A Confusing Yet Fun Adventure

by Random comments inc

Confusing, Funny, ConFunny! At Least, that's what I'm going for in my first story that's only goal is to put nonsensical things I just made up together in a way that makes sense. Rated T Because paranoia's epic. Updated weekly (hopefully). A sorta re-imagining of the series, from start to end.

7. Half a Chapter(Or, Spoiling headhunters)

So.

An unfinished Chapter.

In the middle of the week.

Well, I've realized something.

Spending horrid weeks on end typing unending stories is not fun.

So, I have come to ask a favor of you, the reader.

On my page, I have a poll.

(Or at least, I should. I'm new to polls)

The poll has 4 options:

The option you should choose for an insane time-travel confuse-a-thon that will make quantum mechanics look easy.
The option you should choose if you want me to do the rest of this chapter.
The option You should choose if you want a new story I've written out to come out next. This will probably be the quickest option: I have a rough draft already.
The option you should choose if you want a new story I've written out on the condition it contains fewer 4th wall breaking scenes. There are surprisingly a lot of them. I feel too many of them.

Please note that all result in me eventually finishing this chapter.

What new story is it? Well, I call it "Graves and Gratifical sacrifices"

Should no one respond, Well, I'll get to everything eventually.(?)

Man, that was a long author's note. I feel like I'm forgetting something though.

---

"An accident, constable? Or is it...Murder?!" The Duck quacked.

Most of the Pines family was sitting happily, watching one of their favorite free TV shows.

Soos was there too because he arrived to work an hour early, and Stan didn't want him waiting outside an hour for work to start.

The constable was in shock, "What?!"

"What a Surprise! That Duck's A genius! Duck-tective will return after these messages." Said a Random TV announcer's voice.

Mabel was ecstatic: "That Duck is a genius!"

Dipper, not so much: "Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground."

Stan Had the stuff to say too: "You would think that the first three letters of his name were 'M, O, N'!"

(Had anyone gotten that joke, they would have laughed. No one laughed)

Soos, however, was the odd one out. He was a ghost. He also Had found a door trying to eat some popcorn off the floor: "GUYS! I FOUND A DOOR WHILE EATING POPCORN OFF THE FLOOR!"

Stan Sighed while everyone else started going ecstatic over a random Door. To no one, he muttered, "Here we go again."

-Time Skip-

"Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it. I got 'em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, My Ex-wife, some kind of, I don't know, goblin man?" Stan preaches as if talking to more tourists

Dipper shudders, "Is anyone else getting the creeps here?"

Stan Completly ignores him, "And now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln, right over-"

A puddle of wax was where Stan was pointing.

"Oh! Oh no! Come on, who left the blinds open? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction!"

You could see another pile of wax on the floor in the direction he looked.

"Oh, Nevermind then. Thomas Corbett?"

Surprisingly, another pile of wax. Man, There's a lot of windows in that room.

Having given up on that line of Who-did-what, Stan asked the only question he had left: "How do you fix a wax figure?"

Mabels eyes sparkled with possibility

-Time Skip-

"What Happened to Free pizza?" Donna asked (since I felt she deserved more screen time then what she got in the show)

Stan, Who had totally lied about the pizza, Decided to pull his next trick: Vanishing, With the admission box in tow.

His wax counterpart, Mabel's masterpiece, Sat on stage doing nothing.

Mabel, nevertheless, was overjoyed: "That went well."

-Time Skip-

"Hot pumpkin pie!" Stan was definitely having a better day then Before ... Nevermind. "Look at all this cash! And I owe it all to one person, this guy!"

Never before had blaming a wax figure for all your fortune had seemed so innocent.

-Time Skip-

Stan was having a great time watching criminal mysteries on the television with his new BFF, Wax Stan: "Well, I'm gonna use the john. You need anything? Ha! I love this guy! Don't you go nowhere." Stan giggled a couple more times at his own joke before leaving the living room for a quick second

Unfortunately, a second was all the time that was needed.

BAM.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOO-(heavy inhale noise)-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

STAN! I would like to complete the rest of the story. Please.

-Time Skip-

"I got up to use the john, right?" Stan Begged, at the point where he doesn't think even a thing is getting through to them. "And when I come back, blammo! He's headless!"

Officer Blubs sighed. Again. "I'm telling you, This case is unsolvable!"

Deputy Durland Scratched his head some more. "Like... Last week's crossword puzzle?"

(he was running out of examples of unsolvable things.)

"Wait-" Dipper interrupted, "Wasn't the answer five?"

(Durland really needed to know more unsolvable things.)

Blubs shook his head some more: "Well, crossword solvable or no, This case is most definitely Unsolvable."

"It's these terrible cop shenanigans that make me scam you guys every way to Tuesday," Stan shouted, glaring daggers at the officers.

Said officers Gasp. "Hey, We have great shenanigans!" Blubs cries

"You know," Dipper pointed out, "I could help if you want."

"No!" Blubs denies "This case is closed until I get the respect I deserve for my Shenanigans"

"Wait-" Mabels asks confused, "I thought the case was closed anyway?"

"It Is!" Answers Durland, Happy to be of help.

"So My options are Apologise and Abandon Wax Stan, or Abandon Wax Stan? That's a worse deal then I give my tourists!" Stan shouted, infuriated at the situation.

"That's it!" Dipper had enough, "Mabel, you and me are going to find the jerk who did this, and get back that head."

Blubs Chuckled and let loose his thoughts: "You city-folk are adorable! I'm a professional and if I can't solve it-"

"Attention, all units." interrupts Blub's walkie-talkie. "Steve is about to complete a 23-14"

"A whole Watermelon! We need to hurry!" Durland was ecstatic.

Watching Blubs and Durland run away giggling like small school children made Dipper's blood go cold, and he vowed to solve this mystery and prove to the officer that the only thing adorable about him was his work ethic, or his name wasn't Dipper Pines. Even though that was really only a nickname. But It was his Nickname, dagnabbit.

Mabel coughed into her hand and informed Dipper that he said that aloud.

-Temporary rift in the Story-time continuum-