Chapter 6: No Freaking Way

"The name's Monogram by the way. Francis Monogram. But I usually just go by Major, isn't that right Karl?"

"Yes it is sir."

"This is my pre-unpaid-intern Karl." (yes I know it isn't spelled that way but it looks cooler) He's working to become an unpaid intern soon."

"And I will!"

"Don't get cocky Karl!"

"Yes sir."

"Anyway," Monogram said, leading Kid through the building. "You asked us why we need you. And the thing is, humans are our agents. Mindless animals are their cover up."

Kid blinked. "Then, how-"

"The book Karl."

Monogram held out his hand. In an instant a huge scrapbook was placed in his hand. He opened it up to the second page. From what Perry saw there were just a bunch of small snapshots of a bunch of rays. Really large ones. Most of them looked the same, but a lot of them were pretty uniquely built. Below each picture was an index card with a name and some sort of description. Then another name at the bottom of it.

"See this?" Monogram asked, pointing his finger at one of the machines. "This is a human-to-animal-inator. It was made by one of our evil scientists that joined our program. You zap a human with it and they turn in to animals. He said he did that because then he wouldn't have to deal with anyone else in lines or anything. Like in stores, for movies, a pretty mindless plan if you ask me."

Kid blinked. "Seriously?"

"Yes. And that's what nearly all our agents are. Most of them are all humans that got turned in to an animal. We do have those rare ones that are just super smart animals, like one of the pigs, dogs, and I think the cockatoo. Right Karl?"

"Yes sir. Agent P, D and C. They're all animals originally. The rest are all former humans."

Kid stared. "R-I, really?"

"Yes. Karl, the other book."

A second scrapbook was placed in Monogram's hand. This one was blue. On it was labeled, Agents. Monogram handed it to Kid, who opened it. The pages were lined from top to bottom with pictures of animals of all sorts. Cat, dog, tiger, cow, horse, eagle, mouse, lizard, beaver, pig, chicken, and of course there were more than one kind of animals, but you could see the difference in their fur or the pattern of their feathers or scales.

"These are all the records of agents that we've had. The ones that died have the red x's on the bottom of their index cards."

"Do all agents die in action?"

"No. Hardly any of them do really. We train them to peak condition. Most of them retire and die of old age."

Kid looked up, "So can you change them back?"

"They've never asked. The agents we've recruited weren't exactly normal people. Mercenaries, assassins, people of the secret service or FBI. . . There lives were so empty they decided they rather would live as an animal than a human."

"But I'm not any of those."

Monogram looked at him. "True. You are the youngest recruit we've ever considered, but you fought off all of our agents in the area easily like it was nothing. We know a real fighter when we see him."

"But could you change them back if they wanted to?"

"We don't know. We've never tried."

"The results could be catastrophic," Karl implied. "We'd need someone to make an 'animal-in-to-human-inator or something for that to happen."

Kid nodded, thinking. It wouldn't be bad living as an animal. It's not like he's ever lived as a human. "Do you get to choose?"

"Of course. For the ones who wanted something more outgoing, more independent, they chose wild animals. Such as Agent E and Agent W. They usually choose something they like. Agents who choose birds loved to fly just as ones who loved to swim chose whales or sharks or something like that. Agents who were in the army chose a wolf or a tiger. Something ferocious."

"What about the others?"

"For agents who are more inclined to the suburban life, they chose the smaller creatures, the more domestic ones. Cats, dogs, chickens. And since its a city the agents have a connection with the other agents of the area, and you always have backup if you need it. Agents in rural areas don't usually get backup; they have to tough it out until someone can get there. But that doesn't usually happen.

"And you can choose any animal?"

"Any. We just adjust the settings on the inator and you're all set," Karl informed, a small and encouraging smile on his face. Kid had a feeling he usually wore that expression.

Kid scratched behind his ear, thinking. He could see himself doing this. And it was for the greater good right? "So you stop evil scientists from destroying the world?"

"And usually taking out the tri-state area."

The boy continued scratching the back of his head, an itch on his neck bothering him. Another thought occurred to him, but it became difficult for him to voice it. "What, about. . ." he started, his face turning a strange bright red.

"What about what?" Monogram asked.

"Well, you know. . ." Kid trailed, avoiding eye contact.

Karl was the first to get it. "Oh!" He laughed.

Monogram, not as perceptive as Karl, turned to his assistant. "What? What is it?"

"Kid was wondering if the Agents," he cleared his throat, lowering his voice, "repopulate."

"Oh!" Monogram said, not as embarrassed about the subject. The pair found it rather cute that the kid was so embarrassed by the subject, showing how much of a child he still was. "Actually, Agent C is on maternity leave for a few months. Some of the agents choose to engage in that sort of activity with the other family pet sometimes, but most of the agents found it rather hard to have a real relationship with an animal that wasn't as smart as themselves. That's why most of our agents of the same breed usually get together. And that way they don't have to worry about their partner being used against them because they can take care of themselves."

Personally I think a relationship would get in the way with the job, Kid observed to himself.

They continued on, Kid asking questions here and there, Monogram taking time to explain them and Karl putting in inputs as well.

"So what do you think?" Monogram asked as they came to a grand room filled with awards to the agents. "Will you join us?"

Kid was silent. "It's a lot to take in."

"Yes, I suppose so. I must say it was a mystery when I first joined as well," Monogram chuckled.

"I have one more question though."

"What is it?"

"What's the point?"

"What's the point of what?"

"Turning them in to animals. Why not just keep them as humans?"

"Well, animals, physically, are much more capable of doing things that humans cannot do. They can squeeze through small areas, are usually stronger and faster with much sharper senses. And depending on the animal, they can hold their breath underwater longer, see better in it and are more agile in it. And obviously humans can't fly. Not only that but it costs us much less to make all of our equipment small animal size."

"Also as animals, its harder for the agents' nemesis to find out their secret identity, because most people can hardly tell one animal from the other. And this way the agents have a better excuse to not speak if their nemesis talks to them, demanding and trying to force them to talk."

Kid was starting to understand. "They can't speak?"

"They can talk to humans but usually choose not to. It keeps them in practice of keeping their mouth shut. It's a habit of talking all the time they have to break away from. It's hard to drop that after more than twenty years of that. And they get by fine with gestures and expressions fine," Karl explained patiently.

"So what do you say Kid? Will you join the team?" Monogram asked, hope in his voice.

Kid's eyes flickered between them. A part of him thought that they were absolutely insane, but he knew that they were telling the truth. And he had seen the agents himself, with their little fedoras and determined expressions.

"Do they like being animals?"

"None of them have said otherwise. I don't think they really liked being human in the first place," Monogram admit.

Kid toyed with an end of his hair, his brown eyes calculating. He dared to look up to the elder man. "May I have time to, consider your offer?"

"Of course. As long as you need," Monogram nodded. "Would you like to stay here for the night?"

"No. I'll walk home," Kid said, smiling gently. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I just need time to think about it."

"No problem. Come on Karl."

"Bye Kid!" Karl called, waving as he turned and walked briskly away with Monogram. Kid held up a hand in farewell, leaving it suspended in air for a few moments, words failing him as his mind went in a frenzy, thinking hard.

Oh what to do?

Thanks for reading! Kid will make the decision tomorrow! :D at least I think he will X3 and this is kinda a warning. So my computer has been having problems, specifically with the chord that charges it, cuz it's malfunctioning a little. So it may happen that I won't have a new chapter up sometimes, only time can tell if it keeps working for me or not. Either that or I might have had a lazy writer day. And school starts tomorrow (today actually. I'm writing this as the night previous) so I wont have as much time to work on this story, but gym ends soon for the semester and i'll be able to bring my laptop to school and work on it when I have free period. Thanks for reading the long and boring writer's note! :D