It was difficult to hear my own thoughts above the roar of shouting and shock that rang in my ears. The smoke roiling from the barrel of my gun seared my flesh and eyeballs as I watched in terror as Toothpick toppled to the ground and started sniveling and sobbing like a baby. His boss did not slow, his jet-black cowboy boots clinking as the spurs whirled and scraped the concrete. I could only imagine how many skulls he'd crushed with those boots.

Koizumi was taking aim at the guy on the right, and Nagato was sprinting past him and to the left. I stood dumbfounded in the center, staring stupidly at the tall man with a baseball-bat. He looked back at me through his long, grease-slick hair, amber irises of hellfire behind an ink-black curtain.

The man in Koizumi's sights yelled a guttural battlecry and rushed the esper, who calmly squeezed several rounds off and into the idiot's body. Three gaping craters exploded out the guy's chest and back as he stumbled over and into the dust, landing unceremoniously face-first at Itsuki's feet.

The two that stood near Yuki glanced at each other and traded perverted images via eye-contact. One of them sniggered and outstretched an empty, filthy hand to her, blatantly ignoring the two pistols she had aimed at their heads. He flexed his gnarled fingers and grinned evilly at the android.

"Here, here, little girl," he teased. "Com'here and take daddy's hand, sweetheart."

The smarter of the pair drew a large blade, probably a machete, and made a swishing-noise as he sliced the wind and let it rest at his side. Then he too proceeded to taunt the unassuming Nagato. His long, spindly arm reached out for her to take. "Ha, yeah. Lick my lollipop, baby. I'll show you how to do it-..."

In a glimmer of icy, silver light, the two Glocks Nagato had been holding flew high into the air. And before the guy could react or end his sentence, Yuki's hand had taken his forearm with an audible clap as her fingernails sunk into his dirty, tan flesh. Blood trickled from the tiny, crescent-moon cuts even as she twisted it at an impossible angle and snapped the bones inside with a sickening crack.

The machete-wielding man squealed in agony and dropped his knife as she performed an astounding corkscrew-esque somersault that made the bones inside his broken arm crackle like popcorn. He tumbled with the nimble girl, smashing dumbly into the cement below and landing oddly on his neck. His eyes were wide and rolling into his head as Nagato finally released him and turned to the remaining assailant.

The last guy was standing absolutely still, petrified with horror at the sight of his dead friend and the girl who killed him so damned easily.

"Catch," she told him quietly as the guns she had thrown toppled back down to earth.

He glanced up just in time to see the falling weapons and catch them as they smacked into his empty palms. His fingers instinctively found the triggers as Nagato suddenly rushed forth and wrenched both of his wrists upward, positioning the twin-barrels squarely under the man's chin. With her thumbs she forced the goon to pull both trigger-mechanisms and blow two holes into his jaw and out the top of his skull. Blood and greymatter squirted from his bandanna-sheathed head like a cherry-red fountain before he fell down next to his comrade.

Toothpick had long since recovered, and was fleeing the scene, clutching his bloody fingers and wiping snot and tears away with his sleeves. Yuki's eyes locked with his form like a cheetah spotting a wounded gazelle, and she immediately followed.

And the whole time, the boss-man watched me like a vulture as he casually lit a cigarette and jammed it into his mouth. His fangs chewed on the paper as he sized me up for the slaughter. He was right at home amdist the chaos, even if all his buddies were dead or running away.

"You think you're pretty friggin' tough, don't you, schoolboy?" he snarled through his cig, puffing gray-black smoke between words. The bat screeched against the ground as the nails and wire drew sparks along the rock. "I'm gonna' shove that gun of yours straight up your ass."

I swallowed a lump in my throat the size of a small meteorite and took a step backwards.

He started to raise his club and stomp towards me just as Haruhi's arms coiled around his throat from behind. He gagged violently and nearly lost his fag as he choked against her clenched fists. Suzumiya shouted something akin to a battlecry and leapt onto his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and mounting him with intent to kill. Hell, her teeth were yanking on the guy's ear, for God's sake!

"I got him, Kyon!" she spat through a mouthful of ear-flesh and bloodstuff.

Can we just pause for a minute and give our SOS Brigade Leader a well-deserved 'hell-yeah'?

The man screamed in pain and cursed loudly as he struggled against Haruhi's iron-will and probably iron-grip. But his tattooed meathook eventually located Suzumiya's long, brown hair as his claws hooked into her scalp and pulled. Hard.

With a terrifying yelp, Haruhi was flipped over his shoulder and onto the ground with a solid crash. She groaned and strained to move, lying nearly unconscious beneath the murderous thug. Her eyelids flickered with fear and white-hot pain as the guy growled and shifted his cig between his lips.

"Screw it!" he snapped, bringing the metal-stuffed bat above his head, ready to deliver a deadly home-run to Suzumiya's skull. "Time to die, bitch!"

My finger throbbed with pounding blood as the recoil of my AK sent shudders down my arms. A good half of my clip was emptied as I held fast to the trigger, sending fiery slugs of swift death towards the former boss-man. Blood exploded from his chest as the stream of bullets traveled up his abdomen and into his throat, a zig-zagging line of gore erupting from his tattered jacket and flesh. The bastard sputtered mucus and crimson as he staggered backwards a good five feet, choking on blood and torn skin as he went. With a final, spitting gasp, he fell back awkwardly onto his spine, eliciting a gross crack as he spattered across the floor.

Ears ringing, heart pounding, and out of breath, I held the half-empty gun tightly in my hands, my knuckles white and tense. Half of me was scared as hell at what I'd just done. The other half was feeling pretty damn proud of itself.

Koizumi was the first to speak. He was at Haruhi's side in a heartbeat, kneeling by her fallen form. "Miss Suzumiya? Are you alright?"

There was a long pause as she opened her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose. One of her hands swiped blood and dirt and hair out of her face before she finally spoke.

"That was freaking awesome!"

Itsuki and I let out a sigh of relief. Thank God that God was okay.

"We were certainly worried about you," the esper said as he helped her to her feet.

"That was amazing!" she continued to gush, ignoring his concern. Her caramel eyes twinkled with excitement as she glanced between us anxiously. "Koizumi, you just, you were like blablablam!"

Haruhi made fake gunfire noises and mock-fired at Itsuki's chest, pretending that he was one of the goons he had gunned down not even minutes ago. "You straight-up killed him! Good riddance, too. The jerk!"

As Suzumiya started to nerd-out over how I had blasted away the leader, Nagato's tiny voice spoke from somewhere behind me. "All hostiles have been eliminated."

I jolted with surprise and whirled around to see her. "I thought I told you not to sneak up on me," I said, holding a hand to my hammering heart.

"I did not," she told me.

I ran a hand through my sweat-slicked hair and sighed. "Right," I agreed in exhaustion. "You never do, Nagato. So what happened to Toothpick?"

Nagato's gold-black irises glinted as she blinked at me like I was stupid. Because I probably was. "All hostiles have been eliminated," she repeated firmly.

I was about to ask what that meant exactly, but then I saw the blood on her uniform, and I decided against it.

"Where did you guys get those guns, anyway? They're so cool! When do I get one? Can I have one like that?"

There was a tap on my shoulder as Haruhi's voice buzzed in my ears from behind. "Kyon, hey, Kyon!"

I turned slowly and held back a tired groan. "What?"

She held out one hand and put the other on her hip. "I want your gun."

The groan I'd been withholding came out against my will. Good to see nothing's changed, Suzumiya...