Alright, so the next few chapters are probably going to include the trial, and that's gonna take me a bit longer to write, so instead of updates every 2-3 days, it'll probably be more like every 3-6 days, but anyway, I felt like we needed another Ziva chapter, because this story is about healing on both sides. I hope you enjoy!
Seven
Ziva was still wrapped around Tony when her eyes opened again at nine the next morning. She smiled to herself, staying still so she didn't wake Tony. She let her eyes close as she listened to his steady heartbeat. Ziva loved that as much as she made Tony feel safe, he did the same thing for her. He had since the day they met, and that never changed.
She felt his grip around her waist tighten and she tilted her head to look up at him. He smiled down at her.
"Morning." He said as he started rubbing light circles over her back.
Ziva smiled and pressed herself tighter against him. "Good morning."
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "You okay?" He asked.
Ziva shrugged. "I suppose."
"What happened to the no leaving rule?" Tony asked softly.
Ziva sighed. "I was covered in sweat, I just needed to rinse." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Wake me up next time Zi…" He requested softly.
Ziva nodded. "I do not want to… bother you, with it…" She trailed off. "It's been a long time since it happened, and you are going through so much… it does not seem as important. I know how to deal with it."
Tony sat up in the bed and pulled Ziva into his lap. "Please don't say things like that."
Ziva looked up at him. "It is true though."
Tony shook his head. "Don't try and make what one of us went through worse than the other. It doesn't work."
Ziva wrapped her arms around Tony's neck, and buried her face in his shoulder when she felt tears burning in her eyes. Tony held her against him tightly, rocking her back and forth gently.
"I know you know all of this Zi…" He said softly. "What's going on in your head?"
Ziva sniffled. "It is just a bad day." She told him, her voice shaking.
Tony nodded. "It's okay to have bad days."
"Not today." Ziva said. "You need me today."
Tony took a deep breath, immediately realizing what was happening. He kissed her temple. "I have you today sweetheart." He said softly. "You're right here with me."
Ziva stayed silent, letting tears fall onto Tony's shoulder.
"I wish you would figure out that you don't always have to be so strong." He whispered in her ear. "I don't mind when you're not, it's perfectly okay. You've been with me for just about every single bad day I've had for the last five years Ziva. Let yourself rest, I'm right here to hold you, and I always will be."
Ziva felt a fresh flood of tears in her eyes as she listened to him speak. Her grip around his neck tightened as she cried, her body shaking, forcing out loud sobs that Tony wished he could take away from her.
He held her against him tightly, he was almost scared to let her go. He was scared that if he let her go she would build walls around herself that were too high for anyone to climb. Tony wanted nothing more than… this, if he was being totally honest. It meant more to him than anything else that Ziva would let him see her break down. He knew that they loved each other, that was obvious, but the level of closeness they shared – that was better than anything he had ever experienced before.
Ziva held onto Tony like her life depended on it. She didn't know what else to do. She was terrified, and she was angry, and she had an overwhelming feeling of disappointment in herself. This was something she was used to, when she had days like today, but it never got any easier. She didn't understand how she could be doing so well, and then suddenly everything came crashing down around her and left her so confused.
Tony reached down to grab the comforter and wrapped it around them both as he rocked Ziva. "There's nothing wrong with this." He told her softly. "You know what, we don't have to meet Jordan until one, and I could always call him and tell him something came up. We could push it back to later today." He suggested.
Ziva nodded against him silently, trying to regain control of her breathing.
"I'll call him in a little while." Tony said. "And we can just spend the day like this. I'll even make you something to eat… well, I'll order you something." He told her. "We can do anything you need to Zi, we can sit here, and I can hold you, or we can go do sit-ups in the living room, or we can go sit in a bubble bath for five hours."
Ziva smiled softly. "That sounds nice." She told him, her voice raspy from crying.
Tony nodded. "Which part?" He asked.
"All of it." Ziva said softly, bringing her hand up to wipe tears off of her cheeks.
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "Alright, then that's what we'll do." He told her.
Ziva nodded.
Tony reached to grab his cell phone off of the nightstand and he pulled up ADA Jordan's number. He hit call and held the phone to his ear.
Jordan answered on the fourth ring. "Agent DiNozzo?" He asked.
"Yeah, hi, um, I have a question for you." Tony said awkwardly. He hated talking on the phone.
"I probably have an answer for you." Jordan said.
Tony laughed lightly. "I was hoping we could push our meeting back to later today, some uh, family stuff popped up and I need to be here." He told him.
He could hear Jordan flipping through his day planner. "I can meet you around six o'clock." He told Tony.
Tony nodded. "That would be great, thank you." He said.
Jordan nodded. "It's no problem agent DiNozzo, I totally understand. I'll see you at six."
"Thank you." Tony said before taking the phone away from his ear and hitting the end call button. "Six o'clock." He told Ziva, who still had her head on his shoulder, watching him.
She nodded. "Alright."
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "Bath?" He asked.
Ziva smiled, nodding. "Sure."
Tony did his best to move toward the edge of the bed with Ziva still on his lap. He made sure his feet were on the floor firmly and he wouldn't trip over last night's towel as he stood up, with Ziva in his arms.
Ziva nuzzled into his shoulder. "You do not have to carry me Tony. Your doctor said no physical activity." She told him.
He smiled. "I know I don't. I want to. It doesn't hurt Zi, I promise. And besides, I'm going ten feet." He told her as he set her down on the bathroom counter.
He turned to face her, standing between her legs with his arms wrapped around her waist. He grabbed a hair elastic off of the counter and brought his hands up to brush Ziva's hair back and tie it up in a ponytail.
Ziva smiled as she watched his face, focused on what he was doing with her hair. His hands came down to rest back on her waist and she pulled him toward her, pressing her lips to his gently.
"Thank you for this.." Ziva said quietly as they pulled away from the kiss.
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "You don't have to thank me." He told her. "I'll be right back."
Tony stepped away from her and walked back into the hallway to grab towels from the linen closet. He set the towels down beside Ziva and turned on the water. He let the water run over his hand while it warmed up.
"Is this too hot?" He asked.
Ziva slid herself off of the counter and walked toward the tub. She leaned over to feel the water.
"This is good." She told him.
Tony plugged the tub and stood up and walked over to the counter where Ziva was leaning against it, watching him. He wrapped his arms around her, and her arms found their way around his neck, pulling him close to her.
"I am sorry for being so clingy." Ziva said suddenly.
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "Don't ever be sorry for this. I'll always be here to help you."
Ziva nodded silently against him.
They stood still, embracing each other until Tony noticed the tub was almost full.
"Come on." He said softly.
Tony stepped away from Ziva to turn the water off and he stepped into the tub. He sat down and held his hand out to her.
Ziva took his hand and stepped into the warm water. She sat down in front of Tony, leaning back against him with a soft, contented sigh. Tony wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. She turned onto her side and rested her head against his chest.
"What're you thinking about?" Tony asked, running his hand over her side gently.
Ziva shrugged. "Every time this happens, I feel like I have taken three steps backward, and everything resets itself." She said.
"What do you mean resets itself?" Tony asked.
"I just… I do not feel like I am going to be okay again." Ziva told him.
Tony nodded. "Can I ask you a question?"
Ziva nodded. "Of course."
"Does the one bad day you have outweigh all of the good ones you have?" Tony asked.
Ziva sat silently for a moment, thinking. "It feels like it does. I mean, it feels like all of the good days were lies, and this is what I am stuck with, and I am disappointed in myself, because I do not know how to stop thinking this way." Ziva told him.
Tony nodded but stayed quiet, giving her the chance to say something else.
"I am just scared right now. Logically, I know it will pass, but until it does, I do not feel like myself, and all I want to do is curl up and cry." Ziva finished.
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "You can do whatever you need to Zi. I'll be right here."
Ziva nodded against his chest. "I know you will." She said softly as tears fell onto Tony's chest.
XXXXX
"We should probably get out." Ziva said as Tony drained the cool water out of the bath tub for the third time.
Tony kissed her forehead. "We don't have to if you don't want to." He told her.
Ziva smiled and brought her hand up for Tony to see. "I look like a raisin." She told him.
Tony held her hand. "Yeah, you do." He said, laughing lightly. "You want something to eat?" He asked.
Ziva nodded. "Yes please." She said as she started to push herself off the floor of the tub. She stepped out onto the cushy bath mat and grabbed her towel and handed Tony his as he stood up.
They dried themselves off fairly quickly and tossed the towels into the laundry hamper. Ziva let her hair down from the pony tail Tony put it in and began to brush it out. Tony stepped behind her and took the hair brush out of her hands.
"Here." He said as he ran the brush through her hair gently.
He pressed a kiss to her shoulder when he was finished and put the brush down on the counter as he wrapped his arms around Ziva.
"Bedroom or living room?" He asked.
"Living room." She told him.
Tony kissed her neck softly and stepped back, taking her hand to lead her to the couch. Ziva followed him closely.
She sat down in front of him when they reached the couch. Tony wrapped his arms around her. She turned onto her side and nuzzled into him, shivering.
"You cold?" Tony asked.
Ziva nodded. "A bit."
Tony grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over them, making sure it wasn't too tight around either of them.
"Can I tell you something stupid?" Ziva asked quietly.
Tony nodded. "Yeah."
Ziva laid silently for a moment. "I miss sex." She mumbled. "I miss it, but I'm too scared to…" She trailed off quietly.
"That isn't stupid Zi. It makes sense." Tony said.
"I am glad it makes sense to you, because it does not to me." Ziva said.
Tony nodded. "Okay, well think about it for a minute. When we first met, you were one of the most sexual people I'd ever met."
Ziva laughed lightly. "What do you mean?" She asked.
Tony shrugged. "It just kind of… oozed out of you. The way you carry yourself, you could just tell that you knew you were attractive, and you knew you were great in bed." He said.
Ziva smiled. "I'm sure you enjoyed that thought."
Tony chuckled. "I absolutely did." He told her. "And when we were undercover… naked in bed… you knew what you were doing to me. And ever since then, it's never been a secret that you enjoy sex. You enjoy it because it feels good, and you miss it because you enjoy it." Tony said.
Ziva nodded. "I just feel… I suppose confused is the right word, because one minute I can feel perfectly fine, and want it, but sometimes when I think about it for a little while, all I see is Saleem, and I am terrified all over again." She told him.
Tony nodded. "It's scary." He said simply.
Ziva nodded against him.
Tony kissed her forehead softly. "When you're ready, you'll know. And even if it takes me a little bit longer to get there, I will be ready eventually… and I'll be here to help you deal with it."
XXXXX
"You can stay here if you want to." Tony said as Ziva put the car in park. "I'll be okay, I don't want to stress your brain any more than it is today." He told her.
Ziva reached out to hold his hand. "I will be fine Tony." She told him.
Tony nodded. "Alright, let's go then."
They stepped out of the car and started toward the building. Ziva reached for Tony's hand and he took it, pulling her close to him as they walked. He knew she still wasn't really okay, even if she told him that she felt better before they left her apartment.
Tony held the door open for her and she led him down the hall toward the elevators. She hit the call button and the doors slid open immediately. The couple stepped into the elevator and waited a few moments for the doors to open again on the third floor.
Tony led Ziva over to the loveseat in the waiting area and sat down beside her, holding her hand tightly, mostly for her support, but a bit for his own.
They sat for a few minutes before the office door opened and ADA Jordan stepped into the waiting room.
"Agents, please come in." Jordan called to them.
Tony and Ziva stood and made their way across the room. Jordan closed the door behind them and they sat around the glass table in the middle of the room.
"Alright agent DiNozzo, there are just a few things I want to go over, and make sure you know." Jordan said.
"I have testified before." Tony told him.
Jordan nodded. "Not about your own assault." He objected.
Tony sighed. "Yeah, I guess." He said.
Jordan nodded. "So, I'll be the first to question you, and all I want you to do is tell your story, okay?" He asked.
Tony nodded. "Okay."
"Of course, the defense will have the chance to cross-examine you, but I'll be right there making objections if he gets too far out of line." Jordan told them.
Tony nodded. "Okay."
"Now, when you're on the stand, I want you to look either at the person questioning you, or at the jury at all times, alright?" Jordan asked.
Tony nodded. "I can do that."
"Alright, we just want to make sure that nobody thinks you're looking into the gallery or at the defendant to take cues from them and say what they want you to." Jordan said.
Tony's grip tightened a bit around Ziva's hand, and he felt her grip tighten in response.
"Is it alright if I ask you a few questions now, agent DiNozzo?" Jordan asked.
Tony nodded. "Yeah, sure."
Jordan nodded and grabbed his legal pad, which had all of his questions.
"Alright agent DiNozzo, what happened on the night you were assaulted?" Jordan asked.
Tony took a deep breath. "I had the night off work, so I decided to go out and have some fun." Tony said. "I got into a fight at a bar, and everyone involved was kicked out, so I decided to go home."
"Had you been drinking?" Jordan asked.
Tony shook his head. "No, I just wanted to dance."
Jordan nodded. "What happened after you decided to go home?" He asked.
"I was unlocking my car, and I was grabbed from behind by two men."
XXXXX
"Alright Tony, thank you for coming to see me today, you'll be great." Jordan told Tony as he and Ziva were getting ready to leave the office.
Tony nodded. "I hope so." He said.
"I'll see you Monday morning at the courthouse at ten o'clock. You're first on the list." Jordan said.
Tony took a deep breath. "Alright… thank you." He said awkwardly as he and Ziva walked toward the elevator.
Tony hit the call button and leaned against the wall, waiting. Ziva stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him.
"I love you." She told him.
Tony pulled her close to him. "I love you too Zi." He told her as the elevator dinged, signaling its arrival.
They stepped into the elevator, standing as close to each other as they could get. The doors slid open on the main floor and they walked toward the exit.
"Your place or mine?" Ziva asked, looking up at Tony.
"Yours." He said simply.
Ziva nodded. "Alright."
XXXXX
Ziva turned off the lamp on her bedside table, bathing the room in darkness. She laid down and snuggled into Tony.
"I am so proud of you." Ziva told him softly.
Tony looked down at her. "For what? I didn't do anything."
Ziva nodded. "Yes, you did. You told someone what happened to you, and you got yourself help, and now you are making sure that they will not ever be able to hurt anyone else again."
Tony shrugged. "I wouldn't have done it without you. I couldn't have." He told her honesty.
Ziva tilted her head to kiss his neck softly. "Yes, you could have, but I am glad I was here to help you."
Tony nodded, pulling her close to him. "I am too."