It had been eleven months. Edward laid awake in his bed, re-reading the letters that now seemed so far away from him. Just eleven months ago, he was talking with Roy. He could imagine himself with the other. And now...
Now it was just another fantasy best left for daydreams and nightmares. Aroura could be heard softly snoring in the distant room. Once again, Edward couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able too since the news reached him. Pictures of the crime scene had made headlines. All the blood still swarmed in to haunt him every now and then, even though he pushed all thoughts of that aside.
"Why are you awake?" Russel asked, pulling the blond closer to him. Edward was starting to loathe the body heat of the other. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself Russel loved him, he knew it just wasn't true. Several bruises graced his skin, marking him as something he never wanted to ever be again. A victim.
"I need some air." Edward said, flinging his legs over the side of the welcoming bed and over to the door. Once he pushed out into the night sky, life seemed to ease away from him, sparing him from another wave of anxiety. "I miss you." Edward whispered up at the stars. He spoke to them every night, knowing that somewhere, Roy could hear him.
"I still write you, ya know. Every damned day. They said they found a half written letter at the crime scene, but I never got to see it. I probably wasn't even for me but...I like to believe it was. I also like to believe that you're still out there somewhere, just getting better, waiting for the right time to come and find me." Tears started to line his cheeks. He cried much more now. Now that there wasn't any hope of Roy and Edward ever being together again. "Come back to me dammit. I need you. Fuehrer bastard.."
"After all I've done for you, you're still pining after him?" The sharp voice broke Edwards fantasies once again.
"I can't help it." Edward said plainly. There was no reasoning with Russel anymore. There was just good moments and violent ones.
"Come here you brat." Russel reached for the alchemist, forcing him to the ground. "You want to pine over something. I'll give you something to fucking pine over." Edward let his mind wonder as Russel undressed him. He knew the unwelcome pain was coming, but he still would like to imagine it was Roy, holding him, caressing him, loving him. Sure, he'd had sex since Roy, but he'd never made love since. And to Edward, those two were completely different things.
Once the beating and battering of his body was over, Edward just laid there, staring up at the stars.
"I wish you didn't have to see that." Edward cringed at the brokenness of his own voice. "I always think about you though. I always want it to be you." No tears fell from Edward this time. He didn't feel enough to cry. He was just numb.
"Daddy, why are you out here?" Edward's breath hitched. His little girl stood on the stoop, holding a black teddy-bear. He didn't give himself time to think. He yanked his pants up and winced as he went to her side.
"I'm just looking at the stars babydoll." Edward cooed, kissing her soft cheek.
"Is daddy up there?" Her small, angelic voice said something Edward never thought he'd hear.
"Yes baby. He is."
Aroura looked up at the night sky and smiled. "Hi daddy, I'm glad I finally get to meet you. Pappa has told me about you. He said you were a great person. Promise to come to my next birthday party ok?" Edward didn't have it in him to not cry anymore. Wrapping his arms around her small frame, he just let the silent tears fall.
"See Mustang, you get to be daddy after all."
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