Disclaimer: Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.
Summary: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "You can't protect me forever, Sousuke." (SousukeKaname)
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Save Me
Chapter 07 : Practice
By makka na yuki
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--
I'll wait for you. I know you'll come back to me.
--
"The test is over, Ms. Chidori was brought to her room to rest." A man in a white laboratory coat, the head scientist in this underwater vessel, handed him a clipboard of the recently printed out data gathering experiment.
The silver-haired man browsed through the files, his mind quickly processing the meaning behind the numbers and charts. "These results…" he started to say.
"Yes" the scientist in front of him nodded in response, "it seems that we can't get anything else from her. She is stubborn, and the wall inside her head keeps us from accessing anymore data. We can increase the amount of force to-"
"No" Leonard quickly cut him off, eyes glaring darkly, "I already ordered that you are not to use anything that might endanger her mind." The Whispered man had already seen the effects of forcing the technology out of one's head. If the person is not at all willing to let others delve into his or her thoughts, then the consequences could be sever. He would never let Kaname go through that.
"But we've been doing this for a couple of weeks now ever since Ms. Chidori returned, and for that length of time, the amount of information that we are able to extract continuously decreases. It would be beneficial if we-"
"I said no" the long haired man stressed.
The scientist took a step back. As always, when Leonard has decided on something, no one can convince him to do anything otherwise. The head scientist sighed. It would do him no good to anger their leader. "Alright. Though as you can see, it is necessary for us to access the missing part of this technology. The data is her mind is brilliant but…"
Leonard shoved the clipboard back into the man's chest. "That is enough." The silver-haired man didn't need to hear what he already knew. Yes, they have gotten so much from the Kaname's mind. And though a large important part was missing, they already have enough to continue with the operations.
The Whispered man turned to walk out the laboratory, his smirk evident. Their success was inevitable.
--
Every time it is like this. Right after they have finished probing through her thoughts, when her mind is not anymore busy with keeping them away, the turbulent dreams would start. It would always contain a memory, sometimes about her nightmare – filled with blood and rain – other times it would be about being too late to save her friends or family. And every single time, as she sees herself hold out her hands to try to save what she can, she loses track of what is real and what is not. The dreams flash by in front of her like a movie, and even though she watches as if she were not there, she could still feel the pain beating in her chest.
After all, though each dream inherently varies from each other, it would always be something related to war.
War and how it came to take everything away from her. This time was no different.
She sees herself standing in front of the Arbalest, its armor already worn off from all the fighting it had to undergo only a few moments before. As always, Kaname smiled at the thought, it came out victorious.
The pilot hatch opened, and the brown-haired man that has always haunted her dreams took a step out of the machine. She remembered this moment. It was, after all, the first step for all her dreams to break apart entirely. She already lost hope that it could ever be fixed.
She could see him clearly, remembering that expression on his face when he turned to look at her.
"I can't come back with you"
Kaname thought it would have been less painful if he just shot her. Anything would have been better than this. She wanted to close her eyes, but the scene in front of her continued on. She could do nothing to stop the nightmare from coming alive again and again and again.
"What?" she saw herself taking a step back, anger replacing the shock, "but all of the Venoms here are defeated, so why –"
He cut her off, "Chidori." His reply was short and confident, just as how she had known him for so long. Though back then…back then she had the feeling that nothing could change his mind.
She couldn't find the will to speak.
And she hated herself for it.
Instead, she forced a bright smile to show that she somehow understood. This was war after all, and her protector would not dare think she belongs in this kind of battlefield.
She came to China determined to bring him back. After beating him up only a couple of hours before, she was confident that she would succeed. Kaname would never have guessed that she would come back and face the monsters by herself.
Goodbye, Sousuke
And she woke up.
--
The ceiling lights glared brightly at her, crushing anymore possibilities of sleeping longer. She was still tired, drained from all the mind exercise she had to agree on these past few days. Kaname Chidori brought the blanket over to her face and tried to squint her eyes shut again.
Sleep didn't come.
It was tiring to stay awake, but staying in bed after waking up did not bring her comfort. Nothing brought her comfort when staying in the enemy's submarine.
"Enemy, huh?" she questioned to no one in particular. Considering the fact that she was already collaborating with them, the term enemy might not be proper anymore. They were terrorists, and were out to do evil deeds. And yet she was the one who agreed to join them.
Though, it wasn't like they gave her much of a choice.
Back then, almost half a year ago, she was too busy getting depressed over not having Sousuke come back with her that she didn't notice the black-suited men boarding the plane. She was cornered even before she had the time to stand up.
This was the same as the first time she was kidnapped – taken away from the plane during the class fieldtrip. At least this time, she didn't have to show any dramatic outburst in hopes of saving anyone.
Kaname had already been forewarned about the possibilities of encountering the enemy. But this was too soon. Her emotions were all jumbled up, but back then, she forced it all down and glared right back at the silver-haired main in front of her.
What he said wasn't surprising in the least.
"Help us"
Her eyes narrowed in response. She had to make this real, "Why should I?"
He closed the distance between them and leaned to whisper in her ear. She tried not to let the proximity disgust her. "Because it would be in your best interest to have some important people stay alive."
Kaname's eyes widened. The images of all her loved ones flashed in her mind – her family, her friends, Sousuke… "You wouldn't dare"
"Stay with me forever, and everything will be alright"
"Bastard" she hissed at the memory. She might have said that exact word or any other curses back then, but it doesn't change the fact that she was here now.
"You wouldn't be dreaming about me right?" a voice called out. Kaname turned to her doorway to see Gauron leaning on it. "Such language doesn't fit a pretty young lady like you."
Why is it that every chance she gets to have time for herself, he comes in to ruin it? Barging into a room of a lady without even knocking, Kaname knew this guy wasn't brought up properly. But then again, what else could she ever expect from him? The blue-haired girl lifted herself up from the bed and faced her intruder.
"What do you want? I've already given you what you need for today"
Though truthfully, Kaname knew that they were having a hard time getting anymore information from her. It's not as if her conscious resistance was actually the one stopping them – although it may be a minor factor – but given the fact that her nightmares always leaves her feeling mentally weak and vulnerable, it should have been already easy to break down any defiance in her part.
Gauron grinned at her stubbornness. It was so easy to get her riled up, unlike those twins that he had to take care of before. True, their skills were valuable to his purposes, but getting killed before his plans were completed just pointed out that they were worthless. The long-haired girl in front of him did not have any physical skills or knowledge of weaponry, but that was all going to change. The dark haired man was curious to find out how long she would last in this reality she was forcefully pulled in.
He decided to answer her question. As much as he liked verbally fighting with her, he hated when she screamed directly at his ear. "The organization decided to speed things up a bit in the research department. Things are not going so well for us in the other side of the world"
Kaname raised an eyebrow, though she could almost imagine what he was really going to say. She hoped she was wrong. "…and so? You losing battles doesn't have anything to do with me."
If possible, Gauron's smirked even wider. "That is where you are wrong, little lady. Your help would ensure that we won't have any future loses. We do have to get ready before your little friends come and save you."
"They won't" she answered automatically before she had time to stop herself. There were times when she wished that it wasn't so, that she would get whisked away from this hell before she falls too deep that saving her would already be impossible. But she believed… she knew that no one was going to come anytime soon.
"Oh…?" Gauron commented, "You seem so sure of yourself. What makes you say that?"
The blue-haired girl tried not to act surprised at her mistake. "I've gone to you voluntarily right in front of their eyes. Whatever relation I have with them is now gone because of… my betrayal"
Gauron frowned in disappointment. That wasn't the reply that he was expecting. "No matter, that is not why I am here now."
Kaname readied herself for what was coming.
The grin was back in the older man's face.
"Let us play a game, shall we? …"
--
When they decided to "speed things up", they really meant it. She only had less than half an hour to prepare – less than a day to even rest - before she found herself once again in the testing area. After situating herself inside the machine, she opened her eyes to look around the hangar. It was dark and almost empty, save from a few weapons here and there – not surprising, since this base was created especially for developing the new technology, her Blacktechnology. Kaname blinked a few more times to get used to the sight – it was as if she herself were inside the hangar, not the machine. The Arm Slave's body was one with her own, their senses synchronized – a new technology that was created to better suit battles and fight more efficiently.
Kaname took a deep breathe.
"Let us play a game, shall we? A real life simulation to test the limits of our new Arm Slave"
Her Arm Slave. Since the technology and data that was used to build the new machine had mostly come from her, the people in this organization thought that it was only proper that she be the one to pilot it. Kaname snorted at the thought. They knew she didn't want anything to do with battles, and yet they still gave her this responsibility – something that she just couldn't refuse at this moment. It would do her no good to offer any further resistance.
On the other hand, it was almost logical that she be the one to control the machine. Not only did she know everything about it, it also fit the way she viewed war. She knew how priceless having an AS is, especially if it had special abilities such as the lambda driver. But war wasn't about AS fighting each other and blowing each other up. It was all about the pilots giving everything they got to stay alive. Having an AS destroyed only meant that the pilot was killed as well.
Kaname always thought of how things would be if it was different…
"It's nice to see you again Kaname-san" the head scientist said as he entered the room. "Now if you will get yourself ready for the simulation, then we could go right on ahead with the test."
The blue-haired girl nodded. She'd done this before, controlling the newly-developed machine around the submarine hangar. Moving it around and just perfecting her synchronization with it. It was easy, after all, the technology that was used to build it came from her. It's almost as if she was just controlling a part of her body.
The hard part comes on what she had to do. To actually use the machine to attack humans would be a first for her.
The instructions given to her was clear. "Attack a nearby navy group. You don't have to sink any ship, just give them a few warning shots. Just to test the power"
Kaname nodded again before starting up the AS. Everything seems to be functional from her point of view. The only problem was with her. She had to get herself to calm down. It's just a test, she tells herself. No one will get hurt. She can make sure of that.
The blue-haired girl takes one long deep breath, before opening her eyes and willing the AS to move out of the hangar. Kaname increased her speed by activating the hover pack on the back of the Arm Slave – another new technology from her – and made her way to the cliff just above the rocky waters. The ocean looked serene, but the radar of her AS has picked up movement from underwater somewhere in the east. One gigantic battle submarine, equipped with torpedo hatches in the sides and missile launchers at the top. The underwater vessel was surfacing at such a sluggish speed – no doubt trying to prevent any detection from the enemy. But it could not escape the improved radar system connected to her AS - it was as if Kaname herself could see the submarine from where she stood.
And she recognized it.
"Gauron, you bastard," she seethed.
The aforementioned person replied to her radio transmitter, almost too innocently "Yes?"
Like someone could be tricked by that voice, Kaname thought. "You set me up. What kind of test is this when you're asking me to fire at the Tuatha de Danaan."
"Oh, don't take that tone with me, we're both surprised," Kaname could almost imagine Gauron's smirking face as he said that, "afterall, weren't you the one who said they won't be coming after you?"
Well that was indeed true, but Kaname did not have the time to actually joke around and admit that. "Even so, the base should have already known their presence before my AS was launched, and you still let me go."
"Ah, but that doesn't change anything, little girl. You can continue the test," Gauron's voice turned playful, "or you could back-out."
As the top of the Tuatha emerged from the sea, Kaname activated her hover pack once more and jumped into the ocean below.
As if I have a choice, she thought.
--
"Our sources say that the warehouses by the beachfront was constructed only this year, though there hasn't been anything out of the ordinary observed in the area," Mardukas started as the satellite image of the warehouses were projected on the screen in the Danaan control room. The old officer has stayed in the Tuatha de Danaan with a temporary commanding position while the silver-haired commander has taken care of ruckus caused by the attack of the land base and the kidnapping of one of their protected Whispered. Mardukas has met with the young Kaname Chidori many times in the past – that girl had ridden inside the submarine many times the past year – and he is determined to get back with everyone's help.
Whether she wants to come back or not is another story altogether.
Tessa, sitting in the commanding chair looked at the screen intensely before nodding at him to continue.
Adjusting his HMS cap, Mardukas continued with his report, "Even so, we have reason to believe that those warehouses serve as a temporary land base to one of Amalgam's unit groups. We have not collected adequate information as to the operations inside those warehouses, but…"
"Chidori might be in there somewhere," Sousuke finished.
The "man" beside him snorted, "Are you supposed to be in this meeting, Sergeant?"
"It's alright Wraith," Tessa countered, "he may not be part of the mission," – the brown haired man visibly stiffened at the comment – "but he has the right to know as part of this crew."
The silver-haired commander pressed a button on her seat, and a map of the warehouses and the nearby area was flashed. Labels and arrows appeared at another press of a button, presenting a summary of the battle plan and important locations. "We will begin with gathering more information first. The perceived enemy base is too close to the civilian village, so we cannot risk having a battle on land. Wraith and her team would enter the mainland through the east side, and would immediately commence operations."
The disguised agent took a step forward, and Tessa nodded, "Wraith will further explain the details to her team after this. The mission will start by sunrise tomorrow, at Wraith's command. Meeting adjourned." A few individuals, including the undercover agent, left the command control room leaving a certain brown-haired sergeant still leaning against the wall.
Minutes passed with no movement, before Tessa finally sighed. Pretending that he was not there would not make him leave – she had tried that before, but when it comes to stubbornness, Sousuke always comes out undefeasted. She had to say something, or the atmosphere would continue to be uncomfortable. Markdukas, however, beat her to it.
"Sergeant," the acting commanding officer called out, "what is it that you need?"
"Kaname is there, I am sure of it. There is no need for further information gathering, we should go with the rescue mission immediately."
Tessa shook her head before sighing again. It seems as though all reason has left the young sergeant ever since this whole ordeal with Kaname has started. "Listen to yourself Sergeant Sagara, you are not making any sense"
Sousuke quickly quieted down with the Commander's harsh reply. It was true, and he cannot find the will to deny the accusations. Kaname has been gone for only a few weeks and yet he lived everyday as if everything in his life is a mess. The brown-haired boy's mind is still a wreck – a million unanswered questions, with many more adding up day by day.
Proceed with the rescue mission? How could he suggest such a thing? Even an amateur would know that given the limited amount of data they have, going face to face with the enemy is just suicidal. Sousuke was about to apologize for his rash behavior when all the screens in the control room suddenly projected warning signs. Explosions were heard from different directions, shaking up the submarine in the process.
Mardukas immediately looked at the radar near him, "Missiles coming from all directions above us captain, the source still unidentified."
More missiles exploded at the side of the submarine.
Then the enemy must be really here, Tessa thought, switching to commander mode. "Find the source immediately - search for missile launchers on the beachfront or any ships in the vicinity. Activate the missile turrets of the Danaan to intercept anymore attacks." The lives of her crew were once again on her hands. With no enemy in sight, her strategies for battle were restricted. "Turn the engine to maximum power, we are submerging." If the enemy won't appear with this, at least they could escape.
"Give me a status of the ship." Tessa barked the command, trying to analyze the situation.
An cross-sectional image of the Danaan appeared on the main screen, with all areas lighted green, "All areas undamaged, Captain. We… have not been hit at all."
Tessa and Mardukas looked at each other, brows furrowed in confusion, not noticing a certain brown-haired boy leaving the room.
What was happening?
--
Good good, now keep diving, Kaname thought as she watches the Tuatha de Danaan submerge deeper into the ocean. Firing the missiles from above would certainly give an impression that the attacker was not below sea level. It would be advantageous for both Kaname and the Tuatha if they were both below the surface. The underwater currents would make attacking more difficult, especially with the limited line of sight. That way, it would be easier to make excuses as to why she couldn't land any single attack on the enemy.
She just had to pretend she wasn't doing it on purpose.
The hover pack on her AS back might have helped in flight, but it was specially designed to be effective when in the water as well – it was necessary, given that their hidden base was near the sea. Kaname trails after the Tuatha de Danaan, making sure that the distance between them is enough for her not to get detected. She fires a couple more shots which, unsurprisingly, explodes near the submarine barely grazing the exterior.
Kaname decided she should give herself a pat on the back for the perfect shots, but the feeling of having to fire at other people – especially people that she actually knew was still very much unnerving. How much worse could it be during real battles, when you need to actually hit and kill those who were against you? Can you become numb to the pain and guilt of having to take ones life?
The blue-haired girl could never forget that rainy night when a sword had nearly pierced her flesh. Her attacker was skilled, and there was no hesitation in her movements. Her eyes were… blank. Kaname shudders the thought of her becoming like that – of anyone becoming like that. Was Sousuke any different?
Her thoughts were interrupted when Leonard spoke through the transmitter, "I didn't expect that the new AS' accuracy to be this low, Kaname."
"Oh well you know" Kaname laughed – the same shrill laugh that made it so obvious that she was lying – though for how she can laugh at such a time was beyond her, "I haven't practice being underwater yet that much."
"I know you're lying. You are perfectly harmonized with the AS, there is no reason to miss any targets, especially as big as this submarine."
Kaname's voice turned serious, "I did not agree to this." The long-haired girl knew that rebelling right now would not help the situation at all.
"If you cannot complete the test, then we will be more than happy to attack them for you."
She remembered the reason why she rejected Gauron's suggestion to back-out before. She really had no choice.
"I understand."
--
"An unidentified AS detected a couple of miles away, Captain. It seems to be the source of all the attacks."
"Alright. Keep the speed to a maximum, we can't let it get too near."
Tessa focused on the screen in front of her, trying to figure out what the enemy is planning with this strategy of firing at them but missing. The AS is maintaining a considerable distance from the submarine, following it stealthily. They almost could not detect it from their radar. It's as if they're just trying to make us go away, maybe they're not enemies afterall, Tessa thought. Maybe… maybe the one inside is… She had to make sure.
"Open a line of communication with the AS"
"Rejected, Captain. We can't get through their radio."
Warning signs suddenly projected ones again on the main screen on the control room. "Two torpedoes, Captain. Locked at the Danaan!"
"Launch our missiles to intercept them."
Explosions all around the submarine were heard once again, but this time, it felt much closer. The enemy is getting serious, Tessa thought worriedly. Maybe it was just toying with them all this time. And now, the real battle starts.
"Only one torpedo intercepted!"
"Hatches one, three and eight destroyed Captain!"
"Sector five of the submarine hit! Walls automatically drawn down to prevent water in the passageways."
Warning levels continued to increase, and Tessa tightened her grip on her seat. Such damage from only one attack. If the previous missiles had hit them before, they would be surely sinking now.
"Captain, requesting permission to fight," Sousuke's voice boomed through the intercom. The silver-haired captain stopped herself from immediately denying his request. The attacks would surely continue, and she can't risk the submarine to accumulate any more damage as it is. A lot of lives are at stake. But to use Sergeant Sagara as bait so that they can escape? How could they leave him behind?
Mardukas answered for her, "Permission granted, Sergeant"
Tessa looked at her subordinate officer in confusion. "Compose yourself, Captain Testarossa. This is not like you."
A couple of seconds passed before the braid-haired girl nodded and reassumed her stance. What was she thinking? She knew there was no time to have doubts, especially in the midst of battle. Her speculations would be left unanswered – there was no way to find out if Kaname was the one piloting the AS. And given the situation, they can't do anything about it if ever it was true.
Tessa hardened her resolve, "Launch the Arbalest, and prepare for escape."
--
She fell roughly on the sea floor, and if the darkness wasn't enough to scare the hell out of her, it would be the glaring eyes of the AS on top of her preventing her movement.
Even though her attacks directly impacted the submarine, Kaname still made sure not to give any lasting damage. Targeting the interceptor hatches was easy enough – it was far away from the residential area of the submarine, and the crew could replace those parts in a short amount of time.
But when she detected the Arbalest coming right at her at full speed, the blue-haired girl just lost all thought altogether. He wasn't supposed to come out, Kaname thought, they were supposed to go away and she shouldn't need to fight anyone in close battle.
But then again, Sousuke always found ways to surprise her, and locking her AS at the bottom of the sea was no exception. Kaname lost her AS' gun when Arbalest directly hit her with its body, and she couldn't find the will to move and stab him away. Sousuke, however, seemed to have other plans.
The Arbalest started to punch the AS below it, trying to stop its movements permanently. And Kaname felt as if she was the one being hit. Amidst the struggle, she tries to keep her eyes open, only to find glaring lights and the metallic fist that keeps hitting and hitting her AS.
Kaname couldn't move.
--
Leonard was alerted by the warning signals from the machines. "What's happening?" he said as he looked at the screens in the laboratory. Kaname's brain signals were going haywire. "What's wrong with her?"
The head scientist hesitated before answering,"Her brain waves started to become unstable when she met up with the Arbalest."
No further explanations were necessary. The silver-haired man knew what this meant. Kaname still has not let go. There was nothing else he could do at this point, "Cancel the operation. Detonate the experimental AS."
A large explosion reverberated around the sea floor, throwing off the Arbalest. Pieces of the lost AS floated around. The pilot self-detonated, Sousuke's eyes widened at the thought, not paying attention to how damaged his own AS is.
--
At the same moment of the explosion, Kaname Chidori opened her eyes to the glaring lights of the laboratory situated somewhere in the hidden enemy land base. The capsule that encased her body throughout the entire test opened, and she tried to sit up while regaining her focus. Having been forcefully cut off from her mind connection from the AS she was piloting a distance away, she was still left dizzy.
Even though she was not exactly inside the AS, there was one thought that she couldn't shake off.
Sousuke tried to kill her. Again.
--
What is it that keeps me from giving up?
--
Author's Note: Kaname's dream in the beginning might not make that much sense to those who haven't finished watching the Second Raid of the animation. (Insert Spoiler alert here) After Sousuke left Kaname in Japan without any message at all to where he was going or when he would be back, Kaname got help from Wraith to take her to China, where the battle is mainly being held. She meets up with Sousuke, and after bashing him a little, encourages him to fight and win. This is where I enter the picture and change everything. Instead of coming back with Kaname, Sousuke (in this fanfiction) decides to stay and continue on with his missions in Mithril, until eventually, he does come back anyway.
And yes, I do take an impossible length of time to update, but do bare with me, I am determined to finish this. Battles are just not my thing. As it is, I spend almost forever going through the previous chapters just to check if there are any inconsistencies. I already have an ending in mind, but the path towards that is still unclear.
Well, that's just me. I thank those who have been patient this far.