Author's Note: Okay, so I have no internet access (as I'm writing this, obviously if I have posted the chapter than I would have had access), so this is my excuse to not study for finals. Woo. This chapter is a little cracky but I hope you enjoy it. Just a side note, I imagined Clare looking like the Crawford Country Day girl who gave Blaine her phone number after the Animal performance (the one of the right).
I wake up in the morning with a pile of nerves in my stomach. I look around my barren bedroom and am saddened that I will no longer be living in it. I may have had some fairly toxic relationships with my parents, but this bedroom was my sanctuary away from it all. But I suppose as long as I'm going to New York next year it wouldn't have been my home anyway.
I stand up and get dressed with the outfit I had laid out today. No bowties or pink suspenders for today; just a simple white button down and loose fitting jeans for once. My hair is left un-gelled and I give myself a quick shave so I suppose I look suitably straight, or rather half-straight. I grin impishly to myself as I get my final letter to my parents and put it down on my bed.
I'm having my morning cereal and coffee when I receive an incoming call from Clare.
"Hello?" I say, feigning surprise.
"Well hello there stranger, how's it feel being my boyfriend?"
"Meh, it's okay. You could use some more penis though." She laughs at my lightly before sobering up. I find myself cracking a small smile as well. Ever since my talk with Kurt yesterday I can't help but feel a little bit freer, I'm almost excited to work out the rest of the plan for today.
"Are you going to arrive soon?" I ask her.
"Yep, I'm feeling pretty excited. I don't think I've ever done something quite like this before. Can you imagine the reactions?" She asks me giddily.
"Well, we won't have to imagine for much longer. And are you sure this is okay? I don't want to get you kicked out of your home." I ask her quietly, secretly hoping that she won't back out.
"Are you kidding me? This information will not be getting out; it's too much of a scandal!" She giggles to herself again. I like Clare a lot; she's really upbeat and super friendly.
The doorbell rings so I say my goodbyes to Clare and get the door. Sam is there waiting, he looks completely relaxed which surprises me.
"I said "Are you ready to rock?"" Sam yells in a poor impression of Gene Simmons.
"So ready!" I yell back, just as enthusiastically. He high-fives me on the way in and I lead him to the kitchen while we wait a few more minutes for Clare. He's dressed in a red polo, bright pink bowtie and well-formed jeans.
"Are you sure you can handle this?" I ask him, I just need to make sure that everyone is prepared for this.
"If you can handle being kicked out," I wince a little at his bluntness. "Sorry, then I am definitely down for this. Besides I am completely secure in my sexualiteeeeey*" He sings the last part and does an air guitar riff simultaneously.
Sam being so carefree relaxes me considerably and I only jump a little when I hear a knock. I quickly go to let Clare in. She looks stunning with her dark hair curled lightly and wearing a light blue frock that stops just before her knees. She smiles brightly before leaning in to give me a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug. Sam comes up behind me to greet her as well, and I can't help but notice a certain gleam in his eye before he leans down to kiss her on the hand. Oh, so that's how this is going to be. Clare blushes darkly before taking her hand back slowly. I notice that she puts in behind he back and uses her other hand to caress the spot where Sam's lips kissed her.
"Oh! I brought some muffins, but I left them in the car. I'll be back!" She says in her best Arnold Schwartzenegger impression. Clare quickly spins on the spot and goes back to her car.
"Dude." Sam says. "I think your fake girlfriend is my soulmate." His eyes have clouded over and he wears a big goofy smile on his face.
"Well lucky for you she's only going to be my fake girlfriend for another hour." I tell him quickly. This seems to break his focus.
"Right the plan." He shakes his head quickly to clear his thoughts.
When Clare returns we all go to sit at the kitchen table and wait for my parents to arrive. I made both of them medium drips which Clare was grateful for and enjoyed slowly along with the muffins. Sam took his coffee begrudgingly but made sure to smile as he drank it when Clare looked his way; which was fairly frequently. I decided not to comment.
About an hour later the front door finally opens and my parents walk in with their usual luggage and go straight to their bedroom to unpack.
"Aren't they even going to say hi to you?" Sam asks me.
"Yeah, but they don't know I have company over and are thinking that they're kicking me out today." I sigh despite myself. It stings that this is what my relationship with my parents have finally come to. I'm also saddened that I didn't receive a puzzle piece today from Kurt. It usually gives me a lot of courage and I miss not having it to look at, especially because all the other pieces are already packed away.
My mom finally makes her way downstairs and is surprised seeing Clare on my right.
"Oh hello, darling! I didn't know you were over." She says while giving me a brief glare for not letting her know.
"Of course, I am. I would be a terrible girlfriend if I didn't spend some time with my boyfriend on his birthday! It's not every day a boy turns eighteen." She reaches over and grabs my hand lightly while I shoot her a timid smile.
I see my mother's eyes widen comically before she's yelling for my father to come down. She grabs his hand once he's at the bottom of the stairs and practically drags him over to Clare and I.
"Blaine has brought his girlfriend over to help celebrate his birthday today." She says rather proudly.
"It's Blaine's birthday?" I hear him barely whisper to my mother. I grit my teeth but say nothing, not at all surprised by this development. My mother chooses to ignore his comment.
"Oh, and you've brought your friend Sam over as well," She said, just noticing Sam's presence now. Sam gives a small wave from across the table, "I've always liked him, and he's so well-mannered." Her comment's directed towards my father.
"Actually," I say, speaking for the first time, "Sam's not my friend." I can see confusion cross both of their features as to why Sam would be at their house if he wasn't a friend of mine. "He's my boyfriend."
My parents' eyes immediately bug out of their heads and my mother's jaw even drops. Sam goes around the table before taking my other hand and giving me a kiss on the cheek with a big "Mwah!"
"Blaine, I thought we were clear. As long as you choose to act gay, you're not welcome in our home." My father starts before I cut him off.
"Well, I'm not acting gay. I'm acting bisexual. Clare knows I'm not attracted to her, sorry Clare."
"It's cool." She says quickly, nodding her head brightly.
"And you said as long as I was gay I wasn't welcome, and I'm not technically acting gay so based on our previous understanding, you can't kick me out." I finish triumphantly. "And you also never said anything about a polygamist relationship, so we're going out for lunch but we'll be back in a while." I know the last part is a lie, but they don't need to know that yet.
Sam doesn't hesitate to pick me up bridal style and carry me out of the house, which was his own improvisation. Clare follows quickly behind us with a hand over her face and blushing from how hard she is trying not to laugh. I give one look back at my parents (who are quite literally frozen as they stare after us) and turn back around, knowing I will never walk through these doors again. As Clare slams the door close I hear my "so completely composed" mother screaming her head off and my dad running to the liquor cabinet for something strong. I know when I don't return that they will eventually find my empty bedroom, barren except for the pajamas I wore last night and my bedspread. They'll find the note outlining how I am not dating Sam or Clare, and what I really think about them in five succinct pages.
I don't feel bad for this little prank, I feel like I got one little piece of revenge and now I am free to live my life as an adult with eighty thousand dollars given to me by my late grandfather. It's not enough to live on forever but it definitely gives me a good head start, that supposing that Burt will actually let me pay rent because he's been pretty adamant against it. Either way, I think it's a pretty decent way to start out my adult life.
Author's Note: What!? What is this? BeWho wrote a fun chapter, where's the angst at? I'm sorry for how cracky this was, but I hope you enjoyed it. :P I know there has been like no Kurt lately but I will be writing his and Blaine's POV next chapter, then much more Kurt. Hooray! Please R & R if you love Clare too.
*It's from a song called "Comfortable with my Sexuality"
Only about 3 chapters left to go plus epilogue. Thank you to my faithful readers. I will also be starting another story a month or two after this one finishes. I'm hoping to be done with this by end of January (or probably sooner) so expect a new story getting started by end of February (right after Winter mid-terms) or probably sooner because I can't seem to stay away.