Redemption-Book 1: Re-Emergence

by evitascarlett

No one told Johanna that picking up the pieces and moving on would be easy…but they never said it would be this hard either. A sequel to Apologize; dealing with the fallout and aftermath of Bracken's arrest as the family tries to heal and move on. Warning: This is a Johanna centric story. Cover art by LordofKavaka

7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews. A good bit of new material in this chapter! I'm going to hold off posting the next chapter for about two weeks so if anyone needs to catch up they can. I know some of you are waiting on The Visitors and Reflections; I promise I'll get them updated as soon as possible; at the moment the words aren't coming together the way I want but I'll get things straightened out, just bear with me.

Chapter 7- Try

"You got to get up and try,try try"-Pink

"It must've gotten cold last night," Kate remarked as she entered the kitchen the next morning, tugging at the cuffs of the long sleeved shirt she had been thankful to find in the dresser in her old room.

"Yeah, I always know when the weather changes," Jim remarked. "I wake up with your mother wrapped around my back like a koala bear in a tree."

Johanna smirked at him from her place at the stove. "I didn't hear any complaints…at least not until you told me to move."

"I made you move so I could get up and turn the heat on. I know how sensitive you ladies are to a little bit of cold air."

"Hey, I'm not as bad as her," Kate remarked while she grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured herself a cup of coffee. "But it was a little chilly in here when I woke up."

"At least it's starting to feel better now," Johanna replied as she flipped pancakes. "Katie, that shirt is wrinkled; you can't wear that to work."

"It's not that bad," she replied. "My jacket will cover it."

"Let me iron it."

"I don't have time for that; I'll be late and besides, my car is blocking Dad's."

"He can wait," Johanna stated. "Or you can go upstairs and borrow something out of my closet…I can't let you go to work in wrinkled clothes."

Kate rolled her eyes. "I feel like I should be doing algebra homework and being threatened about being grounded."

Jim grinned at her as he glanced up from the newspaper. "Would you like me to threaten you for old time's sake?"

"No thanks, I still have clear memories of those occasions."

"I was hoping they'd leave a lasting impression," he replied; "And you may as well go take a tour of your mother's closet because you know she's not letting you out of here in that shirt."

"Fine, I'll save myself an argument and borrow something. Is there anything on your 'No you can't borrow that' list, Mom?"

Johanna shook her head. "No; not in the long sleeve department. Hurry up; breakfast will be ready in a few minutes."

While Kate was upstairs, Johanna finished the cooking and filled their plates with pancakes, sausages and scrambled eggs. She carried the plates to the table and then refilled Jim's cup of coffee.

"You didn't offer your assistance this morning," she said to her husband.

Jim smiled. "Well you seemed to be in your element and I didn't want to disturb it."

"Is that the story you're sticking to?" she teased.

"Yes."

She took her place at the table just as Kate returned to the kitchen. "I can't promise you're ever getting this shirt back," she stated as she caught her mother's eye.

"Why?"

"Because I like it," she answered; her fingertips rubbing against the royal blue material. "It's so soft. Where did you get it?"

"Macy's; you can keep it. I have two more in different colors. I'll get you another one the next time I go there."

"You don't have to do that."

"It's not a problem," Johanna remarked and then she smiled brightly as she eyed her husband and daughter. "Isn't this nice?"

"What?" Kate asked; her fork sinking into a piece of pancake.

"That we're all here together, sharing a meal," her mother answered.

Her daughter paused. "Is this a guilt thing?"

Johanna's smile faded. "No, I was merely saying that it's nice to have you at the table. Just because you're grown up doesn't mean I don't like to share a meal with you."

"We've shared a lot of meals together in the last several months."

"But not recently. I'm glad to have you here and I'm sure your father is too," Johanna remarked as she flicked Jim's newspaper that he was still reading. "Isn't that right, Jim?"

"Yes, dear," he answered.

Kate laughed. "He still does that automatic 'yes dear' thing when you flick his newspaper and say his name."

"Yeah, it's wonderful, isn't it?"

"You're big on that 'isn't it' question this morning, aren't you?" her daughter asked.

Johanna smirked. "I'm happy to be with my family, sue me."

It grew quiet between them as they ate, the rustling of the newspaper filling the silence until Johanna spoke once again. "How are you feeling this morning, Katie?"

"Better," she replied.

"That's good. Rick called last night but you were already asleep."

Kate shifted in her chair. "What did he say?"

Her mother relayed the entire conversation and then gave her an encouraging smile. "Don't worry, you'll work it out."

"I hope so."

"You listen to your mother," Jim remarked. "She knows what she's talking about."

"Oh look, there really was something hiding behind that newspaper," Kate said as she caught her mother's eye.

Johanna grinned. "It's a miracle."

"The miracle would've been having bacon on the plate," Jim commented. "I thought that since Katie was here you'd consider it a special occasion and serve bacon."

His wife patted his hand. "It is a special occasion, but I'm sure Katie understands that I've cut back on your bacon intake."

"I bet she's disappointed," he commented.

"No, actually I'm not," their daughter replied. "I'm not in a bacon kind of mood."

Jim nodded. "Just be that way then; take your mother's side, you always do."

"That's what women do, Dad."

"I've noticed."

Johanna enjoyed the easy conversation that they shared as they ate their meal, and when they got up from the table and both husband and daughter got ready to leave, she had to force away the sadness she felt at being left behind. "Are those my boots?" she asked as she watched Kate carry her plate to the sink.

Kate's gaze dropped to her feet and then back to her mother's face. "Well you said nothing was on the don't borrow list...and they looked lonely."

"Uh huh; and you thought I wouldn't notice that they were gone?"

"I highly doubted it; after all, I did make it all the way to Stanford with a pair of your sandals once."

"I just let you think that I didn't know that you had shoved them into your suitcase," Johanna replied.

"Those aren't your new boots," Jim declared as he studied the pair that adorned Kate's feet.

"You have new ones?" Kate asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Yes I do and no you can't borrow them...you've had your shop in Mom's closet experience for today."

"I'll bring these back."

Johanna smiled. "Yeah, I heard that about my sandals when I finally asked you about it. I'm still waiting."

Her daughter grinned. "Hey, I actually still have those sandals."

"I'm glad someone does."

"I'll bring the boots back," Kate laughed.

"Sure you will, but just in case; if you have to shoot someone, make sure you don't get their blood on my boots. It isn't easy to get stains out of suede," Johanna remarked.

"I'll do my best," she replied as she stepped forward and hugged her mother. "I have to get going, thanks for breakfast...and for last night."

"Anytime, Katie. Everything will be fine, you and Rick have a strong relationship, you'll get through this. Be careful, I love you."

"I will be. I love you too," Kate answered before kissing her cheek and then moving to her father and doing the same. "See you later," she called out on her way to the door. "Call if you need me."

"Same to you, Katie," Johanna responded. "Have a good day."

Her daughter smiled and exited the house. Johanna turned in just in time to find herself in her husband's arms and he smiled down at her. "You finally got her to the table," Jim commented lightly.

She laughed softly. "More like Rick did; she wouldn't have been here if they hadn't had a fight."

"The how doesn't matter; what matters is that she was here."

"True; and just like old times, when she left the house, a small portion of my closet went with her."

"Well sweetheart, when you told her to take a shirt, you should've anticipated that a pair of shoes would go with it," he grinned. "Just think of it as her carrying a piece of you with her all day long."

She smiled. "I kind of like that."

"I aim to please," he replied. "I better get going too. Call if you need me."

"I will," she promised. "You have a good day."

Jim kissed her. "I'll do my best. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Lock the door; I'll see you later."

She followed him to the door and locked it behind him; a part of her feeling abandoned. Johanna forced herself to shake that thought away. Jim would be home later and Kate would probably call sometime through the day, she wasn't abandoned...but she suddenly felt lonely. She sighed; she better make herself busy so that feeling would go away.

---

Kate sat at her desk later that morning, trying to keep her mind focused but her thoughts kept drifting to Castle and their fight. She briefly thought about calling him but then decided against it. He'd come in on his own if he wanted to…or she'd wait until they had a case and then call him. But what if they didn't get a case? Kate frowned; everything always had to be so damn complicated, especially when a relationship was involved. Sometimes she couldn't help but wonder why people even bothered with them…but she knew the answer to that. Everyone needed someone to love…and everyone needed to be needed by someone; and maybe she was needier than she had thought.

Her frown deepened at that notion. Neediness was one of her mother's habits; and while she knew that Johanna controlled that habit to the best of her ability, there were times when it shown through; like that morning when she couldn't conceal her glee at finally having her daughter back at the table. A soft sigh crossed Kate's lips, she didn't want that particular habit of her mother's…and she didn't want to think about that niggle of guilt she had felt when she saw how happy her mother was to share a meal with her. She wasn't sure why she kept turning down those invitations for dinner; she knew the excuses for it and while she wouldn't say that those excuses didn't hold any merit, she knew that there was something deeper. Was there still a part of her that was afraid to get too close to her mother? It was ridiculous, she was already close…but there was still fear. Fear of losing her mother. Fear of losing Castle.

In the case of her mother, she tended to pull back. In the case of Castle…apparently she became all the things she hated to be; needy, jealous, and insecure. She wasn't good at this stuff…that's why it never worked out. That was a depressing thought, she mused. She wondered if maybe smacking her head off the desk would knock her brain into a better position, but knowing her luck, it would only lead to Gates sending her back to therapy and taking away her gun.

A coffee cup suddenly appeared in front of her and Kate glanced up at the unamused face of Richard Castle. She wanted to squirm under his intense gaze but managed not to. "Thank you," she murmured.

Castle tried to think of something neutral to say but his mouth betrayed him and out slipped the words he hadn't meant to say aloud. "Don't you think it's kind of cliché to run home to your mother?"

The remark carried the sting of a slap and her eyes jerked back to his face. "Excuse me?"

He shrugged. "I think you heard me."

"Yeah, I heard you all right and I think we better get that straight. I didn't run home to my mother."

"What do you call it?"

"I call it visiting my family and I don't need your permission to do that."

"Funny how you only decide to visit when you're avoiding me," he replied.

"I can visit my mother any time I want, Castle."

"I bet you told her all about it, didn't you?"

"What if I did talk to her about how I felt?" she asked tersely. "Am I not allowed to confide in someone other than you? Should I stop talking to her? Should I stop talking to Lanie too? I confide in her too, you know."

"You could've just talked to me about it."

"I didn't want to talk to you last night. I was mad at you...what part of that didn't you get?"

"Oh I got it; I also got that you didn't want to work it out. You just wanted to run instead."

"You should know me well enough by now to know that I wasn't just going to get over it in an hour, Castle."

"I knew you wouldn't be over it in an hour. I just didn't realize that you'd go spend the night elsewhere so that you could avoid the issue."

Kate closed her eyes, frustration making her jaw tighten. "First of all, if I don't want to go home, I don't have to. Second, I stayed away from my apartment because I knew you weren't going to let me alone last night. I needed time, Rick," she whispered sharply.

"Time to run home to your mother instead of just dealing with it with me."

"Leave her out of it! You act like she kidnapped me or demanded that I spill my guts to her. I went there because I knew you wouldn't come beating on their door. Yes, I talked to my mother...because I felt like a fool, Castle. I felt like the biggest fool and I needed to talk to someone about it; someone who had distance from the situation and looks at both sides. You act like it's such a bad thing, but let me tell you something, when I do confide in her about something that's bothering me, she not only tells me it's okay for me to feel the way I do; she also makes me accept my part of the blame and makes me admit to why I did what I did...and that can only benefit you, Castle; and if you think for one minute that I believe that you never talk about us with someone else, then you're crazy. I think you probably tell Martha plenty when the mood strikes you."

She had him there, he thought to himself. There were times when he unburdened himself to his mother.

"And another thing," Kate stated quietly. "Don't judge me for going to my mother's house when you live with your mother!"

"I don't live with my mother; my mother lives with me."

She smirked at him. "It doesn't matter, she's still with you every day."

"Fine, I'll concede that point to you."

"How gracious of you."

Castle exhaled heavily. "Kate...I just didn't want this to be a big thing."

"How could it not be, Rick?" she asked softly.

"I don't know...I just wanted to make it go away and I sat in your apartment all night waiting for you, worrying that something had happened to you and yet at the same time knowing that you were just hiding out somewhere. I finally tracked you down only to be told that you were asleep."

"I was; she didn't lie to you."

"She told you that I called?"

"Of course she did, she told me all about it...and don't take her tone from that call personally, Castle. She was dealing with her own stuff last night and she was tired."

"I figured that out after awhile," he replied. "I just don't want it to be this way, Kate. I..."

"I know...but this isn't really the place to discuss it," she answered; subtly glancing around the room to see if anyone had picked up on their intense conversation despite the low tones of their voices.

"You're right, it's not the right place...so what is?"

Kate was quiet for a minute and then held his gaze. "I'll be home tonight."

"Does that mean I have to leave now?"

"No, Castle...not unless you want to."

"Do I ever want to?"

"I hope not," she whispered.

He shook his head. "I don't...and that's something you should know by now."

"Sometimes you have to check on things like that to be sure."

He nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry for what I said about running home to your mother. You're right, we all need someone to talk to sometimes...and even if it didn't seem like it, I am glad that you have her, Kate."

"I know; it's okay."

"So what do we do now?" he asked; "Since we're putting our discussion on hold?"

She gave him a hint of a smile. "I guess you do what you always do; stare at me while I do paperwork until I yell at you to stop...and then you'll pull out your phone and play one of your games and then you'll start writing down plot points for the book and then you'll go back to staring again and the cycle will repeat unless we get a case."

He grinned. "You're observant."

"That's why I have the shiny Detective's badge."

"I still think I should have a badge."

"It's not happening, Castle; give it up."

"Never," he remarked. "Anything is possible."

Kate sighed. "That's not exactly an adage I'm fond of these days."

"Why?"

"Obvious reasons, I should think. There are some things that I don't want to be possible."

Castle read between the lines and caught her meaning. She didn't want any possibility of Bracken beating his charges and the cycle starting over. "Don't worry; I'm sure there are some things that aren't possible at all."

"At least we hope not," she murmured.

---

Johanna had just finished putting away the vacuum, her housework finished when a knock sounded at the front door. A tremor of nervousness shot through her and she touched her pocket to make sure her phone was there before she cautiously moved in the direction of the door. An unexpected visitor didn't necessarily mean trouble, she told herself as another knock sounded, the last time it had been Frankie at her door and that had been a nice surprise. Surely it wouldn't be anything bad…there hadn't been any reporters around. It would be fine. She blew out a breath and pulled back the curtain on the window of the door to peer out. There was a young woman standing on the porch, weighted down with a purse and diaper bag, her attention for the moment on the baby carrier she was holding. She looked harmless enough from what she could see of her, but then her visitor glanced up from the carrier and Johanna realized that the woman looked like her sister. It wasn't of course, she told herself as she began releasing the locks, but there was someone else she knew that had Colleen's hair and eye color and most of her features…and that was Colleen's daughter Samantha.

"Aunt Jo?" the woman said, hesitation and worry in her voice as the door cracked open.

"Samantha?" Johanna asked softly; wanting to be sure that she had the right niece…after all, her sister did have two daughters and it had been awhile.

Samantha smiled. "Yeah…I hope you don't mind me stopping by; I would've called first but I didn't know how to get a hold of you and neither did Lindsey. Are you busy?"

"No, I'm not busy," she answered, pushing the door open wider. "Come on in, it's good to see you."

Johanna didn't miss the relieved look that passed across her niece's features. "I would've come sooner to see you," Samantha remarked as she stepped inside "But I've been a little busy," she said with a nod at the carrier. "I thought you might like to meet your nephew though."

A smile spread across Johanna's face as she peeked inside the carrier at the newborn baby boy who was tucked beneath a couple of blue receiving blankets, sleeping peacefully. "He's precious," she murmured, her fingers reaching out to stroke his soft cheek.

"I think so too," Samantha replied; "But I'm biased."

"No one can blame you for that," she told her. "Come sit down."

Her niece followed her into the living room and sat down the baby carrier and then her purse and diaper bag before moving toward her aunt, arms open for a hug. Johanna hugged her tightly. "It's so good to see you," she told her.

"It's good to see you too," Samantha replied as she released her. "How are you doing?"

She sighed a little. "I'm okay; some days are easier than others but I'm just thankful to finally be home."

"I'm glad you're home too."

Johanna smiled and settled down on the opposite end of the sofa as her niece bent down to unbuckle the baby from his carrier. "I didn't know you had a baby, Sammi. I've talked to your uncle Frankie and Valerie a good bit and neither one of them had mentioned anything."

"They probably don't know," Samantha remarked as she carefully picked up her son. "Do you want to hold him?"

"Of course I want to hold him," she replied, shifting closer so that the baby could be placed in her arms. She smiled down at his sleeping face and then brushed a kiss against his tuft of soft dark hair. "What's his name?"

"Dylan Jacob."

"That's a cute name," Johanna said, her fingers curling softly around his tiny hand. "How old is he?"

"Three weeks."

"Three weeks," she repeated her eyes still on the baby. "My goodness, you're brand new."

"I'm still amazed," Samantha said softly. "It felt like he'd never get here and now that he is, I still can't quite believe it."

"I remember that feeling well," she replied. "He's a beautiful baby, Sammi."

"Thank you," she said softly; a bright smile of maternal pride spreading across her lips.

"Why wouldn't your aunt and uncle know about the baby?" Johanna asked, shifting a bit to be more comfortable as she kept the baby cradled in her arms.

"It's a long story. Before I forget, Lindsey says hello and sends her love. Once I have your number I'll give it to her so she can call and I'm sure she'll be over to visit sometime soon. Like I said, I would've called first before dropping by but I didn't know how to get a hold of you and I lost Katie's number when I had to replace my phone a few months ago. I didn't know if it would cause problems to call her at work or not. Lindsey asked Mom if she had your number and she blew a gasket."

Her niece was avoiding something, Johanna thought to herself but she'd get it out of her soon enough. "Your mother wasn't thrilled with the news that I'm still alive," she remarked.

"I've heard," Samantha replied. "But if it makes you feel any better, Lindsey and I were happy to hear it."

She nodded. "That does make me feel better and it's alright that you came over without calling; I'm usually always here. I will make sure you have my number though; I want you to call or come by whenever you want."

The younger woman smiled. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too…and I'm sorry about having to basically lie to so many people for so long. I never wanted to hurt anyone…there just wasn't any other way," Johanna said quietly.

"I know," Samantha assured. "And it's alright; you did the right thing. I'm not mad at you, neither is my sister. Mom's just being herself…and believe me, no one is president of her fan club; except maybe Brandon and Philip; those pansy ass mama's boys."

Johanna laughed softly. "Is that any way to talk about your brothers?"

"Yes," she replied with a nod. "They disgust me."

"They're my nephews and I love them…but they always did seem to take after your father and his brother Henry."

"Don't even get me started on Uncle Henry," Samantha said; a look of disgust on her face. "I can not stand that man."

"I never could either…can you believe that he kept asking me out while your parents were engaged," she said with a laugh. "That was never going to happen…not even if hell froze over and pigs began to fly."

"He must've been out of his mind to think that you'd go out with him," Samantha laughed. "You have taste."

"I had to spell it out for him; he finally got the hint…which is lucky for him because my next option was to punch him."

"You should've punched him."

Johanna grinned. "I was tempted to punch a lot of people during that time period of your parents engagement and wedding…your mother included. In fact the night before her wedding, we had a little slap fest."

"Did anyone get pictures of that?" Samantha asked. "Because I'd love to see it. Please tell me you won."

"I'm pretty sure I won," Johanna remarked. "Your grandfather pulled me off of her. I had enough of her crap and let her have it."

"Good for you…someone should let her have it again; she needs it."

"How does my sister like being a grandmother?" she asked; the concept nearly unfathomable.

"In her mind she isn't a grandmother," Samantha answered. "She's never even seen Dylan."

Surprise flicked across her features. "Why not?"

"Because Mom and Dad have disowned us."

"Disowned you?" Johanna repeated, taking note of the sadness in the young woman's eyes despite the smile on her lips. "Why on earth would they do that? What's wrong, honey?"

A shimmer of tears appeared in Samantha's eyes. "Well for starters, Dylan's last name is Weston…I'm not married."

Johanna shrugged. "So? You don't have to be married to have a baby; that's common these days. You don't have to be married for the baby to have his father's name instead of yours."

"His father doesn't want him to have his name."

"Oh?"

Samantha nodded. "It's a long story."

"I've got time."

"I was with a man named Derek," Samantha began. "He was a wonderful man; at least so I thought. For two years we were very happy together; I figured that we'd eventually get married, but that's not going to happen. Anyway, Mom and Dad have always hated him from day one."

"Why?"

Samantha sighed. "Well, Dad's always been a stuck up snob and he didn't like him because Derek's a certified mechanic. That's how I met him; he did work on my car. In Dad's opinion, mechanics are beneath the Westons."

"Everyone is beneath the Westons in his mind; I'm surprised my sister was good enough for him."

"They deserve each other," Samantha said, a touch of bitterness in her voice. "As for Mom, I guess she always disliked him because he didn't suck up to her and pay her a bunch of false compliments. It didn't matter much to me though; I loved him and I thought he loved me so I didn't worry much about it although I did get tired of their constant harping that I should find someone better so I quit going around as much. For two years we were happy…and then I found out I was pregnant."

Johanna sensed the impending heartache and she reached for her niece's hand. "He wasn't happy about it?"

"Far from happy," she replied. "As soon as the stick turned blue he was looking for the exit. He told me he didn't like kids and he didn't want any, that's why he doesn't see the kid he has in Vermont…which I knew nothing about. He told me…"

"He told you what?" Johanna asked, seeing her swallow hard.

"He told me to get rid of it."

She looked down at the baby in her arms as she cuddled him closer without thought, protectiveness welling up within her. "How could he say that about his own child?" she murmured.

"I don't know," Samantha whispered as a tear broke free. "But I couldn't do that…I loved him from the moment I knew he was there. I could live without Derek; I couldn't live without my baby once I knew he was there."

Johanna nodded. "You'll never regret that decision, Sammi. He'll be the best thing in your life."

"He already is," she replied with a wobbly smile. "Even though I'm sleep deprived and pouring soda on my cereal instead of milk without realizing it. I wouldn't trade him for anything in this world."

"I know you wouldn't."

"I thought maybe Derek would come around…that somehow it would be different with me than it had been with whoever was in Vermont. I waited a week and a half…I called him and his phone had been disconnected. I went to his work and found out that he quit. I went to his apartment and found out that he had packed up and moved. I tracked down one of his friends and he told me that Derek headed to New Jersey to work with his brother in a shop they were going to open together. That's how serious he is about not being a father; he flees the state."

"Slimeball," Johanna muttered. "No offense to you of course, honey; I know you loved him."

"Yeah well any love I had for him died the moment he told me to get rid of my baby. He is a slimeball…and plenty of worse things that I've called him. You think you know someone after being with them for two years but apparently you don't. When I told Mom and Dad about the baby; they nearly had strokes. They seem to be under the impression that we're still living in the dark ages and that babies born out of wedlock are taboo. It was a bunch of 'what will our friends think' and all that bunch of crap. They act like I'm a goddamn teenager instead of a gainfully employed woman in her thirties who has her own place and car. Dad seemed to be under the impression that I was going to move back home and live off them and that was so laughable that I couldn't even believe that he made that leap. He made it a point to tell me in no uncertain terms that he wasn't going to be financially responsible for my 'illegitimate brat' and if I was stupid enough to get myself into this situation, I'd just have to learn to deal with it on my own because he didn't want anything to do with us. He told me I was an embarrassment and that I wasn't raised to 'get myself into a fix like this'."

"Oh my God," Johanna exclaimed softly. "I never did like that son of a bitch and now I hate him even more. Frankie is right; he was born with a stick up his ass. Who the hell does he think he is? A king or a saint?"

"I don't know who he thinks he is but I told him hell would freeze over before I ever asked him for a damn thing and that I was fully capable of taking care of myself and my baby. He's never been too happy with my career choice either, you know. Being a secretary for a book publisher is beneath the Westons too."

"And yet he married an interior decorator," Johanna said with a scoff. "A decorator with hardly any taste."

"You can say that again; the only thing worse than her home décor taste is her taste in men…which I guess I inherited because I picked a loser."

Johanna smiled. "At least you didn't marry him."

"That's true."

"What did your mother say about the baby?"

"Oh she acted like I went out and robbed a bank and brought the evidence home to hide under her bed. She's so worried about what her friends at the country club might think if they find out her daughter got knocked up by some mechanic who then hit the bricks. She went off like a rocket. She thinks because she was a virgin on her wedding night that everyone else should be to…"

"Wait a minute," Johanna interrupted, holding up a hand. "Colleen McKenzie wasn't a virgin on her wedding night anymore than I was and if that's what she's been telling you, she's a damn liar."

Samantha's eyes widened. "She wasn't?!"

"Hell no! Your mother gave it up to the first boy who paid attention to her in high school. She left her underwear in the back of his Buick and I know it for a fact because we shared a room and I had to pull her sorry ass back in the window when she climbed up the trellis. She couldn't wait to tell all about it. If you want, I'll get my yearbook out and show you the boy's picture."

"Oh my God!" Samantha exclaimed. "She's such a damn liar! I want the picture later; I want to text it to Lindsey. I knew she was lying! I had a feeling she wasn't as innocent as she claimed!"

"Believe me, she's not," Johanna replied. "And you can tell her I said so. I don't know who the hell she thinks she is either but I know who she is…I know a lot of her secrets…and I'm not afraid to tell them if I have to bring her back to reality."

"I'm not sure she knows what reality is anymore. She kept going on and on about how it wouldn't look right for the baby not to have his father's name. It wouldn't look right for the father not to be in the delivery room…"

"She better preach at your father then," Johanna remarked. "Because he wasn't in the delivery room for any of his kids. I was in there with her when Lindsey was born and I was there again when you were born. Our mother was with her when each of the boys were born."

Samantha shook her head. "Mom sure does have a way of rewriting history, doesn't she? Because she acts like he was there the whole way."

"The hell he was. She begged him to go into the delivery room with her when she was in labor with Lindsey and he wouldn't budge, he said it wasn't his place to be in there. I went…and when I came out, I told him exactly what I thought of him and your snotty ass grandmother who was right there with him saying it wasn't proper for a man to be in the delivery room."

"Grandmother Millicent has disowned us too," Samantha remarked. "She's another one who's big on saying that Westons don't have illegitimate children."

"For God's sake, Millicent is still here?" Johanna exclaimed softly as the baby nuzzled against her. "What is she now, 110?"

"Ninety," Samantha laughed. "I think she's too mean to go…they don't want to deal with that in heaven."

"That's probably the truth. I thought my mother-in-law was bad at times but Millicent made Elizabeth look like a ball of sunshine…and she's gone and so is my mother and that old bag is still here."

Samantha sighed. "I miss Grandma Naomi; I wish she was here…she would love Dylan the way he deserves."

"You're right, she would. She'd adore him and the details wouldn't matter."

"I wish his grandparents felt the same way…the older Dad gets the worse he is and Mom doesn't seem to have a brain of her own; she just goes along with everything him and grandmother say; not that I think she wants to be a grandmother to my son; hell I'm not sure she ever wanted to be a mother if you want the truth."

That was the truth, Johanna thought to herself but she couldn't tell Samantha that. Her niece was having a difficult year; her heart wounded and bruised like hers was. She didn't need the truth of that statement added to it. She moved closer to give her a hug. "I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, sweetheart. I don't know what's wrong with your parents but you'll never find judgment like that here. I love you and I love this little one and it doesn't matter if his father is around or not; that's his loss and I don't give a damn that you don't have a ring on your finger. You're a grown woman who's capable of taking care of yourself and your child; like you said, you have a job and a home and a car; you'll be alright; but if you ever would need something, don't hesitate to ask, I'm here for you."

Samantha hugged her tightly being mindful of the baby between them. "We just need family."

"You've got it; you have me and your Uncle Jim; and I have no doubt that once they know you'll have your Uncle Frankie and Aunt Valerie. No one else is going to blacklist you. Tell the Westons to go to hell."

"I have told them that in subtle ways," she replied. "I have my sister too; Lindsey has been there for us the whole way. She's told Mom exactly what she thinks of her opinions…you know they never have gotten along very well."

"I remember," Johanna remarked. "How is Lindsey?"

"She's fine; she's an accountant at one of the firms on Wall Street. She just got engaged over the summer. Mom wants to plan some big high flauting shindig for her and Lindsey doesn't want anything to do with it. All she wants is to get married on the beach next summer; something simple and not too big and stressful."

"She's a smart girl," Johanna replied. "I hope your mother doesn't bully her into something she doesn't want."

"Oh she won't. Lindsey already said that if it came down to it, she and John would just go elope and send Mom a postcard from Vegas…that would kill her."

"I'm sure the explosion would be heard for miles if Lindsey eloped," Johanna said with a laugh.

"Lindsey and I are such disappointments to our parents," Samantha remarked. "But those boys…they're the Weston prizes. Maybe they didn't want girls."

Paul hadn't wanted girls and Colleen hadn't wanted kids at all, Johanna remembered. She wasn't surprised that nothing had changed.

"I always liked when Mom would drop me and Lindsey off here for a weekend sometimes," her niece recalled. "We'd play with Katie and we'd visit Grandma. You always cooked meals and there were always cookies in the cookie jar. You'd play with us if we asked, you read bedtime stories…and if it wasn't for Uncle Jim, I wouldn't know how to ride a bike. I must've made him run around the block a hundred times that day."

"He didn't mind," Johanna replied. "It was good practice for when he had to teach Katie a year or two later. You were so proud when you finally got the hang of it."

'It was always so different here than at home…Dad didn't want to teach us much; he thought we should just be quiet and sit in the corner somewhere. Mom didn't bake cookies and she didn't read bedtime stories. She'd play sometimes but if something better could be found, she was off and running. I'm not saying she was a bad mother; just that she was sort of disconnected at times…like we knew this wasn't what she wanted. We had good times and nice memories, but those other things stick out a lot too. It was always nice to be here; we always felt wanted and you and Uncle Jim always gave us attention."

"We enjoyed having you girls here," she remarked. "Katie always liked it too; she liked having other little girls in the house to play with. We never minded having you here or including you in a vacation."

"Thinking about how good those things were and how I've seen different kinds of parenting makes me feel badly for Dylan in regard to his father. He won't have his love or attention or even just his presence…and that's going to hurt him one day when he finds out why."

Johanna gave a nod. "It will hurt, but as long as he has you and your love and he's surrounded by other people who love him, he'll get through it just fine. He'll be alright; and he's better off if his father is that type of man. He doesn't deserve that."

"You're right about that."

"And maybe one day down the road you'll meet a man who will love you both the way you deserve to be loved and he'll step up and be a good father to Dylan."

"I've sworn off men for the moment," Samantha remarked.

"I don't blame you; I would've too," she said with a smile.

"I just think about the things a boy does with his dad; like learning to throw and catch a baseball…I can't throw worth a damn; and fishing trips and things like that."

"You have a little while before you need to worry too much about it," Johanna told her; "But when the times comes, I'm sure Uncle Jim will be more than happy to take him out in the yard and show him how to throw and catch and take him along for a fishing trip."

Samantha smiled. "How is Uncle Jim? I'm sure he's thrilled to have you home again."

"He's fine; I thank God every day that he let me come home. We've had a few bumps in the road but we're happy. If you stay for dinner you can see him and he can meet Dylan."

"That would be nice if you don't mind us hanging around so long," Samantha answered. "I've been eating a lot of TV dinners lately; one of your meals would be wonderful."

Johanna smiled. "I don't mind at all; and I'm not surprised that you've been living on TV dinners; babies keep you on your toes," she said as Dylan began to fuss in her arms. "I think he's probably getting hungry, he looks like he's ready to wail."

"I have his formula," Samantha said as she reached for the diaper bag and rummaged for the container and a bottle.

"Hand me a diaper and I'll change him while you get his bottle made," Johanna offered.

Samantha handed over a diaper with gratitude written in her smile before she headed for the kitchen to make Dylan's bottle.

"Alright little one," Johanna said as she laid the fussing baby on the couch. "We'll get you fed and changed. What's wrong with your grandmother not cuddling you every chance she gets?" she asked as she unsnapped his sleeper. "Maybe if I run into her I'll punch her lights out. Maybe that will change her attitude."

The baby's tiny fist waved as if in agreement as she slid a clean diaper under his bottom and fastened it. "You just come visit me," she told him while snapping up her sleeper. "I'll cuddle you."

She scooped up the baby, rocking him gently as he began to cry. "It's okay," she murmured. "Here comes your mommy."

"You're already done changing him?" Samantha asked as she took the baby into her arms. "It takes me forever to get his clothes snapped back up."

Johanna laughed softly. "You'll get faster, honey; it just takes practice. While you feed him I'll go turn the oven on to get dinner started."

"Are you sure you don't mind us staying?"

"Not at all. I'm glad you're here. I haven't had many visitors…not everyone is so forgiving…and I don't go out too much."

"Because of the media?" her niece asked.

"That and…"

"And what?"

"Fear," she murmured. "I'm always afraid."

Samantha gave an understanding nod. "You have to keep trying though…you just need a little practice."

Johanna smiled. "I know…I'm working up to trying more."

---

That evening after dinner had been cleaned up and Samantha had been sent home with a bag of leftovers and a promise to visit again, Johanna curled up on the couch with her grandmother's diary. She felt relatively content as she opened the aged book, her fingers finding the silken bookmark. Her husband had seemed to be happy at the knowledge that she'd had company all day but she could tell that he had clearly had a rough day at the office despite his lightness with Samantha and his turn holding the baby. He had unloaded some of it as she washed the dishes and she hoped that he felt more relaxed now.

"Are you still reading that?" Jim asked as he carried his cup of coffee into the living room that evening.

"Yes and I have two more when I finish this one…do you think I shouldn't read them?"

"Of course you should read them," he replied; sitting his mug down on the stand as he took a seat at the opposite end of the sofa from her, instead of his chair. "I was just going to say that I think every time I look at you lately, you have your nose in that book."

Johanna smiled. "Am I ignoring you, dear?"

He gave a shake of his head; amusement coloring his features. "No; it's just that you're quiet; except for when Samantha was here."

"Are you saying that I talk too much?"

"Not at all; I enjoy your chatter. When you're quiet I have to sit and think about if I did something to make you mad."

She laughed. "I think I always make it pretty clear when you've done something to displease me. In fact, I'm sure I make a point of it."

Her husband grinned. "Well you might be switching tactics on me to catch me off guard."

"Not a chance; I don't fix things that aren't broke…and besides, I like yelling every once in awhile."

"I had a feeling you enjoyed it a little; despite your statements to the contrary when it was mentioned in the past."

His wife laughed softly; her gaze falling back to the pages open in front of her. "You're going back to reading?" he asked her.

"Well I was going to finish this entry…is something bugging you? Is this another one of those 'I want my friends to come over and play with me' discussions? Because I told you that it's fine; there's no reason to worry."

"No; it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"Maybe I just missed you."

"Maybe?" she asked with a raised brow.

Jim laughed lightly. "I did miss you."

"That's sweet; I missed you too," she replied with a warm smile. "Did you leave something out when you told me about your day while I washed dishes? Did something go wrong?"

"No…I did mention that Steve is also on this case now, didn't I?"

"Yes you did…I think the mention was wrapped in a comment about egotistical jackasses."

He nodded. "That about sums it up. See why I need your sparkling conversation?"

"I'm not sure I liked the way you said that," she teased.

"I promise it was meant as the highest form of compliment. You know how Steve is…he's an egotistical jackass, for lack of another description."

Her eyes danced with amusement. "Is that jackass picking on my husband? Do I need to go down there and kick his ass?"

"Would you?" Jim laughed.

"Just point me in his direction; I'll take care of it."

"That's how I know I married a good woman."

"I stand by my man," Johanna quipped.

"There's nothing sexier than a woman who stands by her man," her husband replied.

"I don't know…a man who stands by his woman is awfully sexy as well," she remarked as she slid toward him.

"Then I guess we both come out winners," Jim answered as he wrapped an arm around her. "And look; now I have you right where I want you."

She snuggled against his side. "It sounds like this case you're working on is getting pretty big."

"It is; you know how it goes with these big companies; the more you dig the more dirt you find and the more charges you get to file. That's why I'm going to be working on it for several more days…are you alright with that?"

"Of course, honey. I don't want you to think that that you can't do the things you want just because I'm home now."

'I know; I just hate to leave you alone so much. You probably get bored."

"I always find something to do, Jim; but I guess you could always take me with you if it worries you. I can lend a hand."

He was quiet for a moment; his hand caressing her arm. He brushed a soft kiss against her temple and when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet. "Sweetheart, as much as I'd like to work with you again…I think it'd be best for you to stay retired from the law…as selfish as that sounds."

"I understand," she replied; wrapping her arm around his midsection in a makeshift embrace. "I wasn't really serious about it."

"Even so…if you want to do something at some point, I'd rather see you go back to teaching."

"We don't need to worry about any of that," Johanna stated. "I'm not interested in anything right now; especially with how things are. I'm happy to be your housewife."

He gave her a small smile. "Is it wrong for me to say 'good'?"

"No; not all," she assured; hooking a finger under his chin to bring him close for a kiss.

When her husband picked up her grandmother's old photo album from the coffee table to look at, she dropped her gaze back to the diary that was still open on her lap. The entry Johanna was reading dealt with Sarah Riley's heartbreak during a brief breakup during her courtship with Patrick McKenzie. As she read, she came upon a passage that spoke to her own heart.

"Mama told me that you can only hide away a wounded heart for so long. She says that it's like treating any other type of wound; sometimes you have to take the bandage off and let the air get to it to help it heal. I know she's right; I can't stay locked in this house forever just because my heart aches and I fear seeing Patrick with someone else. It won't do me any good to hide...it isn't going to make it hurt any less. Tomorrow I shall go out."

Johanna breathed deeply; soaking the words into her soul. She looked to Jim who was still flipping through the album that she kept nearby so she could put names to faces. "Hey; while you're looking in there; see if you can find a picture of Mary Alice for me."

"And she was?" Jim asked as he began to carefully lift pictures to read the writing on their backs.

"My great-grandmother; Sarah's mother."

He nodded in acknowledgement and came across a photo of the woman in question on the next page. He eased the picture from its slot and handed it to his wife. "Here she is...she kind of looks like your aunt Bridget."

Johanna studied the photo and had to agree that she did remind her of Bridget McKenzie; but once she brushed past that resemblance, she concentrated on the words Mary Alice had spoken to Sarah about wounded hearts. Funny how two women you never knew could pass on such wisdom. Her grandmothers were right...she couldn't keep hiding; the wound wouldn't heal if she did and staying undercover didn't make anything hurt any less. It was time to get that car of her own...it was time to start getting back out there again. Her eyes darted back to Jim as she gave him back the picture to put back in its slot. He was adamant that she didn't need a car...he wasn't going to like this...she just wouldn't tell him until it was sitting in the driveway, all paid for and ready to go. She didn't need something brand new; a used car was all she needed to get around town. The money she had transferred from the bank in Wyoming was more than enough to get her a nice little car.

She suppressed a sigh; but still, Jim was going to be mad. She'd have to soften the blow...and there was no better time like the present for sucking up. Johanna marked her page with the old silken bookmark that was attached to the binding of the book and then closed it and laid it aside. She took the photo album from his hands and put it aside as well and then smiled at him.

"Since you missed me so much today; how about I make a big bowl of popcorn and we watch a movie...we can cuddle up together and turn the lights out."

Jim smiled at her. "That sounds like a good idea. What are we watching?"

"Your choice," she replied.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah; you can pick one of those shoot em up, beat the hell out of them type of movies you like...and we can pretend that the people it's being done to are people we hate."

He laughed. "I do enjoy that game."

"Me too...and then we can play that other game."

"What game is that, sweetheart?"

"That one where I see how far into the movie we get before you cop a feel," Johanna remarked.

"Hey! I am not the only one who starts things," he said in his own defense; humor sparkling in his eyes.

She smiled seductively; her fingertips falling against his jaw, "How can I not start something with you?" she murmured before pressing a kiss to his lips. "You are irresistible after all."

"You're irresistible yourself," he replied; bringing her back for another kiss.

"I know," she said saucily as she untangled herself from his arms and rose from the sofa to go make the popcorn. "You get things ready in here and I'll be back with the popcorn."

"I think I like where this night is heading," Jim commented as he got up to make a selection from their DVD collection.

"I certainly hope so," Johanna replied; hoping that she'd get him buttered up enough to take the news of her future new car with ease instead of yelling.

---

After Jim had gone to work the next morning, Johanna retreated to the living room to call her daughter. Kate had only sent her usual checking in text the day before and she wondered if things had improved for her daughter since seeing her two days ago. She clicked on the television and settled down on the sofa before hitting the speed dial for Kate's number. She waited patiently as the line rang, wondering if she had been called out on a case as she didn't answer as quickly as she usually did. Finally the line clicked. "Hold on," Kate said as she finally answered.

"Okay," Johanna replied, listening to the background noise on Kate's end. She could hear cash registers and cashiers and had a feeling she had caught her daughter on a fast food run.

"Are you still there?" Kate asked as she came back on the line.

"I'm here; are you busy?"

"No, I was just paying for my coffee and breakfast sandwich. Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine," Johanna told her. "I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine. I haven't seen any reporters in a few days," Kate said as she sat her coffee on the roof of the car while she unlocked her door.

"That wasn't what I meant," she replied, hearing the slam of the car door. "You're not going to drive while on the phone, are you?"

"No, Mother," she answered, locking the door and putting the key in the ignition before reaching into her bag for her sandwich. "I'm going to eat in the car so I can hear you."

"Just checking. Isn't Rick with you?"

"No; he left this morning for his book signing in L.A.; I took him to the airport, that's why I'm not at work yet."

"When will he back?"

"Sunday evening."

Johanna was quiet for a moment, trying to think of the right way to broach the subject of the discord in her daughter's relationship without seeming too nosy. "How are the two of you doing? Did you work things out before he left?"

Kate sighed. "Yeah…it wasn't easy though."

"It never is."

"That's the truth; you always have to spell things out several times before they get it."

Johanna laughed softly. "Get used to that, you never get to completely stop spelling things out."

"That's comforting," she replied sarcastically. "I just wish I could break him of his 'I justify everything by saying I did it for you' excuse."

"Don't worry; I'm sure you'll break him of it one day. Are you sure you two made up? You still seem a little upset about it."

"Yeah; we made up…it was a very long discussion that seemed to go around in circles but I think we understand each other. He knows now that I didn't mean for him to go out with other women to prove he's single."

"That's good to know."

"I still think about walking in on him and the bimbo though and it irritates me," Kate admitted.

"I'm not surprised," Johanna replied. "That's always going to bother you. I'm still irritated by the times your father went out with Melanie and we weren't even dating then."

Kate took a sip of her coffee. "Not that I really want to know the answer, but you don't really think Dad and Melanie…you know…"

"Oh I believe they did," Johanna remarked. "She wasn't latching on to him whenever she could just so she could enjoy his sparkling conversation skills and it wasn't about work either. He's never confessed to it, but he sidesteps it enough that I know it happened."

"What would he see in her?"

"The same thing all young, single men see in women like Melanie and that Kristina, a guaranteed easy good time and it'll only cost them a meal or a few drinks, no strings attached."

"I guess you have a point about that," Kate agreed. "I guess I have a hard time thinking of Dad doing stupid things like that."

"That's because by the time you came along I had him trained."

Kate gave a short laugh. "Castle has offered to buy a new couch. I should let him; the current one feels like a crime scene."

"He can afford a new couch," Johanna quipped. "It would complement the apology nicely…he did apologize, didn't he?"

"Yes; he swears it won't happen again. I told him it better not or I'll shoot him."

"Sounds fair to me," her mother replied. "Tell him we're a temperamental family; we're likely to carry out threats if we're mad enough."

"I think he knows."

"Good. Did you talk to him about any of those questions that were bothering you about his motives in this charade?"

"I tried; but I got that same 'I didn't do it for me, I did it for you' speech so I let it go because the whole thing gives me a headache."

"Sometimes that's best but I hope it won't become something that nags at you constantly."

"It won't," she sighed. "I guess I'm just going to need some time to get over it. I apologized for not demanding that he call it off…although I feel like I made my feelings clear about it…and that it should've been common sense on his part."

"Then why did you apologize?"

"To restore the peace I guess. I mean I feel like it's my fault in some small way, I just don't know if it's because I didn't demand the right way or not."

'Don't get in the habit of apologizing for things you're not really sorry for, or for things you didn't do just to keep the so called peace. That's not good for you or him."

"I'm not making it a habit and I am sorry that the whole thing happened…but at least it's over now. We have some time apart and that should help things settle."

"Any chance you changed your mind about coming over for dinner this weekend?" Johanna asked.

"I told you that I have plans with Martha."

"Every night?"

"Castle will be back Sunday evening; so really it's only two nights."

"The question still stands."

"I'm having dinner with Martha tomorrow night. As for tonight, since I'm going into work late, I'll have to stay a little later. I just had breakfast with you the other day."

Only because she had spent the night, Johanna thought to herself. She had only been there that night and morning because she had needed her, not just because she wanted to. She shook the thoughts away. "Some other time?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"That sounded convincing."

"Mom," Kate warned.

"What? You have plans with other people's mothers so I figure it's only natural to wonder when you're going to have plans with your own," Johanna remarked.

"I talk to you all the time."

"I don't know if I'd say that; a lot of times it's just a checking in text."

"We talk on the phone, Mother; and you know it."

"I didn't say we never talk and that wasn't the issue at hand. I was asking when we're going to have plans."

"Mother; do we have to do this today?" Kate asked in exasperation.

Johanna frowned. "Sorry."

"You should give yourself a lecture about giving apologies when you're not really sorry."

"Well I'm not sorry for wanting to spend time with my daughter," Johanna replied. "You'll just have to forgive me…and maybe surprise me one day and come to dinner. I won't hold you hostage, I promise."

Her daughter blew out a breath. "I'm sure that we'll have plans one day soon."

"Uh huh."

"Hey; I'm not the one who has a problem with leaving the house," Kate retorted. "You know where to find me if you want to see me that bad."

Johanna bit her tongue; apparently her daughter's smart ass side was going to surface. "I don't have a problem with leaving the house. I have a problem of being followed when I do, but maybe one day soon I'll surprise you."

"Call first; I hate surprises."

"No; that would ruin my fun."

"As much as I hate to end this," Kate remarked; "I have to be getting to work."

"Sure you do," Johanna replied. "Be careful. I love you."

"I will…I love you too," she told her, feeling a twinge of remorse.

"It's alright, Katie," her mother said, as if sensing in her inner turmoil. "Maybe one day we'll surprise each other."

"Maybe," she murmured. "What are you going to do today?"

"The same thing I do every day; clean the house, watch TV, look around online and wait for your father to come home. The doors are locked; I'll be fine."

"Call if you need me."

"I will," she promised. "Have a good day, sweetheart."

After saying goodbye, Johanna disconnected the call and laid her phone on the coffee table. She wasn't always sure where she stood with her daughter; Kate pushed and pulled according to her mood…and it seemed to her that now that she didn't need a shoulder to cry on that she was back in the 'pull away' mode. She sighed deeply; she didn't know what to do about that at the moment but she couldn't dwell. She had to keep her goal in mind of easing the way for her to get her car and take back some independence.

---

"Surprised" was the only word Jim could think of describe how he had felt when Johanna had actually said yes to going with him to run a few errands Saturday afternoon. He had tried to hide his reaction, not wanting to make her over think her decision. He caught a glimpse of hesitation on her part when they first left the house, but as they had made their rounds through the city to take care of a few things along with making a few stops at stores that she wanted browse in, he could see her pushing that feeling away. He knew she was still a little nervous though; he had caught the tap of her foot against the floor of the car…he'd seen her looking over her shoulder a few times, but he was guilty of that as well. All in all, he felt it had been a successful afternoon where she was concerned. She didn't ask him to take her home after every stop; she didn't get agitated. She had been affectionate and mostly relaxed…she had even brought up the idea of having lunch at their favorite restaurant.

Yes, it had been a successful day for her, Jim mused as he drove toward home, listening to her softly singing along with the radio as her hand rested on his thigh. He smiled; his hand dropping from the steering wheel to cover hers for a moment, giving it an affectionate squeeze. He wanted to say something…wanted to tell her how proud he was that she had come along with him and hadn't let her nerves get to her; but he thought better of it. Maybe it was better to leave it unspoken; she'd know…he could tell her in other ways.

"Did you get everything done you wanted to do?" Johanna asked; breaking the companionable silence between them.

"Yeah; I got everything taken care of," he answered, his hand moving back to the wheel. "Was there anywhere else you wanted to go? I'll go back if there was."

She shook her head. "No; I'm fine. I'm ready to go home."

"You okay?" he asked, a sudden worry pushing forward that maybe she had hidden her nerves better than he thought.

She caught his eye and smiled. "I'm fine; I'm just ready to take my shoes off."

Relief filled him. "I told you not to wear new shoes; we did too much walking for that."

"That's the best way to break them in," Johanna replied.

"Remember that later when your feet hurt."

She smiled; her hand moving against his thigh. "I don't worry about that; I have this wonderful husband who has a history of rubbing my aching feet."

"Just so you know; he usually has ulterior motives," Jim quipped.

"Oh I know," she laughed.

"You do?"

"Yes, it becomes very obvious once your hand gets past my ankle."

Jim grinned. "And here I thought I was being pretty stealth."

"I let you think that because I love you and I adore that gleam in your eyes when you think you're getting one over on me."

"You're a very indulgent wife, sweetheart."

"I try to be," she replied, giving his thigh a squeeze. "You know what I miss?"

"What?"

"The way the seats were in the older cars…back when I could move over real close to you while you were driving," she murmured, an amorous note in her tone.

"Yeah; I miss that too," he remarked; a grin on his lips. "They probably quit making the seats like that because they knew that eventually we were going to have an accident."

She laughed. "I never distracted you that much."

"That's what you think."

"We're still here so you must've handled it just fine."

"I'm a good driver."

"So am I."

Jim glanced at her. "Are we sure about that?"

"I was only in one accident and that wasn't my fault."

"I know; I was referring to your tendency to speed."

"I'm careful," Johanna replied. "I've only had three tickets in my life."

"Yes, I know; I'm pretty sure they all came from female officers."

She nodded. "I do hate when a woman pulls me over."

"I hate when men pull you over."

"But I have a perfect record of getting out of tickets when it's a man."

"I know; I'd rather pay your fine then have you batting your eyes at them."

"That's not nearly as much fun though," she quipped.

He chuckled. "Oh I know; it's a thrill for you every time you wiggle out of it with a warning all because you flirted just right. But I don't have to worry about it now; I do the driving."

Johanna glanced at him. "Are you saying I can't drive the car?"

"No; I'm just saying I do the driving. We're always together; I always drive when we're going somewhere."

"I could drive sometimes."

"I know but there's no need."

"So I should tack my driver's license up on the wall as a decoration?" Johanna asked.

Her husband smiled. "It does have a pretty nice picture of you on it; but of course I've never seen you take a bad picture."

"I really should drive sometimes," she remarked. "I can count on one hand the amount of times I've driven in the last several months."

"I'll let you drive sometime," he told her.

Johanna allowed the topic to drop as they pulled into their driveway; she didn't want to do too much hinting about driving or Jim might realize she was thinking about getting her own car again. Their at home movie night the night had been fun and romantic; the evening they had spent together the night before had been nice and cozy and their day out had gone well and she didn't want to rock the boat. She wanted to stay in their bubble…she needed them to stay in their bubble so he wouldn't be too angry when she put her plan in motion.

They each glanced around; checking for any unwanted guests before they got out of the car and got the few bags they had in the trunk and carried them into the house. Johanna kicked her shoes off under the kitchen table and Jim smiled, moving toward her and slipping his arms around her. "Did I tell you that you look pretty today?" he asked.

"No; but it's not like I'm dressed up."

He glanced down at her sky blue top and black skirt and begged to differ. "You look dressed up to me," he replied. "You look beautiful as always."

"You look pretty handsome yourself," she remarked; her fingertips skimming against his jaw line.

Jim caught her lips in a sweet kiss. "How's your feet?"

She laughed. "They're a little sore…they're waiting for you to make your move."

"I'll take care of them," he promised. "Do you want to eat our dinner we bought now or later on this evening?"

"I'm not really hungry right now; are you?"

"No; I'm fine."

Johanna looped her arms around his neck. "Then how about we put this stuff away and go relax for awhile?"

"Sounds good to me," he answered; pressing another kiss to her lips.

---

After putting their dinner in the fridge, they moved upstairs to put away the things they had bought at the stores and Johanna broached an idea that had been on her mind. "Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking about inviting Frankie and Valerie over for dinner tomorrow night…if you don't mind? I know he wants me to make Mom's lasagna for him."

"That's fine, sweetheart; I don't have any problem with you inviting Frankie and Valerie over for dinner. I think you should; it'll be good for you. The other night when Sammi and the baby were here, you were so happy to have company."

"I was," she agreed.

"Then go on," he said with a nod at her phone on the nightstand. "Call and invite them."

"Okay," she smiled; kissing him quickly. "It'll be nice to have them over."

"I agree," he replied; thinking that it would be nice to see her with more of her family. It would be good for her…she was taking little steps; maybe she was starting to bounce back a little more.

---

"This is nice," Martha said after the waiter finished pouring glasses of wine for her and Kate that evening as they had dinner together.

"It is," Kate agreed. "Thank you for inviting me."

"It's my pleasure, dear. It's nice to spend some time with you without Richard hovering, ready to proclaim anything I say as a fabrication," Martha remarked, amusement in her eyes as she picked up her wine glass.

Kate grinned. "Don't worry, Martha; I take his proclamations with a grain of salt."

"I figured that you probably would, smart gal that you are. I was glad to see that you and Richard worked out your troubles before he left. I warned him that his lapse in judgment about that reporter would come back to bite him."

"I'm glad it's over too," she sighed. "And something like that better never happen again."

Martha laughed softly. "I don't think you have to worry, darling; I believe he's learned his lesson."

"He better hope so; I did remind him that I have a gun I'm not afraid to use."

The redhead smiled wryly as she picked up her fork. "It would be good for him to be reminded of that every now and then; it might keep him out of trouble."

"Are we talking about the same Richard Castle?" she teased.

His mother laughed. "You're right, Richard has a knack for finding trouble; he always has no matter how many warnings he gets. But enough about him, let's talk about you."

"Me?" Kate repeated after swallowing a bite of her dinner. "What about me?"

"How are you doing, dear?" she asked; maternal love softening her boisterous tone.

Kate shrugged. "I'm fine. Rick and I got through our troubles…I'm still not thrilled that it happened but it'll fade in time."

Martha held her gaze. "That's not what I meant."

"I'm fine."

"Are you?" the older woman asked; her brow raised as she studied her.

"Of course; why wouldn't I be?"

The actress smiled. "For obvious reasons, darling."

Kate breathed deeply and exhaled slowly. "Things have been quieter since the news has died down from the release of the picture."

"Does that make it easier or does it just make you worry about when it's going to start up again?"

"Both," she confessed. "I know it isn't going to last so I'm trying to enjoy my peace while I can."

"I don't blame you," Martha replied. "But you're going to get through this just fine."

"I hope so…I don't know how people stand the intrusion into their day to day life. How do you stand it, Martha?"

The redhead smiled. "It helps to be born an attention seeker," she quipped. "It's part of the business and I'm used to it, as is Richard. It isn't a part of your business, with the exception of the occasional press statement regarding a case. I've spent the majority of my life pursuing my career and that means being in the public eye, Richard has seen it all of his life and it's become a part of his life. You grew up in a quieter fashion; your parents belong to a profession that doesn't include the flashes of cameras so of course it's difficult for all of you to suddenly have that experience. One day they'll go away."

"That day can't come soon enough for me," Kate remarked.

"I know; and I wish it would come quickly so your mind could be eased but I'm afraid you have a long road to go."

"That's what I'm afraid of too."

Martha gave her a sympathetic smile. "How's your mother doing?"

"She's alright I guess; she hasn't mentioned any reporters camped out on the sidewalk so I'm sure she's breathing a little easier."

"And yet you didn't think she'd accept the invitation to join us for dinner tonight," Martha remarked. "A girls night might've boosted her spirits a little more."

Kate shook her head. "She wouldn't have come; she's not big on leaving the house. She only goes out with Dad and she wouldn't have wanted to leave him alone for the evening."

"I'm sure he could've reassured her that he'd be fine while she was away; he'd know she was safe with you."

"She wouldn't have come; she likes to hide in the house. She thinks everyone is watching her and she'd be sitting here with those damn sunglasses on trying to hide and only making herself more conspicuous."

"Those sunglasses of hers bother you, don't they?"

"Yeah they do," Kate said with a nod as she picked up another bite of her dinner. "It was different when she only wore them as a fashion accessory and to keep the sun out of her eyes. Now she wears them as some sort of armor and people are making fun of her for it."

"Perhaps Johanna believes that the sunglasses shield her from the world in a way…maybe they make her feel safe."

"They make her look like a coward in the eyes of the people who want to rip her apart."

"Only in their eyes?" Martha asked pointedly.

Kate swallowed her food and was quiet for a moment. "I don't think she's a coward…she's just a far cry from the woman who snuck out of my apartment and pointed a gun at Bracken."

"She's still that woman," Martha told her. "She just has a lot to process and sort out…things that need worked on."

"I know."

"How are things between the two of you?"

"We're fine; I spent the other night there."

"Because you were hiding from Richard."

Kate glanced at her. "Is that a hint that it's an inherited trait to hide?"

"No; I was merely making an observation but it does seem like a fitting hint in some ways, doesn't it, kiddo?"

Kate took another bite of her dinner and swallowed. "I just don't like to see her that way. When I was there the other night, she was perfectly fine; she was herself. Other days she's under this cloud of depression, constantly apologizing, being needy and clinging and sometimes it gets to be a little much. I love her…I just don't know what to do with her sometimes."

"Oh I know you love her," Martha assured. "But darling, if you want her to be herself every day, shouldn't you try to help her get to that point?"

"Martha; the last thing my mother needs is to be coddled; Dad is doing enough of that for both of us…that's part of why she's the way she is right now. He doesn't do a lot of pushing with her to get her back to where she needs to be."

The actress gave a soft laugh. "I don't see you giving her any nudges either. You didn't even mention to her that she was invited to join us tonight, did you?"

"No; because I knew what the answer would be."

"Don't you think you could've cajoled her into coming along?"

Kate smiled. "Martha; if you wanted my mother to join us so badly; why didn't you call and invite her?"

Martha laughed quietly. "Darling, I'm happy to have dinner with just you; I'd be happy to have dinner with you and Johanna. I told you that you could invite her but didn't extend the invitation myself because I didn't know if you'd be comfortable with it; clearly you're not."

"It's not that."

"Oh? Then what is it?"

"I just…"

"You just what?"

"I just don't want the media cycle to begin again by being seen with her in public."

"Kate," Martha said; her tone a mixture of sympathy and surprise. "I believe she'd find that very upsetting to hear."

"That's why we're not going to tell her that I said it. My mother and I are complicated, Martha. Some days we're perfectly fine and it's like old times, and other days I just need distance. I don't want a media uproar because we went out in public together; I know it sounds terrible; I know she'd probably cry if she knew…she cries a lot about everything when you get down to it, but I can't help it. I try to nudge her in any way I can. I try to be supportive and encourage her but sometimes she clings a little much."

"That's because she's missed you for a long time."

"I know but we were together all summer."

"Yes; but some of that time was contentious and there was always a threat of danger. Now that things are easier in your relationship and the danger is removed, with the exception of the media intrusion, maybe she just wants to connect with you in different ways. Maybe she wants to know that you want to be with her sometimes instead of being with her because you had to be."

"If I didn't want to be with her, I wouldn't have gone home to her the other night," Kate remarked. "It's just…complicated."

"She probably feels that way too."

"I know…there's just so much going on right now but I do my best to be there for her. I check in once or twice a day…I try to make sure she knows I love her...maybe she doesn't always believe it right now but I don't know what to do about it."

"Just keep showing up, kiddo. She needs you…and whether you believe it or not, you need her too…not just when something's wrong in your life and you need a shoulder to cry on; you just need her because she's your mother."

Kate sighed. "I'm doing the best I can at the moment."

"I know, dear," Martha said as she gave her hand an affectionate pat. "We'll let it go at that; maybe the next time we have dinner together we'll bring Johanna along and remind her of what it's like to have a good time. Speaking of good times, I have an extra ticket for a show next month and Alexis and I are hoping that you'll join us."

She smiled; relieved that the conversation about her mother was over. "I'd love to, Martha. I'll make sure to take that night off when you give me the date."

"Wonderful," the actress proclaimed. "Now let's talk about more enjoyable things."

Kate smiled. "That's a good idea; let's talk about you now," she said, feeling like she was saving herself a possible return to the former subject if she shifted the spotlight to Martha.

---

"It's going to be fine," Jim told Johanna early Sunday evening as she fussed with the hem of her top. "You've already seen Frankie and you talk to Valerie on the phone a good bit; there's nothing to worry about."

"I know," she replied as she checked the lasagna in the oven. "I don't know why I feel nervous."

"Because it's important to you," he answered, his arm sliding around her waist and pulling her close. "But it's going to be just fine. It's your brother and sister-in-law; they've been very supportive and Valerie leaped at the chance to visit tonight. You're going to have a nice time and Frankie is going to love your lasagna because it's exactly like Naomi's just like he wants."

Johanna breathed deeply and exhaled. "I'm just being ridiculous."

"No you're not; it's just your first time doing pre-meditated entertaining since you've been home. Sammi staying for dinner was a whim. This dinner you planned, but you don't need to worry, I'm sure your hostess skills are as good as they've always been."

She smiled and gave a nod just as a knock sounded at the door. "They're here," she stated but she made no move to leave the kitchen.

"Do you want me to get it so you have a minute?" he asked.

"Would you?"

Jim kissed her forehead. "Of course, sweetheart."

She gave him a grateful smile and he turned and left the kitchen, giving her a moment to quell her nerves. He didn't really think she was nervous about seeing Frankie, he thought that maybe it was seeing Valerie in person despite being comfortable with their phone calls. They both knew she had nothing to worry about, Valerie had always adored her but he couldn't blame her for having a few jitters. He unlocked the door and opened it, finding his brother-in-law and Valerie as expected.

"Jim," Frankie said as he stepped inside, offering his hand.

"Frankie, it's good to see you," Jim replied, shaking his hand. "Valerie."

"It's nice to you," Valerie replied, giving him a quick hug. "Where's Johanna?"

"Don't overwhelm me with your sentiment about seeing me, Valerie," Jim laughed. "You make it so obvious who you came for."

"Why lie?" Valerie teased.

"See what I have to put up with?" Frankie asked.

"I know the feeling," Jim replied. "I have your sister in the kitchen."

His brother-in-law nodded. "I'm not sure which one is worse so we'll just call it even."

"Sounds good to me," Jim said before dropping his tone to whisper. "She's a little nervous."

"Why?" Valerie whispered back. "Frankie's been here before…and it can't be me."

He gave her a smile. "She's just always a little nervous about seeing people lately, even if she did invite them. I feel like this dinner is a good step for her, but she's still a little nervous."

"I'll take care of that," Frankie remarked; moving further into the entry way so that his voice would carry to the kitchen. "Hey, Mouthy; what's for dinner? I'm starved."

"You sound like Dad when you bellow like that," Johanna remarked a few seconds later as she stepped into view.

Her brother smiled. "Let's not get insulting in the first five seconds; you know Mom always hated that."

"Oh I know," she replied as she moved towards him. "As for what's for dinner; it's lasagna."

"Mom's?" he asked hopefully.

"It's her recipe; I'll let you be the judge."

"I'm sure it'll be good," Frankie replied as he pulled her into a quick hug. "Thanks for having us over."

"I'm glad to see you," she replied, feeling her nerves settle a bit as her brother released her and pushed her toward his wife.

"Now go let Valerie hug you; she's been watching the clock all day waiting to get over here."

Johanna moved toward her sister-in-law's open arms and accepted her embrace. "It's good to see you, Val," she said softly.

"It's even better to see you," Valerie replied as she hugged her tightly. "I could've just slapped Frankie for coming without me when he visited you."

Johanna laughed softly. "The urge to slap him is probably one you live with daily."

"That's true."

"They're already ganging up on me, Jim," Frankie remarked. "Nothing's changed."

Jim nodded. "Don't worry; they'll be after me next."

"At least you two will have each other to commiserate with," Johanna replied, catching Jim's eye and giving him a smile to let him know that she was fine now, her nerves had been eased and she was ready to move forward.

"Which means Frankie's right; nothing's changed…just like I keep telling you."

She gave a slight nod of understanding, the smile remaining on her lips. "Dinner's ready, I just have to get it on the plates."

"I'll help you," Valerie offered.

"That would be nice. Jim, you and Frankie go on into the dining room."

"Come on, Frankie," Jim said; "The women are sending us away like we're little kids they don't want under foot."

"What else is new?" he asked. "At least they're letting us join them in the dining room though instead of making us eat in the kitchen…Valerie's done that to me, you know."

"That's a lie!" Valerie declared. "You ate in the kitchen because you were mad at me that time."

"That's her version," Frankie said as he and Jim disappeared down the hallway.

"Men," Valerie said with a shake of her head as she met Johanna's gaze.

"I know, but we can't live without them."

"That's true enough," her sister-in-law said as they headed for the kitchen. "How are you doing, Jo?"

"I'm okay. I had a ridiculous case of nerves before you got here but I'm fine now that you're here."

Valerie smiled. "It's not ridiculous. I would've felt the same way. But I am glad to be here; I'm so happy to finally see you."

"I'm glad too. It's been too long."

"It has," the other woman agreed. "But we won't let it happen again."

"You've got my word on that," Johanna remarked as she took the lasagna out of the oven.

---

Once dinner was on the table and everyone was seated, Johanna waited for her brother to take a bite of the lasagna. She knew the recipe was her mother's, that it really wasn't possible for it to taste any differently, but she wanted to be sure that it was as Frankie remembered to satisfy his longing and craving, to give him a little piece of the past with their mother. Finally her brother lifted his fork to his lips and took a bite, his eyes closing and a smile coming to his lips as he chewed and swallowed. "That brings back memories," he remarked as he looked across the table at his sister.

"It's like you remember?" she asked to be sure.

Frankie nodded. "Just like Mom's; thanks, Sis."

She smiled. "You're welcome; I'm glad it came out right."

"As if there was any doubt," Jim remarked as he picked up a forkful of his own lasagna.

"For some reason I can't get it to turn out like Naomi's," Valerie stated. "It does bring back nice memories, Jo. I'm so glad you called."

"Me too," she replied. "It's nice to have guests for dinner."

"You can't have Mom's hostess training going to waste," Frankie quipped as he broke a breadstick.

"That's true; I don't want her to haunt me."

"I don't think you have to worry," Jim replied. "I'm sure she's proud, and I'm sure she's up there smiling at the sight of you two sitting at the same table on a Sunday again."

"I bet you're right," Valerie said with a laugh. "Naomi did love to have her kids at the table on Sunday. I'm sure she's thrilled to see you two together."

'And don't forget, we hugged each other," Frankie remarked as he caught his sister's eye. "You know how she was about that."

"I remember," Johanna said with a laugh. "It probably shocked her to see us do it voluntarily."

"Most likely."

Jim chuckled. "I'd say Naomi McKenzie is probably lighting up heaven with her beaming."

The conversation moved into the realm of small talk about their children and the things they had been doing and hoped to do soon. A lull in the conversation had Jim catching Johanna's eye. "Tell them about our other dinner guest we had this week."

"Thank you for reminding me," Johanna replied before looking across the table at her guests. "Samantha came to see me."

"How's she doing?" Valerie asked. "We haven't seen her in awhile and Colleen never mentions her when we hear from her."

"She brought a little surprise with her," Johanna told them.

"What?" he brother asked; his brow raised in interest.

"Her son."

"What?" Valerie asked; surprise written across her face and her husband's.

"Her baby. Sammi has a baby boy; he's three weeks old. His name is Dylan."

"Colleen never mentioned anything about Samantha being pregnant," Frankie remarked. "Did she not know?"

"Oh she knew," Johanna replied. "According to Samantha, Colleen and Paul have disowned her for disgracing the Weston name with a baby born out of wedlock."

"I swear to God; Colleen is such a little bitch," Frankie spat. "What the hell is wrong with her? Seriously? Are we sure Mom brought home the right baby from the hospital?"

"She had to," Jim remarked. "Colleen acts too much like Frank not to belong to him."

"And she has his nose," Johanna added. "And Mom's hair and eye color."

"She could've gotten light brown hair and blue eyes from anywhere…I want some DNA to prove she belongs to us," Frankie remarked. "Because let's face it, you and I look like brother and sister and Colleen doesn't really look like us."

"He's got a point," Jim chimed in.

Johanna laughed at them. "We do have some similar features, she's ours…whether we like her attitude or not."

"Proof would be nice though," Frankie replied. "I mean what if there was a mix up and the real Colleen is out there somewhere and we've been stuck with this nut from someone else's tree for the last 59 years."

"God, we're getting old," Johanna muttered as she picked up her glass to take a drink.

"Don't remind me," Valerie added. "I'm older than you."

"Believe me, it's not a topic I enjoy either," Johanna told her. "But anyway; Colleen and Paul don't want anything to do with the baby."

"That's just despicable," Valerie said angrily. "I couldn't imagine not seeing my grandchild, regardless of her parents marital status. Greg and Kelly were married for two years before Ally was born but even if they hadn't been it wouldn't have made any difference to me."

"It wouldn't have made any difference to me either," Frankie remarked. "And I'm sure if Katie came home unmarried and with a baby, the two of you wouldn't care either."

"No we wouldn't," Jim agreed before his wife could answer. "Our job is to love her and support her; not be mad about any lack of marital status."

"Exactly," Frankie agreed. "I don't even think Dad would've gone so far as to turn his back on Johanna or Colleen if they'd had a baby before they were married. He wouldn't have been happy about it…he probably would've blown his top but I don't see him turning his back…Mom wouldn't have let him."

"That's probably true," Johanna stated. "I don't think Dad would've gone as far as Colleen and Paul. While we were having dinner, Sammi told me how she went to see Colleen a few days before she had the baby; she said she begged her to be in the delivery room with her but she refused."

"Bitch," Frankie muttered again.

"Claire won't be able to keep me out of the delivery room when she has a baby," Valerie declared. "I don't care if she wants me there or not, I'm going in."

Johanna nodded. "I feel the same way about Katie; she can say no all she wants but I'm going in."

"I can't wait to see that battle go down," Jim said as he broke apart a breadstick.

"I'm sure you have awhile to wait," she replied.

"Where's the baby's father?" Frankie asked. "Wasn't he in the delivery room with her? Or is he like Paul and sat out in the hallway?"

"The baby's father left town as soon as he knew she was pregnant; he doesn't want anything to do with her or the baby."

"That's real nice," her brother said. "That jackass abandons her and then her parents turn their back on her. Why didn't she come to us?"

"I don't know," Johanna answered. "Maybe she was worried it would cause problems between you and Colleen."

Frankie scoffed. "I've had a problem with Colleen since the day she was born."

"I can't believe her and Paul are so out of touch with reality," Johanna said. "I mean what year do they think it is?"

"I told you long ago that they're weird," Frankie responded. "The Westons all have a huge stick stuck up their asses."

"It's time they get it removed."

"I don't think that's going to happen," her brother muttered.

'Did you get Sammi's phone number?" Valerie asked.

"Yeah, she gave it to me."

"Good; give it to me before we leave and I'll call her tomorrow and let her know that her and baby are more than welcome to come to our house too."

'I will," Johanna replied. "With the exception of Lindsey, who did go in the delivery room with her, I think she feels alone in the world."

'We'll make sure she doesn't feel that way anymore," Jim told her. "I talked to Antonio about drawing up those custody papers for her too, he agreed that it would be best for her to have the papers giving her full legal custody so that jackass can't come back and try to take the baby sometime down the road. I told him we'd take care of his fee."

"Good," Johanna replied. "I'll let her know that it's going to be taken care of."

"Colleen needs taken care of," Frankie stated. "First she's a total bitch to Katie when she went and talked to her about you; she won't even pick up the phone and call and talk to you; and now she's turned her back on her daughter and grandchild. What's she going to do next?"

"I'm afraid to know," she remarked. "And despite it all; I'd still like to talk to her."

"You can't change her, Johanna," her brother told her. "She's been a selfish brat all of her life and she's never going to change."

"I can deal with her hating me…although I wish I could fix that," she replied. "I just wish I could do something for Sammi in that regard…like knock some sense into Colleen and make her wake up and realize what she's giving up. I couldn't see my daughter for a long time and I would've given anything to be here, seeing her as often as possible…and Colleen's just throwing her child away."

Jim found her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Colleen's never been the mother you are, Jo. She's never been the mother Valerie is. She just isn't the maternal type."

"Well she has kids, she has a grandson; she could give more effort to being that type."

"She needs to give more effort at being a human being," Frankie declared. "But she won't…I don't know what went wrong with her, but whatever it was, it must've started in the womb…maybe Mom drank too much wine before discovering she was pregnant."

"Or she's taking after some nasty ancestor that we never knew," Johanna said as she reached for her glass.

Her brother pondered that for a moment. "Dad always said his grandmother was mean."

"That's probably where she gets it from."

"She never used to be so bad," Valerie remarked. "It wasn't until she got with Paul that she went off the deep end. She used to be more tolerable…more normal."

Johanna nodded. "Yeah; there was a definite change after she met Paul. I liked Paul at first but then his true colors starting slipping out."

"Paul's an ass," Frankie stated. "I never did like him; I'm glad you did better at picking a husband, Sis."

"Thanks," Jim replied with a laugh.

Frankie chuckled. "You're welcome; you got be my favorite brother-in-law."

"It wasn't like I had much competition," he responded.

"But still; you're way better than Paul. At least one sister had sense."

"And at least I had one sibling who's willing to speak to me," Johanna declared, raising a glass to her brother."

"No regrets about that," Frankie told her. "We're here for you."

"I know, and I'm grateful."

"You don't have anything to worry about from this corner," Valerie added. "I have pictures of Ally for you; I'll give them to you after we finish dinner."

Johanna smiled. "Now that's good news. I can't wait to see her in person one day soon, hopefully."

"Greg can't wait for you to see her either," Valerie replied. "He's so happy to know you're home. He can't wait to see you either."

The thought made her happy and she found Jim's hand once more and held it for a moment, wanting to share the feeling with him. Her dinner party had been a good idea after all; it was so nice to be there with Jim and her brother and sister-in-law. It felt like old times; it felt like settling in more ways. It was well worth the small bout of nerves she had suffered through…and she hoped that Jim saw it as a sign that she was willing to socialize more…which would help her case when it came to getting her own car.

---

"I had been hoping that you might suggest a repeat of our last movie night," Jim said lightly as he and Johanna curled up on the couch together later that evening.

She smiled at him. "It seemed like the perfect ending for our weekend. We went out a little bit yesterday; today we had family over for dinner…I think we had a pretty nice weekend."

"We did," he agreed. "I hope it's a trend that continues…it feels like things are settling down a little."

"For the moment," she murmured; thinking about her plan and the inevitable return of the media. "I don't think it's a permanent settling yet."

"I know," Jim replied as he threaded his fingers through her hair. "But it's nice just the same."

"I agree…I just wish it was permanent."

"It will be; we just have to wait it out, sweetheart."

"I know."

"You did good yesterday," he murmured. "You were a little more relaxed when we went out."

She nodded against him. "I'm trying to do better."

"I know, and you are. We had a good day out yesterday. I know you don't really like to go out at night and I don't blame you for it, but at least you felt better about being out in the daytime."

Johanna was glad that he had noticed; she wanted him to know that she could go out without falling apart…that it was a sign she was ready for a little more independence. "It felt good," she told him.

"I'm glad."

"It was nice to have company tonight too…and Sammi the other day."

"It was good to have Frankie and Valerie here," Jim agreed. "It was good to see Sammi and the baby too. Most of all, I liked seeing you so happy to have other people around."

"It's not that I don't want to be around people…it's that they don't seem to want to be around me," Johanna remarked.

"The people who don't understand what we've been through don't matter. If they want to stick their noses up in the air and be offended, so be it. In my opinion it shows that they never thought much of us in the first place."

"I wouldn't include both of us in that statement, just me. I'm positive your relatives care about you."

"Well if they don't care about my wife then I don't care about them," he said firmly. "Andrew is the exception; as soon as business slows down he'll be around with Gabby so you can meet her."

"That'll be nice."

"Maybe some others will come around now too; Sammi might've started a trend and a few other nieces and nephews will show up on the door step."

"I'd like that…I want to see Greg," she murmured.

Jim kissed her head. "Sweetheart, there's no doubt in my mind that you'll see your favorite sometime in the near future."

"I love all of them," she replied at the mention of Greg being her favorite, a smile touching her lips as her fingers traced a pattern on his chest.

"I know you do, but Greg was always your favorite. He's the one that made you a first time aunt and he's extra special to you…Anna."

"Do you think he'll still call me that?"

"I don't see why not; he was still calling you Anna when he was in college."

She laughed softly. "That's true."

"You'll see him…I'm sure they'll start coming around. Greg and Claire; Trevor when he isn't traveling. Lindsey will find her way too now that Sammi has probably given her the green light."

"I doubt Colleen's boys will though."

"Then they can stay away and keep being her lap dogs," Jim remarked. "You'll be meeting Gabby; and I'm sure Angie will be around and whenever Mikey gets to town he'll probably stop by and Danny and Alicia. Let's not forget you'll have great nieces and nephews to spoil too. You've already met Dylan, you'll need to get your hands on Ally; Angie has a little girl you haven't seen yet, plus her boys to get reacquainted with. Alicia has three kids…"

"Stop; I'm starting to feel old," Johanna laughed.

Jim chuckled quietly. "You're far from old, sweetheart. You have Frankie and Valerie and Andrew doesn't have any hard feelings. There's Jeff and Zach…"

"But no Sharon and no Maggie," she said softly. "No Sally since she moved away. My cousins are scattered across the country."

"We'll work on that," he said gently, wishing that he could give her the friends she so desperately needed.

"I don't think there's much hope where Sharon's concerned."

"Don't give up hope just yet; she might just be slow."

"Aunt Bridget's still in Long Island," she said softly. "But I don't know how she'd take hearing from me."

"I'm sure she'd love to hear from you; you were always her favorite…her bonus child, she called you."

"She's getting up there in age though…it might not be good for her."

"Frankie said she's fine."

"I know…I just…I'm not sure I'm ready to take the risk, you know?"

He knew; she wasn't ready to take the risk of being rejected when so many had already slammed the door in her face and others had yet to put in a call, appearance or two cents via someone else. "You'll know when the time is right," he told her. "For now we'll just be patient and maybe people will surprise us."

"That would be nice," she replied, thinking that maybe surprises wasn't a good topic since she was planning that surprise of her own. With that thought in mind, she grew quiet and focused on the movie.

---

She should be sleeping, Johanna mused as she laid awake in the middle of the night, but her mind wasn't ready to rest yet despite the fact that she had clicked the television back on and tried to focus on the sitcom on the screen. She had an enjoyable evening, dinner with Frankie and Valerie had been nice and another at home movie night with her husband had been cozy and wonderful too. She should be able to sleep…but she couldn't…not when she knew that she had made up her mind to go out the next day and get a car; if she could find someone to go with her that was. She pulled the covers more tightly around her, her stomach feeling like a hundred butterflies had been let loose in it.

It wasn't that she thought she was making the wrong decision, she didn't…she was just nervous about the fallout that would come from it. Jim was going to be mad at her and she hated it when he was angry with her…which was why she was hoping that the coziness of the last few days would soften the blow. There was also her own doubts to contend with, despite believing that she was making the right decision. Was it too soon? Was she really ready to venture out on her own? What if something happened? What if it caused more trouble than she anticipated? Would Jim forgive her easily…or would it be a sore spot between them for a long time?

Her stomach churned and she started to wonder if maybe a car wasn't the right decision after all. Maybe she wasn't ready. Maybe it wasn't worth rocking the boat with her husband. Did she really need a car in the driveway? Was there anywhere she needed to go that couldn't wait for Jim to take her? An image of Kate popped into her mind. Her daughter had a dangerous job, she could get hurt…what if she needed her and Jim wasn't home? What if Jim was hurt or sick and she needed to get to him? What if there was some reason he couldn't take her to the store or wherever else she wanted to go? What if his car was broke down? Having her own car was practical; she needed it in case of emergencies and they needed it in case Jim's car had any problems. This wasn't just about her having a little freedom; it was logical, it was practical, it was a step she needed to take. She'd had her own car since Katie was born; there was no reason not to have one now.

She could do this, it would be alright; it was time. Jim would be mad, they might have an argument, but he'd forgive her…at least she hoped so, he always did, so really the purchase of a car shouldn't change that trend…at least she hoped it wouldn't. She wished she had sign, something to tell her that she was making the right choice.

"You can't hide a wounded heart forever." The words popped into her head out of the blue, the line from her grandmother's diary echoing through her mind. Maybe that was her sign; maybe someone up above was making her recall that line so that she'd stick to her plan. She sighed; it wouldn't be easy…but she'd faced harder things. She could get through this; it might cause a stir, but she could handle it.

With the thought in mind, Johanna scooted closer to Jim and curled up against his back, her arm wrapping around him tightly, her leg tangling with his as she breathed in his scent and soaked up his warmth.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Jim asked sleepily.

"Yes," she whispered. "Just cold."

"Come here," he murmured as he turned over and pulled her close to his chest. "I'll keep you warm."

She snuggled as close as possible, hoping that they be this comfortable tomorrow night if she had a car sitting in the driveway.