CHAPTER SEVEN

They ran from the cottage, laughing as they went, and Rose didn't even care where they were going. That was one benefit of living with the Doctor, she always got her cardiovascular work outs. Who needed a gym? She had daily calisthenics running from baddies, and old boyfriends.

Three streets from Sarah Jane's cottage, they found a strip of small restaurants and shops. Finally slowing from the run, they walked together along the sidewalk. Rose smiled so wide, her cheeks hurt, but she didn't care.

"Are you hungry?" the Doctor asked, glancing through the window of one of the small shops. It looked like an ice cream parlour. "I know you had the chips earlier, but…"

"No, I didn't eat much of them. You?"

He looked back at her, a wide grin on his face. "I could eat ice cream." Rose nodded, grinning, and he opened the door to let her pass him. "I love ice cream. Someday, I'm going to find the man who created ice cream and thank him personally. I mean, really! What brilliant sort a man decided to take cream, throw it in a pot with some sugar and salt and stir it up until it becomes the most beloved dessert of all time? It's right up there with edible ball bearings. Brilliant."

"Who said it was a man?"

"Good point, Rose. Very valid point. I've always said you ask the right questions."

Rose only chuckled. That was something she had to get used to, his seemingly endless ability to ramble. And his old self had complained about people gobbing on. It was Karma.

The Doctor reached the counter, still talking, and circled her waist with his arm to pull her against him so they were partially facing each other. She slid her arm beneath his coat to feel the heat trapped beneath it. He caught her laugh and looked down at her, eyebrows arched high.

"Did I say something funny?"

Rose shook her head. "No. Go on, then. What do you want?"

He squinted up at the menu board, mouth open as if that would help. "Can't say I'm a big fan of the swirls and ripples and chunks. I like my ice cream pure, so to speak." Then his face lit up, and he let out a loud "Aha! My good man, my girl and I will have your Super Duper Ultimate Banana Split. With everything. Extra whipped cream and two cherries. Okay, no nuts. I hate nuts. That good?" His attention shifted rapidly from the menu, to the young boy behind the counter, to Rose.

When he looked down at her face, their gazes connected and in a flash of heat, Rose's breath stopped. His eyes shifted to stare at her lips, and Rose decided that of all the ways he looked at her, she loved that look the most. Unshielded. No question what he wanted. His hand slid up her back, pulling her closer.

"That it?" the counter boy asked.

They both nodded, and then the Doctor leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

It was a different kiss than the two they had shared since he'd regenerated. He didn't press, his tongue didn't skim her lips for entrance. It wasn't rushed, or hesitant, or needed, or fueled by their mutual excitement. It just… was.

And it was so wonderful it almost brought tears to her eyes.

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They slinked back to Sarah Jane's cottage some time in the small hours of the morning, and the house was quiet. Mickey was asleep on the couch, one arm and one leg hanging off the side, his head tipped back as he snored loudly.

The Doctor walked her to the door of the guest bedroom Sarah Jane had given her for the night, but at the door he stopped, tugging her back to him with their joined hands. Rose tipped her chin up to meet his kiss, bringing her free hand up to lace her fingers into his hair.

She tried not to categorize the differences between the 'Doctor of Yesterday' and the 'Doctor of Today', but sometimes, the differences were so blatantly obvious they were hard to ignore. The talking thing, that was one.

And the kissing.

He was good at kissing before… but now… he was really really good at the kissing. His mouth did things to her she'd only imagined, fantasized about, with just a kiss.

The thought of what he would do with that mouth… Rose's body flashed hot and she trembled in his hold, a soft groan escaping her throat. It took all the strength she had, literally every ounce of control she possessed, to put her hand against his chest and push herself back.

He followed her retreat, his lips still playing havoc with her senses until he hesitantly broke the contact. The Doctor rested their foreheads together, lightly brushing his nose along hers as they both fought for control. His lips were so close to hers, it would be so easy just to lean in again…

"I want to be with you." His voice was like honey over gravel, and it made her tremble again.

Rose nodded, curling her fingers into his coat, angling her body so their hips aligned and she felt the positive proof of his words. Her blood was like fire and ice beneath her skin. She tipped her face to him, and their lips brushed but neither tried to turn it into a kiss. She doubted either of them had that type of control.

"Soon." He audible swallowed, releasing a breath that whispered over her cheek. "I want you in our bed. Our bed, Rose."

"Promise?"

His hands slid up her arms and over her shoulders until he held her face between his hands. The Doctor looked up to the ceiling, his eyes closed, his back against the doorjamb. When he looked at her again, a small, secretive smile bowed his lips.

"Oh, yes. I promise." He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering a little longer than needed. "Get some sleep. Busy day tomorrow."

Rose snorted a laugh. "Like I'm sleeping now."

He laughed to, but they both immediately hushed when Mickey stirred on the couch just feet away. The Doctor stroked her cheeks with his thumbs, and smiled again. He opened his mouth, as if wanting to say something, but in the end he just stepped away.

"Good night, Rose."

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He could have been a GOD.

All the power of Space and Time… all of existence… could have been his.

And he almost took it.

But, the reason he almost did it… now, it made him sick.

It wasn't to bring back the Time Lords… it wasn't to save dozens of worlds and races lost in the War… it hadn't been Finch's arguments about wisdom and power that had him falter.

"Their lives are so fleeting. So many goodbyes. How lonely you must be, Doctor."

He could have her forever.

What kind of man had he become?

The TARDIS door opened, and Rose entered followed by Mickey. The Doctor put on the appearance of fiddling with dials and reading the screen in front of him, but a cold vice of failure had a grip on him and he didn't see anything at all.

"I don't get it. Where do you sleep and stuff. I mean, what's here but that big control thing and one worn out chair."

"Don't be stupid, Mickey. This isn't the whole TARDIS."

"What else is there?"

Rose reached the console and the Doctor looked up, his gaze connecting with hers for just a moment. He tried to smile, but had very little faith that it was convincing. She stood beside him, leaning against the edge of the console, just close enough that he felt her presence without them touching.

He hadn't dared touch her since he nearly destroyed everything. The Doctor feared she would feel the darkness in him. Because it was still there, slithering in the corners of his mind, whispering of power beyond imagination. Power beyond the Vortex, power beyond creation and existence.

He swallowed against the bitter bile in his throat.

"There's everything, Mickey. There's a library, and a kitchen, and bedrooms, and…"

"Bedrooms? How many bedrooms?"

She slid a glance to the Doctor, the tip of her tongue stuck between her teeth. Small dimples formed in her cheeks when she smiled. "As many as we need. The TARDIS changes, and she gives us whatever we need. Right, Doctor?"

He nodded, keeping his voice distant and his eyes on the console. "Rose can give you a tour some time. Just stay out of the attic."

"Right now, I'd just be happy with a loo."

"Come on."

The Doctor remained at the console, listening to Mickey's "Oh, my GOD!" from the hallway. A few moments later, Rose returned and came to him, wrapping her arms around his body from behind and he felt her cheek against his back. The Doctor closed his eyes.

"I think he's impressed."

He didn't say anything, flipping on the Core Recoup Oscillator in preparation for leaving. Rose resumed her leaning position against the console, standing just a little closer than before so their arms touched. She looked up at him, and he felt her watching him, waiting for some indication of what he might be thinking.

He hoped she never knew what kind of man he had become. Certainly not a man worthy of her.

He despised himself. He had seen the darkness in himself, and now knew what he was capable of, doubting he could turn down the chance if offered to him once again. He was vile. Unworthy.

And yet, he would not send her away. Add selfish to the list.

"Sarah Jane will be here soon," Rose said softly. "Doctor, I've been thinking about something."

"What's that?"

She covered his hand with hers, pulling it from the Mercury Filter Engage board. "Would you like to ask Sarah Jane to come with us?"

He did look up at that, staring with a squint at Rose. "I thought you… well, I though you didn't care for Sarah Jane."

"I like her well enough. I was just being a stupid git before. Would you?"

As soon as they had landed in London, the Doctor had wished the whole thing to be over so that he and Rose could be off again – just the two of them. He had wanted her to himself, selfishly wanted to take her away where he could hold on to her and be with her as long as possible.

Once again, he remembered just how far he almost took his selfishness.

"It might be nice. Just for a bit."

She smiled. "Okay."

He shifted his gaze to the surveillance monitor, and saw Sarah Jane approach just as Mickey came back into the console room.

"I nearly got lost between your bedroom and here!" he declared loudly.

"I wouldn't recommend trying to find the pool, then," the Doctor said just loud enough for Rose to hear, and she stifled her laugh. Just for a moment, a brief flash, he let himself enjoy it.

Sarah Jane refused them, but in the end they had a new shipmate – Mickey Smith. The Doctor had seen the annoyance in Rose's face when he said yes, but it was for the best. Give her a distraction. Give her the option.

Give him time.