It's the second week of October and you're skyping with Quinn and Tina. They want to come over for their entire Christmas break, which is like a month long, and stay in your room. It's fine with you, except for the slight problem that your break is only two weeks long, that leaves two weeks for them to sit around and do nothing.

"So?" Tina replies. "Maybe Mike can show us around?" She wiggles her eyebrows.

You make a gagging noise, remembering the girl he brought back the other night. She made some weird sounds, that you, Brittany and Sam listened to, wrapped up in blankets and sipping some lukewarm beer while trying to keep from laughing too loud.

Maybe it's best not to tell Tina about that particular night.

"Right. Yeah. Probably. Or someone else. I think I heard Rachel is back together with her boyfriend, so he'll probably be here to entertain you." You offer them.

"Rachel…" Quinn let's the name roll of her tongue, "Isn't that the really annoying midget that doesn't shut up." She continues.

You nod.

Shit.

You forgot you told them that.

They both make a face. "Why would we wanna hang out with him if he's her boyfriend? She sounds awful." Tina asks you. "He can't be much better."

You sigh. "Well, she's gotten better. Ever since the whole Sugar drama, she's been kinda keeping quiet and spending a lot of time at her school. Apparently she doesn't like to be outsung by someone who can't sing." You explain. "She was afraid that if she went even louder, she'd ruin her vocal chords. Which, by the way, would be fine by me." Before you can get back to the point, there's a knock on the door followed by a bouncy Rachel storming into your room.

"Speak of the devil." You murmur.

"Santana, I need your help with something. Oh, hi there." She notices Quinn and Tina on the screen. "I'm Rachel Barbra Berry, future Broadway star." You prevent her from getting completely distracted by snapping your fingers in front of her face.

"Rachel. Focus."

"Right, right." She shifts her gaze back to you. "So I have a very exciting date tonight and I need to borrow one of your dresses because this guy is very…"

"Wait? What?" You interrupt her.

"I have a date." She repeats.

You shake your head impatiently. "Yeah, I heard you the first time Hobbit. But I though you were back together with Vince or Finn or whatever."

She seems to be more stressed than usual when she answers you. "Finn and yes we were but he decided he needed his space, again, to try and a get a good idea of what he wanted in life. As you might understand being in a fully committed relationship with me is not always easy, as I'm talented and live for the sole purpose of ending up on Broadway."

"Wasn't he coming over for Christmas?" You ask her.

"Hanukkah actually, since I'm Jewish. But yes he was, we're still trying to work that out. In the meantime I'm free to do whatever I feel like doing."

You look back at your laptop screen to see Quinn and Tina stare at Rachel with their mouths wide open. Tina comes back to her senses first and starts typing something.

"i am not hanging out with her. EVER." That makes you giggle.

"Santana. Will you please allow me to wear one of your dresses tonight, I don't know anyone else here who is of the same height." Berry pleads.

You freeze and Tina and Quinn both let out a scared: "ooooh", they know how sensitive you get about your length. You take a step in Rachel's direction and she visibly shrinks.

"Okay, RuPaul. Here's the deal. If you ever and I mean ever compare me to yourself again. I'll make sure you end up even shorter than you already are now. I am not as short as you midget." She gulps and nods. You want to continue, but then out of nowhere you hear Brittany's voice in your head. Talking about Rachel going through a rough patch and all that sentimental crap. Yet, it makes you drop the attitude and begrudgingly ask her: "Do you have a picture of him? So I can check what kind of dress he might like."

Berry looks flabbergasted but hands you her phone anyway and stutters: "J-Jesse St. James."

While you are typing in his name, you catch Tina and Quinn's eyes. You totally forgot about them.

"What the fuck, Santana?" Quinn shouts.

"What?" You ask, looking between both of them. "What did I do?"

"Nothing." Tina answers for the both of them. "That's the problem. Why didn't you go all Lima Heights on her?"

"What is Lima Heights?" Berry questions.

Brittany chooses that moment to walk in and ask Rachel about the dress.

"She's looking for one that Jesse might like."

Brittany smiles at you and says, "I told you Santana would be able to help you."

Your head snaps up to face Brittany. "You sent her?"

She nods. "Yeah, I figured you'd help her if she told you I sent her to you."

"Right, yeah, sure. No problem." You don't even mention that Rachel never said anything about Brittany sending her so you clear your throat and look at the picture on Rachel's phone. God, that dude is awful. "I know the perfect dress."

After some rummaging through your closet, you hand the Hobbit the sluttiest dress you can find and push her out. Brittany kisses you on your cheek before following Rachel out with a blinding smile and a soft "thank you". You feel your cheeks heat up.

When Tina gasps and Quinn laughs you turn your attention back to them. "Now what?"

They both have these mischievous smiles that say they know something you don't. "What guys?"

"You like her!" Quinn and Tina both exclaim.

You gulp. "Not you too."

"Woah! What do you mean? Someone else noticed too?" Both Tina and Quinn stare at you expectantly.

"Er, no?" They are not convinced and drill you with questions until you give in.

"Fine, fine. It's Sam and I don't know. I… I might like her a bit… I guess?" You can't even finish what you wanted to say because they are screaming so loud.

Brittany apparently promised Rachel she'd help her getting ready because when you look out the window a while later you see her watching Berry and her date walk away before she catches you staring at her from out the window. A few minutes later she comes into your room, thanking you for helping Rachel.

"I know you don't really like her, but I really appreciate you helping her out anyway." She smiles.

You shrug. "It's no big deal. Besides, she's better now that she's toned it down a bit." Brittany nods. "You look nice today." You say complementing her skinny jeans and denim blouse. The best thing about her outfit though, is her hat. Anyone else would most definitely not get away with hats like that, but for some reason she does.

"Nice hat." You grin.

"Thanks, S." She perks up. "I can't wait for it to be winter so I can wear them all."

"No thank you. As much as I like your hats, I fucking hate the cold."

She laughs at that. "Why did you come to Holland then? All it does is rain and besides, maybe you just need something to keep you warm."

The way she says it makes you think that with something she maybe means someone, a specific someone.

Her.

That idea makes winter a lot less awful.

"Maybe I do. What would you suggest for the cold Dutch weather?" You play along.

She lowers her eyes and plays with the hem of her shirt while she steps closer to you. "I don't know. Maybe you need a warm jacket, you know? One of those really puffy ones." She's almost reached you and looks into your eyes again. Her voice lowers. "Or maybe you just need someone to cuddle with. A lot." You hold you're breath and she's about to reach out to you when the door handle goes down and your door is pushed open. Of course.

At least this time it's not Sam.

It's Artie who looks surprised that Brittany is in your room, some other emotion crosses his face as well but you can't really place it.

"Oh, hey Brittany. I was just looking for you." The two of you look at the boy expectantly. "Right. Mike just texted me, he's done with class and wants to have a few drinks near his school after dinner. Would you care to join?" He says to Brittany. "Both of you?" Apparently the English really are ridiculously polite because it's obvious he feels obligated to ask you to come with even though he looks like he'd rather have you disappear to a faraway country, or just back to the States.

Brittany looks at you questioningly. "Sure, why not." She replies after she's confirmed that you want to go. "We'll be downstairs in a few. Ask Kurt if he wants to come with, will ya?" She sweetly asks Wheels. He looks disappointed that she blows him off, but grumbles a "most definitely".

The moment he closes your door the sexy, sultry Brittany is gone and her usual bubbly persona is back. "We need to change, there's gonna be lots of cool people there. You can finally meet all my school friends and oh, I'll invite my cousins too. Yes! This is gonna be so much fun!" She squeals. The prospect of having to meet new people and hanging out with them instead of just your little group doesn't excite you as much as her. You were sort of thinking of maybe spending some time with just her, but you guess that'll have to wait.

An hour later you find yourself irritated and hungry at a too small dinner table with Sam, Brittany, Artie, Sugar and three of Brittany's dancer friends. The restaurant is nice and filled with too pretty, too fashionable people for your taste, too many hipsters, but it has a nice vibe. Amsterdam really is filled with all sorts of crazy arty farty people when you go to the right places, or so Brittany informed you. That's not what makes you irritated, what does make you irritated is that somehow Artie ended up next to Brittany and keeps throwing you smug glances from across the table where you're sat between Sugar and Sam who are fabulously getting along with Brittany's friends. You probably would too, they look like the type of people you might enjoy, if you weren't so busy with giving Artie death glares every time he makes Brittany laugh. All three of her friends are girls and can't get enough of Sam and his boyish looks. If you were straight you might be able to understand why, right now you're still gay and you find him super annoying. He's supposed to be your ally and not let Artie steal the girl away from right under your nose because Sam is too busy basking in the attention. As if he doesn't get enough.

So when someone suggests you all go to the bar where Mike is with some more of his and Brittany's classmates, you immediately say you're in. You have it all planned out, you walk up next to Brittany and pry her away from Artie, he looks like he knows what you're up to.

As soon as you're in the crowded bar she asks you a question and that one word she adds hits you like a bomb.

"What do you wanna drink, babe?"

Babe? Babe?

Is that what you're doing? Do you want have her call you babe?

"San?"

You zoned out thinking about that one word. "I'd like a beer." No, no you need something stronger. "And a shot of sambuca please."

She gives you a funny look. "Going hard tonight, are we?" And turns to the waiting bartender.

You just shrugs as she does her Dutch gibberish and asks for two beers and two shots. When she turns back to you she grins, "I think I might join you."

All you do is give her a tightlipped smile. The bartender hands you your drinks, you toast to Amsterdam and throw your head back. The sweet, stinging taste brings an instant relief, her hand on your back doesn't. Your mocha eyes lock onto ocean blue and you want to talk to her, ask her questions. Does she feel this connection too? Does it scare her as much as it scares you? Does she feel the same need to push you away as you feel towards her? You can't even voice one of the question because her eyes snap up and she spots a slightly more intoxicated Mike, followed by some more people you assume are classmates because of how enthusiastic Brittany greets them. You immediately forget their names as soon as you've learned them. Your head is just filled with thoughts and feelings and fears that only alcohol can get rid of. So you order Brittany and yourself another shot and another beer, she chuckles but eyes you strangely when you hand her the shot. She keeps quiet though. You like that, she doesn't ask you why you feel the need to get trashed, she knows you'll tell her when you feel like it.

Right now, you don't.

You want drink your confusion about her into oblivion, you want to dance to the too loud techno, you want to go outside to get out of the mass of sweating bodies, you want to kiss her, you want to push her away, you want to roll Artie off a cliff and you want to say hi to that girl you know over there because at least that's a familiar face. Brittany and Mike are laughing with their dancer friends, Sam is shamelessly flirting with one of them and Sugar is sitting Artie's lap, talking to him. So when you see a girl you know from one of your classes you're grateful for the distraction.

"Hey, Elaine right?" She looks surprised you remembered her name.

"Right, yeah. You're Santana." You smile at her and nod. "I didn't think you'd know my name, you never really pay attention in class." You feign hurt, she's right though, you don't. It's the international law class and you mostly discuss American law, which you know everything about already. You came here to fucking learn European law, not more of the same.

"Yeah, it's kind of boring to study more American law, you know?" She looks at you and nods.

"So, how do you like the rest of Amsterdam so far?" That gets the conversation going and before you know it, she's buying you drinks and telling you about places you should see and clubs you should visit.

Apparently she's been best friends with one of Brittany's dancer friends since they were in high school. You can hardly hear her over the loud music, but you like the way she leans closer to you when you're about to say something and you enjoy the way she laughs at your jokes.

At one point you're at the bar, getting some more drinks when you notice Brittany sitting in Artie's lap with her arms around him laughing at something he said. You know Wheels has been watching the two of you like a hawk for the past few weeks, you're sure he's into her. You also know that when you're not around, they're spending a lot of time together. You heard Sam and Mike talk about it. You don't understand what an outgoing, lovable, gorgeous girl would do with a loser like him and you don't want to know what the two of them together over there means. You hate how vulnerable you feel right now. You spent years building walls around yourself, why would a girl with blue eyes and hair like sunshine break through them?

You're waiting for the bartender to hand you your drinks when Sam catches you staring at the duo.

"Dude, why don't you make a move? You're both into each other. I think she's only trying to make you jealous." You can't. You won't. You're only in Amsterdam for so long and then what? You refuse to be one of those people who opens up to someone only to end up heartbroken because you have to leave them again and you don't believe in long distance. Fuck knows how many hearts have been broken that way.

Sam keeps pushing though, "So you're saying you don't like her?" It's like she heard what Sam said, even though that's impossible, because you catches your eyes and gives you a small, hesitant smile before she's distracted by Artie and his stupid English accent again.

All you do is reply with a: "Fuck you, Sam." And walk back to Elaine after you've stolen one of the shots he ordered. You still hear Wheels flirt with her too loud and too slow. He's obviously drunk. Probably not as drunk as you though, you have a hard time standing straight.

The next time you're at the bar, Brittany herself walks up to you and tries to start a conversation. You're short, grumpy and make it clear that you don't feel like talking to her.

"Why are you laughing when you're with her but mean to me?" She says pointing at a wobbling Elaine who is talking to someone who looks an awful lot like Blaine's boyfriend and laughing too loud. "Did I do something wrong?" She sounds disappointing and shit, there's that goddamn pout again.

You sigh. "No B, you didn't do anything wrong." You try to sound like you did before, but you just sound exhausted and drunk. You feel exhausted and drunk so you try to focus on Brittany's eyes and say: "I think Artie's waiting though and so is Elaine."

"So let them wait." She tries.

You feel your resolve crumbling so you close your eyes. "That's rude, B."

Brittany looks a lot more sober than you feel and apparently she is, "You didn't bring any drinks though." She remarks as you walk away, you pretend like you didn't hear her and almost crash into the high table Elaine is leaning on.

"What do you say we get out of here?" It's too close and too loud, but she responds with a lazy "sure" anyway, in that funny Dutch accent of hers.

Before you walk out of the bar you catch Brittany's disappointed pout and teary blue pools and the image haunts you as you try to make your way through sweaty bodies as soon as possible with Elaine's moist hand in yours.

It haunts you all the way back on your bike.

It haunts you in front of your building.

It haunts you when you open your door.

It haunts you when your back hits the mattress and you pull Elaine down with you.