I've been planning to do this one for a little while (to go with the Iceland one). Originally, Francis was going to write the article because he'd been snooping in Alfred's house. But, I decided that Matthew should write it, to try and get himself noticed and be mean about his brother at the same time. I know it's on the Gulf of Mexico but America's involved and I wanted it to happen to America instead of creating an OC nation. I've given Cuba the human name of Carlos for this. WARNING: This article may be invisible, making it impossible for it to be read!

America, Not So Heroic

The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is currently continuing and has reached Louisiana in America. It is also reaching areas such as Cuba and Florida. Florida, as many people know, is Alfred F. Jones' (America's) vital regions and it was recently discovered that the oil spill has affected him directly. Alfred has been waking up on mornings to a black, slimy wet bed. When asked about the bed he denied it, stating "A hero doesn't wet the bed! Obviously some villain put it the as a trick of some sort!"
It is unknown if before the oil spill, that Alfred was still wetting his bed. Arthur Kirkland, who raised Alfred before he became independent, declared that he raised him correctly, he taught him manners and did toilet train him. But, since Alfred appears to have forgotten him manners, there is no way of telling if he has started to wet his bed again.

By Matthew

"Who's Matthew? Seriously, who is he Arthur? Do you think he's the villain who's been putting oil in my bed?" Alfred said after he read the article.
"I think Matthew is your brother or something. Only someone who can come into your house would know such things. Thinking about it, I'm not sure if I remember talking to anyone about this."
"Strange..." Alfred said as he sipped his drink.

Meanwhile somewhere else:

"AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDD! HOW DARE YOU ALLOW OIL TO SPILL INTO MY SEA!"
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! IT'S MATTHEW!" Matthew squealed when he saw an enraged Carlos charging at me. "IT'S MATTHEW! IT'S MATTHEW! IT'S MATTHEW!"

Carlos stopped in his tracks, realising it was Matthew, not Alfred after all.

"Sorry about that. So I guess I should thank you for warning me about the oil heading into my sea."
"You're welcome." Matthew smiled.
"So, how about I get us some ice-cream, as an apology for screaming my head at you thinking you were your brother?"
"Sure!"