Camp Jaha Chapter 7 Clarke

Clark left the gate of Camp Jaha feeling like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She saw the hurt in Bellamy's eyes. He had tears she caused. Still she left him. She couldn't look at her friends. She couldn't bear the looks some would give her. She cared for them all, especially Bellamy. She knew he wouldn't be bothered by the things they did. He was the strong one. She didn't care at the time, she just needed to go away and finally think of herself for once.

The first stop she made was the drop ship. She knew she had to go there. Stopping at the row of graves from those they lost. She wondered how different things would have been had Wells not been murdered. The events of the past months were so life altering to have taken place in such a short span of time

She was able to get a few supplies before she left the next morning. She found a water bag and a blanket. She spent days walking without running into people. It was an opportunity to reflect on her choices. She spent time thinking of Finn, her guilt at his death. She finally realized by going through the events in her head. What she did, she did out mercy. She knew he had no way out. He was about to die a horrible and painful way. She did not regret her decision.

She wondered what Bellamy was doing. She could picture him in her mind, with his husky deep voice, Wavy black hair falling in his face, and his big warm grin. His cocky attitude when he called her princess. The thought of him warmed her and made her smile .She missed him. She missed Monty and Jasper. Then she remembered the look on Jaspers face as he was holding Maya's body. She tried to shake away the image and knew she had to keep walking to get away from the thoughts.

Clarke would make camp each night. Living mostly on Berries and nuts she would find while walking. She got lucky when she was at a stream filling up her water bag and found a small pool that had trapped a fish. Finally able to have some meat that evening for dinner.

She was so hungry. Berries were starting to get harder to find. meat was almost impossible. She had always relied on others to do the hunting. she tried to sharpen a stick so she could try and spear a fish. She spent hours trying and finally gave up trying. She settled for more berries.

Clarke came to the edge of the forest. There was a large grassy field that led to a beautiful smooth lake. In the middle of it all sat a simple cabin. It looked like something in one of the paintings from Mt Weather. Isolated and quiet. She noticed there was a chimney with smoke coming out. Someone was inside. She was not sure if it was safe to go but she was so hungry. She sat down next to a tree and just watched the cabin from the edge of the forest and waited to see who was inside.

Finally Clarke decided she was ready. She slowly walked to the cabin. When she got to the door, someone called out. "So yu finally decided kom come in? "It was a woman's voice.

Clarke was shocked. "laik yu coming in o laik yu stand der hogeda day?" the voice said.

Clarke opened the door and saw an elderly woman sitting in a chair near the fireplace reading a book. The room was warm. there were two chairs next to the fireplace. The walls were weathered wood. There were windows on both sides. No glass just open but there were wood shutters to close up when the weather was cold. Along the back wall sat stacks of old books. They were faded and the pages were yellow. You could tell the old woman treasured them and took great care with as she read one. Carefully turning the pages as if they were as thin as a butterfly's wing.

A small area for preparing food and a table with two wood chairs and a small bench. The room was small and sparse but clean and tidy.

"Hello, I'm sorry I don't understand'Clarke said nervously. The woman smiled at Clarke and motioned her to sit down in the chair across from her. Clarke didn't say anything. She just sat down put her face in her hands and silently cried.

The woman stood up. No words were spoken. She made Clarke some tea. All she had were old tin can cups. But she walked to Clarke and leaned down next to her. She placed her hand on Clarkes back and handed her the cup of tea.

They sat in silence for a while, Clarke watching the old woman reading her book. Finally the old woman looked at Clarke. "How long have you been out there?" she asked Clarke.

"You speak english?" Clarke said. "Nope" teased the old woman.

Clarke smiled. The old woman smiled back.

"I'm not sure how long I've been walking" Clarke answered back. "A long time, i'm not sure anymore."

"You're too young and pretty to be out on your own like this." said the woman."It's a dangerous world."

"Names Gemma" said the woman. "What do they call you?" She asked Clarke.

"Clarke"

"You're alone? You have no one?" Gemma asked

"No, yes, well I do but I can't be there." Then Clarke started to cry again.

"Okay "said Gemma "You don't have to talk about it."

"Let's get some food in that belly of yours, your thin as a rail." Said Gemma

She walked outside to the back of her cabin, where she had a small smokehouse and came back in with some dried meat. Slicing strips she handed Clarke a small tin dish with the meat.

Clarke ate quickly .After she had her fill she stood and quickly cleaned her dish and placed it back on the shelf Gemma had taken it from.

Gemma watched Clarke and could tell she was scared and troubled. She decided she would just talk to the girl and hopefully get her to open up a little.

"I was married to my Russ for 46 years" Gemma began. "He was the center of my life. It's funny though, when I met him, I was probably about your age. He was such a bossy boy" She said. "First time we met, he had me so flustered I wanted to knock him silly. We couldn't stand each other." Gemma laughed. "I spent most of my time trying to stay away from him, but let me tell you one thing he was handsome. All the girls wanted him and he knew it. That was his problem. He ran with the ruff boys, but then all the boys were ruff. Our village was pretty much left alone so we were not threatened as much as the ones nearer the east coast. That was good, but it made the men anxious, men always want to fight."

Clarke listened to the old woman's story. She couldn't help but think of Bellamy and the first time they met. She smiled thinking about it. How much she wished he was here now. Just to hear his voice, even if it was to argue with her, she would love to hear that voice of his.

"If you hated each other so much, what made you marry him?" Clarke asked.

"Well" she started, "It took some time. He was a little older than me. I had lost my parents so I was trying to raise my brother and sister. It was hard for a young girl to have that much responsibility alone. We had some hard times in the village. Not with attacks, but with just life things. We had a hard winter one year. A blizzard. The snow came suddenly, usually you know, but this time it was sudden. The village was ready for winter, we had plenty stored up, but there were some kids that got trapped on the other mountain, they were being careless . The people knew where they were, but a blizzard like that, you get lost easy, everything gets covered up, and you can't find your place. People go out there like that, they don't come back. But Russ, he didn't care. He went out, even when they told him not to, and saved those young people. He risked his life to do something even the older adults refused to do. "

"I knew then, that he was a lot more than I first saw. That was the moment I knew."

"How did you know he felt the same way about you?" asked Clarke.

"Well, when I saw his face" Gemma said" I saw the look in his eyes, because I was one of those teenagers he saved. He risked his life to save me, my brother and sister. We were alone, our parents had been dead awhile. If Russ didn't come for us, we would have died."

"Men don't show their feelings like women do. You have to reach down deep sometimes to find them, but the way he held on to me when he found us, I won't ever forget, even after all these years. I still feel his arms around me. He would test my patience and we would fuss and disagree about things, just made the making up that much better"She laughed" but we were deep in love. I didn't know until he came for me in that blizzard. After that, we clung on and never stopped." She said closing her eyes remembering her past.

Clarke hung on to every word and with every word she saw Bellamy. He was her Russ. He would be the one to risk everything to save a bunch of kids. He was the one that was cocky and reckless, handsome and fearless. Why did she walk out on him?

Clarke stayed with Gemma. They talked and finally Clarke started to open up some about herself. She shared feelings and fears. Gemma was a soft soulful woman and Clarke felt a connection. Gemma's son would stop by every few days checking on his elderly mother and make sure she had plenty to eat and plenty of wood. He liked the idea of Clarke being there as company for his mother, even though he knew it was temporary.

Clarke talked about her mother and Raven, Octavia and Monty. She shared her trouble about Jasper and the horrors that they went through. But mostly she talked about Bellamy and her feelings. She compared him to Gemma's Russ. She loved telling Gemma about Bellamy and all the things he did. How he called her princess at first to be mean, but now to be cute.

Gemma talked to Clarke about her years with Russ. About the family they had. Clarke talked about the Ark, and what it was like living in space. Gemma was interested in hearing her stories and Clarke was feeling better about her chances of being happy again.

Clarke realized it was time. She knew she needed to be home. She needed her family. Her Family of delinquents, the motley crew that had survived together and clung together through all the horror. She hoped they would forgive her for leaving. She was scared of their reaction, but she needed them now more than ever. She wanted to feel Bellamy's arms around her. She wanted the hold him in her arms and never let go, to tell him how she felt, with out holding back. She knew it was a long journey home and would take a long time, but the sooner she left the sooner she would be home again.

When she got home she would handle whatever she was dealt. She was ready to tackle anything now.