I was determined to finish this game if it was the last thing I ever did.
"Well now. Time for round seven, and so far this lousy team has banked a total of — does this sound familiar? — $53,500." The remaining contestants shook their heads in shame. "There are three of you left, so another ten seconds is being cut. You're now down to two minutes. That said, Espio, by virtue of being the strongest link in the last round, we're starting with you." I directed my podium towards the chameleon. "Let's play The Weakest Link."
As the clock started, I started reading. "Espio, the two major parties in American politics are Republicans and which other?"
"Um... don't know." Nor did he care, probably.
"Democrats. Vector, how many robots were in the studio at the start of the game?"
"Two." Bokkun and Omega.
"Correct. Knuckles, in maths, what is 52 - 26 - 13?"
"13," he blurted as if to alarm me with how quickly he could do these operations in his head.
"Correct." I continued, trying not to give away the fact that I may have faltered for just a split second. "Espio, if not for Big's premature exit, which round would this be?"
I had barely finished reading the question before the chameleon promptly shouted, "Round eight."
"Correct! Vector, what is 12 noon expressed in military time?"
"1200 hours!"
"Correct! Knuckles..."
"Bank." I had intentionally waited a fraction of a second to see if he had anything particular to say, and boy did it ever work. (Bank: $7500)
"In history, who was the first President of the United States?"
The red echidna made a face. I didn't know how the audience could've seen that, but at this point it probably wasn't my problem.
"Uh, Washington."
"Correct."
He made another face. "Really?! Hah, that was a total guess!"
"And somehow I believe that." Really, I did. "Espio, what happens once every minute, twice every moment, but never in a thousand years?"
I didn't really expect a riddle-type question to come up, even though I probably should've expected the unexpected.
"I don't know," the chameleon shrugged.
"The letter M." I intentionally paused a split second for no apparent reason. "Vector, who directed all of the Indiana Jones films?"
"Uh, pass." Really?! Anyone and their mother could've answered that!
"Steven Spielberg. Knuckles, what result do you get if you multiply a number by its reciprocal?"
"Um..." I could tell he was a grade school genius. "One."
"Correct!"
"WOW!" The echidna was really becoming a fan favorite.
Shortly before the off-stage commotion died down, the chameleon yelled, "Bank." (Bank: $8500)
"Espio, who was given the first question in the first round of this game: Sonic or Shadow?"
"Shadow," was his prompt answer.
"Correct. Vector, in math and physics, a unit vector is a ray in a two-dimensional space whose length is what?" Oops.
"Uh..." Clearly Vector wasn't paying attention in class, or he hadn't actually noticed that I had mentioned his name in the question. "One."
"Correct." The crocodile was also becoming a fan favorite.
"Knuckles, in chemistry, which element is a metal: beryllium or boron?"
"Beryllium," was the echidna's surprising, yet correct answer.
"Um... correct."
"Bank." Stop banking. (Bank: $13,500)
"Espio," I continued nonetheless, "what is the name of the TV personality who hosted every episode of the primetime ABC version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire until it went into syndication in 2002?"
"Regis Philbin."
DUN DUN DUN DUN!
"That was the correct answer, but you were out of time. I ask you, where were the bankers in the previous round?!" The reaction I got was priceless. "You got yourself a good $13,500. Of course that money will go through to the next round, but one of you will not..." I paused briefly, knowing that the nerds in front of me were expecting an insult of a grand scale at this point. "Which one of you could rent out the inside of your head as storage space?!" Boy, did I ever deliver.
"Before you make your decisions, let me remind you that in the next round, which is round eight... you'll get the chance to treble the money that you bank. That means if you think very carefully right now, whoever's left could win a cool $600,000 in the final round." I gave my best effort to speak very clearly. It was the heat of the moment. "In the meantime, one more player is about to leave with nothing. Have the nerve to vote off... the Weakest Link."
Statistically, Espio is the weakest link in this round; he got the most questions wrong. The strongest link is Knuckles; he answered all of his questions correctly and banked the most money for the team. But who will survive this final elimination?
"The vote is over," I announced ever so ominously, "so let's find out whom you think is the Weakest Link."
Espio (Knuckles' vote)
Vector (Espio's vote)
Espio (Vector's vote)
When the croc revealed his deciding vote, the fans in the stands reacted with awe.
"Awww..."
I said, "awe." A-W-E.
"Oooh..."
That's better.
I turned to face my first victim, folding my arms. "Vector..."
"Purple hair," blurted the croc.
I sighed. "That's getting old..."
"Like your hairstyle?"
"No, more like your lust for money." Judging by the minor reaction I got, that comeback was a major success.
"Now wait just a minute!"
I snickered. "Or, your yearning for Vanilla." Hell yeah.
"That was uncalled for," pointing at me in a panic.
"You just don't understand the rules of television, do you?" I unfolded my arms. "Why did you vote for Espio?"
"First off, that's what you get for voting for me." The lack of logic in that statement merited a nice reaction. "Second, he's gotta go. He's the strongest player left."
I folded my arms again after hearing that classic strategy. "So you're a coward?"
The croc nodded. "If you say so."
"Ok." I nodded lightly in modest satisfaction. Then I turned to face my next victim. "Knuckles..."
The red echidna was about to say something, but a loud bleeping noise filled the entire studio, covering up what he said.
"Um..." I pretended to lean towards him, holding my hand up to my ear, or at least the side of my head where I kept thinking it was, "what did you say?"
"No, I said..." He tried to say the same thing, but got cut off by the bleeping sound. "What, no!" And again, the bleep came to stuff up his words. The echidna started to freak out. "Who keeps beeping me out?!"
With my hand in my back pocket, I pulled out the device that was making the bleeping. "Oooooooooops." I snickered.
Vector shouted something that got bleeped out. Espio then shouted the same thing. Suddenly everyone in the studio was causing commotion, but that was ok, since a single bleep could censor out the whole room. In truth, I was only out to do something against people calling me "purple hair". I knew that my hair was bad.
After the commotion inevitably died down, I snickered. "My work here is done." I stuffed the buzzer back into my pocket. "Espio, the letter M proved to be your downfall." I finally looked towards the fuchsia chameleon, my expression going blank for no particular reason. "With two votes... you are the Weakest Link goodbye."
Espio's exit was relatively sluggish.
"Believe me, this game was weird from the start," the chameleon rambled behind stage. "I had a feeling that the other guys were going to gang up on me after I eliminated Shadow." He sounded surprised still that Shadow was no longer in the game. "I'd like to see Vector win the pot. I know how charitable he is with moolah, but it would be a long shot against Knuckles."