The ship was headed for Palaven, and Shepard finally had the chance to introduce herself to her new crew. She wanted to make sure they were alright with their sudden conscription onto the Normandy. Everyone had found themselves tasks to fulfil so Shepard just made sure she knew them by name, and as always she made an effort to get a little background. She was particularly happy to see Engineer Adams again.

Eventually, she arrived in the Cargo Bay. She had a chat with Cortez who would be taking over as shuttle pilot, which could only be a good thing after James' flying. She got the idea that Cortez liked to keep busy, and he had a camaraderie with James that suggested a previous association. He seemed exceedingly sad behind the friendly exterior though, and so she made a mental note to keep an eye on him.

James had ear-wigged their conversation, adding his own 'two cents' every now and then, just to keep things light. Shepard had pointedly ignored him, and focused on Cortez. He worried about his friend. Cortez had been devastated when he'd lost his husband to Collectors on Ferris Fields, and James could only imagine the hell Cortez had been through, hearing it happen, and being helpless to prevent it. James knew Cortez was different now. He was still stuck in that sad place, and James had no idea how to help him.

Then there was Shepard. He worried about her too. Except she didn't need him, she needed Major Alenko, because whether she realised it or not, she wasn't over him.

It shouldn't be having this effect on him though. It's not as if she was ever his. Though it had begun to feel like she was, over the course of those six months in Vancouver.

Now, she was Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, way out of his league and beyond his reach. Ah, now he felt wound up.

James turned back to his work area, but then decided he needed to work out the tension that had built between his shoulders, and jumped up to grab the metal bar that stretched above him. He'd checked it out earlier and was satisfied it would hold his weight easily. Then he hoisted his body, almost touching the back of his neck on the bar before slowly lowering, then started again.

Shepard watched James lifting himself up on the bar as she approached. His muscles rippled as he moved with apparent ease. Only the small grunts denoted the effort it took.

She thought back to Mars and knew she had to talk to him about his suicidal shuttle run.

"Hey, Shepard. How'd it go with Udina?"

He could feel her eyes on him, and wondered what she saw when she looked at him.

"Same as usual. Plenty to say but no real help. At least he's on my side, this time." That was a somewhat snarky comment, but she couldn't help herself. She disliked the man immensely. "And the turian councillor paid a visit."

"Bet he wanted you to help them out, no?"

"Yep. We're going to rescue a turian primarch from Palaven."

"Sounds like fun. Never been to the turian home world. You come down here for something, or you just lookin'?" James tried to make it sound like his usual jests, but his heart wasn't in it.

"I did just come to chat, but I might stay for the show." Shepard made herself comfortable against a container, as she played along.

James smiled to himself.

"Have to work harder than that if you want to me to blush."

Then he remembered that she was officially his superior officer now, and she'd certainly stepped up to that role when they'd left Earth and he'd voiced his displeasure. She had come to talk to him in a professional capacity then.

"Not sure what there is to talk about. You already know my service record."

"I don't actually. I didn't have access to personnel records when we met."

All business. So this was a fishing exercise, he decided. Damn, this body-lifting wasn't working to relieve that tight feeling.

"Right… forgot about that. Well…" He let go of the bar and landed, stretching out his neck muscles. If he was going to be questioned, he was going to try to have some fun. "Think you can dance and talk at the same time?"

Cheeky, she thought, and she gave a small laugh.

"Oh, I can dance," and they headed to the centre of the cargo bay.

They'd never sparred before, he was always 'on watch', so this would be interesting.

"Okay, Lola. Let's do this."

Shepard laughed again as they readied themselves into defensive positions, face to face.

"Don't let my good looks fool you, Vega. I've got my share of scars," she smirked at him. Punch. Punch. He blocked.

"Ha! You remind me of my old CO." James was amused. Punch. Punch. She blocked.

"Oh yeah?" Punch, blocked. "And who was that?"

"Captain Toni. He was a hard-assed son of a bitch, but a good leader."

She saw an opportunity to get past his guard but chose not to. He threw more hits at her and she had to concentrate to block them as she spoke.

"What do you mean 'was'?" They circled.

"Died - with most of my squad - protecting a civilian colony from a collector attack."

He threw more punches, anger and guilt suddenly resurfaced as he relived it. All blocked.

Shepard could see this was a sore subject, but given his suicidal attitude on Mars, she knew it was something he needed to exorcise, so she pushed.

"And the colony?"

"It was either them…" Punch. "….or the intel we had on the collectors -" Punch. "- intel we could have used to destroy them."

His anger was building, his hits coming harder.

"I chose the intel!"

A hard swinging punch came flying at her and she jumped back to avoid it. As much as she wanted him to work out his issues, she had no intention of being on the receiving end of a hit. She felt his guilt over a hard decision.

"Sorry. That's a tough call."

They were both breathing heavily now.

"The best part was, we didn't really need the intel in the end…because you were out saving the galaxy, by taking down the entire collector home world." He was glaring at her now, a flurry of punches she had to work to block.

That was the reason for the anger, though she knew he didn't really blame her. It was just a fact that her actions had rendered his own, hard-to-deal-with sacrifice, completely pointless, compounding his guilt even further.

"You didn't know. You can't blame yourself, Vega."

He scoffed.

"Who said I'm blaming myself?" Again he was distracted and again she held back from using it to her advantage, instead giving some slower punches that he blocked.

"I

do," she stated.

"You a shrink too?" he asked sarcastically.

She gave him more punches to block.

"No. But that stunt back on Mars was reckless. You're lucky to be alive."

"So?" he demanded, bluntly.

"So… maybe you don't care if you live.…or die!"

"Or maybe…I'm just willing to do whatever the fuck it takes to end this goddamn war!" He yelled as he went for her and this time she exploited his angry move, grabbing his arm, turning her body so her back was pressed against his chest and bending forward so she could fling him over her shoulder. He gave a surprise grunt as he landed on his side. She had to catch her breath from the exertion of hoisting his weight.

"Maybe you are. But if you're half as good as I think you are… we need you alive."

Shepard made him meet her eyes as she spoke, and he was shocked to see genuine distress behind the stern face. His anger fizzled out. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions he couldn't organise in that moment. He rose to his feet and walked away. He knew he needed to think and he turned back to her.

"Thanks for the pep talk," he was being deliberately belligerent. Shepard chose to ignore it, and James suddenly felt like a complete jerk.

"Any time," she said melodically.

James smiled inwardly. She wasn't holding it against him, and he wanted to apologise.

"Hey. Thanks for the dance, Lola." Translation - sorry.

It was the second time he'd called her Lola and she laughed, putting her hand on her hip.

"Lola, huh?" She quirked one brow. Apology accepted.

"You kind of look like a Lola," he grinned back at her.

"You're cute… so I'll let you get away with it. For now."

James hadn't expected that response.

"That's it… now you've made me blush."

He walked away to hide the huge smile on his face.

In the elevator, Shepard rested the back of her head against the wall as it rose, thinking about what James had said.

She understood the guilt of someone dying as a direct result of your own decision, but what she didn't get was the self-destructive path he'd taken.

She felt the guilt, for Ashley, and most recently, for the thousands of innocents on Aratoht, but it had driven her to do better.

Then she realised that on Virmire her decision had a clear result. The bomb had gone off, the Virmire lab was destroyed, the task had been completed.

Aratoht still lingered like a hard to swallow pill but she knew she'd succeeded in slowing the Reapers.

For James, he'd made a decision for the greater good by saving the intel, but then she'd taken out the base, and the threat was no longer there. The intel was useless, and James had nothing to show for his sacrifice, and it was that that made it difficult for him to look in the mirror.

Shepard imagined how she'd feel to know she'd sacrificed Ashley, only for the bomb to have failed, for Virmire to remain untouched - for nothing to have changed. How it would feel to have pressed the button, dooming those batarian colonists, only to find out later that the Reapers were never about to come through.

She wished she could make it better for James, but she'd said what he had no doubt heard a hundred times from those around him. Now it was up to him to believe it.

James knew Cortez had seen the whole sparring match, would have heard everything, and would be concerned about him, but he didn't want to talk about it any more, so he kept himself busy cleaning weapons, radiating 'Don't bother me', and thankfully Cortez stayed away.

He had no business insinuating it was Shepard's fault he felt like a failure as a soldier for making the wrong choice.

She did what she had to do and he respected that, and he certainly shouldn't have gotten angry with her. Damnnit! If she hadn't been able to dodge his attacks, he would have hit her - hard. What the hell was going on in his head?! Was he that messed up by it that he couldn't be logical?

He had to move past it. Shepard needed him to help her save Earth, so he would bury Fehl deep again, and focus on being the best soldier he could be. And he was sure as hell going to be there to see the Reapers end.