'You need to go to the hospital now' Said Erika. I nodded robotically.

My eyes started to get wet – it was not hard to guess, to presume what had happened. I realised that my legs and hands had started to shake.

It is amazing how fast life can be turned upside down.

*

I stepped out the cab and walked out to the street facing the hospital, the rain was pouring down but I did not notice it. I was a complete mess – even though I had expected this too happen, even if I knew that it would not take long that the next time I saw her would be in a hospital bed.

I did not want to think the worst possibility, but it popped up in the head like an evil reminder in the back of my head nagging me.

Tears were poring down my cheek, I hated it. I wanted to control myself – jeez, maybe it was just something small routine check.

But there was no chance that it would be something like that

I took the step to the entrance; meeting family's walking with a young child with his hand in a cast; people sitting in wheelchairs and people walking with crouches.

There was the usual hospital smell that made me shiver.

As I walked in there was a gift store to the right with 'Get Well Cards' and flower bouquets.

The reception was placed in the centre of the room, a forty something woman was sitting there helping an older man.

It felt like forever until the man was finally finished, I felt frustrated as I stood behind him. I was standing on the same spot stamping with my feet on the ground, surprised I had not done something more dramatic.

'Hey, which floor is Jill McDonald on?' I asked fast as it was my turn. The woman started to write on the keyboard and looked at the screen.

'Floor two, room 326' she said and I nodded as I started to make my way to the lift.

With hurried steps I walked to the lift at the end of the hall. My heart pumped faster for every second.

I know it was childish, but I kept thinking that if I didn't go into room 326 but just went home instead I could convince myself that nothing had happened.

I pressed the up button to the lift, I did not notice I kept pressing it until till a plump thirty-something woman with curly hair asked me if I was all right and I put my hands away.

Before I could freak out anymore the doors to the lift opened, a family of three was inside and they walked out of the elevator.
Together with the woman next to me I walked in and pressed the button for plan two.

My eyes were completely focused on the board of the lift that right now pointed the Ground floor.

Please, please just let everything be all right

I kept fiddling with my fingers, I hated this.

Being at a hospital

Not knowing

Then it me – in a couple of minutes my life could change drastically.

It would never be the same again.

First floor

An older man with a walker stepped inside.

I was starting to believe that after this unbearable waiting, nothing could be worse.

I took in a big sigh and the unpleasant smell that exist in every hospital.

Finally, the lift was moving again and I felt so frustrated that I could hit something to take it off on.

I started to fell panicked and stressed; I started to breathe a lot faster. One minute had never felt so long and so excruciating.

The lift stopped, and the door opened. I hurried outside, almost crashing into a nurse. I started to walk in the direction where it said 'Rooms 287-355'

It didn't take me a long time to find it and I walked in to the room. There were four beds; one was vacant, in another there was a young girl laying with her family sitting around her.

In another there was a fifty something man and one the one furthest away to the right my mother was laying.

She was sleeping.

She was alive.

My sister and dad were sitting on the chairs and they looked at me. There faces were not welcoming, they look distraught, there eyes filled with tears. I walked to them, my steps were quick and we all embraced in a long hug.

'Hailee…she tried to end her life' my father said in a low voice, I could make out the difficulty it was for him to say.

My emotions quickly changed and I stood like frozen on the floor– my mother had tried to commit suicide.

She had tried to end her life

She was selfish. She was just going to give up like that and leave us alone?

I bit my lip, how could she?.

Did not she realise how much it would tear us others apart? Leaving Nelly without a mother?

People are always saying how suicide is tragic; but they are not tragic – not at all. It is the most selfish thing a person could do.

Wasn't dad, Nelly and me enough to live for?

I wanted to grab mum as she was lying there so peacefully and shake her until she came to her senses.

This was not my mother; she would not do something like this to us.

Then I hated myself for not being there, for not being able to prevent it from happening.

It was my fault.

'Hailee' my dad said seriously and I looked at him. He looked a complete mess, big bags under his eyes and he was wearing the same clothes he had been wearing for days.

'Jill will be away for a couple of weeks…months probably'

I didn't say anything at first.

It was official now; my mother was nuts and going to a psycho ward.

It both scared me and made me relieved. It made me relieved to know that my mother would get some help, maybe it was too late already…I hated to think like this but it would be nice to not have to care of my mum.

But it made me upset and angry that it had gotten this far and that we had allowed it to get like this.

He took both my sister and mine hands.

'I think it is time for us to leave' he said, I nodded my head. I had just gotten here but I could not stand to be in here for any more. As we walked out the door, I looked back and got a quick glimpse off my mother lying there on the bed, all I wanted to scream at her; I was so frustrated – at life, at everything.

God, how I hated my mother for putting us through all of this.

When we got to the car, all three of us where silent – there was not much to be said. No one dared to bring up what happened, even though we were all three thinking about it.

At least I had my dad and sister and we would get through this, I am sure.

'How about we stop for an ice cream?' My dad's voice was weak; I heard that he was fighting hard not to cry as he tried to focus on looking at the road.

I turned around to my sister in the back seat. 'What do you say Nelly, do you want some ice cream?' I asked.

'I do not feel like eating anything'

'…neither do I, but stop if you want too' I said to my dad but he shook his head.

'No…I am not much to eating either'

After that it went silent again in the car, the only sound that could be heard was the one from the engine.

It felt like to quickly before we were outside the house. It was still raining so we hurried to the door. As soon as I got inside, everything kept reminding about my mum. The shoes, the jackets…the photography's of us together.

I kicked my shoes off, Nelly had already sprinted to the living room and my father and I stood alone in the kitchen.

'W-here…did she do it?' I asked, in a shaky voice. My question was returned by a pair of upset eyes looking at me.

'The basement'

'Oh' I uttered, trying to think for something else to say. 'I think I will just go to my room for a moment' and I walked off to my room.

*

I thought I had been fine, that I would manage to cope with every thing.

I realised just how wrong I could be. Everything in the house made me think of my mother and made me upset. How she could have done something like that, and how I have allowed it to happen.

I was so out of it, so away that it took me a couple days before I realised that I was locking my self in my room. The only times I walked out was when I needed to eat. Every time I did I saw my dad and sister look at me with sadness, but they did not say anything about it. I guess they figured it would be over soon.

I sat with my knees curled up to my chin on my bed, I was day dreaming – I did that a lot now – there was not really anything else much to do.

The door gave out a croaking sound, and Felicia was standing in there. Her curly red hair was in a ponytail and she made a couple of uncertain steps towards me while I just observed her.

'Hailee, we all care about you. We don't want to see you like this' she sounded desperate. I decided to keep my gaze at the pillow on my stomach.

She did not understand

Nobody did

It was silent until Felicia sat down to the bed next to me. I did not need to look at her to know what she was feeling - pity. I hated to be pitied. There were people a lot worse than me, I did not deserve to feel pitied for.

'I know it's hard-'

'You have no idea what I am going through' I spat out. Felicia looked a bit taken a back at my tone but she seemed to calm down.

'Of course we do not. I am just saying that we get that it is hard for you but we are worried for you'' she said.

I did not reply, I sat on the couch just staring at out through the window.

'Well, if you are just going to ignore me I am going to leave' said Felicia briskly.

'Fine for me'

She jumped out of the bed and with hurried steps started to make her wait out of the room. She then turned around to look at me.

'Hailee, whether you like it or not you need to face reality'

*

It was obvious what everyone was doing, every day a person would come and try to cheer me up. S far it had been Felicia, Bee, Jasper, Evan and Hugh that had tried. Felicia had came back, but I had given her the same cold response but I also knew that she came back because she knew that I actually appreciated it.

There was one person that had not come though, and I hated myself for wondering when it would be Oliver that would come.

I could not separate between night and day anymore. It was like everything was a long stretched out day. It did not matter for me anyhow, if it was night or day, sun or rain.

The door to my room opened, I gave a quick glance. I immediately recognised the bulky figure standing there.

'I am guessing you are coming here to try to and say that it is all going to get better and that I am acting stupid' I muttered.

Oliver raised his eyebrow. 'I did not know you were psychic' he said and for the first time in days my mouth twitched.

'Just a skill I have gained these days' I said as he sat down on the bed next to me. I felt tempted to ask him what had taken him so long to come to me but I decided to keep mouth shout.

'Don't do this to yourself 'Lee. You are cutting yourself of from everyone who wants to help you' he said in a low voice. His hand moved up my arm, and wrapped itself around me.

'Maybe that is for the best' I almost whispered and reluctantly I felt my eyes getting watery.

'No, it is not'

I started to look at my fingernails, inspecting them very closely.

'Your dad and sister needs you more than ever, none of us can relate to what you are feeling but they can and you are making so much more difficult than you need to'

I couldn't help it any more; my hands grasped Oliver's t-shirt and cheeks poured down as I buried myself in his shoulders. He stroked my hair slowly. Damn it, why did he have to make me act so girly.

'I just wished…I could go back in time. Seen what happening was…done something about it' My voice was shaky. Oliver grabbed my shoulder with his hands.

''Lee, listen to me – no one could have predicted it and I do not think anything could have been done, your mom is just…to sick'

He moved his hands to my cheek. It felt like I could not breathe, like all air was gone; I just stared into his chocolate brown eyes.

I did not want to get my hopes.

His finger touched where my tears were drying

I was afraid that if I took one breath, everything would stop, so I sat there still hoping that it would not.

Oliver was so close to me that his hair touched my forehead.

He smelt off grass, he always did.

Without realising it, my arms were rapped around his neck. His finger did not move anymore.

I twitched; this would be the part where he would ruin it all. To my surprise, he moved his hand to my waist.

We were so close now that our lips touched. I parted my lips as I was shaking. Our lips met and we kissed, more passionate than I had ever kissed before.

I did not want it to end and reluctantly pulled out.

'I have been wanting to do that for some while' he said, it was amazing how that sentence made me forget about everything else.

'Me too' I whispered as I huddled up closer to him. 'Actually, why don't we go outside? I could use some air ' I said and Oliver smiled at me.

'I think that sounds like a brilliant plan'

I know it is short, but I really don't have time to write more right now.

SORRY about the update, seriously school is eating me alive.

Thanks for all the reviews, there has been some mixed thoughts about this new version but the main reaction has been positive :) But I don't have anything against conscructive criticism. Thanks for the alerts and all of that too, and of course for reading the story ;)