Chapter 7: Tai and Her Pain
You know I don't think I can apologize enough for the lack of updates…I am sooooo sorry but hopefully my work on this chapter can remedy this. Hopefully this is consistent with the previous chapters since I had to re-read everything and fell in love with this story all over again. As a quick recap we see in the last chapter that…Tai may not be able to love Sora! What? Again thank you for all your kind reviews and support that have kept me going!
P.S: Swear words in this chapter. Just a warning!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything digital…digimon that is!
Last time on Her Love Returns
"T-Tai…" Sora placed her hand on one of Tai's shoulders. "I love you…just tell me…do you love me back?" Tai's shoulders went into a slump…he turned around and looked at her. His eyes were black…Sora couldn't read anything from him...she was feeling out of breathe…fear was consuming her... "S-Sora…I don't think you truly love me…and honestly…right now…I don't think I can love you back…"
It was as if the whole world had just come to a halt. With those words…the just the sound of them…just the look in Tai's eyes made Sora's world come to a screeching halt. Sora must have been dreaming. She must have had fallen asleep exactly when she was standing and had dreamt the entire conversation. Sora was certain she heard it all wrong. This was just some cruel sick twisted dream and soon she would wake from it…right? Right?
"I think the only reason you claim to love me now is because you feel guilty…I've been thinking a lot about it…I love you but…I've thought of reasons why…why now…why you decided to love me now…and…even then…I'm doubting your love…especially when you left with Matt"
"Th-That wasn't my choice…" "But you went anyway…didn't you? You went anyway…you could have just made him stop and let him speak in front of me…instead you let yourself be dragged by him…and you let yourself talk to him…I know both of you well enough to know that that wasn't some talk about the inner workings of baseball."
Sora's lips began to quiver. "You're right it wasn't." her eyes cast down to the concrete sidewalk and she began to brush the dry leaves off the boardwalk…what was going on? This sudden turn of events…why? Tai gazed at her more, his fist clenching, feeling the imminent pain and rage build up in his body. He began to shake but managed to whisper
"I know…it was about your feelings for him wasn't it? And I bet…you couldn't decide who of us you wanted more…" Sora looked up to Tai…their gaze was locked…Sora couldn't breathe anymore. "You still love him don't you?" Sora looked down and clutched her hands tightly and closed her eyes, she wanted this whole conversation to go away. Sora wanted to erase things…how could things have gone so wrong?
"Answer me Sora…you love him don't you?" Sora brought her hands to her ears…she wanted all of this to go away…why…why did it feel like so heavy…why did she feel like she was dissolving away…why did she feel guilty…she loved Tai…Why? "Answer! Why won't you answer? Tai grabbed Sora by the shoulders in such a vicious way it almost felt animalistic.
Sora could feel the stinging pain shooting up her body. What had brought this up? What had brought this side of Tai all of a sudden? Didn't he just say moments ago that she meant everything to him…? Why? Why couldn't he just leave it be?
"Tai you're hurting me!" "Answer me Sora!"
"I-I…Tai just closed his eyes. He released Sora, but that didn't mean he released his anger or pain. "I knew it" He let out a shuddery sigh and ran his hands through his hair. "You love him!" He screamed at Sora, it was thunderous…it was terrifying.
"If you really loved me…then you wouldn't put me through this! If you loved me you would have just left Matt there and then! If you loved me you wouldn't have chosen Matt in the first place! If you really loved me…you wouldn't have let superficial reasons get in the way! I'm not going to be your second choice Sora!" "That's enough Tai!" Sora brought her eyes up…tear stained as they were Sora looked up to see Matt standing before her. He looked pained and was gritting his teeth. *Matt…don't come please don't come…you'll only make things worse…only make things more confused.
"Don't shout at her!"
"Don't tell me what to do Matt! Damn it!"
"I'll tell you what to do you son of a bitch! I thought you said you cared about her! Don't do this to her" There were face-to-face, male-to-male. Rivals standing in a dead-lock, Sora could see the steam coming from both of them, the very waves of hatred.
This only made her want to cry more *Don't fight, please don't fight…not because of me…please don't. Tai brought his face closer to Matt, his eyes red with rage "This is as much of your fault as it is hers…are you guys so intent on making me suffer?"
Matt was intent on punching Tai in the balls for hurting Sora like that but those words shook him to the core. Matt took a step back and turned ashen…suffer…*you suffered? "It-Its not like that…"
"Oh…really Matt…for someone that claims to care about me as his best friend…like a brother you sure haven't acted like that in the past year."
Matt gulped…he couldn't go against those words…
"Both of you…have caused me so much pain for the past months…I hid it because I was your friend…I wanted to be happy for you but my hearts been in pieces for months and then I find this shimmer of hope that Sora the girl I loved for most of my life could love me back! But I felt guilty! Because I was your friend! But then I find that she still loves you! Do you realize how painful that is? I have to please everyone but I can't get I want! Do you realize the true pain in that? To realize that even after all this time…even if I was the leader…even after all I've done…I'm still second best?"
"Tai! Th-thi-this isn't you! You know that's not true!"
"Stop this shit Sora; this isn't one of your fantasies!" Sora backed away…shaking…fantasy? What fantasy?
"You keep thinking that if you just tell me you love me everything is going to work out…that I'm going to be ok and we can frolic in a fucking bed of roses and be fucking happily-ever-after for the rest of our lives. This isn't some storybook were there's going to be a happily ever after…this is reality…and the reality is…I can't do this anymore…"
Matt looked down…what was he saying?…to him…to Sora. He attentively looked at Sora…she was near tears and it made him feel as if he was sinking...drowning even. He was generally shocked on the way things were going…Tai was so bitter, so full of pure hatred for Sora and Matt.
The guilt was washing over him and yet at the same time he still wanted Sora. He had to fight back the urge to hug her there and then but he knew he couldn't…Sora wouldn't stand for it because…the pain that Sora was going through now…this was all his fault.
Matt realized what he had done to his friend. He never realized…not once…ever…had he stopped to think what Tai must have felt when Matt held Sora or kissed her in front of him. "I can't take this…my heart won't take it…it may have taken it before but I won't take it now…I done with this…I'm done with you…I'm done with both of you. I think its best that you guys just go home…" "Tai..." "No…I-I-I can't do this anymore…" Tai ran up the stairs never looking back, never glancing, never crying, and never sighing, in stone silence he ran up the stairs.
Sora gloves were soaked in tears, her face was soaked in tears, the barrier between her glove and face was soaked in tears. Sora sobbed her heart out. She felt so guilty, that look on Tai's face…it-it-it just hit her how selfish she was and even now she felt selfish. *Why couldn't Tai just let it go? Why are you so angry now Tai? Why now…just when things we-wer-were starting to work out...? Why? I…don't understand…I want it to all go away!
Matt could only stand and watch…he felt dangerously close to breaking down himself. That look on Tai's face: his eyes shivering as if fighting the tears, his eyes full of rage, his forehead creased…he was hurt… really hurt…because Sora still loved Matt...because his hopes and dreams were dashed again. Matt found a shimmer of glow in his heart…Sora still loved him…as much as he felt guilty he still felt happy.
But Matt wished he could turn back the clock, to stop this argument, to not have said what he had said to Sora so she wouldn't have to suffer like this. Knowing was enough for him but…but you can't undo the past. "Sora…it's okay…it's okay."
He took a step forward and tentatively placed his fingers on her shoulder. When she didn't flinch away she held her steadier. "It's okay…it's okay" he whispered into her ear, he wanted to comfort her. Seeing her in this state he felt his heart fall apart because hers was too. Sora took her hands off her face, the flood of tears hid her face…snot dripping from her nose…it was painfully depressing.
"N-n-no-no..it-it…not!"
Her hands flung back to her face and she let out a wale that could only be compared to a wolf…a wolf that had just lost his mate. Matt brought his hand up to the back of her head and brought it towards his chest, he held her tight if only to muffle the painful cries that were killing him. He held her tighter and she let him.
He held her tight as she sobbed in his chest for in that moment all Matt could do was hug the girl that he was loved.
I loved the hissy fit that Tai gave, to be honest with you I wanted Tai to have done that when Sora was going to give the cookies to Matt. I mean if I was in his position I would have gotten so pissed I would have whacked Sora with a chair. Honestly I think both Sora and Matt deserved it but hey this is still a romance story so you got your bit of that right? Thanks for the support! And don't forget to review!