then let them deal with the lions," Jasmine explains. "All in?"

"Sounds good," Scarlett says.

"Uh huh. Whatever," I mutter. I don't have time to be listening to plans. I have much better things ot be doing… Like going through Chris' phone and stealing his job!

"Well… But Dave!" Sky whispers.

"They. Are. The. Enemy!" Jasmine loudly whispers.

"Yeah…"

"Are you here to win or whine?" Jasmine asks.

"I'm here to win," Sky says.

"Good!" Jasmine says.

Something happens, but I'm just too engrossed with Chris' phone to care. He has some pretty hideous pictures in here. This is a man you never want to see without his shirt on. He acts just like a teenage girl. That's just totally sick. But Jasmine says we can go. I shrug my shoulders and stuff the phone back into my pants. I head down the zone and I can hear everybody following me.

Sounds good to me. Everybody knows I'm a leader!

And now I'm bored already, and we're not even halfway through the zone. I fall to the back of my team's line and I pull out the phone again. It beeps and my eyes widen. "Yes! A text!" It must be the network, but I groan in dismay.

It's from his mom. HIS MOM! And it's only a picture of a cat in a shoe box. What's the appeal to this? And why is his mom texting him? Is he trying to be pathetically young?

"This is not good," Jasmine mutters.

"You've got that right!" I say, holding up the phone. But that's when I see what she's talking about. It's a lion, growing at us. And he looks hungry. "And I'll put this phone on vibrate," I announce. I'm scared. I'm totally scared right now.

"On three, we run," Sky says. "One…"

"No, stay!" Scarlett calls. She throws her baby. "Sky, catch!" She jumps on top of Jasmine's shoulders and swings her arms around. She growls.

"Good thinking," Jasmine compliments.

The two run off, both growling at the lion. Jasmine shakes one of her arms as she holds on to Scarlett's leg with the other one. They come face to face with the lion and actually scare the lion away! It's totally awesome!

And it means I live another day! I pull out Chris' phone. It also means that I'm free to invade and ruin Chris' life!

Jasmine laughs. "Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"

"Woah, what just happened?" Sky asks as Scarlett hops down off of Scarlett's shoulders. Nothing else is said as they run off. Sky and I follow.

We come to zone two and we stop. Jasmine says something, but it's not worth my time to find out what exactly she is saying. I'm just having too much fun looking at all of Chris' photos. I just found one where I assume Chris is drunk. I knew that he drank, but I didn't think the problem was this bad. It makes me chuckle.

But then I actually hear what Jasmine says, and it's my chance to shine. I find a camera and pop up in front of it. "Ooh, and Shawn is left burned as Team Kinosewak moves on to Zone Two," I say into the camera. I flash a grin, allowing the light to reflect against my teeth.

Man, I'm good.

I would like to think that was a good place to leave off at for a commercial. But knowing Chris, he's not smart enough to realize this.

And speaking of Chris, he has this totally wicked game on his phone. I can't really remember what it's called, but it involves connecting dots. And I'm totally stoked for this game! I laugh! "Yes! Level three!" I exclaim. See, I'm already a pro at this too.

"Time to step up your game or I'm gonna step on your game," Jasmine threatens, pointing her finger at me. Oh no. She's looking down at me AND giving me a finger. What did I do to deserve this? It's not even like we're losing!

But she has a point. It's time to show the network what I've got. I can't just be ruining Chris' life… I have to be showing off mine! And I know just the trick!

I balance the baby on my head, a totally appropriate time to momentarily ruin my hair. "Check it: five years of On Camera Poise classes!" I run off and dive into a bush, concealing myself, and then I crawl on the ground and behind a tree. I poke my head out from behind the tree and flash a smile at the camera.

Surprised that I could keep the baby on my head? You shouldn't be. Remember: I'm just that totally awesome.

"Get ready for the Topher experience!" I say to the camera. I begin to strut, posing myself and showing every great angle of me that I can offer. Which is all of me!

But I wasn't planning for there to be a horn on the ground. The sound scares me and makes me slightly jump. The baby falls off my head and into my hands.

"Did I forget to tell you that the field is full of booby traps? My bad!" Chris' voice exclaims over the intercom.

Yes, you did. Smart move on your part. Bad on mine.

And it shows as I'm once again hit with spaghetti. I scream as the force sends me back and against a tree. My instincts allow me to move the baby out of the way and into the air. How exactly is this spaghetti keeping me pinned?

But the spaghetti doesn't hold me back! Figuratively, not literally. The spaghetti misses my hair and my face. Then there's the fact that the network executives get to especially see how I interact with kids. I keep them safe, unlike one Chris McLean

"Uh oh," Chris says, "here comes Pasta Bear!"

"Quick, Sky, untangle him!" Jasmine orders. I watch as she continues running pass me. "Scarlett, jump up and scare the bear!"

"Did I forget to tell you that Pasta Bear is running on smell?" Chris asks. "My bad!"

Sky and I look up as Jasmine calls out. We look up and see the bear still heading towards us. "Hurry, Sky!" Yes, please hurry Sky!

Sky finally frees me, but happiness doesn't last long. The bear continues to chase me. "Don't leave me!" I call out to my teammates. "We all have to cross the finish line to win, remember?"

They set off a booby trap and are sent flying through the air, leaving me alone with Pasta Bear. I scream. This cannot be happening. This CANNOT be happening! Somebody get this bear away from me!

And somehow my prayers have been answered. I look behind me and the stupid bear is no longer there. Score for Topher! No longer being bothered, I'm now able to take out the phone once again.

The rest of my team finally catches up to me and we make it to zone three. How there is snow here is beyond any logical reasoning, but I don't care!

"Look like Team Kinosewak is going to cross the second finish line first!" Chris announces.

Jasmine goes to high five me, but now is not the time! "Oh, oh, oh! Hold up for a second! I've got all four bars!" I exclaim. This is the best thing that has happened to me all day!

"If you keep us from winning, you'll wish you never met me," Scarlett menacingly says to me, her face too close to mine for any comfort. Any other moment, I would totally be turned on. But now, and her, I'm just scared. Can anybody tell me when Scarlett got so scary?

Chris is now in front of us. How and when did he- Know what? I don't even care. "Congratulations, Team Kinosewak," he says, "still in the lead and only one more zone to go. First," he starts as an intern runs up beside him with a baby carriage, "I need you to hand in your babies."

"Why?" Sky asks.

"Lawyers called Chef and said something about danger and babies and lawsuits. Blah, blah, blah, la, la, la," Chris lazily finishes.

"So you didn't have a backup plan to keep things interesting, huh?" I ask. Of course he wouldn't. He was stupid enough to bring in babies. And he is stupid enough to not have a plan. "It's like you're losing your touch or something."

"Slow your roll, junior," he tells me. I smirk. He totally feels threatened.

The team walks pass him. This is definitely a cake walk. We've got this in the bag.

"Okay, seriously, why haven't we seen this part of the island before? It's like it just popped into existence," Jasmine says.

"Nope, always been here!" Chris says. "Maybe you aren't as observant as you think."

Chris announces that the other team is now in the third zone. Then he announces we'll be hard to reach because of our lead. See? We've got this.

My pocket vibrates and I take the phone out of it. "The network!" I tell myself. "You've got the Toph-man," I answer.

"We've been watching you, kid, and we like what we see," the man on the line says.

Play it cool. Play it cool. "Well, thank you for noticing."

"It's time we put Chris out to pasture. You interested in taking over the show?" he asks.

I gasp. Finally! "Yes!" I cheer. I'm a little too loud.

I look to my team. Jasmine shakes her fist at me. "I'm going to rip you a new-"

I'm quickly covered in the snow that falls from above as it knocks me to the ground. She didn't get to finish speaking, so I'm guessing the rest of my team was also covered by the snow.

Chris announces something over the intercom, and I think that we lost.

But it doesn't matter! I'm going to be the new host!

We sit at the elimination ceremony. I chuckle to myself. And why wouldn't I? I'm going to be the new host!

"What are you so happy about?" Scarlett asks from beside me. "You know you're going home, right?"

But I could care less! If only you knew what I have in store for you! "We'll see who goes home."

Chris throws the marshmallows to the girls on my team, calling out their names. "And I'm ecstatic to announce that…"

Now's my chance! I stand up and dramatically point at him. "You're eliminated, Chris!" I announce. I laugh in his face.

"Who? Me?" he asks. A grin appears on his face. "Whatever do you mean?"

I turn towards my ex-team, throwing my hands in the air. "Newsflash: Chris is going home and I'm taking over the show," I announce. I rest my hands on my hips. Everybody gasps. That's right. You should fear me. "I got the phone call from the producers during the challenge. That's why I cheered, and that's why I don't care that we lost because I am now in charge!" I laugh once again. "Yes!"

"Oh, Topher, sorry to say but there's been a change of plans," an eerily familiar voice taunts. I cringe. No, it can't be! The voice laughs.

I turn around and there stands a disguised Chris. "Huh? You? No, it can't… It can't be!"

"Here's a lesson: when it comes to showbiz, never play a playa," he says. He chuckles and rips his disguise off. "I knew he had my phone all along."

Chris starts squabbling with Chef. How? What? Why? How did he? When? My mind is racing with so many questions. This… this is so unfair! Why? What? You! When? Gah! What is happening!?

I don't even know what's going on? I don't even know where I'm at? I don't even know why? But none of my questions are answered before I'm fired out of the cannon. And the only thoughts that can cross my mind are, "What? When? Why? How!?

I don't even understand. How could this have happened? I got the call. I got the freaking call! But a hoax. It was only a little hoax.

How could this happen? What will happen to me now? My dream has been crushed and shattered by the one man that I have looked up to. What else is there left for me.

Maybe trying to destroy his job wasn't the right way to go about it. But that's what he would have done! So why shouldn't I have done it!

All I want is to be a host. To be a host of Total Drama. Is it so wrong to want it? The way I went about it… Sure, that was totally wrong. But I want my dream to come true, just like everybody else.

My name is Topher. And you know what? I'm the Chris wannabe? And I'm the seventh one to leave Pahkitew Island.

And you know what else? I will not give up on my dream! I just need to think about it a different way!

Until next time!
KaidaThorn