Chapter 6: Feelings
It was still dark when my eyes willed themselves to finally open. I remembered where I was when I felt the soft mattress beneath my body. How long had I been out? I began to move to get up, but when my wounded back screamed in protest, I remembered what happened, and realized that I couldn't really move. I wanted so badly to turn over on my back and survey my surroundings to see what was going on, but I knew that would only make me feel worse.
Moaning in frustration, I dropped my head back down on the pillow. I blushed when I realized that I was still only in my bra and slip. I took found the covers beside me, and drew them up to my shoulders. It took me awhile to realize that something was missing; it was far too quiet…
The joker isn't here.
My mind reminded me.
My thoughts drifted back to what had happened between us earlier. I couldn't help but shiver when I remembered that lengthy, horrible beating he had given me earlier. I couldn't help but feel like a severely punished child at that moment.
I shuddered quietly at that thought. Were those his intentions? Did he want me to feel like a child? I couldn't help but notice how paternal he had gotten during that awkward time.
I nearly slapped myself when I actually admitted that it was kind of sexy. Rachel! Get a hold of yourself! A part of me scolded. You were basically abused by a murdering psychopath, and you think it was attractive? You're seriously messed up!
I shook the reprimanding thoughts out of my head. It was true, I shouldn't be thinking those things, but I couldn't help it. However, my mind and body relaxed upon remembering what had happened after that fearful ordeal. The joker had actually held me, and comforted me. His actions still confused me as I thought about it.
He wasn't capable of that kind of emotion…or was he? I'm sure he had been once upon a time, but that bastard of a father had turned his heart cold and numbed his ability to feel. Somehow, during the last few hours that I was with him, I had unlocked the door and let out some of that lost little boy inside, who was still crying out for love and positive attention.
My eyes began to fill up with tears as I remembered being held by him. It was such an intimate moment. I couldn't forget that soothing voice he had used over me when I whimpered from the pain of my wounds, or the soft touch I felt from his hands whenever my body screamed out in torment.
Even if he had done a horrible thing to all those people, nearly raped me, and then beaten the crap out of me on top of that, it was obvious that there was still some feeling left in him.
Maybe, he still had some pieces attached to that broken heart of his.
At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to see him again. I already missed feeling his strong arms wrapped around me, cradling me like a child, holding me close to him as if he were actually afraid to let me go.
Confound it all, this man confused me! He barely even knew me, yet he somehow knew what made me tick.
I wanted to get up…I needed to get up off of this bed! I needed to breathe…I needed to stand for just a moment and think things over. I forgot about the pain in my back and began to sit up.
However, when I stood up completely, I nearly lost my breath at how stiff I felt and how much every part of me hurt.
Trying to hold back my tears, I looked around. Upon seeing no joker, I decided to walk towards the window. I choked back a sob every time I took a step, and I barely made it to the window before I began to fall from feeling so weak and wounded.
As I fell, I expected to feel the cold, hard tile meet my face. But before I could fully hit the floor, two hands suddenly wrapped around my waist, and I was swept off of the floor into the joker's embrace.
I couldn't help but feel excited at the sight of his make-up covered face. However, his gaze caught me off guard. His eyes appeared to be full of…dare I believe it…concern?
"Rachel Rachel Rachel…" He scolded quietly while carrying me back over to the bed. "What did you think you were doing beautiful?" He asked me darkly as his eyes narrowed in disapproval at my attempt to walk.
"I-I just wanted to stand and walk around…" I mumbled in reply.
He shook his head while wiping the remaining tears on my cheeks away in mild annoyance.
"Did you seriously…uh…thin-K tha-T you'd be able to move…after our little, hm…therapy session?" He asked, his voice returning to its mocking tone, yet still with a trace of seriousness in it.
I rolled my eyes while bravely fixing him with a glare. "Well, if you actually cared about my condition you retard, then you wouldn't have beat the crap out of me with your f'ing belt!"
The joker's eyes widened in surprise, before he suddenly let out a whoop of laughter. After a few minutes, he finally looked at me again and said with a giggle, "Oh pumpkin…you are jus-T too funny sometimes! One moment, you're sweeeee-T and…uh…caring. The next minute, you're uh…cussing up a storm with that feisty attitude I lo-Ve so much."
I struggled against his embrace in anger. "I hate you." I muttered, not really believing it.
"Aww I love you too precious!" He replied while laughing.
I began to push him away, and actually started to get up, but that didn't last for long. As soon as I sat up to move out of his lap, the joker stopped laughing and pushed me back down in his arms while sending me a stern glare.
"Ya know, you're far too stubborn for your own good little Rachel. That can ge-T you into trouble someday."
I snorted bitterly. "Ha! This coming from someone who actually practiced what he's preaching to me right now!" I laughed insanely at my words.
I suddenly felt the joker grab my face firmly in his hand and turn it to face him again. "I can do it again ya know." He growled darkly.
"You wouldn't!" I breathed in horror at his words.
"Don't tempt me Miss Dawes." He warned.
I growled angrily. "You know, you can be a real as-!" "Ah tat ta ta ta ta, that's enough…out of you little Rachel." His voice was severe again, putting me in my place and shutting me up immediately.
"Remember wha-T happened the uh…las-T time you insul-T-eD me…" He warned while stroking his hand across my still tender back almost seductively.
My eyes widened, and I shuddered and winced at the same time when feeling his touch.
Out of nowhere, I began to involuntarily shake at the mild threat he gave me. Even if I was in his arms, I sure as hell didn't want to go through that again.
The joker's eyes softened at my terrified expression after a moment, and he tenderly stroked my face with his cold hand. "Aw…shhh darling…you'll be fine as long as you follow my rules…kay?" He chirped while placing me on the bed.
I cried out when my skin scraped against the mattress. "Ooops!" He nonchalantly replied at my reaction.
Tears trickled down my cheeks at the burning sensation shooting up my whole back body. "Well…we'll uh…just have to do something about tha-T won'T we?" The joker said while gently turning me over on my stomach.
The familiar position made me forget to breathe, and I quickly clutched onto his sleeves while partially turning on my side. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I practically screamed, in fear for my life.
The joker seemed confused by my reaction, and looked at me like I was stupid before replying, "Uh…well, I was going to put some uh, medicine on your back and legs for those sores I know you have. Bu-T uh, if you're gonna fight me like tha-T, I guess you can suffer if you want."
I felt like an idiot. "Oh…" I mumbled in reply. "I-I thought…never mind." I quickly turned back over, hiding my embarrassed face.
"You just want to be held again." I heard him giggle quietly as he took the lid off of some healing cream.
The coldness of the cream caused my body to jerk in reaction, but at the same time I sighed in relief at the feeling that spread throughout my body.
"Ya know, you have a really nice back." The joker said randomly after a couple of minutes of awkward silence.
"Um…thank you?' I replied with confusion at this compliment.
He laughed again at the tone of my voice. "Okay, so…I have to ask. Why in the world are you trying to make me feel better?" I asked with accusation in my tone.
"Well, I wouldn-T want little Rachel to be in pain when…uh, I finally play my game with her now would I?" He replied smugly while chuckling in delight.
I felt my body turn rigid at his words. Great, he still wants to take me, that's just peachy!I thought to myself while sighing in disbelief. "You're really sick ya know that?" I replied harshly at his words.
"M-hmmm…" was the reply.
"You're never serious about anything are you?"
"I try not to be. But you sure gave me a reason to be last night precious." He replied while giggling.
"I was asleep all day?" I asked with shock, not expecting that.
"Ye-P! And lemme tell ya…you look soooo cu-T-e when you slee-P sweetheart." I could hear the mocking tone in his voice.
"I'd rather you not watch me sleep in the future, if you don't mind." I replied sarcastically, fully aware that he wouldn't grant that request.
I could feel him chuckle as he finished up on my back. "Sorry cupcake, but I'll be doing quite a bit of that after you heal u-P!"
Furious, I finally rolled back on my back, not caring about the pain anymore. "God! Can't you just let me go and find someone else to do it with?" I yelled, not caring about how immodest I sounded.
He shook his head with a smirk. "No-p-e! I only wan-T you honey. 'I want you! I want you so baaaad!'"
"Oh jeez, please don't start singing that song!" I moaned as he continued to sing the song from the movie 'Across the Universe.'
"Why no-T? It was the only good song in there." He laughed out while beginning to do a really girly looking dance on the floor.
My eyes widened in surprise as he continued to sing it and dance to his own beat. It took all of me to not laugh, but that didn't last very long.
I finally burst out laughing at how ridiculous he looked.
The singing stopped at the sound of my laughter, and I felt pressure on the bed as the joker sat next to me. When I could finally breathe again, I opened my eyes to see him looking down at me with an expression of amusement.
"See? I knew I could make you smile." He boasted while leaning back with a satisfied grin.
"Only because you don't know how to be serious." I retorted while sticking my tongue out at him.
"Oh yes I do." Was the last thing I heard before I felt the joker's lips suddenly crash against mine…