The Final Goodbye
A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in updating, real life got in the way. I wish I could write continuously, without interruption, but I can't so please bear with me. But this is a nice long chapter for you. I hope you enjoy.
Thank you to my Beta reader, GoodGodHenry, for being so patient with me, and helping me make sure everything makes sense.
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, and this chapter in no way reflects my actual feelings on Reid. I love him to bits...
Anything said about Reid is the Unsub's twisted opinion, and interpretation of things.
Reid's eyes began to flutter open, but it took him a few moments before he was able to fully focus on the room he was in. It was different, this was very definitely a girl's room. Reid noticed that he was no longer tied up, and he began to unconsciously rub at his wrists. They were raw and chafed from where the restraints had cut into him. He slowly tried to get up off of the chair he was sitting on, 'at least it was a comfortable armchair' he thought dryly. Still he was aching everywhere, right down into his bones.
As he stood he felt a wave of dizziness, and he grabbed at the closest object, to keep himself from falling over.
That's when he noticed there was a bed in the room, and he realised he was not alone. A sudden rush of dread washed over him, leaving him momentarily frozen. But then he recognised who it was.
It was JJ!
Reid immediately rushed towards her, he was so unbelievably happy to see her. However, his relief was only momentary, and he stared at her in disbelief, and horror. What had the Unsub done to her? She looked smaller than he remembered, and her face was swollen nearly beyond recognition, it looked like she could possibly have a skull fracture. He noticed that her arm was hanging loosely at her side, the Unsub had broken her arm.
She was in terrible condition, and it broke his heart. He was infuriated, and ready to cry at the same time. JJ didn't deserve this, he should have been able to protect her. Why didn't the Unsub hurt him instead? He wiped the tears from his eyes. They didn't have time to think about 'What ifs', he needed to think of a way to get them out of here.
Gently so not to hurt her any further, he tried to wake her up, "JJ!" he coaxed, "JJ wake up!" But she didn't move.
Panicking, Reid checked her pulse, letting out a sigh of relief when he felt it was still there.
She was alive.
"JJ, please, I need you to wake up!" he said more frantically.
After a few more minutes of his desperate begging, and gentle shakes, she finally began to stir. At first she had just tossed and turned, while mumbling something incoherent. Reid leaned in closely to try and hear what she was saying, but he couldn't make out the words.
"JJ, come on, open your eyes!" he called again with another small shake.
At his touch JJ's eyes flew open, and she darted backwards on the bed until she had herself pressed into the corner against the wall. Her eyes were bright with panic. "Don't hurt me, please, please, I'll be good!"
Reid put his hands up in a placating manner, trying not to frighten her further. "JJ, It's Spence. I'm not going to hurt you. It's okay" he gently reassured, trying to sooth her.
She stared at him blankly for a few moments, before finally blinking as the truth began to dawn on her. "Spence, is it you?" she whispered, wanting the extra reassurance, she needed to make sure it wasn't just her hallucination.
"Yeah Jayje, it's me. I'm here." his words had barely left his mouth before JJ flew into him. She softly cried out in pain when her bad arm collided with him, but with her good arm she hung onto him for dear life.
"You're okay!" she sobbed, "I was so scared he had hurt you. I'm so sorry, Spence, I couldn't make him stop."
Reid blinked back his own tears, "Shh Jayje, I'm fine, it's not your fault." JJ continued to cling to him, and he gingerly rubbed his hand up and down her back. After a few more minutes of listening to her sobs, Reid finally spoke up again, "What did he do to you, JJ?"
"It's nothing, I'm fine." she sniffled, her words muffled in his shoulders.
"But JJ, you're really hurt." Spencer said giving her a broken, dejected look, "He hurt you!"
"This is all my fault, I'm supposed to protect you." She cried pulling away.
"No JJ, it's not! If it's anybody's it's mine. You told me to wait for backup."
"No…" JJ began, but Reid cut her off, "JJ, let's not argue, it's no one's fault."
"I don't feel good, Spence." JJ grabbed onto him again, her tears starting afresh.
"JJ, what did he do to you?" he insisted more firmly.
She sucked in her breath, "He made me…" but she couldn't finish her sentence. A strangled sob came out, and she shook her head. "I just want to go home." she sobbed, "I want mom and dad."
Spencer held her tightly, his own tears soaking into her hair, "Shh, don't cry. I'm going to find us a way out of here. I promise."
The Unsub had been watching the touching scene between the two agents, they hadn't seen him of course. He had let them have their moment together, but now he was going to have his.
"Tut, tut, Dr Reid. You shouldn't make promises you can't keep. There is no way out for you. Well, at least not the way you are now."
Both Reid and JJ jumped at hearing his voice. JJ went back to cowering in the corner, but Reid swung around to face him, throwing himself in front of JJ.
"What do you want from us?" Reid demanded, trying his best not to show how afraid he was.
"It's not what I want from you, Doctor. It's what I am going to give you!"
"Wha… What's that?" Reid stuttered.
"A second chance at life, Spencer." He said casually, as if he were doing Reid a favour. Reid supposed in his mind he probably truly believed that.
Without thinking, Reid blurted out, "How are you going to do that?"
"Don't worry about that Doctor." The Unsub said dismissively.
"Why are you doing this to us?" Reid asked, the tears once again streaming down his face.
The Unsub sighed in exasperation, "Well if you must know, I've been watching you. I know all about your childhood, and how terrible it was. And that's not fair!" He said shaking his head. "So, I'm going to fix it!"
"Why do you have JJ, if it's me you want?"
"Because, Dr Reid, JJ here has had just as much childhood heartache as you have." At Reid's blank stare, the Unsub began to laugh humourlessly, "What? You didn't know?"
"Know what?" Reid asked bewildered.
"Why of course you didn't! Why would you? You are too self-absorbed in your own problems to notice someone else's." The Unsub scoffed.
"That's not true!" Reid whimpered, "JJ's my best friend. I care about her."
The Unsub shook his head, "I don't think that's true, Dr Reid. Why just on the way over here you made her cry." Reid stared at the man incredulously, how did he know that? He had made JJ cry, but he was just mad at her. Okay, so he shouldn't have made her cry, but he was allowed to be mad. But it still didn't mean he wanted to see her hurt, he still cared about her. His eyes began to sting, he loved JJ like a sister.
"And as I've just proven, you know nothing about her childhood." the Unsub continued to jeer.
Reid didn't know what to say as he stared into the Unsub's cold green eyes. Everything the Unsub said had a measure of truth in it; and despite what his intentions were, he couldn't outright deny what the Unsub was saying. As his tears fell more heavily, he realised the Unsub was right. He had been horrible to JJ, and really, he didn't know anything about her life before the BAU.
That was just pathetic, what kind of friend, or brother, was he if he didn't even know the basic details of her life? She knew his, she had wanted to know. Sure, he knew her favourite color, what she liked to eat, and other favourites, but so did every other member of the team. What he knew about her was really just what he could profile about her. This revelation left Spencer feeling sick.
"You see, Dr Reid, my point is, I don't like who you've become." The Unsub let out another sigh, "But it's not your fault."
"Who I've become? But you don't even know anything about me!"
"That's where you're wrong! I've seen you!" the Unsub said becoming agitated. "You are a selfish, inconsiderate young man with a chip on your shoulder. You believe the world has been unfair to you, so now you do as you please. You disregard everyone else's feelings, and you never, never, take responsibility for your actions."
Reid stared at this man, he was taken aback both, by his yelling, and what he had said. Was he really all of those things? Reid sniffled, and wiped at his face, "If I'm what you say I am, then why are you trying to help me?"
"I told you Dr Reid!" the Unsub said, becoming more infuriated. "It wasn't your fault! It was because of your childhood!"
Reid slid closer to JJ, he didn't want to hear what the Unsub had to say anymore, he just wanted to get himself and JJ out of here.
The Unsub watched Reid, and smirked. "You see, Dr Reid, JJ here as the opposite problem to you. She takes on too much responsibility, she never lets anyone take care of her!"
Again, Reid had nothing to say, the Unsub was right. The Unsub was disgusted by him, and Reid was just as revolted with himself. JJ was always strong, and there for everybody. Reid turned to look at her, why had he never thought to take care of her?
The Unsub watched Reid begin to weep, "Don't cry Spencer, you can make it up to her." He cooed, with surprising sympathy, "This time around you are going to get a chance to take care of her."
Reid ignored him, he no longer cared about what he said.
"Now," the Unsub said clapping his hands together to get Reid's attention, "Let us start!"
"Start what?" Reid whispered, fear oozing into his voice.
The Unsub roughly grabbed Reid and forced him into the chair that was placed in the middle of the room, directly in front of a video recorder that Reid had failed to notice before. Switching it on, and taking a seat in his own chair, the Unsub turned to Reid, "Let's record a message for Agent Prentiss and Agent Hotchner back at the station. It's only fair to give them an update on how you are doing."
"What do you want me to say?" Reid asked sceptically, he doubted it was a simple message to let them know he was okay. He wasn't okay, and neither was JJ, not by a long shot.
"I want you to confess, Dr Reid."
"Confess to what?"
"Don't play games with me, Spencer!" the Unsub sneered at him, raising his voice with each word.
"I'm not! I don't know what you want me to say." Reid cried, leaning as far back as the chair would allow.
The Unsub got up from where he was sitting, and walked toward a still cowering JJ. Before Reid could say anything in protest, the Unsub had harshly yanked her up by her hair. JJ yelped in pain, causing Reid to try and get to her. He had barely shifted in his seat when the Unsub called out to him menacingly.
"Sit down, Doctor, and start confessing! Or else JJ over here is going to get hurt."
Reid gulped and blinked away his tears. He didn't know what to say, but he knew he had to say something. He couldn't allow the Unsub to hurt JJ, she was already in so much pain. If the Unsub wanted him to confess to something he would start with her. He would apologize to JJ, after everything the Unsub had said earlier he knew she deserved that much from him.
Speaking through his tears he began, "JJ, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't a better friend to you!"
"Spence… Don't!" JJ cried out interrupting him, causing the Unsub to wrap his hands around her neck, cutting off her air, and silencing her.
"No!" Reid yelled, "Don't hurt her, I'll continue… Just please don't hurt her!" He begged. The Unsub slowly released his grip on JJ.
Seeing the nod of the Unsub's head for him to continue, Reid ploughed on. "JJ, I shouldn't have blamed you for everything! You're my best friend! You're the only person in the world who calls me Spence."
Reid quickly sucked in a breath, to control a sob that threatened to erupt, before he continued, "You mean so much to me JJ, and not once did I ask about your life before the BAU, or even thought about what burdens you may be carrying around!" He stuttered out. "You helped me through everything, and I never even bothered to ask about you!"
Finally gathering all his strength he said "Please believe me JJ, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." before he broke into uncontrollable sobs.
"I do, Spence. I do believe you!" JJ managed to strangle out, before the Unsub once again cut off her air, briefly, before releasing her.
"Very good, Dr Reid!" The Unsub commented, slowly clapping his hands. "I believe you too, and because of that I'm going to give you a whole lifetime to try and make it up to her."
"Just don't hurt her anymore, please." Reid cried.
"That's up to you Doctor, now let's continue."
Reid stared blankly at the Unsub, right then despite his high IQ, his brain was drawing a blank. He couldn't think of anything more to say.
The Unsub began to get impatient, so he decided it was time to give Reid some extra motivation to continue. He pulled JJ off the bed once again, and grabbed her unbroken arm. With a hard yank he snapped her wrist. She screamed, her voice going hoarse, before she started whimpering like an injured puppy.
Reid shut his eyes at JJ's scream. When it was over he simply stared, his mouth agape, he was horrified. "Why did you do that?" He screamed at the Unsub.
"I told you to continue!" The Unsub demanded through clenched teeth. "Begin with Agent Prentiss!" He prompted.
For half a second more Reid simply stared at the Unsub, he was in a state of shock, but his hesitation was only momentary. "Um...I… ah… Emily I'm sorry" Reid quickly mumbled out, while he desperately searched through his mind for something more to say. He was trying to think of everything he could have possibly done to Prentiss, that the Unsub would deem worthy of apologising for. And he was trying to do it fast, before the deranged Unsub could hurt JJ again.
"I'm sorry, Emily. I'm sorry I was so horrible to you when you first joined the team. You were only concerned about me after Hankel, and you were right to be worried. You knew straight away that I wasn't okay, that I wasn't myself." Reid sniffled, "I shouldn't have been so snappy with you. I was really mean to you, and I never meant to be. I see now that you were only trying to help me." Reid finished his sniffles turning into light crying. The Unsub may have forced him to start apologise, but the more he said, the more he realised that he really was sorry.
His apology was genuine, he only wished he realised that he needed to apologise before. He should have been doing this face to face, and he shouldn't be doing it because his life, well JJ's, was being threatened. Reid knew it made his apology seems insincere. He really needed to make sure that Emily knew how truly sorry he was.
"I'm so happy you are back, Emily!" Reid exclaimed, his eyes moist and his vision blurry, but still he lifted his head so that he was looking directly at the camera, he wanted her to see the sincerity in his eyes. "I didn't know what to do with myself when I thought you were dead." His tears were flowing steadily now, "I always knew I could confide in you, I always knew you would take care of me!"
Reid, wasn't sure how much longer he could keep his crying under control. He had done a lot of sobbing today, he was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Added to that his emotions were already unstable from whatever the Unsub had injected him with. But he kept going, he wanted to apologise properly, and that meant apologising for everything.
"I was so horrible, I was selfish, I never even thought about what you had to go through.' Reid cried, choking on a sob. He hadn't fully understood just how horrible he had been. "Emily, you are part of my family, I'm so sorry!"
The Unsub flung JJ back onto the bed, and moved to stand in front of the camera, blocking Reid from view.
"Look, look what you've done, Agent Prentiss!" The Unsub screamed, startling Reid. "Dr Reid shouldn't be apologising for the fact that you, Agent Prentiss, abandoned him!" the Unsub said bitingly. "Imagine how he must have felt to have been abandoned like that, you were just repeating what his father had done to him."
Reid stared at the Unsub, his own mind trying to digest what the Unsub had said. Was that what Emily had done, was that why he was so mad at her? Reid shook his head, but it wasn't her fault. It wasn't even the same thing. This Unsub couldn't compare Emily to his dad, so Reid broke in.
"No, leave her alone! Emily, it's not true!"
The Unsub turned and backhanded Reid, "No, you didn't deserve to be left like that!" he said cuttingly before turning back to the camera. "You should have been looking out for him agent Prentiss! You knew he was having problems after his abduction, and you did nothing about it. You let him spiral out of control, instead of being the mother he needed!"
"I have a mother!" Reid yelled. The Unsub spun around, and Reid was sure he was going to strike him again. Instead the Unsub just menacingly bit out "Shut up, Dr Reid. You know nothing. Your mother was never able to care for you, she wasn't a real mother."
"No, she was, she did the best she could," Reid said softly, he loved his mom. The Unsub was wrong, it wasn't true.
The Unsub once again turned back to the camera, and continued venomously. "Agent Prentiss you failed him too, just like his mother. Except, Agent Prentiss, you made it so much worse. You CHOSE not to help your friend!" He said yelling out the last part. "You never helped him, never showed him how to act responsibly."
"No, it's not true." Reid sobbed, "She didn't fail me, she tried to help me. Emily, I'm sorry, don't believe him. You were always there for me when you could be!"
The Unsub slammed his fist into Reid's sternum, winding him. "Enough, Dr Reid, she failed you!" He turned back to the camera, "But Agent Prentiss, it seems his loyalty to you remains. I hope you can live up to his expectations the next time around."
The Unsub switched off the camera. He turned to Reid, and sent punch after punch to his head and face, leaving Reid dazed. "Next time you interrupt me, I break a bone" the Unsub threatened. "Do you understand me?" he demanded. Reid nodded, and winced, the combination of sobbing and the blows to the head made it difficult for him to focus.
"Now then, it's time for your last apology. Oh and Doctor, make it good, this is your final goodbye to the team."
Reid gulped, how could he even begin to apologise. He realised the Unsub was right, he needed to take responsibility. This deranged man was hurting his family because of him. It wasn't fair to them.
The Unsub switched the camera back on, and nodded for Reid to continue.
Looking straight at the camera, Reid began, "I'm sorry you guys, you shouldn't have to go through this." He said through tears, "I always manage to find trouble, and you guys have always saved me. I'm really grateful for everything you've done for me. I'm just sorry I couldn't have been a better person, and friend." He took in a deep gulp of air. "I'm so sorry. JJ's been really, really, hurt." he sobbed just a little bit harder. "Please don't listen to anything he says," Reid pleaded, "You all have been great to me, you've always been there for me." Reid dropped his head, he was pathetic; he didn't know where the Unsub was holding him, and his head hurt too much for him to even attempt to try and give his team a clue on how to find them. He was useless. "I'm so sorry that I've put you through so much." he whispered.
Reid knew that this was his last message to the team, and he wanted to say a proper goodbye. He wanted them to know how much he cared about them, how much he appreciated them, and, he sniffled, how much he loved them.
"Morgan, you've always had my back. Even though you teased me, and sometimes it drove me insane, I knew it was your way of showing me that you loved me. And don't try deny it, I know you love me." Reid said giving a watery smile, at his attempt to joke. "You were always willing to put your life on the line for me, even those times when I would take stupid risks, and put myself in danger." Reid wiped at his eyes, "I never thanked you! So, thank you, Derek. You were like my brother." He choked out, his sobbing out of control again.
Once he had himself under control, Reid continued. "Rossi, thanks for inspiring me. I've always looked up to you. Thank you for always standing with me. I thought the team wouldn't ever be able to be as good without Gideon, but I was wrong, we were even better with you on it."
"Garcia, you always put a smile on my face. Even if I don't always understand everything you say or do, you always managed to make my day a little bit brighter. I'm sorry, I'm sorry you have to watch this."
Reid's voice was getting hoarse, and he was past the point of trying to control his tears. But he had one more goodbye to make, and this was an important one. Hotch…
"Hotch, I'm so sorry for everything. You always took care of me, in more ways than the job required of you. I took you for granted, yet you still guided me, and you taught me so much." Reid paused to get his breath back, and to wipe his eyes again. He wanted Hotch to see the truthfulness in his eyes. "No matter what I did, you never left me. Than..th.. thank you for never leaving me, Hotch." he blubbered, dissolving into tears again. "Hotch without fail, you were there for me. You always understood me, and whatever I did, I knew you would always understand me."
Reid paused, giving himself a chance to breath. He didn't know if he could go on, but he had to. "Hotch, you don't deserve anything that's happened to you!" Reid said as firmly as he could manage. "I'm sorry you have to go through more. I hope you get to be happy one day, Hotch." he sobbed out, and this time he couldn't stop.
The Unsub had watched patiently during Reid's apology, but now it was time for him to step in.
"Look, look what you've done Agent Hotchner. You never taught Dr Reid how to handle his emotions, because you were too afraid to face yours. You failed to protect Spencer and JJ, just like you failed to protect you son."
Grabbing JJ, who was still whimpering quietly, the Unsub positioned himself so that all three of them were in front of the camera. "Alright Dr Reid, say goodbye to Agent Jareau. She hasn't got long left."
Reid vehemently shook his head, "No please, I did what you said, please don't hurt her anymore."
"Chance is over." The Unsub said spitefully, ignoring Reid's pleas. The Unsub reached for another syringe, and plunged it into JJ's neck. He roughly threw her onto the bed, so she was once again out of view of the camera
For a long time she had laid on the bed, and nothing had happened. Reid sent up desperate prayers that she would be okay.
But she wasn't.
After ten more minutes of nothing, she suddenly began to shudder uncontrollably, Reid closed his eyes, he couldn't watch her die.
When he opened his eyes, he saw a little girl who looked exactly like JJ, laying in the exact same place she had been seconds before. She looked no older than three. Reid was horrified, the Unsub had turned JJ into a little girl. How, he had no idea, but it happened right in front of him. He felt the bile rising up in his throat, this couldn't be happening. Reid tore his eyes away from the sleeping child, JJ, to glance at the Unsub.
The Unsub looked delighted, and he picked up the camera turning it show off the little girl. Reid heard him mutter into the camera "It worked! Look at your JJ now, Agent Hotchner."
Then Reid snapped, and yelled at the top of his lungs. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?"
A/N; So, Reid has said his goodbyes, and we have a little JJ. There will be a few more angsty chapters before things start looking up, but we are moving forward.
Please, please review and let me know what you think.