It was Friday and I once again found myself sitting at the table of yet another committee. This time it was the South Park Christmas committee and just like in the past Wendy was taking charge. I saw a lot of faces from the Thanksgiving Committee here and they too seemed accustomed by now to mostly follow Wendy. This time the work was going to be a lot harder considering how we had to first plan a Christmas present giving ceremony for the less wealthy kids in school, but at least a lot of teachers would be helping us out with it. Then there was a Christmas banquet that students would have to pay a hefty amount in order to attend meaning that it was going to be a gathering of the more wealthy kids. Lastly there was the Christmas play that the schools theatre group would be mostly responsible for, but we still had to help out to make sure that everything was nice, neat, and organized.

I was far less focused on the meeting as I usually would be as I thought about what Clyde and I would do this weekend. Ever since Monday we had not really played around much at school and it seemed that Dale had kept quiet about what he had saw so the middle of my school week had been pretty bland. Clyde had talked to me a few times during gym and tried to get me to put something else in my ass, but I had refused due to the fact that I needed a little break. Clyde had told me earlier today though that he had something planned for the weekend and I was wondering how I was going to balance going to both Clyde's and Stan's over the weekend.

The meeting went by and was soon finished with Wendy and a couple of the seniors making the majority of the decisions and I mostly just went along with whatever Wendy decided. As I walked out of the meeting room I had decided to tell Clyde and Stan and tell them how I planned to spend my time this weekend.

Hey I'm gonna stay over Tonight is that ok? I texted Stan

Hey I'll stay the night at your place this Saturday is that ok? I texted Clyde

Just as I was about to begin to walk home, on account of me texting Stan earlier to go ahead and ride home with Token without me, Wendy approached me.

"Hey Kyle is everything alright?" Wendy asked.

"Yea Wendy why do you ask?" I asked in a confused tone.

"Well you seemed less active is all," Wendy said," but if your fine your fine I guess."

"Yea... just a lot on my mind is all," I said somewhat nervously.

"Wanna talk about it?" Wendy offered.

"Uhh... well... I..." I said trying to come up with a way to get out of this.

"Ok," Wendy said with a sigh," I see how it is Kyle... see you on Monday."

With that Wendy walked away making me feel a little guilty. Wendy and I had never been too close, but part of that was due to my deep rooted distaste of her for being Stan's girlfriend. Wendy in the past had made a few attempts to be more friendly with me, especially after she started dating Stan in earnest, and I always kind of brushed them off. It was probably too late for me to get any closer to Wendy than I already was so I decided to stop thinking about it as I headed home to prepare to go to Stan's house.

As I was walking home I received a text message from Stan.

yea sounds good dude Stan texted

After a bit more of walking I received yet another text this time from Clyde.

But... why :'( Clyde texted me

Because I'm going over to Stan's I texted back

Blow him off... and then ditch him ;) Clyde texted me

Ok one he would never let me and two I have not hung out with him for a while so... yea I texted him

Fine... just be over here Saturday I guess Clyde texted

Thank you I texted him before putting away my phone.

When I got home the first thing I did was pack my stuff to head to Stan's. I had already told my mom that I was staying over at a friends again. She seemed a little confused as to why I was staying over at a friends so often during the weekends but agreed none the less. I probably should have told Clyde or Stan to come over to my house instead, but it was already a little late for that. Besides Clyde's house always seemed secluded due to the fact that his father never seemed to really be around, but Stan was already used to coming over to my place so I should at least be able to tell him to go over to my place instead next time. I then told my parents and Ike goodbye as I took off for Stan's.

When I arrived at Stan's house and rung on his doorbell his sister Shelly answered the door.

"Oh...," Shelly said with a resting bitch face," Stan your little friend is here!"

"Ok!" I heard Stan yell from upstairs as I watched Shelly walk back inside and plop down on the couch in the living room.

Shelly had calmed down slightly since getting older, but that was not saying much. She was a senior in our high school but she was never really talked and was surprisingly quiet at school. At home she still had bitch fits now and again, but as she got older they seemed to get rarer and rarer.

I walked in and closed the door behind me as I headed up the stairs to Stan's room.

"Hi Kyle," Stan greeted as I walked into his bedroom.

He was already playing that sort of new game of his when I came in and had a controller already prepared for me. The two of us then proceeded to play the game for the next thirty minutes. The last time I played this was with Token, Wendy, and Stan himself and it felt like it was forever ago. Soon enough I realized Stan had been playing this game constantly as he was able to completely decimate me like never before.

"Ok... you've been playing this way too much," I said after being beaten for what had to have been for the twentieth time.

"Well yea I own it," Stan said with a light laugh," Do you wanna do something else?"

"Uhh... hmm," I said trying to come up with something.

I do not know if it was just because I have been sucking the dicks of guys I have hung out with recently, but for some reason the thought of asking Stan to drop his pants popped into my mind briefly before I immediately disregarded it. I could never ask Stan to do such a thing and I realized I had to be more careful now that my confidence was rising. If I did not mind what I say I may get to a point when I just blurt out how much I like him unconsciously and really fuck things up. I did like Stan I really did but I knew better than to get my hopes up, but for some reason no matter how often I told myself that I still felt my deep rooted love for him. I still found myself fantasizing about Stan from time to time even though having been with Kenny and Clyde had made me think about him a little less often.

"How about we... uh...," I said still trying to come up with something.

"You know we could go see a movie," Stan suggested," There's that new Wonder movie that just came out."

"Yea we could, do you want to go now?" I asked.

"Sure lets go," Stan said and with that we were off the the movie theater.

It was a quiet peaceful walk to the movies. It was also a great time to think about things. Even though I was with Stan I was still looking forward to hanging out with Clyde tomorrow and sating my desires. When I was with Stan I always felt terrible when I remembered that I was not able to actually have him for myself, and I just felt my lust and depression mix together as I felt I could never tell him how I felt about him. Even if Kenny seemingly thought that Stan would not mind me being gay I was still skeptical.

"So Kyle are you actually seeing anyone?" Stan asked while attempting to sound nonchalant but I did notice a bit of eagerness in his voice.

"Well... like I said kind of," I said nervously.

"Have you and... her... got together yet?" Stan asked as we neared the theater.

"What?" I said mildly surprised by his question," That is... that's kind of a personal question."

I noticed that Stan seemed to believe it was a girl who I was with, and I was not sure if that was a good or a bad thing. It made it harder to come out to him if he thought I was currently seeing a girl, and even if I had not really planned on coming out to him I still would of liked it better if Stan knew deep down at least that I was gay. On the bright side if I did want to stay in the closet at least I was doing a good job keeping my cover apparently.

"Yea sorry," Stan said with a laugh as he rubbed the back of his head," I'll pay for your ticket by the way."

"Oh, Thanks Stan," I said.

When Stan and I got into the auditorium I noticed there was hardly anyone there. Which was weird because it was a weekend, but also kind of expected because this movie had been out for a while now. Stan had been very nice and bought popcorn and drinks for the both of us. If I was still in that stage of being blindly in love with the raven haired boy I would probably be hoping that he actually did have feelings for me at this point, but I knew better than to assume that him buying my way in the theater was a sign that he harbored feelings towards me at this point. The two of us were best friends and I liked it that way, and even though I wished he would love me, I knew I had to be grateful and settle for the friendship the two of us had.

Stan and I sat in the back away from most of the other people in the theater as we watched the previews go by. Stan was holding the popcorn between his legs and I thought about what perverted and kinky thing I could do with Stan if he were Clyde, but he was not Clyde so no matter how far I reached into the popcorn there was not going to be a dick in there.

About half way into the movie which I was kind of enjoying I felt Stan's eyes on me, and when I turned to my left and face him he immediately looked away. The air around us got a little awkward for a moment as we sat in silence. The Stan got out of his seat and walked over me.

"I got to go to the restroom," Stan said as he hurried off.

I found what just happened to be extremely weird. For a moment it looked as though Stan was staring at me in a way similar to how Clyde and Kenny had stared at me. However, I did not get a good enough look at Stan to read his face, and I had no real clue as to what was going on in his head. I know I was being foolish but I could not help but hope that he might actually have been developing feelings for me. After I pondered things for a bit I decided to go check on Stan in the restroom.

When I entered the guys restroom I found it completely deserted apart from one of the stalls. I tried to be quiet and make sure that Stan did not hear me approach the stall he was presumably in. I was being quiet because I felt as though Stan would probably find it weird if I followed him into the restroom. Sure if he caught me in here I could just tell him that I needed to use the restroom, which is already what I planned to do if he caught me, but I also needed to see if he was doing what I think he may just maybe doing in that stall and in order to do that I needed to remain quiet.

As I got right next to the stall careful to keep my feet both quiet and relatively out of view I heard a faint noise. I sounded like a slick, wet, meaty noise and I immediately felt as though my theory had just been verified. I then quietly entered the stall next to Stan's determined to confirm my suspicions entirely. I then got up on the toilet as I stealthily peered over the stall and immediately was rewarded.

What lay before my eyes was Stan jacking off with his phone out as he looked at it. I struggled not to fall down as soon as I saw Stan's large cock which was roughly the size of Clyde's but I noticed that Stan's balls were smaller. I was a little afraid of him looking up and seeing me but the sight of his dick which I have craved to see in this state all of my life was keeping me there.

This was not necessarily proof that Stan liked me in that manner, after all he could of just been looking at me as he considered sneaking off to look at a picture of Wendy. Then I focused on his phone and almost let out a small gasp as I saw a picture of myself on it. I immediately got down of the toilet and struggled to breath and I felt as though my entire world was about to collapse. I then walked not so carefully out of the bathroom as I collapsed on the floor of the theater's corridor. Luckily no one was here right now to see my eyes tear up as I struggled to pull myself together.

I felt guilty for spying on Stan and figuring this out this way, in fact it seemed like something shitty that Cartman or Kenny would do. Even more so I was hurt that Stan had clearly felt the way towards me that I felt towards him this entire time and I had just given up on the idea entirely. Life was cruel though for I knew that Stan was dating Wendy and he did have real feelings for her, and even though I wish I was heartless enough to try and break Wendy and him up I just simply was not. In the end I really did view Wendy as a friend despite her taking what I most desired. I felt like what I originally thought was not attainable was very attainable and I just never noticed and now it was far too late. If I had told Stan in middle school maybe he and Wendy would not have gotten so close and now I had to live with that. The thing that by far hurt the most is that I felt if I were to suddenly want to get with Stan he would find out that I was used goods and had slept with not one but two other guys already. It was almost as if I had wasted myself.

I thought about how I was with Clyde and how I did love him, but it was a different kind of love. The Love I had for Stan was deep rooted into my soul at this point and it also hurt a lot more to realize that I actually did have a chance with Stan, but it seemed way too late to do anything with Stan for so many different reasons. I almost wished that I had not seen Stan jacking off to a picture of me, but I had and now I had to live with a cruel truth rather than a comforting lie. The comforting lie being that Stan will never love me so it was ok to start dating Clyde , and the cruel truth being that there was a chance to get with Stan but now he was with Wendy and it was too late.

I got up off the floor just as I heard the bathroom door open. I quickly wiped my face as Stan walked out and the two of us made what had to be the most uncomfortable eye contact ever.

"Hey Kyle you have to go?" Stan asked immediately regaining his cool.

"Oh... uh... yea..." I said glad that Stan had given me an out.

With that Stan walked back to the auditorium as I went into the bathroom. I then stayed in there a bit trying to regain my composure before going back out to continue watching the movie with Stan. When I sat back down in my seat I noticed that Stan had his arm on the back of the chairs like in some cheesy teen flick. I may of laughed if I had not felt so terrible about what I had just happened. I was going to make it a point never to let my curiosity get the better of me again.

"Hey Kyle you know you and Wendy are probably my favorite people in the world right?" Stan asked me with a serious look in his eye.

"Yes... I guess I do..." I say nervously trying not to make it completely obvious I had just witnessed him jacking off to a picture of me.

"Yea I love Wendy and would never do anything to hurt her," Stan said as he grabbed my shoulder with his hand," But I still love you dude... your like my best friend."

If I had not just witnessed what I had in the bathroom I probably would of just assumed this was Stan being sweet. I was not as ignorant as I had been just a few minutes ago, and that changed my perspective of what he was saying entirely. I do not remember Stan ever really dropping hints that he liked me and believe me I spent the past couple years of my life looking for any signs. I wondered what made Stan decide to start to drop hints of his feelings towards me of all the sudden, and better yet what he was hoping to accomplish by getting me to recognize how he felt about me. He already said that he never would hurt Wendy which made things so much more confusing. I hoped that he did not expect to start some affair with me behind Wendy's back because I would never go along with it, but for now I was just going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he had a good reason for implying that he liked me.

"Thanks dude... I love you too," I said as Stan smiled and we both continued watching the movie.

The movie was soon over but unfortunately I missed a chunk so Stan and I were both kind of out of the loop when the climax came around. Stan and I walked home to his house in utter silence as nightfall descended and winter reminded us of its presence.

As soon as we got back to his place we were ready to go to sleep in his warm house. As I lay down on the pallet next to Stan's bed I began to think about what it would be like to actually sleep with Stan. From what I saw Stan was about Clyde's size down there which was acceptable to me. I imagined what it would be like to suck on that dick of his as I quickly shook my head to clear away the dirty thoughts. If I did not intend to do anything like that with Stan then I definitely should not even be thinking about it.

Then I heard Stan start mumbling in his sleep above me. He did this sometimes when he slept and I wished I could make out what he was saying but it always came across as gibberish.

After not being able to sleep for what had to have been an hour I realized that I still very much loved Stan and was jealous of Wendy. I realized that what I wanted was someone who was loyal like that and not some one who wanted an open relationship. I did love Clyde in a sense, but I had just realized the love I really wanted was very monogamous. Sure it could be fun to just behave like a total slut, but in my heart I wanted to be the center of the universe to someone. I knew that I had completely cut ties with Kenny in favor of a more loving relationship with Clyde and now I was having doubts about that decision. I went to bed that night feeling lost and confused and feeling like I had no idea what the meaning of love even was any more.

I woke up the next morning as the sun began to pierce through the windows of Stan's room. As I opened my eyes and sat up I realized I was alone in his room. I was confused at first until I saw a note on Stan's bed.

Hey Kyle Wendy called and wanted to go out and I did not want to wake you up

I examined the piece of paper looking for more but that was it. As things always tend to repeat themselves Stan had ditched me for Wendy. Even though he clearly had some conflicting feelings about me he was still one hundred percent loyal to the girl that he knew exactly how he felt about and vice versa.

With that I left Stan's place and began to make my way over to Clyde's house. On my way, however, I ran into some one I had not seen in a long long time. As I was walking by this small liquor store he walked out of it and the two of us nearly ran into each other before realizing who we both were. I was looking at the face of Kenny McCormick and he was looking right back with a confused yet kind of ecstatic look on his face.

"It's been a while Kyle," Kenny greeted.

"Uh... hey Ken," I said as I tried to continued walking down the sidewalk just to be stopped.

"Hey is that all you gonna say?" Kenny questioned as I felt myself grow weak in the legs.

"I... just... need more space... for a bit," I said nervously.

"Fine," Kenny said with a huff as he walked away.

I was almost surprised that he actually just left it at that as he just walked away, but as the same time I was grateful that the uncomfortable conversation had ended. As I was continuing to walk over to Clyde's I pulled out my phone to text Clyde to let him know I was on my way. It was at that moment I remembered my promise to Kenny not to let Clyde fuck me, and even though I had let him stick toys up my ass I have kept to that promise, but after discovering Stan getting off to a picture of me I really just wanted to give myself to Clyde to make me forget about it. I then decided I would just text Kenny and ask him.

Hey... Kenny... I want to go back on my promise not to get fucked is that ok? I texted Kenny as I got an immediate reply

What? no! ask me in person if you want an answer I was literally just right next to you for fucks sake. Kenny texted back

I really did not want to see Kenny right now, but I also did not want to piss him off as I thought back to all the times that doing that really came back to bite me in the ass. I also remembered how Kenny did seemingly want to bury the hatchet and seemed to be at least somewhat remorseful of some of his actions. He and I did both practically break down crying together the last time we saw one another and had a real heart to heart, but part of me still was afraid of Kenny for some reason and I just really did not feel like seeing him at the moment or for the next month or two for that matter. Just seeing him a second ago made me a little jumpy and brought back some unpleasant memories. I did still want to actually go all the way with Clyde so I guess I just had to go out of my comfort zone for a moment.

Fine where are you at I texted him

In the alley behind the bar hurry up Kenny texted

I hated that I was once again going somewhere on Kenny's orders but I felt I had little choice if I wanted to get a go all the way with Clyde this weekend without feeling like I broke a promise. I soon made it to the bar and went down the alleyway beside the bar until I saw Kenny sitting on a dumpster at the very end. He looked pleased to see me when he noticed I had arrived.

"Hey Kyle so you want to get fucked by Clyde right?" Kenny asked bluntly with a huge grin on his face indicating that he was intentionally doing this to fuck with me.

"Dammit Kenny not so loud," I said as I looked around and made sure no one was nearby.

"It's alright no one's around," Kenny said attempting to sound reassuringly.

"I would... ugh... anyways... Is it cool or what," I said nervously as I was desperate to get away from Kenny whose very presence made me question myself.

"Oh yea sure... if you suck my dick first," Kenny said as he gave me a malicious smirk," I have not gotten an action lately you know."

I froze for a moment as I could not believe after all that has happened between us he would propose such a thing. Even more outrageous was that some where in the back of my mind I was considering actually doing it, but I guess I really should not be surprised by that at this point.

"Kenny... are you nuts?" I asked.

"no but I have some," Kenny joked.

"You know what," I said feeling my shame and self loathing start to boil over," I don't even need your permission I'm gonna go get fucked by Clyde right now."

As I began walking away Kenny quickly hopped off the dumpster and grabbed me by the arm. I nearly tripped before he used his other hand to grab my shirt and pull me up. I looked into the blonde's eyes and saw an odd mixed look in his eyes. He looked mad but at the same time happy and eager.

"Listen Kyle you go get fucked by all the guys you want... But I'm the only one who will..." Kenny said aggressively as I heard some one approach from near by.

"Kenny... dude what is going on?" I heard Craig's voice say as Kenny suddenly let me go.

"Ahh... nothing me and Kyle were just having a chit chat," Kenny said as a smile returned to his face.

I nervously glanced at Craig who was giving me a concerned look that I did not expect to ever receive from him considering our recent history.

"It looked like you were just mugging him or something," Craig said in his usual bland tone but his eyes still looked somewhat concerned.

"Oh we just get a little too physical from time to time right Kyle?" Kenny said as he looked at me with pleading yet demanding eyes.

"Yea... sure," I said as I continued to walk away from this scene.

"Bye Kyle and remember you have permission," Kenny said as I saw him wink at me, but it was not a playful wink it was a wink that was meant to send the message that this conversation was not over.

I thought initially that Kenny just wanted to take things slow and at first that did seem to be the case. Did I get unlucky by running in to him today and was it a mistake to ask him to let me go back on my promise. Whatever the case was it seemed that Kenny still had not wiped his hands of me and that both terrified me yet at the same time deep down it made me kind of excited.

"Dude what was that?" I heard Craig said as I left the alley and went out of range to where I could not hear Kenny's response.

I at least had permission to let Clyde fuck me, and I planned to in the hopes that it would cheer me up from the depressing situation I found myself in between two of my former friends.

By the time I arrived at his house I had already texted Clyde and told him I was coming over. Something unusual happened when I rung his doorbell. For once I saw his dad appear as he opened the door. Clyde's dad was well kept and clean looking which is not what I expected his dad to look like considering how laissez faire his house policies were.

"Oh hello Clyde's in his room," Clyde's father said as he let me in instantly assuming that I was one of his son's friends.

I now felt a little upset as I doubted Clyde would be down to fuck with his dad around, which means I just had that uncomfortable run in with Kenny for nearly no reason. When I got up to Clyde's room I heard his voice and figured he was talking to someone, but when I got inside he was sitting on his bed alone clearly expecting me. He must of just got off his cell phone or something.

"Hey Kyle," Clyde greeted.

"Hey Clyde I see that your dad is home," I said with a hint of disappointment in my voice.

"Oh he'll be gone in another hour or so don't worry," Clyde said with a childish smirk on his face," We'll have this place to ourselves soon."

"Good cause I'm a little... you know... in the mood," I said as Clyde's smirk widened.

"Yea I see... lets play some games in the meantime," Clyde suggested.

Clyde and I then played one of his games called Seraph two for the next ten minutes before Clyde started messing around. He would occasionally grab one of my nipples and give them a little squeeze, he would also grab my butt or smack it from time to time whenever I readjusted myself, and last he would kiss me from time to time on the cheek. I was turned on by all of this and could not wait for his dad to leave.

When we finally watched as Clyde's dad drove out of the garage and left I felt relieved. Clyde apparently did too as he immediately pounced on me and began wrestling around with me on his bed. He began stripping me out of my clothes and I tried to do the same to him with less success.

"Were gonna have some fun now Kyle," Clyde said with a wink as he pulled my pants off leaving me only in my thong.

I had only managed to get Clyde's shirt off so far, but to be fair I was not putting in much of a fight.

"I... want you to take my ass," I said nervously as I felt my face redden.

"Oh you do?" Clyde said in a mischievous tone.

Clyde then grabbed me until my waist was across his lap as he sat on the foot of the bed. He then used one of his hands to squeeze my butt cheeks one at a time as I felt my mind fill with the lust that I was accustomed to at this point.

"Take your ass and do what?" Clyde said feigning ignorance.

"I... want you to..." I began to tell him.

"Wait I wanna take a guess first," Clyde said interrupting me with glee in his voice," Do you want me to do this?"

With that Clyde gave my ass a sharp spank as I moaned beneath him.

"I'll take that as a yes," Clyde said as he gave my ass another spank.

"Wait... Clyde..." I said trying to tell him I actually wanted to get fucked.

Clyde then began spanking me in earnest as I just moaned, groveled, and accepted it. Getting fucked could wait because I think I just found a new kink that I think I liked. I felt my hard on press against Clyde's legs as he continuously spanked me over his lap like a toddler.

"Your a baaad boy Kyle," Clyde said in a mocking tone," getting hard from a spanking."

"Clyde... Plow my ass already... I fell your dick throbbing beneath my stomach," I said desperately.

"Wow... you ready for that?" Clyde asked in surprise.

"Yea... just fuck me already," I said eagerly as Clyde got up and pushed me to where my butt was up in the air as my torso rested on the bed belly first.

I heard a zipper going down as I realized Clyde was not going to beat around the bush at all this time. I tried to look behind me just to have Clyde press my head down into the bed with his hand. He then positioned himself behind me as I felt the warmth of his body and his naked torso press against my back. I then felt his raging boner press against my ass crack as he slowly inserted it in. I then felt it as he slowly pressed it inside my ass hole gently. It took a while but soon I felt his balls hit against my taint and I realized he had slid all the way in.

"You ready for this?" Clyde asked," Cause I'm not sure I'll be able to stop when we start."

"Hurry up," I said desperately as Clyde obliged.

Clyde then began to give me the second fucking of my life as he pressed in and out. I noticed his cock was not as large as Kenny's dick, but I could definitely feel that his balls slapping against my rear were larger than Kenny's. Clyde fucked me for what had to have been ten minutes before I felt his balls begin to twitch. He then thrust in me balls deep and as he came inside of me I came inside of the front of my thong. Clyde lied on my back breathing heavily for a minute before he began to pull out.

"That was the greatest thing ever Kyle... you were the first boy I ever fucked," Clyde said as he breathed heavily on my neck," Ready for round two?"

"Round two?" I questioned as I felt Clyde'd dick begin to harden again as he pressed it beneath my ass cheeks.

"Yea I definitely have another load in me," Clyde said as he squeezed my ass cheeks together and began fucking them.

He was effectively using my ass cheeks as sex toys and I was oddly turned on by that. I looked back to see that he had a lust stricken look on his face as he seemed to mindlessly fuck my ass cheeks. Soon I saw his face tense up as he blew his second load between my butt cheeks and across my back. Then a look of satisfaction filled his face as he looked down at me.

"Do you want to take a shower now?" Clyde asked me with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Yea I could... I could go for one," I said as I got up and went straight to his bathroom to wash off the cum on my back.

When I got back to Clyde's room I saw that he was over by his computer. As I got closer I realized that he was looking at a video recording of the two of us having sex and I immediately had flash backs of Kenny's blackmail that he had hopefully destroyed like he told me he did. I felt myself grow cold as I found the courage to speak up.

"You could of told me you were recording that," I said trying to convey that I was little upset.

"Oh hey Kyle," Clyde said a little surprised," Yea sorry... but I wanted you to act natural."

"Yea you were a natural alright," I heard a voice say from the corner of the room.

I turned to see Dale there and felt a rush of anxiety come over me as I put two and two together and realized the video was recorded from Clyde's closet which had a good view of what I had just done with Clyde. I felt as though I had just been betrayed by a lover as I struggled not to cry or scream in front of them.

"Clyde!" I shouted.

"Hey relax Kyle he already knows about you," Clyde said with a confused look on his face," Hell you kind of offered to suck him off on Monday so I thought you would be cool with it."

"Clyde... you should of come to me first... I can't believe you just let him watch us... watch me get fucked by you," I said as I felt my voice get a little shaky from being genuinely hurt by this.

"Shit sorry Kyle," Clyde apologized somewhat insincerely as he looked me in the eyes," I'll tell you next time, but seriously dude why do you care so much?"

"I just... I need to trust you," I said trying not to sound desperate.

"Do you have like trust issues or something, cause if so that's on you," Clyde said with a light laugh," You'll get the memo before I do something next time but don't freak out over shit that doesn't matter dude."

I realized something at that moment. Clyde was the kind of person who went through life without examining much or trying to get a deeper understanding of others. To Clyde no matter what happened there would never be any dire consequences from his actions as he was just having fun. If I planned to stay with him I was going to have to come to terms with the fact that Clyde would eventually get me into a situation where I get outed to pretty much everyone. Clyde not only liked taking risks he viewed the consequences as unimportant and immaterial. At least when Kenny had me black mailed he was careful and realized that I did not want to be outed and used that for his advantage. With Clyde he would never use such a thing, but he would not care about me getting outed one way or the other and the same went for himself. I do not know maybe I was over examining things and Clyde would be more considerate as the relationship went on, or maybe that was just wishful thinking. For now Clyde clearly did not care all that much about not telling me that his friend was recording me from his closet and I thought that was just a little fucked up.