Out of the Ashes

by lifeloveinsanity28

It has always been up to Santana and Noah Lopez to take care of their younger siblings (Quinn, Blaine and Rachel). Their stepfather, Hiram, is abusive and their mother, Shelby is absent. But in one instant that all changes, and the children are sent to live with the aunt they barely know. Anderberry twins, and Santana/Puck/Quinn sibling group. Trigger warnings in the author's note.

7. Chapter 7

I'm sorry for how long it has taken me to update. I had a lot of real life stuff happen in the last few months that pulled my focus in other places. But I'm back and hoping to get on a more regular update schedule now that things have calmed down for me personally. Thanks for bearing with me and I am still blown away by all the reviews, the follows and favorites. As alway this is un-beta'd so all mistakes are my own. Thanks as always to beaner008 for your support and help. :)

Rachel blinked her eyes lazily as she woke up, each slow blink of her eyes causing a dull throb of pain in her head and she could barely contain the whimper of pain that fell from her mouth as she awoke. Her head felt fuzzy and too heavy, the blanket covering her was too scratchy and the mattress was too stiff and it didn't take much longer for her to remember where she was and how exactly she had gotten there. Her eyes flew open then, squinting as they adjusted to the brightness of the room around her before pushing herself into a sitting position, the room spinning slightly with her change in her position forcing her to shut her eyes once again as she waited for the spinning to stop. She opened her eyes slowly in an attempt to prevent any more dizzy spells as she scanned the empty hospital room. Tears sprung to her eyes as her heart began to beat a little bit quicker as she realized that she was alone and that she didn't know where anyone was. Even though her brain was little fuzzy with sleep, she remembered Santana singing to her last night in the darkened hospital room and that her aunt was there and now she was alone and she didn't know why. Rachel turned quickly when she heard a door open from the corner of the room revealing Santana. Rachel felt her heart rate slow as she breathed out a sigh of relief, one of the tears she had been fighting back rolling down her cheek.

"Hey munchkin," Santana said when she looked up and saw that Rachel was sitting up in bed, watching her intently. Santana's brow furrowed with concern when she saw Rachel's face crumple slightly, a single tear making its way down her cheek, "What's wrong?"

Rachel just shook her head as she stared down at her lap, trying to get her tears under control. Santana slid onto the bed in front of Rachel, her legs crossed as she tilted Rachel's chin up to force Rachel to meet her eyes.

"I woke up by myself and I thought you left." Rachel said, her voice soft and her cheeks flushing slightly in embarrassment as she averted her eyes from her sister's.

"Of course not." Santana reassured Rachel as she ran a hand over Rachel's hair in trying to smooth out some of the unruliness. Rachel's eyes fluttering closed with the soothing movements. "How are you feeling?

Rachel shrugged, opening her eyes as she studied Santana's features, the effects of lack of sleep evident on her face even if Santana was trying to hide it, "Did you sleep here last night?"

"Yeah, don't you remember?" Santana questioned, "Both Emma and I slept here."

As if on cue, the door to the hospital room slid open, and Emma appeared juggling styrofoam coffee cups and a carton of juice, a smile gracing her features when she caught sight of the two girls sitting next to each other on the bed. "Where the hell have you been?"

Emma's smile faltered slightly and nearly fell at the glare that Santana was directing towards her. Emma knew she should probably scold Santana for her language and attitude, but it had been a rough night for all of them and she didn't want to start the morning with an argument. "You were both sleeping and I thought you would like some coffee and Rachel would also like something to drink."

"Whatever." Santana said with an eye roll as she reached for the cup of coffee Emma was holding out to her as well as the juice her aunt had gotten for Rachel. Emma settled on the chair next to the bed, watching as Rachel and Santana shuffled around each other on the bed, before settling back against the pillows, Rachel leaning into Santana slightly, one arm looped through Santana's.

"How are you feeling this morning, Rachel?" Emma asked.

"Okay, I guess." Rachel said, refusing to meet Emma or Santana's eyes as she focused on playing with the straw in her drink.

"Rach." Santana sighed," How are you really feeling?"

"My head hurts." Rachel whispered staring at her lap. Her head had been aching since she woke up but she didn't want to worry Santana. She could see how tired her sister was and she didn't want to be the reason Santana was so tired.

"When can we go home?" Rachel whispered to Santana when she felt that Emma was out of earshot. She watched as Santana's face fell slightly, paling a bit before she was able to school her face into a more neutral expression. Santana hadn't expected or been ready for Rachel to ask about home. She had thought that Rachel understood that with Shelby and Hiram both dead that they would not be returning to their home.

"We aren't going home, Rach." Santana replied, and Rachel looked at her then her eyes wide and tear filled, her lower lip quivering.

"Then what's gonna happen to us, San? Where are we gonna go?" Rachel asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"With me." Emma stated, both girls turning to look at her, Rachel regarding her curiously, while Santana glared at her once again. "You are going to come live with me."

"When?" Rachel asked, absent-mindedly playing with Santana's fingers.

"I don't know yet. We have to wait for the doctors to say that it's okay." Emma explained.

"But I don't want to stay here again." Rachel whined pouting up at Santana.

"Don't look at me like that, Rach." Santana said, chuckling and rolling her eyes as she flicked at Rachel's jutted out lower lip. Rachel giggled and swatted at Santana, who managed to dodge Rachel by leaning away from her, causing the smaller girl to topple forward slightly, her face paling slightly as the shift in movement caused a sharp pain to shoot through head, "Jesus, Rachel, be careful."

"You started it, " Rachel mumbled as she pushed herself upright, leaning her head on Santana's shoulder, " I just-I don't like it here. I just want to be with you and Blaine and Quinn and Noah." The hospital reminded her of her dad and she didn't want to think about him, didn't want to think about what he had done to their mother or how he had hurt them.

"I know, munchkin, but we need to make sure you are okay first." Santana told her dropping a kiss on Rachel's forehead. Santana did know and even though Rachel hadn't said it, Santana knew being in the hospital was causing Rachel to think of Hiram.

Santana hadn't been faring any better since they had arrived at the hospital nearly twelve hours earlier, unable to shake the feeling that Hiram was going to appear in the hallway or in Rachel's room, trying her hardest to block out the antiseptic smell of the hospital, a smell she was familiar with because some nights the hospital smell clung to Hiram's clothes and skin when he crept into Santana's bedroom. This wasn't helped by the fact that Santana had heard Rachel's nurses whispering in the pre-dawn light that bathed the room about Hiram and what a great doctor he had been and how sad it was that he had done this to his children and wife and how he had always seemed like such a devoted father from the amount of family photos that lined the walls of his office. Santana had had to bite her tongue to keep from screaming at them about just how little they had truly known Hiram Berry and the kind of person he truly was.

"Is my brother here? Did he sleep here too?" Rachel questioned.

"Your brother?" Santana asked, and Rachel just rolled her eyes at Santana's incredulous tone, "He didn't sleep here Rach. He couldn't."

"Then where is he? When can I see him?" Rachel asked anxiously.

"He's with Quinn at Britt's. He's okay. Britt and Quinn are taking good care of him." Santana said and Rachel nodded.

"What about Noah? Is he there too?" Rachel asked.

"No, he's at Finn's."

"Why didn't he go with Blaine and Quinn?"

"Why don't you ask him?" Santana spat in exasperation, both at Rachel's numerous questions and because of the memory of the argument with Noah the previous evening.

"I just wanna see them, "Rachel whispered not expecting Santana to snap at her, "They are gonna come live with you too right? You aren't separating us are you?" Rachel's attention once again turning to Emma as she chewed her lip anxiously, not having thought about the possibility that they may not all be together and needing the reassurance that they would be.

"Of course they are. All of you are going to come live with me. And Will of course." Emma reassured the child.

"Who's Will?" Rachel questioned.

"Will is my husband, you'll meet him later today." Emma explained.

"What? No, he's not, I think I would have known if you got married. Besides your last name is still Pillsbury." Santana said scoffing as Rachel looked at her in confusion, not understanding how Santana seemed to know so much about their aunt's life since Rachel couldn't even remember ever meeting the woman.

"How do you know that? " Rachel asked brow knit in confusion.

"I see them at school, I would have known if they had gotten married." Santana explained, shifting uncomfortably, not wanting Emma to know that she had paid closer attention to her aunt than her absolute indifference to her aunt would imply.

"He's my husband, Santana. We both agreed that it wasn't something that we wished to share with the student body of McKinley and it was just the two of us at the courthouse." Emma explained. Santana's only acknowledgement of Emma's explanation being a roll of her eyes and a muttered whatever.

"Do you have kids?" Rachel asked.

"Well no, Will and I have only been married for a little while." Emma explained unable to keep from smiling at the young girl's question.

"Then do you even know how to take care of kids?" Rachel asked, brow furrowed in concern. Emma's eyes widened slightly as Santana snorted in amusement, barely able to contain her laughter at Rachel's innocent question causing both Emma and Rachel to glare at her.

"Of course we do Rachel. Will is a teacher and I'm a guidance counselor, we take care of kids all day long." Emma reassured the little girl, trying to ignore the nervous fluttering in her stomach at Rachel's question.

Emma didn't know if she could take care of them or if she even could be what it was they needed. These children had been through a horrible tragedy and both Rachel and Santana had suffered pretty severe and significant physical abuse and she had a feeling that there was much more that they hadn't told anyone, so while she knew how to take care of children, she didn't know if she knew how to take care of them. They were no longer the hyperactive mischievous little troublemakers she had spent most summers caring for as a young adult. They were now walled off and guarded, fiercely protective of themselves and distrustful of everyone. Emma had slowly saw these changes beginning to take shape after their mother had married Hiram and by the time she had reconnected with Santana at McKinley nearly two years ago she had barely recognized her. Outside of the obvious physical changes that came with puberty and age, Santana had looked the same but it was the haunted look in her eyes and her guarded demeanor that had struck Emma as so dissimilar to the niece she remembered outside if the glimpse of the fiery temper that she had shown when she had left Emma sitting in the empty courtyard without even a glance backwards. So even though she had known the kids then, she didn't know them now.

"Are you...you said that we are family, does that mean you'll be our parents now?" Rachel asked, the question more directed to her lap where she was anxiously wringing her hands in her lap, the nervous movement so distracting that Emma wanted to reach out and still Rachel's hands. Emma chanced a glance at Santana at Rachel's question and could tell that despite Santana's look of indifference and rigid posture, she wanted to know Emma's answer as well.

"Well no. I mean we will take care of you and make sure you have everything you need but no one can replace your parents and we would never want to. Your parents will always be your parents." Emma explained, not quite sure if she was offering a sufficient answer for the curious little girl because there were no easy answers and the grief that Rachel and the other children were experience was complex in a way that Emma had no experience with as none of them were grieving the loss of loving parents taken before their time.

"Where were you?" Rachel whispered still not taking her gaze off of her lap even as she leaned more heavily against Santana, pulling Santana's hand into her lap as she began to play with Santana's fingers.

"What do you mean?" Emma asked, her mouth running dry and tears filling her eyes at the innocent question. It was one that she had honestly been expecting since she had arrived at the hospital the previous evening, but she hadn't expected it to come from Rachel and it didn't make it any easier for Emma to answer.

"Well we have always been family right? So where were you before?" Rachel asked dragging her gaze from her lap finally and fixing her eyes on Emma. Santana now watching their exchange with interest because without knowing it Rachel was asking all the questions that had swirled in Santana's mind for the past twelve hours.

Rachel watched as a tear silently made its way down Emma's cheek, although she could tell her aunt was trying to hide just how affected by Rachel's question she was. Rachel's stomach swirled with guilt at the pain she saw in Emma's eyes but she needed to know because she didn't understand. She didn't understand how come Santana or Noah or Quinn had never spoken of her aunt or why her aunt had seemingly never been a part of her life even though she most likely saw her siblings every day. Now here she was vowing to take care of them and Rachel barely even knew her and would have had no idea she even existed if it hadn't been for the fact that she had found a picture of her siblings and Emma when snooping through Santana's things one day out of boredom.

"I...It's complicated, Rachel," Emma said sighing as she fought to regain her composure even as her sinuses burned with the pressure of the tears she refused to allow to fall. Complicated was the best way to describe the situation to the eight year old but didn't even truly begin to describe Emma's relationship with Shelby, "And it was a mistake, I should've been there and I wasn't but I promise from now on I will be here for you."

"Grown ups break promises all the time." Rachel whispered needing to know that her aunt wouldn't be like all the other adults in her life because much of Rachel's young life had consisted of one broken promise after another, like her father's assurances that he would never hurt her again or her mom's empty promises about quitting drinking or attending assemblies at Rachel's school that she would then forget about because she had drunk herself into a stupor by the time she was supposed to leave for the school.

Before Emma could respond the door burst open and a small dark-haired figure burst into the room.

"Blaine!" Rachel cried as the small boy began to worm his way onto the bed from the opposite end in trying to insert himself between his sisters.

"Ugh, Blaine be careful." Santana scolded, grunting in discomfort as Blaine used her stomach for leverage and one of his feet struck her shin. Blaine ignored Santana's scolding as he nestled himself between the two girls, Rachel giggling at her brother's antics and at the way Santana was scowling at him. Once Blaine settled and was comfortable, he turned to Santana's his eyes wide and apologetic, " Yeah, yeah I know you're sorry. Just be more careful. Rachel hurt her head really bad and she needs to get better, got it?" Blaine nodded solemnly, as Santana ruffled his hair affectionately.

Emma watched the interaction between the siblings with interest, in particular the way that they seemingly could communicate without saying a word. She listened as Rachel reassured Blaine that she was okay in response to a question she hadn't even heard Blaine ask. Emma couldn't help but be intrigued by the fact that these children instinctually knew what each other needed although it hurt her to think of what caused them to need to communicate in this.

"Blaine!" Quinn exclaimed as she burst into the room, startling the occupants of the room, both Blaine and Rachel cowering slightly at the harshness and volume of Quinn's voice, Blaine's fingers finding their way into his mouth once again.

"Are you serious, Q? You can't just come in here shouting like that." Santana told her sister, who noticeably deflated with Santana's words.

"I just..he was supposed to wait for me and he just ran off. I didn't even know if he knew where was going." Quinn said shrugging, her gaze downcast and fixed on the floor.

"I get that, Q, and Blaine won't do that again, will he?" Santana asked casting a pointed look at Blaine.

"I'm sorry, Quinn. I won't do it again. " Blaine murmured.

"How did you all get here?" Emma questioned it dawning on her that the children had arrived t the hospital with no adult in sight. The children turning to her in surprise almost as if they had forgotten she was still in the room.

"Noah picked us up from Britt's." Quinn explained shrugging as the door opened once again revealing both Noah and Will, Noah's arms laden with sodas and snacks from the vending machine.

"Jeez, Noah, did you hit up every vending machine in the hospital?" Santana asked, shaking her head as she watched Noah attempt to juggle his bounty, Quinn taking a few things from him to prevent the mess that they could all see coming.

"I wanted to have a variety." Noah said shrugging as he walked over to the window and began to place the snacks he had gathered on the windowsill.

"Well you definitely accomplished that." Santana said.

"So that must mean you don't want any of this awesomeness?" Noah said smirking as he around, flinging one hand out as if he was displaying a prize on a game show. Santana couldn't do anything but roll her eyes at Noah's antics. Honestly, Santana didn't even want to think about food or eating, because even though she was able to engage in some lighthearted banter, her stomach was still churning anxiously every so often with the memory of how they ended up here and she was slightly nauseous from lack of sleep.

"What about me, Noah? Did you get me anything?" Rachel chirped up from besides Santana leaning forward slightly so she could see around her sister to the snacks that Noah had on display.

"Hmm..." Noah said appearing to contemplate Rachel's question very seriously as he stared at the food he had laid out, "I definitely think I forgot to get something for you, Rach."

"Noah." Rachel whined, pouting adorably and Noah couldn't fight his smile as he reached for a small package of chocolate chip cookies, handing them to Rachel, who swatted at his arm, "You're so mean."

"Well in that case.." Noah said reaching to grab the cookies back from her causing Rachel to squeal in protest and slap his grabby hands away, their game coming to halt when Santana kicked Noah in the shin causing him to groan in pain.

"Knock it off, jackass." Santana spat at Noah, who was rubbing his shin and glaring, " she has a freaking concussion."

"That's a bad word, San." Both Blaine and Rachel scolded, causing Santana to roll her eyes.

"Yeah, San, that's a bad word." Noah mocked, smirking as Santana once again kicked out at him but he was able to dodge it this time, laughing as the force of it nearly caused Santana to topple off the narrow hospital bed. Santana quickly righted herself, huffing as she crossed her arms and glowered at the still laughing Noah.

"You're both idiots." Quinn said haughtily as she climbed on the windowsill beside Noah reaching around him to swipe a candy bar, throwing a bag of Skittles to Blaine, Blaine's face lighting up as he tore the bag open.

"You know maybe we should hold off on the junk food until everyone has had breakfast." Will suggested. All of the kids turned to look at him having nearly forgot that he and Emma were still in the room, Santana and Noah glaring as the youngest three just shrugged continuing to munch on their snacks in silence. Will gave Emma a pointed look clearly meant to imply that he expected her to reprimand the children but all she did was shrug. Emma knew he was right and that she should scold them because Rachel and Santana hadn't eaten breakfast yet, but watching them engage in the playful banter and gentle teasing that came with being siblings was nice. It was nice to see her nieces and nephews acting like children despite where they were currently and the events that occurred the night before, so if letting them have candy for breakfast was going to do that she wasn't going to tell them otherwise.

The room lapsed into silence once again but it wasn't long before Santana could feel Rachel shifting uncomfortably beside her. Santana glanced down when she heard Rachel sigh heavily, dropping her half eaten bag of cookies on her lap, her head bowed.

"You okay, munchkin?" Santana asked noticing the sudden shift in Rachel's demeanor, Santana's question drawing the attention of everyone in the room.

"No," Rachel said shaking her head slightly before wincing as the pain in her head intensified and everything in front of her seemed to swim for a moment before righting itself, her stomach beginning to churn uncomfortably, "I don't feel very good. My head hurts really bad and my stomach doesn't feel good."

Santana could hear the strain in Rachel's voice and the quiver that gave away her tears. Santana brushed the hair Rachel was using to curtain her face with and could see the tears rolling down her cheeks and how pale her little sister's skin had become. Santana sighed as she pulled Rachel into her lap. Rachel buried her face in Santana's shirt her tears dampening the soft material but the darkness dulled some of the pounding in her head.

"I called for the nurse." Emma told Santana who nodded, pulling Rachel closer to her stroking Rachel's hair gently.

"Rach, are you gonna throw up again?" Blaine asked his brow furrowed in concern, worry coloring his tone as he scrambled to get off of the bed, Quinn giving him a bemused look as she pulled him up to sit next to her on the windowsill, Blaine continuing to watch Rachel warily. They all knew that Blaine was genuinely concerned for his sister but that at that moment his aversion to vomit was winning out.

"I-I don't think so." Rachel said.

"So Miss Rachel tell me what's going on this morning." The nurse said coming to crouch in front of Rachel the only response she got was a whimper, her fists grasping the fabric of Santana's shirt tighter.

"It's okay, Rach, she's gonna make you feel better." Santana coaxed gently, brushing some of Rachel's hair back. She felt Rachel nod before she was shifting in Santana's lap, sniffling and swiping at her running nose, blinking furiously against the light as it assaulted her eyes once again.

"Your aunt tells me you aren't feeling so good." The nurse said, frowning in sympathy.

"I'm not. My head hurts and my stomach." Rachel whimpered, letting out a sob as she stole glance at Emma behind her. Santana rubbed Rachel's back trying to soothe her sister and it wasn't until Rachel whimpered more loudly, fresh tears making their way down her cheeks as she attempted to squirm away from the gentle touch that Santana remembered the bruises and welts that covered her younger sister's back. Santana pulled her hand away as if she was burned, her face falling.

"I'm so sorry, Rach." She whispered and Rachel nodded, wiping the tears from her cheek.

Noah was watching the exchange between his sisters with interest and confusion, not really getting what Santana was apologizing or why Rachel had reacted the way she had when Santana had started to rub her back, making a mental note to ask Santana about it later.

Rachel took the medicine the nurse offered without complaint, wincing and shuddering as the bitter taste hit her tongue, before slumping back against Santana, her eyes shut, barely listening as the nurse told them that the doctor would be in soon to examine her. Rachel wanted to ask the nurse if she was going to get to leave the hospital but couldn't seem to form the words to ask, all she could do was focus on her own breathing and the sound of Santana's heartbeat as she waited for the pain in her head to subside.

"I don't wanna go! I wanna stay here with Rachel!" Rachel heard Blaine shout startling her into wakefulness as she opened her eyes blearily, watching as Blaine was carried from the room by Noah shouting and protesting, the noise dying out as the door shut behind them. Rachel hadn't even realized she had fallen asleep and didn't understand why Noah was taking Blaine away.

"Where is Noah taking him?" Rachel asked through a yawn, realizing that no one was in the room save for Emma, Santana and a doctor she didn't recognize.

"Just to the waiting room, sweetheart, so the doctor can examine you." Emma soothed and Rachel didn't miss the look of disdain that Santana shot the woman at the term of endearment.

"You're staying though right?" Rachel asked peering up at Santana from where she was still perched in Santana's lap, her breathing becoming erratic as she thought of Santana leaving her alone.

" 'Course munchkin, but you gotta move off of me so the doctor can examine you." Santana told her dropping a kiss on the top of Rachel's head before Rachel nodded and shifted off of her lap, allowing Santana to shuffle off the bed.

Rachel did her best not to wince or cry out when the doctor shined his penlight in her eyes, white spots bursting in her vision and lingering long after the light was removed. She sat stock still, biting hard on her lower lip as he examined the bruises on her back, unable to contain an involuntary wince or whimper when he hit a particularly tender spot. She kept her gaze locked on her lap throughout that part of the exam, fighting the urge to seek out the older girl's eyes for reassurance, knowing the sadness that she would find written across Santana's face.

Santana stayed silent throughout Rachel's exam, every muscle tensed, just waiting for the moment she would need to step in. She was also studiously avoiding meeting Emma's eyes, the older woman having tried to gain Santana's attention since the doctor had walked in. Santana could see Rachel fighting to stay still, to keep from crying out, her hands clutching the fabric of the hospital gown where it covered her thighs so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. Santana wanted to go to Rachel and give her her hand to hold instead but she remained rooted to her spot across the room, recognizing how hard Rachel was trying to maintain her composure and knew that her comfort wouldn't be welcomed. Santana could see the color blooming on Rachel's cheeks as she bowed her head when the doctor moved to examine her back, as Santana clenched her jaw tightly and turned her head away from Rachel, facing the wall. She wanted to cover her ears in order to block out the small whimpers and barely contained sobs that Rachel was releasing every so often. Santana's stomach twisted uncomfortably with each whimper and sob that served to remind her of what Hiram had done to her little sister, what Santana had let him do by not being there, by convincing herself that Rachel was safe.

Rachel didn't know how much time had passed before the doctor was re-tying the back of her gown and patting the top of her head gently, murmuring something to her that she couldn't quite make out and then Santana was there, pulling Rachel against her, murmuring to her that she was okay, that everything was okay. It was all too much so she pulled away from Santana, trying to ignoring the flash of hurt she saw in Santana's eyes at her rejection, but she didn't want Santana to hold her right now and tell her how everything was okay when it wasn't. She knew that that was just something people said to make each other feel better but it didn't make her feel better, because as much as she wanted to believe that everything was okay it didn't feel like it was. Rachel pulled her knees up to her chest glancing at Santana beside her. Santana's jaw was clenched so tightly it was quivering and even though she could tell Santana was avoiding looking at her, she could still see the tears that were pooling in her dark eyes. Rachel's chest ached at the sight of her strong older sister looking so broken so Rachel did the only thing she knew to do and scooted closer to Santana wrapping her arms around her sister's waist and squeezing gently. She felt Santana's body relax as she exhaled shakily in relief, stroking her hand over Rachel's hair.

...

Emma spent the majority of the drive home from the hospital glancing in the rear view mirror in order to observe the three children in the backseat. Santana was sitting stoically sandwiched between Blaine and Rachel glaring at Emma every time their eyes accidentally met. Rachel was slumped against Santana, large black sunglasses hiding her eyes from view a request she had made as soon as the sunlight had hit her eyes. The sunglasses were Santana's and were so large on Rachel that the gave her a bug like appearance that Emma found adorable, and although Emma couldn't see her eyes she was pretty certain that Rachel had fallen asleep. Blaine was on Santana's other side, his forehead pressed against the glass of the window, fingers in his mouth, sniffling every so often the after effects of the tantrum that he had thrown when he thought he was being separated from his sister. Emma had given up on trying to talk to the children even if it was only to reassure Blaine and Rachel but she was met with nothing but silence punctuated by a whimper or sniffle every so often. She had settled for turning on the radio then the low murmur of the singer's voices and the gentle rhythmic thumping of the bass serving to distract her from the uncomfortable silence and her own swirling thoughts.

Emma had never been one to be uncomfortable with silence, had actually spent most of her life preferring silence and order over loudness and chaos. She was a guidance counselor and understood that silence could be therapeutic, cathartic even. But this silence was different, it made her uneasy, it made her want to be anywhere but in this silent car with no distraction from the fear and anxiety that had been threatening to overwhelm her since she had recieved the phone call in the middle of the night. Everything about the past twelve hours had been overwhelming and Emma felt as if she was in a haze, panic always pulling at the edges of her mind but she had been able to keep it at bay by focusing on the kids and their needs, but now in the silent car it was very close to pulling her under.

"You didn't tell me you lived in her house." Santana said, glaring at her aunt as the car came to a stop in front of house that Santana had honestly thought she would never see again. The sound of Santana's voice breaking through the car startled Emma, her heart rate speeding up slightly.

"I thought you knew." Emma told her niece, attempting to catch Santana's eyes in the rear view mirror but Santana was staring out the of the window across the lawn and Emma just sighed. She hadn't thought to tell any of them that she lived in her mother's home and she couldn't help but mentally chastise herself for not telling them.

"Yeah, well I didn't." Santana said shrugging. She could feel her eyes stinging with tears that she blinked away as quickly as they formed, refusing to let them fall. She knew it was just a house but this house had been the house her mom had grown up in and one of the only places Santana had ever truly felt safe, even though it was just a house, it held so many memories, memories that Santana had tried her hardest to shove aside and ignore because remembering the way things were hurt more since she knew they would never be that way again.

"Whose house is this, San?" Blaine asked, his voice pulling Santana out of her head. Blaine had been listening quietly to Santana and Emma's conversation, trying to figure out who they were talking about. He had never seen this house before but he could tell Santana had and for some reason it made her sad, had been able to see the tears in her eyes before she was able to blink them away.

"It's Nana's house, Blaine." Santana explained and Blaine looked up at her in surprise. He had never met his Nana and any time he had asked his older brother and sisters about her or why he didn't ever get to meet her, they quickly changed the subject or yelled at him. He quickly learned that his grandmother much like his aunt was never talked about or mentioned because talking about them made everyone either sad or mad. Blaine still didn't understand why he had never met his Nana or why he hadn't met his aunt until last night. His aunt seemed nice, he remembered her rubbing his back and whispering in his ear last night when they had told them that his mom and dad had died, but Santana kept glaring at her and Noah wouldn't even talk to her when they were trying decide who was riding in what car on the way home, so maybe he was wrong and she wasn't really that nice.

"Why don't we go inside?" Emma suggested, smiling brightly as Noah's truck pulled up beside her car and Will pulled in behind her. Blaine nodded as he slid out of the car as Santana turned to Rachel. Rachel had fallen asleep at some point during the drive home from the hospital, her head resting against Santana's side, the large sunglasses she wore now askew on her face.

"Rach, we're here." Santana murmured, nudging Rachel gently, and running her hand over Rachel's hair.

"Go 'way, Sanny," Rachel whined, pressing herself tighter against Santana's side, "Sleeping."

"I know you are munchkin, but we gotta go inside." Santana told her, unable to contain her smile at Rachel's sleepy protests but she sighed when she realized that Rachel wasn't going to wake up to walk inside. Just as Santana was trying to figure out how she was going to maneuver out from under Rachel in order to get her out of the car, the door opened and Noah was there lifting Rachel out of the car so that Santana could slide out behind them.

Santana found Quinn leaning against the side of Noah's truck, arms crossed over her chest, an unreadable expression on her face as she stared at the house, so caught up on her own head that she didn't even really notice Emma and Will leading the rest of the kids to the front door. Santana leaned on the truck next to Quinn, the other girl oblivious to Santana's presence. Santana knew that if it had been hard for her to be back at their Nana's house it was going to be even harder for Quinn.

"Stop looking at me like that. I'm fine." Quinn snapped not even turning to face her sister, her eyes still trained on the house in front of her. Santana stayed silent studying her sister and the way she was chewing on her lip as she studied the house in front of her, "It's just weird being here and knowing Nana isn't here. Like this isn't even her house anymore, it's Emma's. I just keep thinking she is gonna come out and yell at us for dawdling or something. I don't know."

And Quinn didn't really know what she meant or if what she was saying even made sense. Quinn surveyed the front yard, her eyes settling on the members of her family standing on the front porch staring at her expectantly, but she wasn't ready to go inside yet. She couldn't help but feel a little stupid that just being at this house was affecting her the way it was, it was stupid to long for something that she hadn't had any years or someone who had so easily walked away from them. But even though she hadn't been here since she was little, she could so easily conjure up memories of the interior of the warmth and happiness she felt when she had been here as a child and a large part of that was because of her grandmother and she wasn't ready to lose those memories or that feeling.

"Girls," Emma called, "We're gonna go inside. Come in whenever you're ready."

Noah hadn't been hit with the same wave a nostalgia that he knew his sisters had been struck by when he walked inside the house. That didn't mean he didn't notice how different the house was then he remembered, how it smelled like pine-sol and lemons and not the cloying vanilla that had permeated the entire house when he was a child because his grandmother had had some sort of weird obsession with vanilla scented candles and had no less then two lit at any time of day. A quick glance into the living room told him that the mismatched floral furniture was gone replaced by brown leather couches covered in plastic, the only vestige that remained of the furniture he remembered was the large overstuffed armchair that his grandmother loved and that Noah and Santana used to curl up in with her when they were little as she read to them. The pictures that once hung on the wall leading up the stairs were gone as well replaced by paintings but Noah couldn't really blame Emma for taking down the pictures of the family she didn't really have anymore.

"Noah," Blaine hissed yanking on his brother's hand repeatedly in order to get his attention, rolling his eyes when he finally did before motioning for Noah to lean down so he could whisper to him. Noah leaned over the best that he could with Rachel in his arms, shifting her weight as she mumbled something unintelligible, "Why is everything covered in plastic?"

"So it stays clean." Noah told him, fighting to keep the amusement from his tone because Blaine's whisper had been anything but quiet and he knew Emma heard by the way her cheeks had colored slightly and she was shifting uncomfortably.

"But why? It's weird." Blaine whispered forehead knitted in concern. He had never met anyone who was so scared of getting the couch dirty that they wrapped it in plastic, even his dad who had whipped Rachel once for spilling water on the couch didn't have the furniture wrapped in plastic. Butterflies burst in his stomach at the memory, because he was clumsy sometimes and if his new aunt and uncle were so concerned about everything being clean, he didn't know what would happen if he had an accident. He half listened as his aunt told him and Noah to get comfortable while they waited for his sisters.

Blaine practically ran into the living room, diving onto the couch knees first, Noah watching with a bemused expression because he could see Emma cringing out of the corner of his eyes because not only was Blaine now bouncing slightly on the couch, his shoes were also still on. Noah followed Blaine into the living room, laying Rachel on the armchair, the little girl murmuring sleepy protests as she curled herself into a tighter ball, Noah slipping off the sunglasses and her shoes before sitting down next to Blaine.

"Dude, what are you doing?' Noah asked the still bouncing Blaine, nudging the smaller boy with his shoulder.

"Trying to get comfy." Blaine told his brother like it was the most obvious thing in the world, not pausing his movements.

"Well knock it off before you give Emma a heart attack and get your shoes off of the couch." Noah told him. Blaine's eyes widened slightly at the realization that he had forgotten to take his shoes off before jumping on the couch and Noah knew it was because of Hiram's ridiculous rules and not knowing what the punishment would be for breaking them. Blaine's movements stilled then as he scrambled to sit properly on the couch, frantically pulling his shoes off as he mumbled apologies and promises to clean it up, voice quivering with tears.

Emma's heart broke as she watched her youngest nephew have a near panic attack at forgetting to take his shoes off before getting on the couch. She had gotten some idea in the last twelve hours of just what her nieces and nephews had had to endure for years but watching Blaine mutter terrified apologies and fumbling with his shoes made it all the more real and drove her own discomfort with Blaine's disregard for cleanliness from her mind. She exchanged a concerned look with Will because a child should not be terrified by something as small as forgetting to take his shoes off before getting on the couch.

"Blaine, " Emma said crouching in front of the small boy not missing how he flinched and cowered away from her in an attempt to make himself as small as possible causing Emma to back up a few inches in order not to scare him more, "It's okay. You're okay, I know you just forgot and it's okay to forget sometimes, no one is mad at you." Blaine nodded slightly, looking down at his hands, not wanting to meet his aunt's eyes.

"I-I need to use the bathroom." Blaine whispered, sniffling slightly. He was embarrassed by the couple of tears that had fallen in his panic to pull his shoes off. He wanted Noah to think he was tough because his big brother wasn't scared of anything and definitely wouldn't have started crying because he thought he was in trouble for not taking his shoes off, and Blaine wasn't even in trouble. His aunt with the weird plastic covered furniture wasn't even mad that he had his dirty shoes on the couch, instead she was talking to him all soft and soothing and smiling at him. He didn't get it, he had broken a rule and people, especially grown ups, didn't smile when he broke rules even if it was because he forgot and he didn't understand why he was being punished.

"Okay. Noah can show you where the bathroom is, I'm sure he still remembers." Emma said standing up and backing away as Noah nodded leading Blaine from the room, Blaine's head still hung in shame wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Noah, do you think she was telling the truth and she's not really mad?" Blaine asked as soon as they were out of earshot of his aunt, " I am really sorry and I didn't mean to forget and I didn't know the rules and you can just wipe the plastic off so she was telling the truth when she said it was okay, right?" Blaine remembered that sometimes he would do something or Rachel would and they would break a rule and his mom or dad would say it was okay and they weren't mad, but later when his mom or dad drank the funny smelling juice or water that his siblings had told him was alcohol, they would remember and punish them. It didn't always happen and Blaine and Rachel had learned to make themselves scarce because it seemed like they only remembered if they saw them.

"Dude, chill. Take a breath or something," Noah said sighing as he crouched in front of his brother, "She isn't mad and she knows you're sorry so chill, alright?" Blaine nodded as he walked into the bathroom.

Noah leaned on the wall across from the bathroom as he waited for Blaine to finish up knowing that Blaine was weird about being in unfamiliar places and would expect Noah to still be there. He had just heard the toilet flush when he was distracted by the sound of the front door slamming followed by a commotion in the living room, Santana's slightly raised voice easily recognizable to him and he couldn't help but roll his eyes slightly because Santana pretty much spent her entire life bitching and it was definitely not surprising that she would have already found something to bitch about. He just shook his head at Blaine's curious expression when he came out of the bathroom to hear Santana loudly complaining. Noah could do little more than sigh as he lead Blaine back to the living room to put out whatever fire his sister had started in the five minutes he had been gone. He couldn't say that he hadn't been waiting for Santana to explode or something because her fuse was sometimes even shorter than his.

When Noah and Blaine got back to the living room, they found Santana standing next to the armchair Rachel was laying on gesturing wildly between Will and Emma as she ranted, her speech so rapid fire that Noah was only able to pick up on every other word. Quinn was sitting in the small space between Rachel and the arm of the chair, one of her hands covering Rachel's exposed ear in an attempt to muffle the loudness of Santana's voice. He figured from the way Santana had placed herself beside Rachel and from how Will was watching Santana warily that whatever had happened it had had something to do with Will and Rachel.

"What's going on, San?" Noah asked, his question managing to cut her off mid-rant.

"Where were you?" Santana asked as she rounded on him, her dark eyes narrowed and flashing. Noah's own eyes widened as he took a step back from her, his brow furrowed in confusion because he honestly had no idea what she was freaking out about.

"I took Blaine to the bathroom. What does that have to do with why you're freaking out?" Noah asked.

"So you just left Rachel? What the hell, Noah?" Santana exclaimed.

"I did not leave Rachel, drama queen. She's fine, San, I don't get what you are even so pissed about." Noah told her and Santana scoffed in response, her posture deflating slightly.

"You're right. You don't get it." Santana said her voice softer than it had been just seconds ago as she slumped back against the arm of the chair, arms crossed over her chest in a clear indication that she was done with this conversation but he could tell that she was still pissed about whatever had happened and he was no less confused than he had been five minutes before.

"Santana, " Will spoke up breaking the tense silence that had settled over the living room, "I'm sorry I upset you. I was just trying to help."

Honestly that was all he had been trying to do. He knew Rachel needed to rest and had listened to the doctor's spiel about "brain rest" and letting her sleep if that is what she wanted to do because her brain needed to heal and as much as he loved that old armchair he didn't think it was the best place for the little girl to sleep. Even as small as Rachel was she was still slightly cramped up on the chair and he figured she would be more comfortable in an actual bed and had just finished telling Emma as much and was bending down to pick the little girl up when Santana had burst into the room. She had immediately started yelling at him to get away from Rachel and that he wasn't to touch her ever. Will had backed off immediately and had been so stunned by the outburst that he had just stood there silently while Santana continued to yell. Will hadn't known what to do or what to say and was utterly confused by the fact that Santana had thought he would do anything to hurt Rachel, she had been in his Spanish class for the last two years, she knew him. But then he remembered that this Santana was not the overconfident cheerleader that terrorized the halls of McKinley but rather a super protective big sister who had been through hell and probably questioned the motives of every single person they came in contact with. He knew it was going to take time for them to trust him in his new role as caregiver and he should have thought of that before he had tried to step into that role without warning.

"Whatever. Just don't ever touch her again. I don't care if all you were trying to do was carry her upstairs, just don't." Santana told him, eyes fixed on his as he nodded slowly.

"So why don't I show you all your rooms? Emma asked a faux brightness to her tone in an attempt to dispel any lingering tension. The kids just nodded before trudging up the stairs behind Emma. The first door she opened she identified as Quinn and Rachel's room and Santana recognized the decor immediately. It had been the room that she and Noah had shared when they had lived here briefly after their father left and when they came to visit. It was still decorated exactly as she remembered with two twin beds side by side the walls painted a calming blue that her grandmother had gotten both Noah and Santana to agree to and she had hoped would have a calming effect on them. The second bedroom they came to was Blaine and Noah's but it was currently being used as a study although it did have a small pullout couch pushed into one corner. Emma assured the boys that Will would be going in the morning to purchase bed frames and mattresses for the room and for now Blaine could share with Rachel and Quinn.

It wasn't until they got to the last room that Santana felt her heart drop in her chest. It was her mom's childhood bedroom and as Emma pushed open the door identifying it as Santana's room, Santana felt everything freeze. The room had been a guest room even when Santana and Noah were children and there were no vestiges of Shelby's childhood in the room but Santana still knew it was her mother's room.

"No," Santana spat and Emma turned to her confusion written across her face, "I can't. I don't need my own room. I don't want my own room."

"Santana, it doesn't make sense to have the three of you share a room when there is an extra room. And that room is a little small for three people." Emma explained sighing.

"I don't care. Give it to Noah or Blaine. I don't need my own room." Santana said the tone in her voice that told Emma the conversation was over for now.

Santana couldn't honestly say that she didn't want her own room. She was sixteen and was kind of tired of always sharing a room, but it wasn't about her. This was about making sure Quinn and Rachel were safe and she wasn't going to let anyone hurt either of them again. And she couldn't stay in that room either. She couldn't stay in her mom's old room even if it hadn't been in years, it was just too weird.

...

"Hey Quinn, you awake?" Santana whispered into the darkness of their shared room later that night. Emma had backed down pretty quickly about the sleeping arrangements in the face of Santana's protests and was allowing them to share a room temporarily. It was really early for either Santana or Quinn to even be in bed, but Blaine and Rachel had practically been falling asleep at the dinner table and the older girls had just decided to stay with them in case they woke up scared or something. It was also an excuse to get away from Will and Emma because dinner had been mostly silent and super awkward and even though Will and Emma meant well, Santana found herself biting her tongue to keep from snapping at them when they did try to make conversation with them.

"Yeah." Quinn said, not taking her eyes off of the ceiling and the cheap plastic glow in the dark stars that were stuck on it. She had hoped that the sound of Blaine and Rachel's deep even breathing would lull her to sleep and silence her thoughts. She was so tired she could feel it in her bones. She had gotten little sleep last night after they had gotten to Brittany's house between the adrenaline that still hadn't fully left her system, the images that she couldn't get out of her mind and the questions Blaine asked that she couldn't answer. When they both had finally fallen asleep, it had been hard for Quinn to stay asleep because Blaine kicked and stole the blankets, not to mention the nightmare she herself had had.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?" Santana asked. Both girls tried not to ask what was wrong or if they were okay because everything was always wrong and they were never okay, not really so any answer to that particular question would be a lie. Quinn had barely spoken to anyone at all that day and had done little more than pick at the one slice of pizza she did actually attempt to eat. Santana knew that Quinn was struggling with being in this house, the loss of their grandmother more real now than it ever had been, her absence palpable in the empty spaces of the house but Santana knew her sister well enough to know that there was something else that Quinn wasn't telling her.

"Have you checked your phone at all today?" Quinn asked catching Santana completely off guard as she snapped her head over to stare at Quinn, although she could only really make out the outline of her sister's body in the low light of the room, her sudden movement causing Rachel to snuffle and sigh in her sleep.

"What? Why would I...it's been dead and I haven't really thought to check it. What does that even have to do with anything?" Santana asked voice filled with confusion at Quinn's evasiveness. Santana sighed as she slid out of the bed as carefully as possible so she wouldn't wake Rachel, stumbling to the dresser where she had placed her phone to charge. As soon as it turned on it started blaring her notification ringtone, the noise echoing in the silence of the room as she fumbled to silence it. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped open as the notifications of text messages and voicemails continued to flood her phone. Quinn was able to see the look of astonishment and then confusion that settled over Santana's features mirroring Quinn's own when Brittany's phone had done the same earlier that day.

"We're on the news," Quinn said shrugging, trying to sound nonchalant although she felt anything but. Quinn watched Santana open and close her mouth a few times before crossing the room and dropping down to sit in the space between the two beds, dropping her phone into her lap as she placed her head in her hands.

Quinn followed Santana's lead, sliding from her own bed to sit facing her sister, "I mean we aren't exactly but mom and Hiram are and everyone knows about..." Quinn's voice trailed off at the end because even though their mother had been murdered, just the thought of saying it out loud caused her stomach to flip and bile to rise in her throat.

"Fuck." Santana breathed out in a sigh, running her hands through her hair, "How?"

Santana felt like an idiot for not having thought about the fact that what happened to her mother and to Hiram would make the news especially in a city like Lima, that was big enough that no one knew all of their neighbors but small enough that no matter where one went in the city the chances of running into a familiar face were high. But Santana was honestly surprised that the majority of McKinley High had seemed to pick up on the story because she didn't picture most of them as avid news watchers and neither Hiram or Shelby shared the same last name as their classmates and very few people had actually been to their home.

"I mean I guess they must have a police scanner." Quinn said and Santana snapped her head up to glare at her sister.

"Not. Funny." Santana bit out, nudging Quinn with her foot.

"I know, " Quinn said shrugging, her gaze falling to her lap as picked at a loose thread on her pajama pants, "You know how that school is, San. Britt's phone rang pretty much all morning until she finally just shut it off."

"Did-did you see it? The news report?" Santana asked and all Quinn could do was nod in response unable to form words to explain how horrible the experience had been.

She hadn't expected to hear her mother's name falling from Rod Remington's lips that morning as she sat on Brittany's couch a bowl of cereal in her lap. She was frozen in place as the anchors recounted the horror that she herself had been witness to, flashes of the scene in her living room playing in her head. She had wanted to look away from the TV, to turn it off and forget that she had even seen it but she found that she couldn't. She listened almost detached as they recounted the injuries her mother had succumbed to. She hadn't know that Hiram had stabbed their mother, and not once but ten times, their words conjuring the image of her mother's blood soaked body and Santana's blood stained hands. She had managed to hold it together until she had caught a glimpse of a sheet covered stretcher being wheeled out of the house. Her stomach had lurched violently then as she flew from the couch sending the bowl crashing to the floor, milk seeping into the carpet. She had spent the next twenty minutes emptying the contents of her stomach into Brittany's kitchen sink because it had been closer, Mrs. Pierce holding her hair back from her face as she rubbed her back and whispered soothingly to her.

Santana was able to see the color drain from Quinn's face in the moonlight and knew that Quinn was reliving whatever it was that she had seen or heard on the news report. Santana didn't need a news report to remember what she had seen the night before. She still had been unable to shake the feeling of her mother's blood on her hands and had found herself washing her hands repeatedly that day in order to remove something that was no longer there.

"Was Blaine there? Did he see it?" Santana asked anxiety evident in her voice.

There were so many details of what happened in their home the previous night that only Santana knew and the one detail she wanted to keep to herself was exactly how their mother had died. She hadn't been able to protect Blaine and Rachel from hearing the gunshot that had taken their father's life or from having that information confirmed for them. They hadn't yet asked how their father had killed their mother and Santana wanted to keep it that way for as long as she could.

"No. He was still upstairs with Emily, he didn't see anything." Quinn told Santana.

"Good. They can't know, Q. You know how they are and they just can't." Santana told Quinn.

Quinn just rolled her eyes and nodded because she knew exactly how obnoxious her youngest siblings could be.

Blaine and Rachel were pretty much the noisiest eight year olds ever. It had been really easy to keep things from them before they could spell but now it wasn't so easy. They were eight so they weren't exactly stealthy with their eavesdropping which mostly consisted of them silently staring at their siblings until one of them noticed and scolded them. They had both had been caught numerous times with their ears pressed to the wood of Santana and Quinn's door trying to hear what they were discussing particularly around their birthday or Christmas.

"I won't tell them, San." Quinn reassurred her sister and Santana sighed in relief. Quinn knew then that although Santana would never admit it, it wasn't just Blaine and Rachel she was trying to protect but herself as well. The two girls lapsed into silence then save for the sound of the clicking of the keys on Santana's phone as she either deleted or responded to messages, "San?Why did he do it? I mean, I know that he..he hated her...but I still don't know why he did it."

Santana felt her stomach drop at Quinn's question because she knew that everything had happened because of her, because of what she had asked her mother to do and she wasn't ready for everyone to know that yet. She was already blaming herself enough, she couldn't handle it if everyone else blamed her too.

"I don't-I don't know. He was an asshole and he snapped. Did he really need a reason? He never did before and if he did have a reason, it was always bullshit." Santana said slightly surprised at the anger in her own voice.

"Yeah, I guess," Quinn said averting her eyes from Santana's as she traced patterns on the knee of her pajama pants, "Are you...I mean...are you happy?"

"What?" Santana asked her voice coming out as a harsh whisper, "What kind of question is that?"

"I-I don't know, San...he was so horrible..and he hurt you and now he can't anymore..so I just thought that you..."

"Would be happy he's dead? Well I'm not...I'm...I don't really know what I am...I'm relieved, I guess because he can't hurt us, he can't hurt her anymore...and that mom..that she.." Santana said trailing off as she swallowed thickly against the emotions that were welling in her, blinking furiously against the tears she could feel burning her eyes.

She wasn't ready to have this conversation with anyone, not when she had so many emotions swirling within her that she had clamped down on them so hard that she just felt nothing. She wasn't ready to talk about her mom, because Santana had known how unhappy her mother had been, had seen how much pain she had been in for years. She remembered hearing the pain laced through her mother's words on the few nights that she had clung to Santana after she had been placed in bed, whispering apologies through tears and mumbling about how their life wasn't supposed to be like this and how she wanted to be better for them. Those were the rare nights that Santana didn't leave her mother's bed. She let her mother hold her and murmur apologies into her hair even though she knew they would be forgotten in the morning. She knew that although her mother had died in the worst possible way that she was free now and Santana didn't know if that made her relieved or angry, because she had been so close to getting her mother back and then she was just gone. She didn't even know which "her" she had been referring to, if it was her mother or Rachel, or both, because she never worried about herself. She let Hiram do what he did to her because it meant he wasn't hurting Rachel or Quinn or her mother and she could handle it if it meant keeping them safe, so what did that say about her?

"I'm sorry, S." Quinn said as she watched her sister struggle to reign in her emotions.

"What about you, Q? Are you happy?" Santana asked, her voice carrying none of the emotion it held just moments before instead she just sounded tired.

"I-I think I am," Quinn confided, her eyes downcast and her cheeks burning with shame, because he had been Blaine and Rachel's father and yet she felt the slightest bit of happiness that he was gone."I hated him. I hated that he hurt you, and that I had to sit there while he did it, and I hated him even more when I saw what he had been doing to Rachel, so yeah, I think I'm glad that he's dead."

Quinn had wanted nothing more than to be free of Hiram, for all of them to be free of him, and they were. She didn't think that Santana truly understood how powerless she felt every time she heard Hiram come into their room, and heard the muted groans and muffled whimpers that followed, and all she could do was lay there and pretend to be asleep, when all she wanted to do was do whatever it took to get him off of Santana. And although she realized that a small part of her was happy that Hiram was dead, the larger part of her was confused by what she was supposed to feel about the fact that their mother was gone as well. Quinn's relationship with Shelby had been complicated in a way that her siblings' relationships with her had not been, and sometimes Quinn felt as if Shelby was angry with her or blamed Quinn for the end of her relationship with Santana and Noah's father, but she had loved her mom and didn't know if she was sad that to be free of Hiram they had to lose her mother or angry at her mother for even falling in love with Hiram in the first place.

"I hated him too, Quinn, so I think it is okay to be a little bit glad that he's dead." Santana told Quinn, who nodded and wiped at her face with the back of her hands, removing the remnants of tears that she hadn't even noticed fallen. Before Santana could speak again to suggest that they tried to get some sleep, they were both startled by the door to the room opening and turned to see Noah silhouetted in the soft light from the hallway. Santana just rolled her eyes as she motioned for Noah to come into the room. Noah followed her directions sitting cross legged on the floor between the two beds so that he was facing Quinn and Santana.

"What's going on?" Noah asked as he made himself comfortable on the floor of the room, looking curiously between his two sisters.

"Nothing," Santana said shrugging, "We were just talking."

Noah rolled his eyes able to recognize when Santana was being evasive and it seemed like lately Santana was always being evasive and it was driving Noah crazy. He knew he hadn't been there the way he should have been and that he left Santana to deal with things alone, and leaving last night to stay at Finn's didn't help. He could tell she was still angry with him for that but he was here now and he was tired of being kept in the dark.

"Have you seen the news?" He asked and both of his sisters turned to him with a quizzical expression. They didn't know that he had spent the last hour or however long it had been talking to Finn and a few of other friends, before finally breaking down and searching for the news story himself.

"I did." Quinn said in a small voice.

"It's bullshit, you know? All those people on there, neighbors or coworkers or what the fuck ever, talking about how they had no idea he was capable of doing this, that he was a good doctor, that they never noticed any disturbances from our house. But they don't know fucking anything." Noah spat venomously, hardly noticing that his voice had been growing gradually louder throughout his rant.

"Keep your voice down, dumbass." Santana scolded, slapping him as she leaned up slightly to check to make sure that Blaine and Rachel were still asleep, sinking back down when she was satisfied that they were still sleeping.

"Did they see what happened?" Noah asked, asking the one question that had been on his mind all day. He knew Blaine and Rachel had been in the house, Santana had told him as much and the news stations had driven that point home.

"No. They were hiding in the closet." Santana told him.

"Did they tell you what happened before?" Noah asked.

"Noah," Santana said sighing heavily, "I don't want to talk about this, okay? I just don't. I'm tired, I just want to go to sleep."

"Fine." Noah said, shoving himself off of the floor and leaving the room, returning moments later with his pillow and blanket. His sisters had already returned to their beds, Quinn lying on her back beside Blaine and Santana curled onto her side beside Rachel.

"What are you doing?" Santana asked as she peered down at her brother.

"Sleeping." Noah told her, as he laid down on his makeshift bed, shifting in an attempt to get comfortable. He recieved no response from his sister other than another weary sigh and he looked over to see that she had rolled over and her back was now facing him, "Santana?"

"Oh my god! What, Noah?" Santana hissed exasperation evident in her tone. She just wanted to sleep, everything was too much right now and she didn't really feel like dealing with Noah as well. If he had wanted to know all of this he would have been there last night when she had told him she needed him and she really wasn't in the mood to answer these questions now.

"What was that earlier with Will?" Noah asked. He knew Santana was annoyed with him, but he also knew that this was probably the only way to get his sister to answer his questions and he had a lot of them.

"Nothing." Santana said.

"That wasn't nothing, Santana. I'm not an idiot." Noah told her.

"Please, just drop it, Noah." Santana plead.

"No," Noah told her, "I'm tired of dropping things and I'm tired of not knowing what the hell is going on with any of you."

"Maybe if you were actually around, you would know what was going on. But you're not, you're to busy getting drunk and doing whatever the hell it is that you do that is more important than actually being there." Santana spat at him, her voice shaking with anger, holding her breath and freezing when she felt Rachel shift beside her, praying that the little girl wouldn't wake up.

"I'm here now." Noah whispered, slightly taken aback by the anger he heard lacing Santana's every word and the guilt that was causing his stomach to churn as he thought about all the times he had left her to deal with things on her own. He knew that she was actually more hurt than angry but she would never tell him that.

"And that's awesome for you but I don't really want to talk right now." Santana told him.

"But we will talk right? You'll tell me what going on? I know I've done a really crappy job of being there for you all, but I want to fix that okay?" Noah told her.

"Fine, whatever, Noah. We can talk about whatever you want tomorrow if you would just shut up." Santana said and Noah could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"Okay. We'll talk tomorrow?" Noah asked and Santana just grunted in response. Noah stared at the ceiling in silence as he listened to the sounds of his siblings' deep even breathing, allowing it to lull him to sleep.

...

Rachel woke up the next morning as the first rays of sunlight filtered into the darkened bedroom, scrunching up her nose against the feeling of something tickling it, opening her eyes slightly to see strands of Santana's hair had fallen across her face in their sleep as she brushed them away. She glanced at Santana next to her, one of Santana's arms draped across her stomach, her forehead resting on Rachel's shoulder. Rachel ran her fingers up the back of Santana's arm gently in order to get Santana to shift away from her, giggling quietly when Santana's arm twitched from the tickling sensation, her face scrunching in displeasure as she pulled her arm away from Rachel. Rachel pushed herself into a sitting position as she glanced around at her siblings. Quinn was still asleep in the other bed, having flopped over onto her stomach in her sleep, one arm dangling off of the bed. She heard the sound of gentle snoring coming from below her and saw Noah asleep on a makeshift pallet of blankets, Quinn's hand only inches from his face. Rachel's heart froze in her chest when she didn't see Blaine in the bed beside Quinn where he had been last night. Rachel scrambled down from the bed as quickly and quietly as possible, and nearly barreled into Blaine as she threw the door to the bedroom open.

"Where were you?" Rachel questioned Blaine, whispering so she wouldn't wake, her siblings.

"Bathroom." Blaine said shrugging as he moved to go back into the bedroom, but Rachel stopped him by grabbing his hand, and pulling him back into the hallway with her, "Whaddya want, Rach?"

"Shh, Blaine, you'll wake everyone up." Rachel hissed as she pulled Blaine to the bathroom in the hall, "Wait here."

Blaine rolled his eyes as he watched his sister go into the bathroom, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor, yawning. Blaine had been pulled from sleep by a nightmare well before the sun had come up. He couldn't remember the details but he could remember the pounding of his heart and the trembling of his limbs as he had shuffled closer to Quinn, trying to force himself to go back to sleep, not wanting to wake his siblings up for a nightmare he couldn't remember even as the shadows dancing across the room in the predawn light played tricks on his mind. He had laid there with his eyes squeezed shut tightly, his body pressed as close to Quinn as possible until his bladder had driven him from the room. He had every intention of crawling back into bed after he had used the bathroom. He heard the toilet flush and turned his head as Rachel came out of the bathroom, crossing over to sit next to him.

"Blaine, did you hear Santana and Quinn talking last night?" Rachel asked him. Rachel had woken up last night as soon as she felt Santana climb out of the bed. She had laid as still as possibly, eyes shut as she listened to her sisters' whispered conversation, holding her breath each time that Santana would check to make sure she was still sleeping, not wanting to get caught and cause her sisters to stop talking.

"Uh-uh, why?" Blaine asked, rubbing at his eyes sleepily.

"They...they said that mom and dad were on the news, us too." Rachel told him.

"Us? Why would we be on the news?" Blaine asked nervously chewing on his lower lip.

"I don't know, "Rachel said shrugging, "But...but I want to know. I want to know what happened."

"I don't," Blaine whispered. He didn't understand why Rachel needed to know more, he knew more and he didn't want to. He could still hear the gunshot that took his father's life and could remember the sight of Santana's blood stained clothes and he didn't want to know anymore, "But maybe you can ask San or something."

"No, I can't. She told Quinn not to tell us. You'll help me right?" Rachel asked, and Blaine nodded.

"You kids are up early." They heard someone say and turned to see Will and Emma coming down the hallway from their room, still clad in their pajamas. Both Blaine and Rachel shot to their feet, standing ramrod straight with their backs pressed against the wall, their hands clasped between them.

"What are you doing out here?" Emma asked them.

"Nothing." Rachel whispered, shrugging, Blaine stayed silent as he stared at the ground, his fingers planted in his mouth once again.

"How are you feeling this morning, Rachel?" Emma asked and Rachel just shrugged, whispering a soft "fine."

"So Emma and I were thinking that since you guys are up so early, that maybe you would like to help us make breakfast for everyone." Will said brightly, hoping that his suggestion would ease some of the anxiety and discomfort that was radiating from the two children in front of him. He let out an internal cheer when their gazes lifted from the ground, regarding him with both curiosity and skepticism.

"Well what kind of breakfast? Do you even know what they like?" Rachel asked, looking between him and Emma.

"Well not yet, that's why we need your help." Will told them, watching as they looked at each other, almost as if they were engaging in a silent conversation, before Rachel was nodding resolutely, slipping her hand into Will's startling him slightly. He looked down at Rachel, who was watching his every movement, smiling down at her as he began to lead her to the kitchen.

"Bacon. Quinn likes bacon." Blaine said softly and both Will and Emma were unable to keep the smiles from their faces as they led the children to the kitchen.

...

Santana was awakened the next morning by the scent of bacon and pancake batter wafting into her nostrils causing her stomach to rumble with hunger. Her stomach dropped when she reached out and realized that the bed beside her was empty, shooting upright, her eyes locking on Quinn who was standing in the doorway.

"They're downstairs," Quinn told Santana, who was looking around the room frantically, "They wanted me to come get you for breakfast."

Santana nodded as the knot in her stomach loosened with Quinn's words. She glanced over and saw that Noah was still asleep between the beds and couldn't resist the urge to kick him lightly in an attempt to rouse him. She watched in amusement as his head shot up, glancing around the room in confusion before his eyes finally settled on Santana smirking at him, glaring at her before flopping back down with a grunt.

"What the hell, San?" Noah protested.

"There's food, idiot, come on." Santana told him as she left the room.

When Santana reached the kitchen, she was surprised by the scene that greeted her. Will was at the stove flipping pancakes, Rachel standing beside him giggling each time that he flipped a pancake on to the plate. Blaine and Emma stood at the kitchen island, a bowl of oranges next to them, Emma cutting each one in half before guiding Blaine to press the halves onto the top of the juicer that rested there. Santana knew that there was no way they were making enough juice for everyone in the house, knowing Blaine he had probably wanted to see how it worked. Santana saw that the table was already set, butter, syrup and a plate of bacon already sitting in the center of the table. She felt her stomach twist as she noticed how open Rachel seemed to be with Will already and how the older man had seemed to have taken a liking to Rachel so quickly.

"They're okay, San. Just let it be." Quinn told her as she came to stand beside her sister. She had watched as a scowl settled on Santana's features as she had entered the kitchen and how it had deepened as she watched Rachel and Will flipping pancakes by the stove.

"Yeah, this whole happy family thing that is going on is weird though." Santana said, her eyes not leaving Rachel and Will even as she spoke to Quinn. Quinn just shrugged in response before going over to the table and swiping a strip of bacon off of it.

"Quinn!" Rachel exclaimed, having seen Quinn's actions out of the corner of her eye, "You're supposed to wait for Santana and Noah."

"I'm right here, Rach." Santana told Rachel as she sat down at the table.

"Santana, Blaine and I made pancakes." Rachel told her as she carried over the second plate of pancakes, handing it to Quinn who placed it in the center of the table before climbing onto the chair beside Santana, sitting up on her knees.

"Oh you and Blaine made the pancakes, huh?" Santana teased, wiping off a streak of flour that had made it onto Rachel's cheek.

"Will and Emma helped." Rachel said rolling her eyes in a perfect mimic of her older sisters. Santana heard Will laugh as he made his way to the table, and Santana turned to glare at him. Rachel's brow furrowing in confusion as she watched the silent interaction between her sister and Will. She wanted to tell her sister to be nice because Will had been nice to her and Blaine, and she didn't understand why Santana didn't see that.

"I'm sure your pancakes are awesome, Rach." Noah said, ruffling Rachel's hair gently as he took a seat at the table, Rachel glaring at him as she ran a hand over it to smooth it. He had walked into the kitchen just as Rachel was excitedly telling Santana about making breakfast but had stayed silent, until he saw the staring contest between Will and Santana and decided to break the tension, still trying to figure out the cause of Santana's disdain for him.

"Rachel, please sit right on the chair." Emma reprimanded gently as she and Blaine joined the rest of the family at the table, Blaine sliding onto a chair in between Quinn and Noah as Emma sat down opposite of Will.

Breakfast was a mostly silent and uncomfortable affair. The lighthearted atmosphere of the kitchen had been drastically changed by the appearance of the older children and the tension between Will and Santana that remained throughout. There was none of the gentle teasing and lighthearted comments that Will and Emma had witnessed between the siblings the previous day and even earlier that morning. Any assistance that was offered to the younger children by Emma or Will, offers to help the cut their food or pour syrup on their pancakes, was swiftly shot down by Santana either demanding that she would do it herself or directing Noah or Quinn to do it. Will and Emma tried to make conversation with all of the children but their questions were either met with shrugs, glares or grunts from the older children and Blaine and Rachel seemed to shift uncomfortably when questions were directed at them glancing furtively between their older siblings, particularly Santana as if seeking permission to answer. It became obvious during breakfast that although Noah was the oldest, it was Santana that the children sought approval and permission from.

After breakfast, Will and Emma had taken Rachel and Blaine into the living room to show them the toys they had dug out of the basement the previous evening after the kids had gone to bed. Blaine and Rachel settling on doing a puzzle since it was a quiet enough activity for them to do with Rachel's concussion, Will and Emma sitting beside them on the floor as they spread the puzzle out on the coffee table. Quinn had also joined them in the living room, curling up in the large armchair with a book she had found on the bookshelf in the living room, while Santana and Noah were stuck cleaning up the kitchen since they had been the last two to make it downstairs for breakfast. That had always been their grandmother's rule, that the last to breakfast or dinner were stuck cleaning and doing dishes. It was a rule that Shelby had instituted in their home and that Santana had stuck to even after Shelby was so much of a mess that she didn't eat meals with them in an attempt to keep some normalcy for her siblings.

"Santana?" Noah said coming to stand beside Santana who was at the sink watching dishes. He knew Santana hated doing dishes and that she had only agreed because standing at the sink offered a clear view of the living room. His suspicions were confirmed when all Santana did was hum in acknowledgement of Noah, her gaze never wavering from from her siblings, and he was almost positive that she had been washing the same dish for the last five minutes. "What did he do to her?"

His own eyes settled on Rachel then where she sat beside Emma and across from Will, murmuring to them softly every so often, much more subdued than she had been before breakfast that morning.

"What did he do to her?" Noah asked quietly, trying to keep his voice low enough that they wouldn't hear him in the living room.

"What did who do to her?" Santana asked causing Noah to huff and roll his eyes because he was so done with Santana being evasive especially with this.

"Hiram," Noah hissed through gritted teeth, "You said that he was...he was hurting her...hitting her...and just what did you mean?"

"What do you mean what did I mean? He was hitting her." Santana said as if that explained everything, but Noah knew that it wasn't that simple.

"Did she..did she tell you? How did you know?" Noah asked swallowing roughly as he pictured his much larger stepfather hitting his tiny baby sister.

"No. He told her not to tell. She..there..there are bruises..and I saw them." Santana explained absentmindedly, not even realizing her mistake until she saw Noah stalking into the living room, dropping down to kneel in front of Rachel, who looked up at him in confusion. It seemed as if everyone had recognized the shift in the atmosphere of the living room as Quinn placed her book down on the arm of her chair, sitting up fully, Blaine shrinking back against the couch, pulling his knees to his chest.

"Noah?" Rachel questioned, "What's wrong?"

"Rachel...I need you to show me." Noah demanded fighting to keep the anger that was causing his heart to pound and his voice to tremble under control.

"Show you what?" Rachel asked her eyes wide, confusion evident in her voice.

"Noah, leave her alone." Santana told him sternly.

"No!" Noah barked, causing Rachel to flinch away from him, tears stinging her eyes, "Please, Rach, I..I need to see..I need to see what he did."

"You-you can't," Rachel sobbed, "No one is supposed to know."

"Noah, maybe you should go cool off." Will suggested in an attempt to defuse the situation. He could see the rage smoldering in Noah's eyes and knew that his anger was scaring both of the little kids, Blaine having abandoned his seat beside Will to climb into the chair with Quinn.

"Shut. Up. I'm talking to my sister." Noah spat.

He reached for Rachel then in order to hold her still so he could examine her for marks and bruises continuing to plead with her to let him see what Hiram had done. In that moment, he heard nothing beyond the roar of the blood in his own ears as his eyes roved over Rachel's body and her exposed skin. He couldn't hear Rachel's sobs and pleas for him to let her go as she tried to twist away from him. As he moved to lift up the back of her shirt, a hard shove from behind him brought everything back into startling focus and allowed Rachel to break free of his grasp.

"Get away from her." Santana spat at Noah, shoving him again once he climbed to his feet, coming to stand between him and Rachel, "You're scaring her."

Noah saw that Rachel had fallen to her bottom behind Santana, the struggle with Noah must have caused her to lose her balance and she had folded in on herself sobbing so hard that her tiny body was shaking with the force of her tears. Quinn had fallen to her knees beside Rachel and was rubbing her back and whispering soothingly to her, Blaine wrapped around her on the other side, his face buried in her side.

"Quinn, why don't you take Blaine and Rachel upstairs?" Emma suggested and Quinn looked at Santana who nodded, waiting until Quinn led the sobbing Blaine and Rachel away from them to square off with her older brother

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Noah? I tell you that Hiram was hitting Rachel hard enough to leave bruises and you decide to try to force her to show you what he did? Are you stupid?" Santana shouted at him, ignoring both Will and Emma saying her name with warning in their tone.

"I just..I needed to see," Noah said, running a hand over his face, "How could he do that, San? How could he do that to her?"

"How could he? How could you?" Santana said scoffing, "She is terrified, Noah and you did that to her. Jesus, Noah, she has a fucking concussion."

"Fuck," Noah breathed out sitting down on the couch heavily, his head in his hands, "I fucked up. I was just...I was so mad San, that he could do that to her and I wasn't..I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah, no shit," Santana sighed, "You can't do shit like that to her, you just can't. She can't be scared of you."

"I know. I didn't mean to, I'll go apologize." Noah said getting off of the couch, moving to go upstairs, but was stopped by Santana's hand on his arm.

"Not now, Noah." Santana told him, watching as Noah's shoulders slumped, as he nodded.

"Noah, I'm going to go get bed frames and mattresses for you and Blaine. I could really use your help." Will told him and Noah nodded as he followed the older man to the front door.

"Santana," Noah called turning to face his sister as she stood on the stairs, "Just I'm sorry, can you tell them that?" Santana just nodded in response before climbing the stairs.

It wasn't until much later that evening that Noah was able to get the chance to talk to Rachel. He had spent most of the afternoon with Will at the furniture store and when he got home, Santana had informed him that Rachel was napping and that she had cried so hard that she had vomited and that her head been hurting so they put her down for a nap. The guilt had been eating at Noah ever since and although he had been able to apologize to Blaine and Quinn, it hadn't stopped Blaine from watching him warily all afternoon or Quinn from glaring at him every time she had a chance. He hadn't been able to take the uneasiness for very long and had spent the majority of the rest of the evening in his room, alternating between listening to music and playing games on his phone.

"Noah?" He heard a small voice say and he looked up to see Rachel clad in pajamas, leaning against his door frame, twisting her fingers in the bottom of her shirt anxiously.

"Rach." Noah breathed, sitting up in bed, "I'm so sorry."

"I..I know you're sorry, Santana told me. You were so mean, Noah. I don't..I don't understand why you were so mad at me."

"What?" Noah asked confusion written across his features, "No, no, I wasn't mad at you. Come here, Rach." Rachel nodded, padding across the room as she climbed up onto the bed next to him, pulling her knees up to her chest as she faced him.

"But you were yelling at me. You were really scary, Noah." Rachel told him, her eyes downcast as she picked at a loose thread on Noah's sheets.

"I know I was, Rach, and I'm so sorry, okay? I was just mad, but I was never mad at you. San...she..San told me that Hiram..that you're dad was hurting you and I was just mad." Noah explained sighing, blinking back the tears that stung his eyes as he realized just how badly he had scared his baby sister.

"She wasn't supposed to tell you that." Rachel muttered, her gaze still focused anywhere but on Noah.

"I know that. I know you didn't want her to tell me but I wanted to know. You should've told someone, Rach. Look at me," Noah told her, and Rachel pulled her eyes up from the sheet to meet Noah's, "He should never have hurt you."

"So you were mad at daddy?" Rachel asked him.

"Yeah, Rach, I was mad at your dad." Noah told her. Rachel chewed on her lower lip as she watched Noah shift uncomfortably on the bed. She remembered him screaming at her to let him see what Hiram had done and she didn't understand why he wanted to see what her dad had done or why she was still so scared to let anyone know. She knew her dad was dead and that he couldn't hurt her or anyone else anymore, but she had kept this secret for so long that it was hard to remember that she didn't have to be scared anymore.

"Noah, I can...I'll show you what he did." Rachel whispered, Noah's eyes widening in shock.

"You don't have to. I shouldn't have pushed you to show me earlier." Noah told her because even though she was putting on a brave face, he could see how scared she still was.

Rachel didn't verbally respond to him, just turned her back to him before beginning to slowly lift up her shirt. She ignored the tears that had started trickling down her cheeks and the way her hands shook and the voice in her head, her father's voice, that was telling her how wrong this was and how she would pay for showing Noah later. Rachel heard Noah gasp as she exposed her back to him as the cool air of the room seeped into her skin and caused a shiver to run up her spine.

"Stop. I don't need to see anymore." Noah demanded before she had fully exposed her injuries to him, his hand grasping her wrist gently causing her to lose her grip on her shirt as it fell to cover her skin once again.

Noah swallowed against the bile that was coating his throat wanting to erase the images of the bruises and lash marks that covered Rachel's back from his memory. He wanted to be sick and he wanted to hit someone or something, because he couldn't believe that Hiram had hurt Rachel this badly and none of them even knew what was going on. He drew in a deep breath through his nose as he fought his raging emotions because after what happened earlier he couldn't lose it again. Rachel slowly turned to face her brother, trepidation in her every movement, not knowing how Noah was going to react to what she had shown him.

"I'm so sorry," Noah breathed out, a tear snaking down his cheek, startling Rachel who had never seen her big brother cry, "I'm just so fucking sorry."

Noah did the only thing he could do in that moment and pulled Rachel to him, cursing himself when she stiffened instinctively at his embrace before relaxing against him, Noah still leaving his arms loose enough that she would be able to pull from it if she needed to.

"I know you are, Noah." Rachel murmured, her voice slightly muffled by the fabric of her shirt as she allowed him to hold her. She didn't really understand why Noah was sorry, or why Santana was sorry for what Hiram had done to her. She figured they were sorry for not knowing what was happening, but she wasn't sure and even if that was why they were sorry, it wasn't their fault because she had never told them what happened.

"Rachel, it's time for bed." They heard Santana say from the door way and Rachel pulled back from Noah. She could see how red his eyes were from the tears he hadn't been able to hide and how he was biting his trembling lower lip to stay in control and could feel how sad he was, but she didn't know how to make him feel better.

"Good night, Noah." Rachel said, planting a kiss on his cheek before sliding off of the bed to follow Santana out of the room. She glanced back over her shoulder one last time before Santana shut the door to his room and saw him still slumped over in the same position, his shoulders shaking with tears and she heard him sob just as Santana shut the door. She wanted to go back to him, to hug him and tell him she was okay but she didn't because she knew her big brother would never want her to see him cry.

Loved it, hated it. Let me know. Thanks for reading.