Raven's POV-
The bottle was cold in my hands, but the pills were like lava down my throat. The overbearing amount of them caused the chemicals to burn whatever it came in contact with like acid. I was shaking relentlessly, the pills not even working yet, but rather my nervousness kicking in. Not of dying, but of not dying. My skin burns like a cigarette is pressed to it, cold sweat breaking out all over the surface. Nobody can see me like this. I panic.
I dart to my closet, hiding in the corner as my body continues to convulse, not having enough strength to close the door. I feel heat clawing at the base of my skull, excruciating pain infesting every nerve in my body. I feel bile rising. I feel the control leaving my body, my vision blurring and everything seeming to slow around me, my eyes fluttering. My breaths come out in spurts, hyperventilating and pained. I f-feel what seems like knives being driven into my ribs, aimlessly c-circling around for good measure.
I vomit copiously.
Everything seems like a w-white blur… It's f-foggy and every- everything's spinning around me, my t-thoughts are r-runninnng together a-and… it's… the pa-ain…
"Raven?" it's s-soft and… ah… t-too loud… "RAVEN?!" Ah… B-beast… Boy…
His a-arms… co-ld on m-my skin a-and he s-shakes me… "RAVEN! R-raven, speak to me!"
"Raven!" My crying comes to an apex before calming when I sense Starfire next to me in the bed. I'm cradled up against her chest, my knuckles going white with the amount of force I have applied to her nightshirt, my hands clenched into fists. My tears have seeped into her shirt, and she hold me close, cupping the back of my head to bring me closer. "Girlfriend Raven, you had a nightmare…" She looks petrified.
"Ah… Wha- What did I say?" I hope to Azar that I didn't say anything too revealing.
"Y-you were yelling that you were hurt… G-girlfriend Raven, I was s-so very afraid!" She holds back tears, needing to be strong for me.
It seems to be pretty early in the morning. Three, perhaps? There are various articles of clothing and furniture scattered about the room. It must've been bad. I hear shuffling around in the hallways. I probably screamed. It felt real. I feel nauseous.
"I… I'm just so…" My heart is pounding. It's as if I can feel the pills in my throat, lingering there idly. She pulls me closer, encouraging me to calm. She kisses my forehead and rubs my back with her free hand like she'd done before. It feels nice, but I'm feeling so extremely sick. My stomach lurches and I double over, hurriedly exiting her embrace to find a trash can. "I'm g-going to vomit.."
That's all I can muster up to say before I heave, kneeling down over the garbage pail, gripping the edges as my stomach empties.
Starfire comes to my aid, rubbing my back again and whispering into my ear. She stays impossibly calm during the whole ordeal, controlling herself with ease. She wipes the sweat off of my forehead, pulling me into her lap and holding me, my stomach flipping again, and she just holds me closer, not allowing me to feel out of control. "It's okay, Raven. I have you. Shhhh-hhh-hhh…" If I wasn't vomiting, I'd be so incredibly turned on by this.
"Ah… I f-feel better now. I'm s-sorry…" She pats my shoulder, reassuring.
"You don't need to apologize. Shh. You're safe…" I never thought that being talked to like this would be so… arousing. It's as if she's encouraging me to feel this way, all the while being comforting and soft and sweet and motherly. "You can tell me about your dream if you'd like." Nope. No way. I love her, so that's why I won't tell her. We're past that and it's not important.
"It's okay, Star… I just want to get back to sleep…" She grins lightly, scooping me up and carrying me back to the bed. She steps back and grabs the trash can. Now I'm embarrassed. "Y-you don't have to do that…" She just waves off my statement, cleaning out the trash can in the sink. It's the most adorably disgusting thing someone's ever done for me.
She gets back soon enough, holding me like she did before; like a baby. Well, after washing her hands, of course. She holds me there like a koala, and I suck on the side of my cloak again, smelling her strawberry hair and feeling her touch. How could I ever be deprived of this sensation? How had I not discovered how she makes me feel earlier? I feel slightly unsettled thinking about that. How could I ever be with a boy, let alone someone other than my Starfire?
Then there's three uniform knocks on the door before someone walks in, disregarding whether or not I've accepted, as I assume I've woken up at least our entire hotel suite. I feel my stomach flipping again. Nobody's supposed to know about us yet, and especially not in this situation.
Ah, Beast Boy. He believes that his eyes are deceiving him, me being cradled by Starfire like this. He'd already heard about our language situation, but he'd dismissed the idea since then, not thinking that my feelings would strengthen.
"I'd love to hear every detail." He lights up, being at first startled by the assumed yelling and possibly lurching noises, but soon forgetting when he sees I'm fine. More than fine.
"I wish it didn't have to happen like this." I facepalm. He giggles cutely. He's loving this Star and Rae thing. He sits on the end of the bed, his absence of weight causing the mattress to only just barely cave in.
"So, I see you're cuddling,... Bad dream? I heard you yelling. I assume you're fine now. I mean, you've got her…" He pats Starfire on her head, and she laughs, smiling and nuzzling into my hair. His heart skips a beat. "Freakin' adorable…"
"Yeeeeaaaaah. Starfire even just cleaned up my puke." I deadpan. The dream is coming back to me now. I ignore my lingering nausea, focusing on Beast Boy's chatter and Starfire's cuddling.
"You puked? That sucks." I nod, taking a fistful of Starfire's hair and putting it by my face. You'd think she was made of fruit if you hadn't seen her shampoo bottles. She squeezes me tighter, kissing my forehead again, signifying our closeness to Beast Boy. Despite her touching me, I'm completely uncomfortable with this whole thing.
Well, I already know that Beast Boy is with Robin, so it's not like that's an issue. What is an issue is what he knows as opposed to Starfire, the fact that I don't usually handle things like this, that I have a huge burden that I have to lug around with me everywhere I go. They both love me, of course, but the situations are different, and it feels awkward for them to clash. "Y-yeah… But I'm fine now! Just fine!" My voice displays a degree of panic that has never been this potent. Who knew that revealing a relationship would be so freaking hard?
"So… You're with Starfire now." His voice seems disbelieving, as if we're just putting on a show for him.
"Yes, Friend Beast Boy! I love Raven very much." I allow myself to giggle into her slightly damp shirt. She admitted it. It wasn't just a customary type thing. It held meaning.
"Do you need any help with…" he coughs, "Um. The mess?" He motions at the torrent of items splayed carelessly and chaotically around the room, embarrassed that he brought it up, but it'd be obvious that he didn't want to upset if he'd not mentioned it.
"We'll worry about that in the morning, Friend Beast Boy. I am comfortable here with Girlfriend Raven." He blushes and his ear twitches at the remark.
"Well, I hope I didn't walk in on anything," he blushes and his ear twitches again as he yawns, "but I might need to hear tomorrow, because I'm tired as hell." I give him a thumbs up, and he exits the room quietly, his footsteps just barely able to be heard from inside the room.
I close my eyes as the rhythmic thud of Starfire's heartbeat slowly lulls me to sleep.
We step through the automatic doors, and I hold on to the edges of my cloak's hood when the wind blows as I walk in. The place is pretty big and considerably fancier than most restaurants I've been to since our arrival one week ago. We have reservations here for dinner, all 5 of us marching in like a bunch of out-of-place idiots. We get some stares, of course, but it's nothing compared to the other reasons that they could be staring at us for. Who'd have thought that we'd end up being a tower full of gay teenagers? Well, except for Cyborg. He's not really into the whole idea of romance. He's got his car and his tools and that's all he really needs.
Starfire pulls back a chair for me, allowing me to sit as she takes her seat beside me, and Cyborg cocks an eyebrow. This is new to him, also.
The rest of the boys sit, Robin next to Beast Boy, and Cyborg next to Beast Boy, also. We wait there for awhile with the occasional chitter-chatter, until, that is, Cyborg just can't hold in his questions anymore.
"Alright, what are you girls tryin' to pull?" Starfire nervously takes my hand from under the table, needing my touch this time. We know about Robin and Beast Boy, but we don't know how Cyborg will react. "You alright, Rae?"
Beast Boy and Robin nod uniformly from across the table, Starfire and I look at one another, and she nods her approval. We hold up our interlocked hands, Starfire trying desperately to hold back a smile that's threatening to creep up her lips. "We're a couple now."
Cyborg just laughs prolifically, and this confuses Starfire and I, but Robin and Beast Boy seem to be unphased. "We're not kidding." I give him a dead stare, taking him out of his reverie.
He pulls himself together, hands clasped on the table. "I know you're not kidding. It's about time!" Starfire blushes, not knowing how to react.
"Wh-whaa?" I manage, out of my confusion. He claps his hands, smiling widely.
"We all knew you'd liked each other long before you'd even admit you were gay. It was so obvious that we didn't question it!" All three of the boys smirk, and both of us girls blush. Was it really that obvious? I should have known! "For someone who's so in tune with her emotions, you're pretty naive when it comes to love, Rae." Cyborg muses, cackling.
"Hey! Star's the naive one!" I hold her hand up higher, laughing with Cyborg.
...Laughing? Genuine laughter? I haven't done that in awhile.
"This is adorable. I think you two are so different from each other that it's crazy and sweet and wonderful. I'm so happy for you two." We both smile at each other, and I lean in, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips, relieved that this went so smoothly.
However, we're not here to discuss our relationship. We're here to eat our dinner together in newfound understanding and acceptance. The food arrives soon enough, and we chat as we eat, discussing normal, everyday complications, and just being ourselves. Because we can. Because it feels good.
Beast Boy, of course, is eating vegetarian sushi, and Starfire decided on lobster, Robin indulges in a seafood platter, Cyborg feasts on a steak, and I ordered another salad, not wanting to upset my stomach again.
I hid in my room and waited for them to work, and a couple hours in, Beast Boy tried to talk to me and didn't hear me, so he came in anyway and found me on the floor shaking and vomiting.
No. None of this. Calm. You're okay. I squeeze Starfire's hand, and she rubs her thumb over mine.
"So, BB, how's your love life? Do you have anyone?" He visibly panics, quickly recovering, however, and takes a deep breath, winking at Robin slyly. Nobody else would've been able to see it, but I have a sixth sense for minor disturbances. I kind of have to. But, nonetheless, I'm thankful for the diversion.
"Nah. I don't have anyone. I'm not really interested in dating right now." I know that Robin understands his little fib. He's not too sure he's ready to come out yet either. I wouldn't be if it weren't for the situations being forced. There wasn't a way to get around it.
"Man, I always thought you were such a lady killer. I'm so surprised." Well, Cyborg, look who's naive? Beast Boy panics again. I can feel it tugging at me. I create a distraction this time. The subliminality of this whole ordeal is uncomfortable.
"How's everyone's food?" Everyone looks at me as if I'd interrupted a professional meeting, and I just go wide-eyed, wondering what I was thinking.
You're helping out the boy who saved your life, you idiot. Oh, yeah.
"My lobster is glorious!" Starfire chimes in, patting the table to emphasize.
"This shrimp is prepared perfectly." Robin speaks up stoically, being quite uncomfortable also. However, he is good at hiding things, as he's said.
"The food here is pretty great. Japanese food back at Jump is still great, but this is straight out of the city of origin. It's awesome." I spoke up, Starfire providing me courage. It's almost as if we're connected somehow, other than our hands. She's almost like an organ functioning in my body, something vital and necessary.
We finish up relatively quickly, our food being so good that we couldn't slow down enough to elaborate our time here. We start piling our dishes on one another in the middle of the table, Robin asking for the bill (and Starfire not wanting to reveal her Japanese, as Cyborg is aware of Tamaranian issues and doesn't want to imply anything more than what's been said) and slipping in a credit card. Thank Azar for his adoptive parents' financial support, or we'd all be broke and on the streets. I spend all of my money on books and various things.
When I stack my plate on top of the others, I drop my fork on the ground. "Um, sorry. I'll get that."
When I bend down, I pull back the tablecloth to find my fork. In my search, I find Beast Boy and Robin's hands being held tightly by one another, their fingers intertwined intimately. I can't help but smile. I come back up, placing my fork on the plate, passing an indiscreet smirk. I mouth, "I already knew," hoping to calm Beast Boy, giving the boys a thumbs up. They both smile wider than I thought they could. Cyborg goes completely unaware.
For once, ignorance has brought us indescribable happiness.