Date unknown
Whether in a deserted train station, desperately waiting for Beatrice to show up, a perforated percolator under my arm, or in a dark cave where I was selecting the wine that would be served with the pasta puttanesca, or trapped inside an elevator, or even in a house in flames, I have often reflected upon this: Is a dilemma better than no choice at all?
Dilemma here is a word which means ''Very difficult choice between two different things''. For example, choosing between throwing a sugar pot in the cold water of a river or keeping it hidden in your coat can be a dilemma, especially if you have a gun pointed at your skull by a woman in heels nearly as high as her self-esteem when facing that dilemma.
Dilemmas are especially hard because you have no escape, no third path. But is one path better?
Is having no choice at all better?
Which of the two situations is the easiest one?
As Mr Poe considered the letter before his eyes, he was probably wondering which of the two situations was the easiest one. He was probably also wondering if he would ever be happy again. Surely, he was also wondering how he could protect the Beaudelaire orphans and keep on helping L. Snicket. And he was definitely wondering if he should reply to Count Olaf's letter or not.
But sometimes, choosing doesn't really matter because the outcome will be the same whatever the choice.
Whatever choice Mr Poe made, he wouldn't be able to protect either the Beaudelaire orphans or L. Snicket. Whatever choice he made, he would feel unhappy. Whatever choice he made, he would spend much of his time obsessively coughing in a handkerchief as a physical manifestation of his inner doubts, shame and guilt.
Whatever choice I made, I would lose Beatrice. Of course, I didn't know that as I was leaving the taxi in a hurry and running to find another vehicle. Of course not.
There was still hope, at the time.