Hi everyone! As promised, I'm updating today because I have a lot of time this week. I hope all of you enjoyed last chapter from Monday and are ready this soon to move on. I really hope all of you are watching the video links, and if you are, than enjoying them. I think they're awesome and help us remember Mary and Tom's past as I'm writing their future from my point. I hope you like this chapter and don't forget to review because they inspire me!

/hgm_fYlLzRk

/1-DN1UngaZE

You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye

Tom sat across from Mary and Rose as they were on their way to the luncheon.

"So I just have to say hello to Cousin Robert and I can meet my friend?" asked Rose.

"I want to know who this friend is so I know if you'll be causing trouble," Mary replied.

"Her name is Lydia and I promised I'd meet with her to go shopping."

"Lydia who?"

"Lydia DeWitt, but you wouldn't know her," said Rose firmly.

"I don't recall the DeWitts having a granddaughter."

"Well they do!" Rose hastily replied before adding, "She's related to them one way or another."

"I'll consider it but you're coming with us to the luncheon first." Rose's eyes went wide and she turned her focus to Tom and pleaded,

"Tell her it's not fair Tom!" Mary turned towards him with a raised eyebrow. He gulped and shifted slightly. Not much scared him, but two demanding aristocratic women did.

"I—I think you should listen to Mary," he said to Rose. The younger girl let out a groan and slumped against the car.

As they finally arrived at the luncheon Mary turned and whispered, "Thank you for supporting me back there."

"I don't know if that's what I would call it. Honestly back there I felt like we were her parents!" He soon wondered if he said the wrong thing as she stopped walking. "I was just uh—"

"Let us be assured Sybbie won't act in that manner, or she would be more than we could handle!" said Mary with a laugh. Tom smiled at her and they continued walking. It was a few seconds after that he realized she also said we.

"Oh Tom I didn't realize Mary would be accompanying you," said Lord Grantham as he approached.

"Hello papa," said Mary.

"Rose is also here," said Tom. Rose moved forward and politely acknowledged Robert. As soon as he walked away she said,

"Now that I've said hello can I leave?"

"No you can stay awhile," Mary replied.

It was an hour later and he was making polite talk with people who had titles. Half of them thought he was related to some Bransons who had been very rich in Ireland long ago but had dwindled slightly to the majority being girls, then some thought he was some rich man and didn't care to hear his life's history. Mary was busy talking to people about strictly business and refused to make small talk. She saw tom sitting across from Lady Elizabeth, a dowager countess. She walked towards them and smiled at the woman.

"Hello Lady Mary," said the woman smiling up at her, "I was so saddened to hear the news of your husband's passing. I wish I would have had a chance to speak to him more." Mary's face lost all the charm it held seconds ago and she politely thanked the woman for her kindness.

"I'll be taking the same train back with you," said Lord Grantham towards the end of the luncheon.

"Very good," replied Tom, smiling at his father-in-law. He headed towards the car and found Mary waiting inside.

"Happy to be going home?" she asked with a laugh. He laughed and then stopped. She said home. Was Downton Abbey home now?

"I'll admit that it's rather odd sitting at tables with these people who think I as rich as them and have connections in some places I've only dreamed of."

"Well they all think highly of you according to the people I've spoken to. Anyways, I'm happy to be leaving if that counts for something. I'm not sure how papa felt about my presence here today."

"He'll have to accept you are becoming a bigger part of Downton's business and future. He will, Mary."

"I just feel like I mean nothing in all this," she said in a rush. Then she let a small gasp at what she said. Tom paid no notice and answered,

"On the contrary you know you mean a great deal. A great deal to your family, to me, to Downton's success that— what's the matter?" he asked with worry.

"Nothing."

"And I mean nothing in all this?" she asked with despair and anger.

"You mean a great deal, a very great deal," he replied, his eyes pleading with her to trust him.

She clutched her dress in her hands as she tried to forget it, words didn't get to people like this.

"It doesn't seem like nothing," he said to her with concern still evident.

"It is. Tom just forget it," she said. Still he pressed on.

"I didn't mean to offend you if I did. You know I support you no matter what and even though it's hard to tell your entire family does as well."

"Don't you ever wish it could just go back exactly the way it was?" she asked with exhaustion. A pained expression filled his face.

"Of course I wish Sybil was here but the way things are moving now is good, it's for the better. We are improving our lives Mary."

"No that's not what I meant. Do you ever wish you had never come here, to Downton?" she asked.

"Of course not. If I had never found a job at Downton I never would have met Sybil—"

"Isn't that the point though? We would not have had our hearts smashed into the ground like they were?"

"It wasn't on purpose, Mary. It doesn't solve the world's problems by avoiding love completely. If I had never come to Downton I never would have met Sybil, I wouldn't have Sybbie. I never would have met Matthew who was more of a brother then friend to me than anyone has been in my life. And I never would have met you, and we're friends you and I. These days I don't know what I would do without you Lady Mary Crawley because—"

She leaned across the car in a second and pressed her lips firmly to his. She kissed him with all she had, not out of love, not even because of friendship, but out of despair and longing for someone to understand her. The minute his lips starting moving against hers, she put her hands on his chest and pushed, propelling her backwards into the seat she'd been in. Her eyes were wide with horror as she tasted the saltiness of her tears. She'd kissed him. She kissed Tom Branson.

Mary had never hated herself more than she did in that moment.

She was still in shock and about to get out of the car when her father climbed in.

"Just another moment, Rose can't find her hat."

"Why on Earth did she take it off?" Mary snapped.

"My dear are you alright?" asked her father frowning at her. Mary nodded in reply. Soon Rose was in the car and they headed towards the train station. She listened to Rose chat about how it wasn't that bad because young men were there, and made sure to make no eye contact with Tom.

As they boarded the train Mary pressed herself as far against the wall of the train as she could, away from everyone else. Rose sat next to her and asked,

"Are you feeling well Cousin Mary?"

"I'm feeling a little under the weather. When we arrive tell the others I'm sorry but I think I'll eat in my bedroom."

"You must not be feeling well at all. Should I ring for Clarkson when we arrive?" asked Robert. Mary sighed and looked at her father, feeling Tom's eyes on her.

"No that's not necessary, I'm sure I'll be better by tomorrow morning. Rest is all I need."

The moment the four stepped through the doors and into Downton, Mary rushed up the stairs. She faintly heard her mother calling her but shut her bedroom door and rang for Anna. Mary sat on the bed and looked up as Anna entered.

"You're feeling under the weather m'lady?" asked Anna.

"No, well, I know I'm not physically unwell," Mary replied. Anna gave a grimace and came closer and asked,

"M'lady is it about Mr. Crawley?" Mary let out a sob as she thought of Matthew. She blinked through her tears and said to Anna,

"If I tell you, you must swear to secrecy. Though I'm afraid you will look down on me."

"I could never m'ady. Besides we have been through the very worst together." Mary looked at Anna's reassuring smile and said,

"It sounds simple but it's not. Today when we were preparing to leave London, I—I kissed Tom Branson."

"You?"

"Yes I kissed him, it wasn't long and I didn't do it because I'm attracted to him, at least I don't think so. I was just so sad and he said something to me that was familiar and I lost it."

"M'lady it will be alright."

"Things can never be the same between us now that we've kissed. I'm sure the only things going through our minds were Matthew and Sybil. I feel so guilty Anna."

"You can still be friends. You need each other as friends. If you sleep on it m'lady you will feel better tomorrow morning."

"Yes, when I have to face him," she said sarcastically, "The man I betrayed Matthew with."

"You and I both know Mr. Crawley was not the type to hold unfair grudges."

"I have not forgiven you."

"I see…"

"I have not forgiven you because, I do not believe that you need my forgiveness."

"This is different though, betraying his memory. It was all my fault Anna, I was the one to make the rash move."

"Mr. Crawley is up there in Heaven m'lady and he loves you just as much as ever. He does not hate you, especially for something like this."

"You were wrong about one thing. I never would, I never could despise you."

"You're right Anna, but all the same I can despise myself."

And that's it! I am so proud of this chapter! I threw you guys for a curveball and you'll have to see how things pan out next chapter. I'm not sure if I'll update Friday. I should have time to if nothing comes up, but no promises. I hope you all enjoy! And WATCH THE VIDEOS because they go along with their feelings (sort of but they're so good who cares). I hope you all liked.

The song was: Say Something by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilara