Luna's adjustment to living with the three of them didn't seem to be going as well as Sirius imagined it was going to. He had hoped that she would immediately fit into their routine, forgetting, almost, that her parents were dead or that she even had parents before him and Remus.
He was angry that, despite all the hard work he and Remus had put into getting custody of her and the money they spent to care for her, she missed her mum and dad.
Bitter because when she had nightmares she'd go sleep in Harry's bed instead of waking them up and telling them about it.
Bitter she didn't seem to love them. Every night, before Harry went to bed, he'd give Sirius and Remus a hug and beg to be read to. When they tried to hug Luna goodnight, she'd squirm away or start to cry, it made him angry. Sirius knew it wasn't right to be angry at a four year old, but he couldn't help how he felt.
"I could strangle her sometimes," said Sirius, late one night as he got ready for bed, "She doesn't look me in the eye, she doesn't say 'please' or 'thank you'. She doesn't let me touch her or anything. She always looks so sad. When I try to cheer her up, it doesn't work. I don't know whether it's her or me."
"I hate to say it's her, but it is. She doesn't let me touch her either. She fell down the other day and when I tried to help her up, I guess the best way to phrase it would be 'flipped out'. My father thinks Luna might have PTSD from Greyback's attack. That could be what's going on. He thinks we should take Luna to a psychiatrist."
To Sirius, his lover may as well have been speaking Cantonese. "What? In English."
"My dad thinks Luna is traumatized from seeing her parents killed in front of her and from being bitten by Greyback. Because of that, he thinks we should take her to a muggle doctor that specializes in helping people with their emotions. That more clear?"
Sirius, who was somewhat distracted undoing the buttons of his shirt, nodded. "I think it makes sense, but why can't she talk to us about it?"
"We're not professionals, for one, and for two, I don't think she trusts us yet. That was what I was saying when we went for custody. She likes us, but she can't trust us yet. When we got Harry, he already knew us. He trusted us. Luna didn't know us until the day we showed up in her hospital room."
"Why'd she trust one of these emotion doctors then?"
"I don't know, but would it hurt to give it a try, Padfoot? It's better than feeling like we aren't doing anything right, wouldn't it?"
"We can't pay. The pittance the ministry gives aurors for medical care doesn't work for muggle doctors. And I can't legally adopt her, so she can't be on my policy anyway."
"You have your mother's money," Remus reminded him.
"I'm not touching that old bat's money. She probably hexed it to burn my fingers when I used it."
"Nothing would make her angrier than you using it to pay for a werewolf's muggle health care bills."
Sirius smiled as he unbuttoned his trousers. "You're going to make me, aren't you?"
"You know Mad-Eye, right?"
"Of course I do. Did you forget I was in the Order with you?"
Remus chuckled. "No, I didn't forget. Moody is a textbook example of PTSD when left untreated. Do you want Luna ending up like that? Crying in the corner when she hears 'Little Red Riding Hood'. Having a panic attack when she sees an Alsatian or another dog that looks like a wolf. We adopted her so she'd be able live. I don't think being terrified all the time is very much of a life, do you?" Sirius considered this for a few moments. Harry had to do reports on his favourite breed of dog in one of his classes. If Luna's class had to do the same and someone did a report on a dog that looked like Greyback in wolf form, if she started to cry, she'd be bullied mercilessly.
"We'd need one whose a squib or a wizard."
"Mum's already searching for one. You know my parents; even if I hadn't agreed to take Luna, they'd still do it when she came to visit."
"Damned Ravenclaw stubbornness. When they think they're right and think you're wrong, they won't give in."
"It even passes down to children who weren't in Ravenclaw," said Remus with a smile, "Now come to bed. We haven't had time alone together for ages. My mum and dad joke we aren't even a couple anymore. We're just friends who platonically live together raising kids." "They know far more about your sex life than the parents of most people I know."
"My parents are Ravenclaws. They insist on knowing everything about everyone else's sex life."
"Alright Harry, Luna, here's the game plan for today. We're going to finish breakfast, and then Harry and I are going to work on the yard. Luna you and Sirius are going to go to the doctor. After that, we're going over to my mum and dad's for dinner. Is that clear?" asked Remus. Harry nodded, but Luna said nothing, instead she seemed to stare out the window, as though transfixed by something.
"Luna, did you hear what Remus said?" asked Sirius.
"You and I are going to the doctor today after breakfast. Harry and Remus are staying home and working in the yard. When that's all done, we're going to Ms Josephine's house for dinner," said Luna still not looking away from the window.
"Look at me and say that," Sirius said, sounding a little sad.
Luna looked in Sirius' direction, though not in his eyes. "You and I to the doctor. Remus and Harry yard. Dinner at Ms Josephine's."
'Something's certainly not right with her,' thought Sirius on the ride to the psychiatrist's office, 'Her being a werewolf isn't a problem; it's whatever else is going on with her.'
"Are you angry at me?" asked Luna from the backseat of Sirius' car. He and Remus had bought it shortly after they adopted Luna. It was a Peugeot. It had seatbelts even.
"No, Luna, I'm not. What'd make you think I was?"
"I heard you and Remus talking last night about me when I walked by your bedroom. You were angry with me."
"I'm not angry at you, I'm just sad I can't seem to help you."
"That's what my Mummy used to say," said Luna, sounding sad.
For Remus, caring for the lawn meant mowing and fertilizing and mulching and tilling and watering. For Harry, it meant picking flowers to put on his parents' grave and then, when that was done, running through the sprinkler Remus turned on in the middle of the vegetable garden, getting as wet as he possibly could.
"Feverfew and hyssop today," said Harry, "the divination book had pictures of them and said protection under them."
"You can read a big word like protection, I'm impressed, Harry. Your teacher did say you were reading at a year four level, but I wasn't sure I believed her." As Remus watched Harry pick the flowers so carefully, as though he was going to break them, he couldn't help but smile. "Your mother loved flowers; every kind, except for one."
"What was the kind she didn't love?" asked Harry, looking up from his flower picking.
"Daffodils; they used to be her favourite, but then, a friend of hers got upset with her for something nice she tried to do to him and he called her some very rude names. When he realised what he did, he tried to make her happy with him again, by gathering daffodils from all around the school and owling them to her day after day. Every day she'd take the daffodils and throw them into the fireplace in the great hall. Finally after a week of that, she stood up on the Gryffindor table and announced she not only hated daffodils; she hated the boy who kept sending them to her and that she never wanted to see him again. After that day, even the sight of daffodils made your mother start to cry."
"What bad things did her friend say to her?"
"You know how some people have magic and other people don't?" asked Remus.
"Yeah," said Harry, plucking petal after petal off one of the feverfew he had picked.
"Well, sometimes non-magic people have magic kids. That was your mum. She's what we call muggleborn. Muggleborn is a nice word for wizards whose parents don't have magic. Your mother's former friend called her a mean name for muggleborns. He called her a..." Remus paused and took a breath. As the son of a muggleborn witch, he hated the word with every fibre of his being. "He called her a mudblood."
Harry laughed, but then noticing the look that crossed Remus' face, he stopped and looked confused. "Sorry, the word just sounds funny. That's all."
"It isn't a funny word, Harry. It's a very serious word. Your mother's friend used it against her once, after being friends with her for almost ten years and destroyed her relationship with him. Your teachers may say words may never hurt you, but in our world, words can be some of the most hurtful things ever."
"Luna Lovegood?" called a tall, friendly looking redheaded woman in an argyle sweater vest. She held a clipboard in her left hand. Luna and Sirius both got out of their seats and walked over to her.
"I'm Dr Babson. Are you her father?"
"Sort of," replied Sirius, hesitantly, "my erm...lover? Partner?; is her adoptive father. But he thought it was important for me to go to this instead of him. I'm going to be raising her too, so it's important I don't just..." he paused, "Rambling, sorry. I'm Sirius," he said extending a hand.
"Well, normally, I'm going to have your, or your partner, sit out here until the last fifteen minutes of our session, but this week, since it's our first meeting together, I'd like for you to come in with Luna and I."
Sirius and Luna were led down a hallway and into a room with toys and three or four chairs that looked far too small for an adult. The doctor told Luna she could start playing, so she could speak with Sirius.
"Sit down Mr Black," said Dr Babson. She took a wand out of her pocket and put an enlargement spell on the chairs. "You don't know how good it feels to be able to do magic at work. I go home and ache all over because of how tiny these chairs are. Feels good to be able to make them bigger."
"I understand the feeling. When I'm at Harry's school for teacher conferences it seems I always get stuck with the little tiny chairs. I hurt all over at the end of the day."
"Harry? Is he another one of your partner's children?"
"No, he's my adoptive son. Harry Potter. Remus, that's my lover's name, and I, we were James Potter's best friends at school."
"So, does Luna consider Harry her brother then?"
Sirius sighed. "I'm not really sure. That's part of why Remus and I decided to bring her here. I worry she's not fitting in with the family or that she misses her mum and dad too much or something."
"That's a normal feeling. Tell me more."
"Did Dad or Sirius or, what's-his-name, did any of them say mean things to you about being a werewolf or a halfblood or anything?" asked Harry.
Remus, realising he probably would be spending more time than he thought talking to Harry, sat down in the grass. "Well, my mum and dad, your grandparents, they never married, so when I first started school, this was a big deal. Back then, everyone's parents were married. One or two of the muggleborn students might have been children of divorce. It was just starting to become acceptable back then, and no one had parents like mine, unmarried, hippies, young enough to be my siblings. My mum had only been seventeen when she had me. So Sirius called me a bastard, which is a mean term for someone whose parents weren't married when they had them. And he called my mum a mean name, so I socked him. Amazingly, that was the start of our friendship."
"Really?" asked Harry smiling.
"Yes. He and your dad, and that slimy little traitor, they were some of the best friends a boy could wish for. If your friends are only half as good friends as they were, count yourself lucky."
"What problems do you think you want to work on more with Luna?" asked the doctor.
Sirius, who had been watching Luna play, turned to her. "I'd like Luna to learn to trust us more. And for us to be able to talk better, I guess. I don't know. I've never been good at this feeling stuff. And to figure out what's up with her and help her deal with her issues surrounding her parents' death."
"Well, those last two I can help with definitely, but I think for the others I'd like to recommend a therapist. I know a woman; she's a muggleborn with a practice in Devon, which isn't terribly close. She does both children's therapy and family therapy. I think three one-on-one sessions for Luna, with a family session once a month may be the most helpful thing at this point. And once every three months or so with me. That sounds okay?"
"Yeah," said Sirius. "I think that should be fine."
"Remus, what was the boy's name?" asked Harry. He and Remus had gone inside. The rain had started to fall and it was hard to mow in the rain. So instead they were making milkshakes and breakfast muffin pizzas in the toaster oven.
"Huh? Oh the boy?" asked Remus. He had been trying to avoid cutting off his fingers while cutting up an onion for his pizza. "His name's Severus Snape. He teaches at Hogwarts. He's a potion's professor."