VII
Doofus Rick looked down at his cold cup of Ovaltine. "Gosh, Jerry, that was almost a total disaster. Not only would we be out the money we spent, but watching your significant other get murdered for the second time before your eyes. That'd be a lot to take."
"Well," Jerry said, rotating his glass idly in his fingers, "The first time, Sleepy Gary was fully capable of ravaging the planet. The necessity cushioned the blow some. I knew it had to be done and I had Beth and the kids in my life again. If Sleepy Gary survived, I would have been just a family friend. It wouldn't have turned out well at all. You know, even assuming the parasites didn't cause the extinction of the human race."
"I'm sorry I didn't think about how much faster your pupae would mature given that you were deliberately feeding it. The universe is a dangerous place and I really shouldn't try to do half the stuff I do. You don't understand how many mistakes I make trying to help, Jerry. I barely justify my continued existence."
"What do you mean?" Jerry objected, "If you mess up trying to help others, who can be upset? We all make mistakes and we do it often enough when we're only looking out for ourselves."
Dufus Rick grimaced, "It's better if you screw up trying to help yourself, Jerry. You may get criticized, but you;'re ready for it."
"Geez, Rick, if everyone had to be sure they wouldn't make mistakes, no one would try to do anything nice. You need to cut yourself slack."
"I do, Jerry. I've rendered entire cities uninhabitable with some of my mistakes, but saved planets. I should feel better about what I do. On balance, I think I'm doing good things, but it's hard to take when I fail. I came really close to hurting you. It was so stupid not to think of what Beth's reaction could be and I didn't even think about what your Rick would do if he realized Sleepy Gary was a parasite."
Jerry sipped from his Ovaltine, "Yeah. Well, that may end up okay. Beth is going to break the news and we have Sleepy Gary in hiding here on…" Jerry struggled.
"A-567. The place we bought the parasite pupae from. Your Rick may not be as upset if Sleepy Gary is in his native habitat."
"Right. A-567," Jerry said, eyes squeezed shut attempting to force more lasting results from his hippocampus, "We're here until we see how the idea goes over with my Rick."
Doofus Rick surveyed the food court, "It shouldn't be long before we find out if Sleepy Gary can stay with you, or whether you should stay here with him, or your Rick hunts him down like an animal."
Dufus Rick pulled his portal gun out from his lab coat, "In fact, I think I'll check in. I'll be back before Sleepy Gary gets back with our sheeponburgers."
As Doofus Rick disappeared into the bubbling green swamp circle, Jerry had some reason to doubt that conclusion because he could see Sleepy Gary across the food court returning to the table with lunch. Jerry tried unsuccessfully to tamp down feelings of guilt that Doofus Rick was picking up the tab once again. How long could he keep mooching off Doofus Rick. It's not as though they were married.
Sleepy Gary and Jerry agreed to wait a few minutes for Doofus Rick before starting on their burgers and were rewarded when a portal opened again and Doofus Rick .
"Good news," Doofus Rick said, taking his seat and unwrapping paper form his veggieburger, "Beth got a hold of your Rick and explained the situation. We're welcome to come back under a few conditions."
"Umf," Jerry mumbled around his first bite, "Am whub are thosb?"
Doofus paused before tucking in to his veggieburger, "First, Sleepy Gary is to avoid your Rick at all costs. Rick wants to always be clear that Sleepy Gary is a parasite. He says if he's under the impression Sleepy Gary is human for the barest moment, his life is null and void."
"Jesus," Jerry managed after swallowing.
"It's understandable," Sleepy Gary muttered, "Your Rick was extremely upset during the last infestation. He's really proud of his mind and if he can't trust himself, I can only imagine the torment that causes."
Jerry sneered, "That's just like you, Gary. Worrying about a man who worries about no one else."
Sleepy Gary lowered his burger, visibly troubled, "It's part of our nature. We don't implant negative memories and we really try not to create any. We just want to live and not hurt anyone. The last time was awful. Sewing those seeds of doubt to protect ourselves when Rick was ready to murder us all? How do you thread that needle? You've no idea what it did to us. It was like telling someone to amputate a puppy."
"I'm sorry I brought it up. I'm starting to feel sorry that we didn't come up with a non-lethal way to rid the house of the parasites the first time."
Sleepy Gary looked aside, "Some people don't consider us to be worthy of living. I don't understand it, and there's nothing we can do. We can't fight back. We can't isolate ourselves. We reproduce so quickly we can't grow our own food fast enough. Rick is right about us, but he's wrong too."
Jerry's eyes softened, "We've got the best of both worlds here. We can have best friends who would never hurt us and they won't wipe planets clean of all edible substance."
Sleepy Gary didn't move his gaze from the central food court, "It's lonely, Jerry."
"What?" Gary said, quietly alarmed.
"We're sterile. Parasites are sterile here. Parasites are sentient and they have a drive to reproduce. I look human and your memories tell me what it's like to have kids and watch them grow up."
Jerry put his burger down and watched his best friend staring into the distance.
"That gets taken away from us, Jerry. It's- That's why I was so happy you were willing to have a baby with me. And we're- we're here in my home dimension and- Do you think we could- I know it's moving fast and everything, but I don't know when we'll be back here and the parasites are sterile here."
"Have our baby now?" Jerry asked.
Sleepy Gary swiveled to his beloved, "It'll be wonderful Jerry. It can be anything you want. We could even have a baby just like Summer or Morty, but it'd never want to hurt you and you'd be filled with precious memories of raising her or him with me."
Sleepy Gary looked away again across the food court but this time hunting down and focusing on a toddler standing beside a stroller, her mother engaging in some dialog that seemed to please her as the child alternated between the stroller and her mother.
"A child who would never hurt me," Jerry mumbled to himself.
Doofus Rick chewed slowly, watching Jerry and glancing at Sleepy Gary sporadically.
"Can we?" Sleepy Gary implored.
"I- I have no money, honey," Jerry said staring glumly down at his burger.
"I have that covered," Sleepy Gary said, biting his smiling lip.