A/N: I hate writer's block, I hate writer's block, I hate writer's block, I hate writer's block, I hate writer's block, I really do. Well, but now I'm back. It's been far too long since I updated last, a serious case of writer's block and way to much homework has kept me from finishing this chapter. But here it is, so please read and review.          

Briar roses and what I deserve.

He'd walked her up to the hospital wing, and said good night. For once she'd kissed him on the cheek, and he didn't try to do anything more. He didn't want to ruin it. It had been perfect. The walk, the dance, the snow. James hadn't noticed that Lilly had his cloak until this morning. Sirius kept asking about what happened, but James just changed subject.

James was starting to get nervous, it was starting to get late and Lilly wasn't down for breakfast yet.

James' mind drifted off to last night, again.

"Good morning." James knew that voice, he'd recognised that voice anywhere, Lilly, and she was standing right behind him.

"Lilly." He turned and took her hand.

"Good morning James." A foolish smile spread on her lips. James could see traces of dark shadows under her eyes. She had an awful night, but she wasn't going to let James know that, not now.

"I was afraid you wouldn't come down for breakfast."

"Well, here I am, and here is your cloak by the way," she said and gave him his cloak back.

"Lilly!" Tom's voice hit James ears. And he could feel Lilly pulling her hand away from him.

"Hi Tom." James turned away, he couldn't look at them. He didn't want to see her kissing Tom.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, I just need something to eat."

"I'm so glad you're alright, you don't know how worried I've been." Lilly looked over at James.

"Oh, I think I know," she said smiling.

"And Potter, Alex is really looking forward to tonight."

"Tonight?" James asked.

"Yes, the double date." Both James and Lilly went a little pale.

"That's right, I forgot in the commotion," James said. Lilly tried to smile.

"I'm also looking forward to it," Lilly said mostly to be polite.

"So, do you have any plans?" Tom looked at James.

"Yes… but they are a secret." He looked at Lilly. "Two couples like us can have loads of fun."

"Hopefully I'll have some time alone with my Lilly." Tom saw the look Sirius sent him, and it wasn't a nice one.

"Yes," James said coldly.

"I'll se you later Lilly," Tom said and kissed her.

"Yes, you will." When Tom had gone back to his table Lilly sat down between James and Remus. 

"Lill, I'm not saying this to break you and Tom up but, all the guys know it, the ravenclawboys mark their girlfriends." She turned her head and looked at him.

"What do you mean with 'marking'?" He hadn't expected her to ask, he'd expected Lilly wouldn't believe him.

"Love bites." She looked over at Remus, he nodded.

"It's true," Remus said.

"But he's never…"

"Just remember how suspicious he has been lately, and marking you would be the perfect way to remind me to stay away from you."

"I'll remember that." She smiled, and started to eat her breakfast. James hadn't expected this reaction, not in a million years. He started to hum into her ear, she turned and looked at him. One glance towards the ravenclawtable, Tom wasn't there. She didn't think anybody would notice, so she kissed James on the cheek, grinned and went back to her breakfast. "I'm not going to sing this time," Lilly whispered.

"What if I try again?"

"No, shouldn't you be thinking about tonight?"

"Do you know what I really want to do?"

"No." She turned and looked in to his warm eyes. "I'm not really sure I want to."

"Not tell Tom and Alex where we are going to night, and sweep you of your feet."

"Don't you dare to break Alex's heart, if you do…" Lilly wasn't sure what would happen if he broke Alex's heart, but she'd surely do something.

"I get the picture, let's hope she can't hear what I'm thinking then, for that would surely break her heart." Lilly was suddenly quiet, it looked as if the piece of toast in front of her was the most interesting thing in the world. 'Oh, I wish she could read your mind James, I hope you break her heart soon…' Lilly stopped, what was she thinking? She frightened herself; she didn't want James to break anybody's heart. 'Of course you do, Lillian, as long as it isn't yours.' She looked up. She didn't want to think like this. Alex was her friend, Tom was her boyfriend and James, James was the boy she wanted to hate, wanted to have close when she was sad or afraid, James' were the eyes she wanted to meet at breakfast, and there was probably no one who was as protective of her as James, if not maybe Remus, at least nobody in her family.

"What do you want to do tonight?" she glanced over at the ravenclawtable and spotted Alex.

"Call in sick, and cuddle up in my dorm with a book. All Alex really wants is to show you off."

"She's welcome to show me off to you, " Lilly smiled. "Maybe she does so good a job that you want me for yourself."

"You're only a prize, something she has won, just like I would be for you," She whispered.

"First prize in the worlds biggest contest, all I ever could wish for." He put his hand on hers somewhere between their plates. It took her a moment to decide, but she pulled it away. Suddenly she became aware that Alex was looking at her, not only looking, but staring, staring at her and James.

"Don't think of me, think of tonight. I'm going up to the dorm."

"Lill, aren't you going do finish your breakfast?" She shook her head.

"I'm not hungry"

"Lill, you haven't eaten in days, you have to eat more than that."

"I'll be fine…" Her eyes told him she was somewhere between furious and crying.

"I think you need some sleep." James brushed some of her red hair away from her face. She nodded.

"Yes, maybe you're right." She looked at him, 'I don't want to sleep James, I just want to get out of here.' Lilly thought.

"Can you tell me about that spell, later?"

"Yes, we have a date tonight."

"I hope I'll see you before that." Lilly nodded, got up and left the great hall.

Lilly had buried her head in her pillows. She hadn't been this tired in ages, that spell had really got stronger when it backfired. It had drained her for strengths totally. And after James had left last night her last 'meeting' with Snape kept haunting her. Now she was lying on her bed fully dressed, just tired. And every time she closed her eyes she heard Snape's voice in her head, 'I can't see what you're doing going after this mud trash. This is a good one Evens, your boyfriend won't defend you so your lover has to. I can see why he doesn't want to defend you; you're just mud on his shoes.' What if she was, what if…?

"Lill?" she could hear the door opening and James' voice.

"I'm here." She didn't look up. She didn't want him to see her right now, she had more than enough trouble finding out if she really was as good as the fullbloods. "You're not really allowed to be here."

"Do you mind?"

"No," he sat down on her bed.

"Are you hungry?" Lilly turned around and looked at him.

"No…" she shook her head.

"Can you tell me about the spell?" He took her hand and kissed it.

"I suppose so, it drains strength from your body, it's just supposed to knock you out for an hour or so. No counter curse."

"So that's why you look so tired. I shouldn't have taken you out last night, if I hadn't, maybe you would be ok now."

"No, I'm glad you took me out last night. No matter what Tom said, I'm really glad you came. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I just need to regain my strengths." She closed her eyes for a moment, with Snape's voice ringing in her ears.

"And you won't do that unless you eat something."

"What is this nagging about eating?"

"Well you have to, you can't come here and say you aren't hungry. Your body needs nourishment."

"When did you become a doctor? Ok, if it makes you happy I'll eat."  

"Good, come with me." She followed James, everything went so quickly, she didn't really know what happened before they were standing in the kitchen.  She'd newer been there before. She didn't usually walk around breaking rules; she wasn't like James who probably had broken a dozen since last night.

"Master Potter." A houseelf came up to them, it seemed as he knew James well, "and miss," it bowed for Lilly. "What does the master want?" James looked at Lilly.

"What do you want?"

"I, I don't know" she stuttered. Even if she didn't know what she wanted, James made sure she got something. And she had been hungry, Lilly knew it all along, but she didn't want to eat in the great hall, with Alex staring at her.

"Lill?" he asked when she'd finished.

"Yes?"

"What do you want to do tonight?"

"I don't know, I don't want to dance, and I don't want to se you make out with Alex all night."

"Why not?"

"See you making out with Alex?" He nodded. "Because it's boring, and I don't really like the fact that you're going out with Alex."

"Don't you like dancing?" James' mind drifted back to last night.

"I love it, but not tonight." The correct answer would be 'not with Tom,' it would seem strange, with James around.    

"Would we be breaking any rules if we went to Hogsmeade?"

"When did you start to care?"

"When it was your record we are talking about, and our Ravenclaw friends won't come if we break any rules."

"Then why don't we?"

"So the two of us can be alone?" Lilly looked down.

"No, so the date will end early."

"If it was only the two of us, I'd know exactly what to do."

"And what would that be?"

"No, you'll have to wait until our first date."

"What makes you think we'll ever have a first date?" she smiled.

"I just know. Tell me Lill, what is your favourite flower?" Lilly looked at him, she was thinking.

"You'll just say I lack imagination."

"No, I won't."

"Ok, roses."

"Every girls favourite, long red roses, without thorns." She grinned.

"No, briar rose, the little, open, pink, wild rose. With thorns, that's my favourite."

"Sweet and natural, just like you. What do you think about lilys?"

"Some of them are beautiful."

"Especially one," James said, "you." 

"That's sweet, were do you get these lines of yours?"

"They just pop up, complementing girls comes naturally to me."

"I have noticed." She glanced down at her watch.

"You're thinking we should get back, aren't you?"

"Actuary I was, they are probably starting to wonder were we are." She got up.

"And the guys are probably making up stories they can spread around the school."

"Probably." She looked into his eyes, something about them were so inviting. Suddenly he lifted her up, one arm under her knees, and one hand behind her back. He'd caught her totally of guard and just for a second she was afraid she'd fall. She wrapped her arms around his neck, just to make sure she didn't fall.

"Maybe we should make some stories on our own." James whispered. Lilly bent forward, her lips almost touching James' before she realised what she was doing. She had closed her eyes and heard Snape's voice in her head, and pulled back. Snape was right, she wouldn't let James sink so deep as to dating her, mudtrash, mudblood. James couldn't read her eyes, they were closed. But he knew she had wanted to kiss him, he knew it.

"I can't, James," she said and avoided his eyes.

"Because of Tom?" James put her down. Lilly started to smile, because of Tom, he thought it was because of Tom. She didn't have to explain anything.

"Yes, it's because of Tom." She was happy and terribly sad at the same time. She'd just decided that James deserved better than her, and that she had to overlook the fact that she actuary started to like him. Happy she didn't have to explain, just say that it was Tom.

Her eyes weren't sad, they didn't say 'understand me', they were happy, relieved. What had just happened? She'd wanted to kiss him, he knew this wasn't just Tom, it had to be more.

"No, it isn't, it's more then Tom, isn't it?" Lilly finally came to her senses, turned and ran. Before James knew what had happened she was gone.

A/N: hope you liked it, hopefully I'll update again soon.

            Please review, I really want to know what you think.