Phil's P.O.V
I stared at Dan, who was blushing and looking down.
"Dan, wh-why did you do that?" I asked and lifted Dan's head up so I could look him in the eyes. He was still holding his tears. He shook his head and dropped his gaze down again. "Dan?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't lose you. You are my best friend and I love you, and, and", he said, but wasn't able to continue, as tears streamed down on his face. "I fucking can't lose you, I love you", he mumbled between his sobbings.
"But you don't love me like I love you", I said. It hurt to make Dan hurt, but I had to leave.I didn't want to see him like that. "Just, don't try to make yourself feel like you love me so I could stay. You don't feel like that, you don't love me like that. So just don't", I said and stood up. I looked at Dan and he made me cry. He looked so sad, and it was because of me. But if I wanted to make Dan happy, I would be sad. I didn't want that, so I thought it would be best if we would just break our friendship. So with time, we could both be happy, eventually.
"But I fucking love you!" Dan shouted, but I was already in my locked room. I sat down on the bed and took my laptop on my lap. But I shoved it in one of my bags, when I didn't feel like answering to my fans. I felt like shit. I rolled up my sleeves and looked at the bloody lines on my skin. They were new. "Phil, come out. You didn't let me finish", Dan said and I lifted my gaze to the door.
"I don't want to hear it", I said quietly, hoping that Dan heard me. He knocked on the door. "I don't want to hear it" I said louder and dropped my gaze on to my arms. I dragged my hand gently on the cuts and reached my razor blade, which was on the bed, next to me. I played with the blade for a while and then pressed it against my skin. I dragged it across my arm a few times and just watched how the blood streamed down on my wrists. I didn't really want to do it, but when I started it, I couldn't stop anymore. I did it, because it was the only thing that kept me from screaming my lungs out and dripping in to the darkness. And I deserved it. It was stupid to fell in love with your best friend. It's just so stupid to do that, when you know he can never love you back and you can only ruin everything. Just like I did.
"Phil, just let me in and we can talk this through", Dan said. I just shook my head, like he could see me, and made a bigger cut on my arm. Longer, that was all across my arm, from elbow to the top of my wrist. "Phil, let me in!" Dan shouted and I finally stood up and went to the door. I wasn't thinking, so I didn't even roll down my sleeves. I just opened the door and stared at Dan.
"What?" I asked.
"Phil, did you know that you're hand is bleeding?" Dan asked and stared at my arm. I followed his gaze and then I rolled my both sleeves down, covering the bloody arms. I tried to close the door, but Dan came in to my room and pushed me out of the way. Then he saw the little shining razor blade on my bed.
"Go away", I said and grabbed Dan's hand, so I could push him out of my room, but he moved away and took the blade in his hands. "Give that to me, and go away", I said and tried to take the blade from Dan, but he moved away, again.
"Phil, why do you do this?" he asked and looked at me. I didn't want him to know that it was because of him. I didn't want him to blame himself. I was quiet for a long time, I didn't know what to say.
"Because I deserve it", I said and dropped my gaze down. "Now, would you please go away?" Dan shook his head and sat down on the bed. He played with the blade and I sat down on the bed too. But not too close to Dan. "Dan, please, just leave it. I don't want to talk with you", I said, but suddenly Dan grabbed my hand and pulled my sleeve up.
"Phil, I really love you, and I want you to know that", he said and wrapped his arms around me. It felt nice, but it was wrong. I felt Dan's heating body against me, but I tried to ignore it. "I had a huge crush on you, about six months ago. I thought it was wrong, so I tried to get over it by drinking, a bit of cutting and then I found Jake. I never liked him, but I thought that if I would date someone, I would get over you. But it didn't work", Dan said. I was just quiet, 'cause I didn't know what to say. "And I still love you, really fucking much, 'cause I never stopped loving you."
"Why do you love me? I'm a pathetic loser", I said and moved away from him. I stared at his eyes. They were close to me, and suddenly they were even closer, as Dan pressed his lips against mine. This time I didn't pull away. I wanted to feel those lips, and it was magical. We both pulled away and I stared at Dan.
"I love you, and I don't think you're a pathetic loser", Dan said and smiled at me. I smiled at him and rested my head on his shoulder.
"I love you too", I whispered. Dan wrapped his other arm around me and took my arm in to his other hand. I was ashamed of my cuts and tried to pull my arm away, but Dan didn't let me."I don't want you to look at them", I said.
"I don't want you to do this anymore" Dan said quietly and dragged his finger across the cuts, gently, feeling them all one at a time. "You don't deserve these. Why would you?" he asked and played with my cuts again. I was about to answer, when the door bell rang.
"I can get that", I said and stood up, but Dan grabbed my arm again and shook his head. He was paniking, and scared. "What?" I asked.
"What if it's Jake?" he asked and I just shook my head.
"I think it's PJ. I asked him to come help with me, to move my stuff out", I said and tried to smile at Dan.
"Are you still leaving?"
"If you want to", I said and Dan shook his head. He let go of my arm and I walked to the door. I opened it, with a smile on my face, but it vanished almost immediately. There wasn't PJ behind the door.
"Hi", Jake said.