Deadlock
Chapter SEVEN, Sleeping and Stars
Anna didn't sleep a wink that night.
But really, how could she have? With Hans dropping a bomb like that on her and then proceeding to be one step short of assaulting her, there wasn't much room in her mind for anything else.
The unfortunate part was that he had to make room. The moment she let Hans occupy more of her thoughts than Kristoff, things would manage to get more confusing then they already were. And Anna didn't want that; she couldn't have that.
So she chose to avoid him.
Finding Kristoff on her own couldn't be that hard. After all, as much as she hated to admit it, Hans had been right when he described her blonde haired ice harvester as 'clunky' and 'large.' With that reputation, there were only so many places he could drop into before someone noticed him because of it.
The sound of her steps hitting the cobblestone slowed. "Who am I kidding?" She closed her eyes and let the soft, evening breeze cool her down. "There's no way I'm going to find him by myself."
The words he spoke against the evening of the day prior rang over and over again in her head.
"Run, while you still can…"
"I could have lived in complete bliss with you."
"You can't fix damaged goods."
…And the one most distressing,
"I wanted to love you so badly."
"Ugh, Hans!" She yelled, putting her hands to her ears in an attempt to block out the sound while unaware of the peering couple looking onwards.
"Oh, oh—! Honey, it's her!"
"That it is! Ha!"
The bellowing laugh of the second voice gave it away. Anna turned to face the couple she met that night at the tavern, who were only laughing while advancing towards her.
"There you are my girl, sweet girl!" The familiar, older woman approached and took her hand softly. "Anna, was it?" She didn't remember telling the woman her name, but then again, there were a lot of things she didn't remember from that evening.
"Yes dear, Anna!" He chuckled, putting a hand on his wife's back. "We were beginning to wonder if you ever made it home that night!"
Anna nodded quickly. "I did."
"Oh, I remember now! That tall, kind fellow took you didn't he? Hans, was it?" She shot a coy smile to her husband who only nodded. "Where is he now, you must tell us! You two were such a lovely couple, I bet he carried you all the way home!"
"No, you see he's not with me…"
"He's not?" She exclaimed in response, smile only growing wider. "Well then we sure do have a surprise for you, dearie!"
"…I think I've had enough surprises from the both of you for a while…"
"No, no, come with us! You must!" This time the larger man enclosed her hand in his. "Tonight is a night of celebration! The third day in a week of parties for our friends Arnold and Helga!"
Anna started to feel sick at just the mention of the name. "…Didn't you already celebrate that? I don't know if I can take much more 'celebrating'—I was pretty knocked out after las—" A jerk of her body set her off, feet quickly moving to keep pace with them.
"We don't take excuses, just enjoy yourself!" He boomed while his wife giggled after them.
"No—but really, you don't understand I'm trying to find a man named Kristoff!"
"Kristoff? Oh no, dearie, who you're looking for is Hans!" The woman sped up next to her husband and nudged him slightly. "I think our confused friend might have started drinking without us!"
"I didn't—"
The man kicked the door open the door, revealing a scene that didn't stray too far from the one she saw two nights prior…Except there was one difference.
"See darling?" The lady whispered next to her, gently putting her hands on Anna's head to direct her gaze to a barely freckled man leaning on the bar. "Hans."
Suddenly she found her body too stiff to say anything in retaliation, which only became more ridged as she noticed him look in their direction.
"Don't be shy, go!" Yelling the last part, the woman pushed her towards him in an act that made her stumble to catch herself.
She almost didn't want to look up when she was finally steady again, but knew that she had to in order for the damage to be minimalized. "So—well…" Apparently 'getting off to a good start' was not on her agenda for that day. "I—you see—just…uh…"
"Hi." He responded coolly just as she gathered the strength to rove a pair of blue eyes at him.
"Hi." She said curtly, not quite sure of how she could follow up.
"You probably want to be in this situation about as much as I do."
She had to veer her face away because she knew it was true.
"...About last night—"
"Forget it," She snapped. "Its not a big deal."
"That's not what I was going to say." Though she detested the feeling, once again, curiosity hung her on every word. "What I did…I shouldn't have treated you like that." Hans looked away in what she almost thought was embarrassment. "Pushing people away is kind of my specialty, if you haven't noticed."
The tenseness in her body relaxed slightly, but not fully. "It's…fine."
"It's not. Now you're aware of how I feel and you know of my regrets. My dirty laundry is airing out on the table and it was easier to try to make you go away than to fold it all back up."
She bit her lips and closed her eyes; almost hoping the whole thing would be a dream.
"I'm just…not good with these things." He sighed. "For me at least, the truth is difficult."
For some reason she hated being like this. Anna hated that something had changed between them and that she now was at a loss for words. Even bickering at each other was better than being reduced to a pile of rubble at even the sight of him. Why did it suddenly feel like her inner self was in such conflict?
He took a while before gathering the strength to say anything else in the absence of her response. "I got a tip from the owner of the bar where Kristoff was staying. He's scheduled to leave tomorrow on a boat in the afternoon, if you wait by the docks then you'll be sure to see him."
"Kristoff?" She looked up at him and her heart calmed a little. That was right, finding him meant this was the last night they would have together before she would return. For whatever reason, her heart slightly sank. Now she had two choices, either spend it treating Hans like the scoundrel he was, or treating him like that lovesick puppy who had led her up the waterfall that fateful night. "Don't…you mean Reindeer Games?" She shot him an awkward smile.
The prod made his head turn back towards her own, a helpless smile gracing his lips. "No, just Kristoff."
A silence that reminded Anna of the one they shared the first day they met at the docks worked between them. However, unlike that first time, Hans' cut through it before her own. "We might as well make the most of it since we're stuck here for a while." Playfully he tilted his head towards the married couple that had forced them back together. "Somehow I don't think they'll be letting us leave anytime soon."
She giggled, finally feeling at ease. "Well then, what is it that you propose Prince Hans?"
"Oh Princess Anna, I think you know." He extended a hand to her, which she readily took. "We dance."
With that he took her out to the floor, twirling in a waltz to a song in 4/4 time. They didn't care though, because there would be no ties to one another after tonight. Soon, Anna would be engaged to a man who's name sent Hans into a frenzy the day before, and Hans, well Hans would be on his way to anywhere that wasn't here. All was out in the open now, between Anna's drunken confession that she still had a tinge of what was for Hans, and his retaliation of bearing the inner workings of his frozen heart.
Yes, tonight there would be no bickering. No low blows, or secretively spiteful comments. Tonight they could return to what could have been, but only with the knowledge that with the sunrise it would all disappear.
"Hey," Hans whispered into her ear as he continued to dance. "Look, I think they're starting to get distracted."
Anna followed his stare to the, now drunken, pair that had forced her into drinking an abundance of 'juice' a few nights before. "Oh, so you're saying we should make a break for it?" She smiled.
"Did I stutter?" He turned green eyes back towards hers with a seductive grin.
She rolled her eyes with an equally playful curve of the lips. "Lets just go before they catch us."
With all the giggling and exchanging of shushes of fourteen-year-olds, the duo snuck out of the building and into the darkness of night, letting all their laughter out when they had finally thought to be home free.
"Wow, you really surprised me." Hans spoke first after his chuckling had subsided.
"And what's that—" Her body was still bouncing from stray giggles. "—supposed to mean?"
Finally he let all the laughs out with a sigh, leaning against a wall. "That I didn't know it was in your capacity to be silent for longer than three minutes."
"Oh, very funny." She rolled her eyes but kept the smile. "I wasn't the one who stepped on his dance partner's toes."
"That drunk guy pushed me and you know it." Suddenly he didn't seem so amused until Anna started into another tittering fit.
"Whatever you say princey-prince, I won't judge." The pair exchanged glances, basking in the moonlight. "…So I guess that's it then, we just go back to the inn and sleep." She didn't mean for it to come out so somber, but a tint of it worked its way into her voice.
"On the contrary, I think we've just begun."
She wanted to question him but felt a gentle grab to her hand before she could.
"When we were younger, my older brother would sometimes bring us on this island if he wanted to drink while we ran amuck." He started to move forward and she followed. "It was smaller than the main one, so I guess he figured it was an easy way to cop out of a daycare duty since he could essentially do whatever he wanted while us three youngest exhausted ourselves running around."
She raised an eyebrow while he fumbled with the decrepit wooden door of what looked like a church.
"After awhile of this we started to get a little bored, so we started to find other forms of entertainment. For the most part they were pretty vanilla, until my brother Helmut found this." He pushed the door open to reveal…
An ugly, dusty old chapel.
The freckled girl made a face, looking to a pleased Hans and trying to understand what he found so special about a church that looked like it would collapse at any second. "That's…great…"
"I appreciate your attempt to feign delight, I really do, but what I mean to show you is up a little more…" He turned her head upwards, towards a darkened bell tower with a smile. "…above."
"Whoa." Mouth agape, she awed before he tugged at her once more, taking her higher and higher with each clumsy step.
He covered her eyes just before they got to the top, a smile tracing his lips.
"Hey—" She started, touching her hands to his in an attempt to regain her visibility.
"Trust me." He whispered.
"You're asking me to trust you, the man who brought a sword down on my frozen body?"
"Okay Miss Snarky Pants, point taken. But if I had wanted to kill you then you would've already been tumbling back down the stairs my now." He felt her smile against his fingers. "It'll only be for a second, I promise."
She would've fought the validity of his 'promises' also, but decided to keep quiet as he led her through the creaky door and felt a breeze swoon over her skin.
"Are you ready?"
"What, you're not going to push me off, are you?"
His grin deflated. "I've had just about enough—" His hands lifted, granting her a sudden visibility. "Of you."
A scene of floating lanterns parading across the skies in the distance stole away her words. It was spellbinding; so warm and bright against the stark darkness of the oceans and once illuminated islands. "Its—"
"Beautiful?" He finished, approaching the balcony also. "It is, isn't it?"
Her surprise landed into a soft smile. "Yeah."
"You know, when we were younger the lanterns would only appear every once in a blue moon." She noticed the faint light reflect in his eyes as she walked towards a spot next to him. "Recently though, it seems they happen more often." Another smile tugged at the side of his lips. "Perhaps the people who release them have finally found what they were looking for."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Anna asked almost breathlessly, still taken aback by the beauty of the dancing lights.
"Well, clearly they're celebrating more than before. Something must have changed." He shrugged.
For a moment, her eyes darted downwards, glazed over in thought before looking back up again. "Maybe…something has."
It felt like an hour before either of them were free enough from the demanding display of lanterns to speak again.
"Anna." Hans broke first.
Without a second thought she looked towards him, but it seemed his gaze was still captured elsewhere.
"For the record, if I had the chance to choose again, I'd do it all differently."
His stare turned back on her just in time for a sensation to start darkening her cheeks. His goofy smile, mesmerizing and taking her back to that night when they sat on the balcony of Arendelle's castle. Everything was so entrancing that she almost didn't notice her heart skip a beat when he hesitantly moved forward.
However, what was even more surprising was that she found her body going against all the signals in her mind screaming for her to step back.
She shivered slightly at the touch of his feeble hand to her ear when he pushed a piece of hair behind it softly. "Hair in your face." He justified, taking a second to pause his emerald eyes on her own.
Momentarily, Anna almost thought she could see the time around them stop as he took another smooth step closer. His hand, now cupping her cheek while her brain desperately pleaded for her to do something until—
She turned away, taking a deep breath and pushing it outwards. "Hans! I almost forgot, I was going to ask you!" She gave a nervous set of chuckles, too scared to look bac k and see his face full of disappointment. "About, like—when you die!"
"Die?" His voice suddenly sounded tired.
"Yes, when you die! What if that happens…and you could only take one memory with you…what would you choose?" It was hardly a good question, though it did clumsily accomplish the goal of changing the subject.
Even though she wasn't looking at him, she could feel a sort of change in atmosphere. "I wouldn't."
"You wouldn't?"
"I wouldn't take just one. It's all or nothing."
The strangeness of his answer prompted her to cast a timid set of eyes back towards his figure.
"Sure, there are things I'd like to change—and, sure, this isn't the life I thought I'd be living." He stopped to speculate. "But if even one tiny thing in my life had changed, then quite possibly everything in my life would have changed along with it. Think of the places I could have missed out on, the things I would have failed to see, the people—" This time, he had to halt himself. "The people I could have never met, if it weren't for every moment in my life leading up to that."
"I guess you're right." She drummed her fingers on the railing.
"And what about you, Miss Curiosity?"
"I'm the same," She sighed. "I couldn't choose just one either."
"Well aren't we an indecisive pair?" The prod and light chuckle to his voice released some of her tension. "But to be honest, we should probably get back.
"No!" The words had blurted out before she had even had a chance to cover her mouth.
He raised an eyebrow. "No?"
"Yes…" Well, she might as well stick with it now. "No…lets stay and not go back—just for a little bit longer at least." She widened her eyes when he failed to answer right away. "Please?"
He responded with a roll of the eyes. "Are you sure you're not just drunk again? Begging for the company of the wonderful, god-like Prince Hans to watch over you for the night?"
"Shut it and sit down." She smacked him jokingly and immediately retracted her hand, forcing her bottom on the ground in an ungraceful motion.
"Only for a little longer." He warned as he took a seat next to her.
She gave a small smile and noticed the warmth of Hans' body as he sat next to her. "Only for a little longer, I promise."
The first to feel the sunlight bouncing off of their skin was Anna, which became evident when she peeked open her eyes to have them flooded with the glow from the sunrise. She stirred; a noise escaped her throat before her eyes closed again after her body had turned. However, they didn't stay that way for long after the breeze brushed Hans' light scent against her nose.
Slowly, she fluttered a set of lids open once again to see the man in question at her side. Anna had only begged for a few moments more, but it appeared in that time she had fallen asleep and he, instead, decided to let her use him as a pillow.
"Good morning." She whispered and wasn't surprised at his lack of response. He was still out cold after all, and looking at him like that from her angle brought a slight, gentle curve to her lips.
It was incredibly hard to leave him like this. Him being so peaceful, unaware of the fact that she would be leaving in his slumber. But it wasn't hard that she was leaving, it was that when she left…it was forever.
She hovered a small hand over his face, almost trying to break the illusion that the two were together like this.
"I'm sorry." In a hushed tone she leaned towards him, leaving the light touch of her lips to his forehead as the last mark that the two had ever known each other.
It wasn't like she had a choice though, Anna had to go. If not for Kristoff, then at least for the fear of what the ache in her chest was as she descended down the dusty staircase and exited the church.
Kristoff was the right choice; he was good for her. With Kristoff there had never been any drama, any betrayal, and she was happy. Rationally, she knew that should be enough, but the recent reasoning of her heart started to wonder if 'enough' was what she wanted. It was dangerous.
She supposed, in that sense, her and Hans were alike. Both of them, willing to run because it was easier than facing the truth.
None of that mattered now, though, because Anna had to pack. Her decision had been made, and after sorting through her things she would go to meet Kristoff at the docks.
A newfound confidence weakly filled her as she stumbled to push open the door to her room at the inn, but a partially disappointed breath left her lips when she found it empty. Tidy bed, tidy vanity, and a few simple dresses hanging in the closet; everything was just as she left it.
Then again, what else could she have been expecting?
"Guess I might as well get started then." Mumbling to herself, she approached the closet and took down a shawl that she had planned to use as one of her 'fail proof' disguises not a few days prior. She took a long time holding it, feeling the sheer fabric against her fingers while absent blue eyes stared onwards at every one of its folds.
The spell broke only when she put the item in her trunk and noticed a pen and parchment on the vanity, for traveling visitors to take notes, no doubt.
"A notepad." The simple scene seemed to have triggered some idea in her head. She might not have fully known exactly what it was, even as she approached the vanity, took a seat, and looked at herself in the mirror.
It was after that, that the pen hit the paper—sealing the next hour of her life as one of her biggest regrets.
Notes:
Whoa. So long, so sorry! This week/last week have been pretty insane. Especially with the super bowl and parties and the like. (2014 SB champs! B-) )
I also had a lot of trouble finishing this off. Not that I didn't know how, more like I had a plan for how I wanted the story to go and kept trying to work something into it that simply wasn't working. I wrote at least 2 or 3 pages of that before deciding it was a stupid idea and scrapping the whole thing. Maybe in a different way it can get put in later, but definitely not here…
But onto you all!
XTheAuthorThatNeverWasX: Oh stop! That is so sweet, I'm really, REALLY flattered! C: I am glad that you liked it, it was super fun to finally get into the meat of it all!
Anny: Ahhh! Thank you c: I'm sorry this chapter took so long to reach !
DarkSideChick: Right?! No having cake and eating it too, mister. Aw, I'm so glad that you liked it! It was super fun to be able to write that element to him…oh, how long I spent editing that all! Hmm we shall have to see about that ;) there is still more to come! Hopefully I can keep it all organized as planned~
Bubbles: Whoa, DESPERATE?!...That is the kindest thing ever :') I'm so sorry it took a while for this to get out ahhh! But here it is! A little sweet, less sour…kind of bitter ending but things just get better from here! And your compliments are too much! I have considered writing another fanfiction, but I'm not quite sure what the topic would be on c: and I would also do another type deal as this one where I would finish the first three chapters, plan up to a certain chapter and THEN start posting. I really do enjoy writing and this project is so fun I can't imagine it ever coming to an end!
BlackCatNeko999: Breathe! Chapter Seven is here! I'm glad you got that c: Yes, I figure that Hans is the person who would rather push people away instead of letting them see his inner workings. He only let Anna see him here because he just couldn't help it anymore! After all, I'd like to think that Hans actually did feel a little something for Anna during the course of the Frozen movie…and he tried too hard to push her away in the last chapter that he realized the only person he really ever cared for would hate him forever if he didn't just let it all 'go.' Maybe that didn't make sense. Welcome to my unedited commentary (which is really just a blob of thoughts streaming through my brain.)
.Guest: Oooo I'm glad you felt an intensity while reading it c: It amazes me that I could make anyone feel that through words!
Thank you to all my readers again, and please know that I really appreciate every single view, comment, favorite and follow. I have grown to love writing this so much…WAY more than I even thought I would! I will try to get chapter eight out ASAP for you all c:
(Maybe I'm subconsciously taking longer to put out chapters now because I don't want it to end…)
I look forward to hearing from you, I hope you have enjoyed the fluffy, sweetness of chapter seven!
Love,
BrittBerry xx