Shout out to Fran! She did an amazing job on this chapter for me.
I saw JJ and Bella arrive at the diner before I heard him bellow throughout the diner announcing his presence.
He climbed into the booth, sitting opposite me and launched right into a story, stealing my fries in the processes without hesitation.
"I was the only one to catch a fish, but we let it go 'cause it was time to leave since Jr and Elijah were peeing on each other." I choked back a laugh, knowing exactly what JJ was speaking of. They showed me that trick on the side of my barn one day when I offered to watch them while Rose brought the baby to a doctor appointment.
Rose left Bella and JJ stranded at my table. I had a feeling it was done purposefully because I watched her play on her phone and a few moments later, Emmett's cruiser pulled into the parking lot, and the two of them gave one another a look before she drove off with the boys. JJ demanded he get the same size steak I had instead of the child's portion and I was shocked when he polished off more than half of it and a quarter of his fries. I kept giving Bella sidelong glances, trying not to smirk when I caught her eyes quickly darting from mine when caught. I want to say I didn't do it to deliberately irk Bella, but that would be a lie. I wasn't trying to be malicious when I ordered JJ that strawberry shake, or maybe if I thought deeply about it, perhaps I was. I wouldn't deny the sense of satisfaction I felt when she stormed from the diner with said shake in one hand and JJ in her other. What I hadn't counted on was the pang in my chest when I joined them outside and saw the genuine hurt in her eyes. I could feel the moment the wounds from old memories overcame the both of us. I refused to let anyone know I was as affected as she was and said a quick goodbye and climbed into my truck, assuring Emmett I would be there for dinner that night as promised. Rosie's fried chicken and meatloaf dinners were ones I never missed, and she always made it a point to make extra.
Driving back to the ranch I passed Jasper driving in the opposite direction. I lifted my hand in greeting, but he didn't even look my way. I had been so focused on Bella being back and the strange hold JJ was beginning to have on me that I hadn't given my brother much though. Guilt overcame me, wishing I had the balls enough to turn around and apologize to him. Unfortunately, we were both stubborn, and an apology from either of us would be long awaited.
"Emmett and Elijah, if you don't use your silverware to eat your mashed potatoes instead of shoving your face into them you will be sent straight to bed!"
"That means no bath!" Jr exclaimed to his brother, a glob of potatoes falling off his chin and onto the placemat Emmett's mother had made as a wedding gift.
They high fived each other and ran from the room, stomping up the stairs and howling like wolves.
"Not the werewolf game again." Rose groaned, putting her elbows on the table and resting her head in her hands.
"Sorry about that," James muttered, blushing slightly.
As a kid, he was tall and gangly, braces and a pimple-covered face. It was well known that he had always had a crush on Rosalie. Emmett wasn't the jealous sort, he knew what he had and appreciated it, probably even enjoyed the envy from other men. My envy wasn't for Rose's beauty or sweetness… but rather for the relationship they had. Even now, the way they looked at each other… it took me a while to spend more than just a few minutes with them after Bella left, it had hurt too much.
Rose stood up to start cleaning off the table and James hurriedly offered to help.
"I like when he comes to dinner, gets me out of rinsing off the dishes. What's the point of having a dishwasher if your wife still makes you wash them first anyway?" Emmett asked.
We were sitting on the porch in the wooden rocking chairs he had made.
"You know he's in heaven right now, acts like a damn pup around Rosie."
"He's harmless." Emmett chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. "There's more in the fridge."
"I'm okay, you know I love Rosie's ice tea." I declined his offer.
He eyed me, nodding slowly.
"Stop. Bella and I are over... you and Rose need to remember that. She left me when I needed her the most. She took our love and drove over it as if it were nothing more than horse shit."
"You need to talk to her, figure out what happened; everyone makes mistakes, Edward."
"Mistakes are commonly made, I know this, some are worse than others. Bella's is unfixable, and now she has to deal with it just as I have for the last five years. I'm done Emmett, I can't go through that with her again."
"Your head is telling you you're done, but what about your heart? You think I haven't noticed the way you watch her when you think no one is looking? She does the same thing, you know. You two are magnets, drawn to each other's every move just the same as you were before."
"The past is the past. It's time to move forward."
"You've done a hell of a job at that, huh?" He asked, tipping back his beer.
"I'm gunna get going, early day and all."
"Edward-"
"Thanks again Emmett."
It had been a year since I buried my son. Almost as long as thelast time I saw Bella. Daddy knew where her car was found and where it had been last registered, I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know if she was ten minutes or six hours away. She left me, all her promises of love and a future together broken. She broke me. I stopped going into town because I couldn't take the pitiful looks anymore, the whispers others thought I couldn't hear. Daddy forced me to church. Otherwise, I stayed on the ranch and occasionally met Emmett at the diner when he was convincing enough.
Emmett and Rose were getting married,and I had kept my distance, unable to stand the nearness of her in such a state while so close to giving birth. That's what had me driving the five hours to Bella. Rose went into labor, and I couldn't stay, I had to get out of town and the only one I wanted was her, the only one I thought could understand was Bella.
I found the shop where her car was worked on according to the statement Daddy was able to discover. It was late, and the place was closed, but the owner's name was printed on the glass door, a phone number underneath. I tried dialing that first but found it was for the business, not a personal number.
"Can I help you?"
A tall man came walking around the corner of the building, eyeing me suspiciously.
"Maybe. I was looking for Jacob Black."
"Shops closed. Come back in the morning." He stated and turned to walk away.
"I'm an old friend of his. Unfortunately, I lost his address on my way. He's expecting my visit."
"Jake's lived in the same house his whole life." Narrowed eyes assessed me and must have found no danger because he cocked his head and waited for me to continue.
"I've never actually been there…"
"You here to cause trouble?"
"Call him if you don't believe me." I challenged, hoping he wouldn't take me up on the offer."
"Turn around and take a right at the second stop sign. Only yellow house on the street."
"Thanks, man."
"I'll tell him you stopped by in case they aren't home." A subtle threat.
It took me three minutes and twenty-six seconds till I was parked outside his house. My headlights giving me a clear view of a car I helped pick out and the license plate I attached for her. There were four windows on the right side of the house, the left only a small porch and front door. Lights were on, and I saw shadows at first, then the side view of a crib was shown with Bella and a man leaning over it smiling. I quickly turned off my headlights and watched as he turned to her and led her from the room, my heart sinking into my stomach.
I came here to find her, but not this way. I thought Jacob Black might be able to tell me where I could find her, I never expected him to be the man who was keeping her from me. The light went out, a soft glow coming from the other two windows giving me a view of them together. His hands and lips touching what was mine, his body laying over hers without a protest coming from the lips that belonged to me. It was at that moment I realized she had not only run away but had also created another family. She had a son and man to take the place of our baby and me. We were no longer wanted, nor needed.
In a fit of rage, I turned my headlights back on and revved the engine. Once he jumped off her I tore through his yard, skidding my tires all over it, leaving nothing but muddy tracks behind me before turning around and going back down the road. I parked far enough away they wouldn't be able to see me, but I could see them with their porch light on. He came out first, Bella following soon after in nothing but a robe. He looked around the yard before speaking to Bella, his arms pulling her close and laying his head in the crook of her neck. I couldn't take it anymore and started my truck back up, the engine coming alive loudly and drove away as fast as I could.
For a few days, I just drove around aimlessly, no idea where I was or where I was going. It had almost been a week before I finally went back home, stopping at the bar before going back to the ranch to face my brother and father.
"You're too young to be in here," Harry grumbled when I sat on the stool, going into the back and coming out with a twelve pack, and putting it in a paper sack. "Get out before McCarty catches us both."
I nodded, and left, but not before catching sight of Jessica Stanley swaying her hips as she leaned over the jukebox.
"Hey, Jess." I leaned against the side of it so she would have a clear view of my face, doing my best to smile no matter how much I hurt inside. "Wanna have a few drinks with me?" I asked.
"Sure!" Her response enthusiastic, eyes sparkling with hope that would never be fulfilled. She was a means to an end. I wanted to forget.
We sat on my tailgate and polished off the box of beer, her drunker than I was. I asked her to come inside with me, and she was the one who pulled me to the house, pausing long enough for me to grab Daddy's booze and tilt my head back, taking deep swallows of the burning liquid. I gasped and sat the bottle down, stumbling after Jess as she ran up the stairs.
My head was pounding, the sun behind my eyelids making everything a bright orange color. I cracked them open and groaned as my stomach rolled. How much had I drunk last night? I couldn't remember anything after drinking Daddy's liquor. He was going to kill me. I groaned again and propped myself up on my elbows, and that's when I noticed what felt wrong.
There was someone beside me in bed.
I grabbed my jeans off the floor and basically stumbled into them as the night before came back to me in flashbacks.
I had slept with Jess.
The thought had me feeling even sicker, and I ran down the stairs and out of the house, hunching over and vomiting.
"Edward?" Jessica was coming out of the house buttoning up her shirt, her shorts and boots already on.
"Jess, I'm so sorry… this was a mistake."
"Was it really that bad?" She asked half in grimace and half in humor, motioning to my vomit.
"It's not that-"
"It's Bella." She finished for me though I wasn't going to give her the honest answer. "I should have known better." She smiled gently with a shake of her head. 'You'll never be over that girl."
She drove off in her car that she followed me home with last night.
As soon as she was gone, I heard the screen door open.
"Bout time you came home." Daddy grumbled, leaning against the doorframe.
"I'm sorry." I croaked.
"You're making a mess of your life. A beer here and there is different than a six pack, or in this case more, every night."
"Daddy-"
"Your brother is getting real tired of making sure you make it to bed every night. You don't even want to know how often he gets up during the night to make sure you're still breathing."
I had no words, I was ashamed. I had let my emotions rule over me this past year, grieving for everything I lost and not giving those I still had left a second thought.
It was time to stop.
Bella had moved on, and I needed to do the same.
My time here was usually quiet and uninterrupted, but I could hear the approaching sound of tires crunching on gravel. I thought perhaps it was Emmett, worrying needlessly about me; it would be just like him to do so. I stood and turned from where I had been talking to Daddy, hand still resting on the smaller stone the whole while.
It wasn't Emmett …
It was Bella.
"Why?" She stuttered, clutching her stomach, almost hunched over. "It hurts, Edward … so much!" She cried. "Why do you have to keep showing up, reminding me? Why did you have to order that damn shake for JJ? Do you know how much he liked that damn thing? All the while I could only wonder if he would be the same, how badly I craved them, if he would still demand a strawberry shake at the diner every Friday no matter how old he got." Tears were streaming down her face, her body shaking violently.
I didn't hesitate, taking long strides and grabbing her just as she turned away. I grabbed her shoulder and twirled her back around into my chest, clutching her as a lifeline as she cried.
"Say it, say his name." I pleaded, my voice hoarse with unshed emotion.
She refused to speak his name after we lost him; I had yet to hear it come from her lips. I wondered if she ever had.
"I can't. I pass here every night, trying to gain the courage to stop and see Papa C a-and-" Unable to finish her sentence.
I stayed silent, squeezing my eyes shut as I fought my own grief, clinging to her body, wondering if I would ever have the chance to hold her again.
"I'm sorry, so sorry." She finally whimpered, pulling away from me and running to her truck.
I started to protest and chase after her till I saw a sleeping JJ. I didn't want to wake him and scare him, and it almost hurt to know she came here where our boy was with one that didn't belong to me.