After this, there is no way that I will ever own any rights to Bleach, its poor defenseless characters, or any merchandising rights whatsoever. Same for Pokémon. Yes, Pokémon. That said, here is chapter seven.
The room was silent, all eyes turned to stare between Aizen and an obviously shocked Chizuru. The resemblance was obvious, but…
"You can't be serious," the queen growled. "I know my father; he's the King, for peat's sake!"
"Yes, your adopted father."
"The Hell would he adopt?"
"Because he's sterile."
Wait, wa-huh?
"You know how it is with the royal lines. So much inbreeding, it's only to be expected that someone would be impotent. To solve the problem, he made a request of a distant, unaffected relative."
"How could you have had a kid?" Chizuru demanded. "You're gay!"
"I was bisexual at the time. So this and that was arranged between me and the queen, you came about, and you inherited the throne."
Chizuru wanted to throw up. It was obvious.
"And, now, here I am to place the crown into deserving hands."
"You and what army?" Chizuru demanded.
"The one that used some earlier break-ins to infiltrate."
Earlier break-ins? No way…
"What break-ins?" Chizuru demanded.
Three people and their Pokémon were shifting uncomfortably, trying to spot a way to sneak out of.
"These three were the distraction," Aizen explained, "while Rukia's housemates searched the palace for Orihime. How ironic, that the distraction actually succeeded."
Chizuru glared daggers at said three, before they fell upon Orihime.
"Still more ironic, though, is that she is now slipping beyond anybody's reach."
"Dammit," Ichigo hissed, gripping the unconscious girl's shoulder.
"How do we save her?" Chizuru demanded.
"Why, Chizuru," he asked patiently, "how should I know?"
"Because you gave me the potion in the first place!"
"And I fed you bad sauerkraut when you were a year old. Is there a point?"
"WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?" Chapter One.
"But everyone knows that that turns someone evil for sixteen years," Rukia said. "Wait, isn't tomorrow the queen's seventeenth birthday?"
"So, what?" Ichigo snapped. "She'll be nice and normal, tomorrow?"
"What an interesting coincidence," Aizen noted.
"Why do I doubt that highly?" Tatsuki poured sarcasm all over the question.
"YOU DELIBERATELY TURNED ME EVIL?" Chizuru demanded.
"Well, more specifically," Aizen said, "I deliberately turned you evil on the day before you officially turned one year old. At your daily feeding of one o'clock."
"What time is it?" Tatsuki whispered.
Ichigo glanced at his watch. "1:07."
"The clock chimed when Inoue won," Rukia elaborated. "How long does it take to feed a baby sauerkraut?"
"I'd give it seven minutes," Tatsuki said.
"Why?"
Chizuru had straightened, somehow much more regal than before. "Sosuke Aizen, by order of the Queen, you are to stand down. Any soldiers on the grounds must vacate at once, and terms of your banishment will be put forth shortly."
Yeah, definitely seven minutes.
"And if I refuse?"
"You will be made to do so. Lily!"
"Jinx!"
Aizen barely leaped out of the way in time, Pokémon quick on his heels.
She would have a Jinx… Tatsuki inwardly grumbled.
"Suigestu," Aizen smirked.
"Alakazam!"
Rukia swore. "You two."
"Huh?"
"Yeah?"
"Which one do you want to win?"
"What?"
"Of these two, which would you rather see on the throne?"
"A psycho lesbian who tried to force Orihime into marriage and is suddenly supposed to be good, or a slimy gay who deliberately turned his kid evil to steal the throne in sixteen years." Tatsuki turned over the contestants in her mind, really liking neither. "Damn, tough call."
"Really is," Ichigo nodded. Truth be told, Chizuru would be the better bet. But come on, nobody could expect them to suddenly rally behind her, could they?
"Well, I already dislike Aizen. And considering my family…" Rukia sighed, and motioned Chappy to follow.
"Oi, Rukia!"
"Lily!"
Chizuru ran to her Jinx, who by this point had been beaten into a wall.
"This is the disadvantage of going it alone," Aizen sighed. "Except I didn't have to call out another teammate to beat you."
Chizuru growled low under her breath, wondering if her Rapidash could arrive from the stables in time. Even if she could, could she take this Alakazam? When her psychic-type Jinx couldn't?
"Chappy, use Ice Beam!"
"Deflect it."
"Alakazam!" It blocked the onslaught, glaring down the Wigglytuff. Chappy didn't back down.
"Rukia-chan…" Chizuru breathed. "You still…"
"So you're going with your position's loyalties, Kuchiki Rukia?" Aizen smiled.
"Position?" Tatsuki asked. "Wait, Kuchiki?" As in Kuchiki-taichou?
"Oi, Rukia!"
"Shinigami Operative Kuchiki Rukia." She said it as if it alone answered everything before resuming the battle, leaving Ichigo extremely confused.
"The Hell's a Shinigami Operative?"
"They're the covert ops," Tatsuki whispered. "Like the CIA. For her to be one is… Wait, then why the Hell'd you fight the queen alongside us?"
"Don't get me wrong," Rukia called. "I had the full intention of rescuing Inoue."
"But now you get to renew your real allegiance," Aizen smirked. "And just to be safe… Suigetsu, finish them all."
"Alakazam."
Before the others could so much as blink, all three Pokémon still on their feet were hurled into the far wall.
"Hoya!"
"Kazemaru!"
"Chappy!"
"WHAT THE HELL!" Ichigo shouted.
"WE HADN'T EVEN PICKED A SIDE!" Tatsuki glared.
"Your leanings were obvious," Aizen stated. "I was simply taking precautions, and now…"
"Hyorinmaru, body slam!"
A Dragonair swooped down from above, knocking Aizen's Alakazam right into him.
"Toshiro?"
Rukia saluted, trying to keep the smirk off her face.
Toshiro saluted back. "Hyorinmaru…"
"Suigetsu, if you please."
The Alakazam, down but not out, lifted a spoon into the air. Toshiro braced for attack.
The main door creaked open, and in walked…
"HINAMORI!"
"Are you sure that you wish to attack?" Aizen asked, holding the unconscious girl as the psychic control dropped. "She may not survive in her current state."
"Dammit…"
"That dirty…"
"I do suppose that I should thank her, though," Aizen smiled. "Thank you, Hinamori-kun, for giving me the location of Orihime's hiding place."
"Wait, what?"
"Momo would never!" Rukia declared. The girl may have had a monster crush on Aizen, but surely she'd never betray them!
Toshiro was strangely quiet. Observing everything, and then his eyes fell upon Suigetsu. "She told me she saw an Alakazam in the forest."
"Oh, she had a run-in with Suigetsu?"
"I'm sure it was a HELL of a run-in," Toshiro growled. "You had it read her memories, didn't you?"
"Oh, well, if you want to believe that…" He had the look of a discovered snake. "What shall you do now?"
A growling behemoth swept in, snatching the Momo from Aizen's surprised arms. Hikarei kept right on going, lowering her only when coming to Orihime. Panting, she gave a low whine and turned downcast eyes up to Ichigo.
"Hikarei…"
The Arcanine nuzzled Orihime before maneuvering her onto her back.
"Get these two out of here," Ichigo sighed as he positioned the girls onto the Arcanine's back.
Hikarei nodded, and ran from the throne room as Hyorinmaru fired an ice beam.
"Kyouka," Aizen said. A pillar of fire erupted from the ceiling, and through the hole flew… A Ho-Oh? Aizen had a &*% Ho-Oh? Sure enough, it lowered its neck so that he could straddle it and rise to Toshiro's eye level. "Are you ready, Hitsugaya-taichou?"
Toshiro growled, staring at the legendary Pokémon before him. "Bring it on."
Shit, that thing was fast!
Shit, this was bad. Rangiku kept running, eyes intent on the throne room. Whatever the Hell Aizen thought he was doing, why did he have to abduct Momo? She cursed under her breath and forced herself to go even faster, Ash adjusting her pace as well. The Persian was also listening, ears always alert for the next enemy. She didn't have to listen for long. Whatever was happening in the throne room, it sounded like a Hell of a battle.
And it was—wait, was that a Ho-Oh? Aizen was supposed to have an Alakazam! When had he—
Hyorinmaru pivoted in midair, barely dodging the flames from the much bigger Pokémon. Ash growled, hair bristling at the sight of the legendary. Rangiku made a quick sweep of the room, noting the injured Pokémon and grim-looking spectators.
Ash growled again, much louder than before. Rangiku turned on her heel, to the sight of invading soldiers. In white. Who worked for Las Noches.
Shit.
"Intruders!" Rangiku called. Everybody but Aizen jumped, watching in something akin to shock as doors throughout the throne room burst open to reveal white-garbed soldiers. All employees from Las Noches, to boot.
Aizen, indeed, had amassed an army.
"How many did he sneak in?" Rukia growled.
"More than enough to be trouble," Tatsuki replied. "They're all armed."
"Great." Ichigo wished for his Zangetsu. If only Hoya could fight—
The great Houndoom strode up to stand beside him, muscles tensed for battle. He smirked at Ichigo's stunned face before head-butting him in the chest. His human's fingers scratched between his horns on autopilot, mind wondering at his partner's speedy recovery—
"The Hell're you doing up," Kazemaru?" Tatsuki asked with that same look of surprise. The answer came with the sight of Chizuru's Jinx standing over Chappy and using something that looked suspiciously like Cure.
"I always keep some Superpotion on hand," the queen explained, not asking why they hadn't been prepared.
"Mine ran dry on the field," Tatsuki admitted. "Sorry, Kazemaru."
The bird shrugged, and the warm fuzzies were cut short as Rukia was hugging Chappy.
End of chapter.
Not as good, not as funny, and not nearly on the level of Aizen's canon Xanatos Gambits in presentation, but I did enjoy the sauerkraut. How long would it take to feed a baby sauerkraut, anyway? Probably more than seven minutes, but oh well. Anywhoo, I don't want to do another chapter until I get feedback on this one (I may want to re-tool it), so please do something more akin to a genuine review…
PS: I am indeed back, there will be another chapter following, but it will probably be several more weeks before the next chapter. Finals and "The World Outside" are currently eating my life.