I apologize for taking so long. I get easily distracted. I also apologize if this a bit boring, bear with me, I'm getting there. For now, review, favorite, tweet me at HeyThereDelena, etc. Everything is appreciated.
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Well, maybe one. But I do own the plot, so there is that.
Chapter VII
Breathe
When confusion takes over everything you know, the only thing that seems right to do is to stop. Take a deep breath; go back to the beginning and to what makes you feel safe, stronger. You go back to what keeps your feet on the ground because what are dreamers but confused souls who don't know which way to fly yet?
Mitchie decided to hold on to her safety in a moment of utter and sudden confusion. She asked Alex to give her some space to think. Everything was happening too fast and there was just so much she could take. As a result, she locked herself in her apartment, avoiding her thoughts at all costs by watching reruns of her favorite TV shows and keeping as much contact with Jake as she possibly could. Jake himself was surprised of his girlfriend's sudden attitude change. He wasn't complaining, though.
Jake Bennett, no matter how busy, had always loved Mitchie. It wasn't the all so cliché love at first sight, but the girl did catch his attention in that party they met. It was the talk after that made him go for it. Mitchie was an intelligent girl with many dreams. To him, she was the definition of hope, a thing that would always lack in his life of well-structured and busy days. In the world he lived, the world he had grown up in, there was no room for hope. You either did or didn't, there was never in between. She was the one thing different to what he was used to and he always liked that about her. Nonetheless, being from two different worlds had its trouble. For starters, he never could find a way to really connect with Mitchie. They had something, yeah, but it never felt completely right. In a way, he was jealous of Caitlyn, who had grown in a world much like his own, because she could easily understand the other girl. He just couldn't do it and the situation of their relationship was the result.
There he was, miles away from the girl he loved. And he felt bad, because every time he'd be in New York he'd never have too much to say. His life was all business and Mitchie wouldn't be interested in that. So, he'd just listen and the girl needed more than that.
"Can you believe this? Derek said he wanted to work things out with Addison yet there he is, sleeping with Meredith." Jake ran his fingers through his blonde hair rather lazily, as he looked at his computer screen with a tired stare. Apparently, she was really interested in whatever show she was watching keeping her eyes on the TV screen instead of the computer. He was just looking at her face and how she'd wrinkle her nose before yelling at the TV every time something would happen that she didn't particularly like. It was adorable. "This is unbelievable. Things like this are the reason why I have trust issues, goddamn it."
Jake chuckled, resting his chin on his left hand. "Isn't Derek in love with Meredith or something?"
"If he really were he wouldn't have chosen Addison! Meredith told him to pick her, Jake! Do you understand how hard it is for a girl to say those things out loud?"
"I don't know, Mitch, it's hard on us guys, too. Maybe he was scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Of things not working out, I guess. He loves her but he was in love before, he thought this Addison chick was the one yet it didn't work out. And it hurt him like hell and he doesn't want to go through that with this other girl because what if he thinks she's the one and he is wrong, again? He wouldn't be able to handle that kind of pain twice and with Addison, he knows what to expect. It's safer."
Mitchie looked away from the TV and stared at him through the screen intensely, her brown eyes full of surprise and some other feeling he couldn't make it out quite well. "Well then. When did you become so sensitive, Bennett?" Jake just smiled.
"I just know how it feels."
Mitchie raised an eyebrow. "How what feels?"
"Being so scared of things not working out that you kind of push people away."
She looked at him with a soft expression of sympathy on her face. "Have you ever felt that way about us?"
He sighed and nodded, honesty coming out of how tired he was. "Why?" She asked.
The blue eyed boy shrugged. "It has a lot to do with the way I grew up. In my father's world the motto is 'trust no one'. I was raised that way, because when you trust, something always goes wrong. And I don't trust myself when it comes to you." He closed his eyes. "I'm scared of screwing this up that I just don't let you in."
Silence took over the room and something inside of him snapped. He opened his eyes, nervous, afraid of his sincerity scaring her away but she was still there, in the other side of the country yet on his screen, her hair falling down as she looked down.
"You're a great guy, Jake. You really are."
A sad smile came across his face. That wasn't the answer he was hoping for. "That's what I've been told."
He heard her sigh and she looked up, a sad smile very similar to his on her face. "I think I should go to bed, it's getting late and I promised Shane I'd go to the studio to work on some tracks he's got. So…" She held the 'o' a little. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."
He nodded, defeated. "Alright, have sweet dreams, babe."
"You too, Jay."
He kept his eyes on the screen until it went dark, probably feeling much sadder than he should have. But he couldn't let Mitchie's reaction go unnoticed. That sad smile, did that mean the girl wanted him to let her in? Could that be the reason why their relationship had been on the rocks for so long and she was now changing her attitude towards it?
Jake blinked, unsure of what to do. Maybe it was just a meaningless reaction. But what if it wasn't?
The young business man got up from his chair abruptly and went looking for his phone in the coffee table of his living room, where he had left it once he got home after so many meeting. He picked it up and dialed his father's secretary, who probably was more his own now that he was spending so much time in San Francisco office and waited. Not long after, the woman picked up. "Erica? Could you please book me a plane ticket for New York, tomorrow morning?"
It could be meaningless. But, even when he lived in a world of 'trust no one', he also lived in a world that believed in taking risks and Mitchie was the only risk he knew was worth to take.
xxx
With spring approaching, the last waves of winter were showing the New Yorkers what cold really was about. Unless you were in the city, most streets looked deserted while most houses seemed to have almost every light on. Nobody wanted to leave their homes and face the painful cold wind blowing in everybody's face. Mitchie, however, preferred to face the temporal physical pain to think about anything going on in her life. This way, risking getting extremely sick, Mitchie would take her usual stroll down Central Park, occasionally getting lost watching the city lights.
In what moment did the universe decide to twist things the way they had twisted? She tried not to dwell on the past, but she never once thought Alex would come back, let alone state she had some sort of feeling for her. It was one of those things she had accepted would never happened and she was completely okay with that. Why was life doing that to her? She couldn't respond those feelings. In fact, she could but she was not yet in that point on their relationship to trust Alex the she had done when she was young and naïve, many years ago. Then, there was Jake, who while he was never around, he still was Mitchie's boyfriend and she couldn't just look past that.
It was all too frustrating.
Someway, lost in her mind, she found her way to Shane's studio like she promised she would. She stared all the way up to the buildings then back to the door several times. She needed to talk about it and get it out of her chest, but she knew exactly what Shane was going to say. "Do what you think its best" and she didn't need that. She needed someone to yell at her, to tell her what to do just because they knew Mitchie wouldn't listen and would what she pleased anyway. Simple as it was, she needed Caitlyn, her best friend.
She stared back to the building, all the way up. Then, she took out her phone and called Caitlyn.
"Hey, did you know what if you're nice to Nate he gives you free drinks?" was the very first thing Caitlyn said, making Mitchie furrow her eyebrows and laugh.
"He always gives us free drinks because he hates his boss."
"Really?" Caitlyn exclaimed, sounding genuinely surprised. "He always makes me pay!"
"That's because you're always rude to him, Cait." Caitlyn scoffed and Mitchie started walking away from the studio.
"Whatever. What's up?"
"I need to ask you a question."
"Hit me up." The background sound in the other line made it clear to Mitchie that Caitlyn was in her mother's office, all the loud chatting and yelling about designs giving it away. Although she hated that office –Mrs. Geller wasn't exactly her favorite person in the world–, she started making her way there.
"But first of all, I need you to promise me something."
She could swear Caitlyn rolled her eyes on the other line. "What is it?"
"You're going to listen to what I'm going to say and be my best friend, yell at me about it if you like and forget about what it is about. Can you do that?"
"Okay?" Caitlyn responded, sounding confused.
"Alright." Mitchie took a deep breath. "Alex said she has feeling for me." A dropping sound was heard on the other line and Caitlyn cursed. All Mitchie heard was the back ground noise. "Are you still there?"
"Yeah, yeah." Caitlyn said, sounding distant and with a hit of pain in her voice. "Goddamn it."
Mitchie smiled. "Did you just fall of your chair?"
"It's quite possible." Her voice went back to normal. "Repeat for me, please. Alex did what?"
"She said she has feelings for me."
"She actually said it? Were those her exact words?"
"Yeah, well, she said other stuff too, but she did say 'I have feelings for you.'" Mitchie sighed, looking to both sides of the road before crossing the street with the rest of the rushed people in the city. "And she said she's not going to do anything about it because I have a boyfriend but she also said she's not walking away this time."
"How do you feel?" Caitlyn's calm voice took Mitchie by surprise. Why wasn't she yelling? She expected yelling, annoying reminders of who Alex Russo was and what she had done.
"I'm so confused." Mitchie answered, honestly. "I never thought this day would come. For me, Alex was an impossible yet I don't know how, here we are. And I love Jake, I really do but–"
"But he's never around." Caitlyn interrupted, completing Mitchie's idea.
"Exactly. I just don't know what to do." Mitchie heard more yelling on the other side and imagined Caitlyn giving the death stare at anyone around her. She smiled, again.
"You know I don't like Russo at all. I never will nor will I ever pretend I do. She's annoying and I still don't understand why you like having her around so much. But you're a grown girl. You'll know what you're doing if you decide to go on and take it. If she hurts you again, at least I can kick her ass this time. However, you've got to talk to Jake about everything first."
"And tell him what? Hey, I'm leaving you because the girl I used to have a crush on in high school has feelings for me now?"
"Well, Mitchie, are you leaving him?"
Mitchie stopped in her tracks, the realization of the matter coming to her senses. Was she really going to leave Jake for Alex?
"Do you really trust Alex that much to leave the safety he gives you for the uncertainty?"
"And what use does that safety have if he's never around?"
"And again, talk to him. Mitch, there was a time when he made you really happy. So, give him a chance to try to change your mind. And then, decide."
Mitchie ran her fingers through her hair. "I really thought you were going to yell at me instead of making me contemplate my life."
Caitlyn chuckled. "I'm trying to be nice, alright? I can yell at you if you really want me to, though."
"No, no, that's fine. I'll meet you at your mom's office?"
"Yeah, I'll take you out for dinner, come on."
"See you there, then."
xxx
After confessing her feelings to Mitchie and getting the puppy, it happened what Alex knew would happen yet she hoped it wouldn't. Alex entered some sort of panic state. Needless to say, Alex was much more nervous than she thought she would be. Whenever Mitchie would come around to pick up Luke, their four month old husky, she'd stumble and stutter, making a fool out of herself. Mitchie would pretend she didn't notice but the smirk that would always make its way to her face each time that happened said otherwise. Now, the puppy was pretty much Alex's way to spend more time with Mitchie. They agreed each girl would have the pup for three days and the remaining day of the week would be spent together. However, Alex would come around Mitchie's house as much as she could during the three days it was Mitchie's turn, with the excuse of how much she missed him.
"Alex, really, if you miss him so much you could take him another day, I don't mind." Mitchie said when the girl showed up on her door, a new toy in hand and a big grin on her face.
"Well, hello to you, too." Alex said, walking inside of Mitchie's apartment, looking around. "Where's my baby?"
"He's in Caitlyn's room. She said getting a dog was the best idea you've had, by the way. She loves him."
Alex closed her hand into a fist and threw it in the air, grin still on her face. "That's what I call success!"
Mitchie giggled, closing the door behind her and walking to the kitchen and Alex followed her. "Don't get too excited, she still doesn't like you." Mitchie opened the fridge and took a jar of lemonade out of it. Then, she looked for two glassed in the upper cupboard and served some lemonade in each one.
"But she thinks I had a good idea and that's a start." Alex said and Mitchie handed her a glass. "I'll get there one day, you'll see." She winked at her and Mitchie rolled her eyes.
"I'm glad to see your confidence has returned."
"It hasn't, I'm just playing it cool so you don't think I'm weird."
"I have always thought you're weird, though."
"Point taken." Alex said, taking a sip of her lemonade. "Any fun plans tonight?"
"I'm going to watch Grey's Anatomy." Mitchie responded, smiling rather awkwardly. "Fourth season."
"Again? Jesus, Mitch, I think you know that show by heart."
Mitchie narrowed her eyes and punched Alex's arm. "Don't act like you haven't watched it like a million times, too, jerk."
Just when Alex was about to answer, a door opened and a not so little husky puppy came out running, waving his tail and towards Alex, happily, Caitlyn just behind him.
"So it was your voice that got him all unsettled." Caitlyn said, sounding a little annoyed. Alex kneeled down and started scratching the puppy's ears.
"Hello there, little one, I've missed you, too." Alex said, with the biggest smile on her face. Caitlyn looked up from the adorable scene and glanced at her best friend, who had a smile on her own as she still watched Alex and Luke being adorable. It was all over her face. Caitlyn rolled her eyes and picked her coat from the coat hook near the door.
"Goodness, I'm going to throw up." She said, taking Mitchie out of her trance, blushing and looking away from Alex. "I'm just gonna get the groceries while this is here." Caitlyn announced, 'this' clearly referring to Alex.
"It's great to see you too, Caitlyn." Alex responded, shaking her head a little as she made Luke roll over and scratched his belly.
"I'll be back in an hour. Don't do anything I wouldn't do, alright?" both girls nodded and Caitlyn left. Mitchie sighed, taking her lemonade and making her way to the couch. She sat and for the following ten minutes, she watched Alex and Luke play, as it seemed neither one of them could get enough of each other. And as she did so, the past came rushing back to her. It took her back to Texas, to her teenage years. It took her back to almost unbearable heat of a normal summer there, a heat she probably wouldn't be able to handle now. It had been too many years, yet she still could feel what she felt that night on her mother's roof, staring at the stars and writing a song with Alex or maybe that one afternoon a few days before Alex left, when Mitchie managed to get Alex and Caitlyn in the same room to watch her favorite movie with her. That one moment when everything felt like it was supposed to be, as right as it ever was.
A moment that faded away, maybe a little too soon.
"Come on, Luke, come on." Mitchie faintly heard Alex say to the small dog who was trying to bite Alex's hand which she wouldn't stop moving from side to side when he was about to do it. "You're supposed to be faster than me, come on!" the brunette smiled at the joyful chuckle Alex let out as the dog continued trying. "Mitchie, come on, you should come play with us, he is the most adorable thing ever."
Mitchie looked down to her feet, the sound of her own voice, many years before, inside her head. "She was different. She was supposed to be different. Goodness, why was I so stupid? They're always different at the start before they start fucking you over!" was what the voice was saying and a part of her wanted to still believe it, to believe Alex wasn't different. She was just like everyone else, someone whose only purpose in her life was to teach her that some people are just not meant to be there, no matter how much we want them to.
But there she was, playing with a puppy, which they had gotten after she told her she had feelings for her, out of the blue. A puppy Alex had named Luke, because it was the name of the main character of Mitchie's favorite movie and she knew Mitchie would find it amusing. It was a very small detail, a detail nobody would expect Alex Russo, the forgetful Alex Russo, to remember. Yet, she did.
"You weren't different." Mitchie said, making Alex look back to her and stop moving her hand, letting little Luke finally bite it. Alex quickly moved it away. "But you are now. What happened?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I was used to it. People come and go, I was used to that." Mitchie continued. "So, when you left, I wasn't that much surprised. It hurt, but I expected it." She held her glass with both hands. "And when you came back, the only thing I expected you to do was to leave but here you are, months later, playing with a puppy in front of me. Our puppy." Mitchie looked up at Alex's calm expression. "When did that happen?"
Alex gave her attention to the puppy again, a hint of smile on her face. "I grew up, Mitch." She said simply, stroking the Luke's black and white fur. "I went on with life, screwed up a couple of times and learned my lesson." She shrugged. "How did we get here? I don't know. You weren't in my plans. In fact, you were a memory I avoided quite a lot. And I don't know why things are happening this way; I just don't see why to question them."
Mitchie sighed, putting the glass on the coffee table. "You are aware than even when I know you're different now, I can't exactly trust you when it comes to that, right?"
Alex nodded. "I wasn't really expecting you to. It'd be too easy and you once told me, if I recall correctly, that everything that's worth it isn't easy. So, take your time." The New Yorker picked up the puppy, holding him against her chest with both her hand. "Neither Luke or I are going anywhere, right, little bud?" Alex said, looking at his little face. Mitchie bit her lip and Alex looked up, her smile still on place. "No matter what happens."
Mitchie leaned back against the couch and Alex put Luke down, the little dog making his way now to Mitchie, lying on his stomach close to her feet. Alex took her glass and sat on the couch next to Mitchie's as the other girl picked up Luke and placed him next to her on the couch. Alex took the remote and turned on the TV and they stayed like that for a while, watching an unknown show and stealing glances from each other from time to time.
So, when confusion takes over everything you know, the only thing that seems right to do is to stop. Take a deep breath; go back to the beginning and to what makes you feel safe, stronger. Or sometimes, you just have to breathe and let yourself go. Let things happen the way they're supposed to and go from there.
Take a chance.
"Alex?" Mitchie called, carefully and the other girl looked at her.
"Yeah?"
"I–" As if it were any classic chick flick, there was a knock on the door, interrupting Mitchie. An annoyed expression appeared across her face and she got up, opening the door without bothering to check who it was, just to get it over with.
She should have. "Surprise!" Mitchie's eyes opened the size of plates when she found herself looking at this taller, very good looking blue eyed boy wearing black jeans and an olive green shirt, his dirty blonde hair made a complete mess, but with an ear-to-ear smile on his face.
"Jake." Mitchie said, the tone in her voice showing how surprised she was. Her life definitely was turning into a chick flick. And she didn't like it one bit.