World's Greatest Criminal Mind
Sorry if this is weird, but I'm feeling like crap right now, and PLEASE before you read this, listen to the song, The World's Greatest Criminal Mind from the Great Mouse Detective. Even if you've already seen it, PLEASE watch it again, for my sake.
...
Ratigan, now making his way to his regal throne, was now wallowing in the sorrow he had been causing poor Mr. Flaversham.
He sat on his throne, while everyone waited in anticipation for his next command or action. Oddly enough, all he did was pull out his gilded cigarette holder, which already had a cigarette attached to the end of it, and waited for someone to light it. Six different men had a match lit in an instant, and Ratigan took a quick smoke as each little flame was brought together to give Ratigan a light for the cigarette. He turned his head to let the side to let the smoke leave his lips, then turned to his men with a sinister smirk.
"My friends," Ratigan began, standing up, "WE ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON THE MOST odious the most evil...the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in INFAMY!"
All of his men clapped as he pulled a newspaper from inside his suit.
"Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her Diamond Jubilee. And...with the enthusiastic help of our...good friend, Mr. Flaversham..." He smirked again, "this promises to be a night she'll never forget!"
With that, he burned the picture of Queen Mousetoria on the newspaper with his lit cigarette, chuckling, and terrifying everyone in the process.
"Her LAST night. And MY first...as supreme ruler...of all MOUSEDOM!" He stood and shouted.
Everyone cheered on the Professor, and they made way as the rat came strutting down the aisle...one of his man handed him a cane, and he spun as he began to sing...
...
From the brain that brought you the Big Ben caper
The head that made headlines in every newspaper
And wondrous things like...the tower bridge job
That cunning display that made Londoners sob
Now comes the real tour` de force
Tricky and wicked of course!
My earlier crimes were fine for their times
But now that I'm at it again
An even grimmer
Plot has been simmering
In my great Criminal brain!
...
Soon, everyone sang as he began to just spin enthusiastically.
...
Even meaner!
You mean it!
Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned
You're the best of the worst around
Oh, Ratigan!
Oh, Ratigan!
The rest fall behind!
To Ratigan!
To Ratigan!
The world's greatest criminal mind!
...
Everyone stopped singing as Ratigan sat himself down at the harp amongst the mirrors that surrounded him, he played, and he spoke the next few lines...
"Thank you, thank you. But, it hasn't all been champagne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity...thanks to that miserable, second-rate detective, Basil of Baker Street!" he spoke Basil's name as if it were poison. Ironically, to him, it was.
A of his men booed at the detective's name as Ratigan continued.
"For YEARS that insufferable pipsqueak...has interfered with my plans,"he dramatically sobbed, "I haven't had a moment's peace of mind!"
Then, all of his men sadly sympathized the rat.
"But, all that's in the past. This time...nothing...not even BASIL can stand in my way! ALL will bow before me!" He finished, and all his men bowed down to Ratigan.
Then, the men sang again.
...
Oh, Ratigan!
Oh, Ratigan!
You're tops, and that's that
To Ratigan!
To Ratigan!
(Then one of his more drunken men bluffs out...)
To Ratigan!
The world's greatest rat! *hiccup*
...
At this, Ratigan gags in shock and spits out the champagne in his mouth. Everyone stared in shock. For everyone knew what happened if someone were to call Ratigan...a rat.
"What was THAT?! What did you call ME!?" He snapped at Bartholomew.
"Oh, he didn't mean it Professor-" his men began to plead.
"It was just a slip of the tongue!"
"I AM NOT RAT!" Ratigan shouted as he grabbed Bartholomew by the shirt collar.
"No, of course you're not. You're a mouse-" his men pleaded again.
"Yeah, yeah, that's right, a mouse, yeah,"
"A-a BIG mouse-"
"SILENCE!" Ratigan shouted, throwing Bartholomew out of the entryway.
Bartholomew landed with a thud as he skid along the ground, still smiling in a drunken daze.
"Oh my dear Bartholomew," Ratigan began as he walked over to him, "I am afraid that you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me..." he ended with a sinister grin as he pulled the small golden bell he used to threaten Flaversham with out of his suit pocket...and he rang the bell...
All the men that had dared to step outside gasped as they heard the tiny bell tingle, and soon, ginormous footsteps could be heard not too far away. The ground shook beneath their feet, and they could see the grim shadow of a very large, plump cat. Everyone soon saw the cat come in through the alley, and was slowly, and menacingly proceeding toward Bartholomew. Then, Bartholomew began to sing in an off-key, drunken voice.
Ratigan!
Oh, Ratigan!
Your the tops, and that's that
*hiccup* "Oh dear..." he mumbled as he sang.
To Ratigan!
To Ratigan!
To Ratigan!
The world's great-eaest- he slurred until...
GULP! *Meow!*
Nothing was left of Bartholemew. Nothing. He was swallowed whole by the cat. All of the men slowly removed their caps, and some let tears leave their eyes.
"Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby," Ratigan cooed as he hugged and kissed Felicia the cat's face, "did Daddy's little honey bunny enjoy her tasty treat?" He smiled.
Felicia burped as an answer. Ratigan's smile fades into his usual neutral expression as he walks away, back to the entrance to the throne room.
"I trust there will be no further interruptions..." he continued in a threatening tone.
The men in the doorway slowly made way in fear of what action the Professor would take next.
He cleared his throat and they shuddered.
"And now, as you were singing..." he lead them on.
The men only stared at him in worry. When they did nothing, the Professor quickly took the bell out of his inner jacket pocket as a threat.
All men gasped, THEN they got the idea. They began to sing again, only louder:
Even louder!
We'll SHOUT it!
No one can doubt what we know you can do!
At this point, the men had thrown a Kingly purple robe over his cape, as well as an extravagant crown (which he stole from who knows where) and was adorning him with all sorts of praise.
You're
More evil than even you
Oh, Ratigan!
Oh, Ratigan!
You're one of a kind!
To Ratigan!
TTo Ratigan!
The world's...
Greatest...
Criminal...
MIND!
At their triumphant finale, all men, including Ratigan, smashed their glasses of champagne in one huge cheers!
...
Why the hell did that take so long for me to write? I don't know. But here it is. I'll be sure to post the next chapter post haste next time. Let's face it, it's more fun writing things on a basis where you're improvising instead of just copying right from a scene of a book or movie.
Jeez!