Chapter seven

"Soubi!" Ritsuka screamed in his delusional state. "No! Let go of me! Stop!"

Ritsuka was sick, sicker than he had ever been in his life. He couldn't make sense of anything, but he could hear the sound of the water being ran into the bathroom and Soubi was carrying him there. They had been asleep not long before when Ritsuka had woken up after wetting the bed and throwing up all over. Ritsuka knew he should be embarrassed that he had wet himself and Soubi and also puked on the both of them, but he was too distracted with the running water. The bathtub rituals were running through his head, memories of being cut and drowned and of the knife glistening in the bathroom's light. His mind couldn't tell what was memory and what was reality. All he knew was that he was going to the place where the horrible memories had happened.

His mind was telling him, in his screwed up, sick state, that he was going to relive those memories and that Soubi was going to do the same things that Misaki did, only it was going to be worse since Soubi was so much stronger.

First, Misaki would carry Ritsuka to the bathtub and shove him in face first into the usually freezing cold water. Somehow, he would always survive this part, though he had passed out a couple times. After that, she'd burn him with scolding water, stripping him and spraying it all over his body and shoving Ritsuka's face in it until he was sure that his skin was bruised. Then came the worst part. Misaki would drain the water and tie Ritsuka's wrists with a belt and force him to stay still and lay on his back in the bathtub. She would go to work, then, cutting his arms fast and painfully, high, low, a jagged cut here, a straight one there. They had no pattern. It was just cut, cut, cut until there was no more Ritsuka.

Ritsuka was woken out of his reminiscence by a splash. He was hit in the face, the lukewarm water soaking his kitten ears and bangs, making them hang further down into his eyes. Soubi just laughed and Ritsuka glared at him for a moment.

Ritsuka sat on a stool next to the bathtub, his legs crossed and a wet, soapy washcloth in his hand. He sighed, dipping it into the water again and glancing at Soubi. It was the first time he had ever seen him fully naked, but Ritsuka never expected this moment to occur when he was giving the older man a bath. It was honestly a bit depressing, but he was going just have to suck it up and move on.

To his surprise, the doctors let Ritsuka take Soubi home a day after he woke up. They had said that there was no further tests that could be done and that Soubi seemed to do exceptionally well with Kio and, most of all, Ritsuka. They allowed them to take Soubi home, wanting to see how much Soubi learned in a different environment. They promised grants if they were able to teach back some things in the month until Soubi was to go back to the hospital.

Ritsuka's spacing out earned another splash from Soubi, a direct hit to his face again. Ritsuka shot him a glare, just like the first time, but his gaze softened when he saw Soubi's overly amused grin. How could he get mad when Soubi was smiling? He reached forward, dragging the washcloth over Soubi's shoulders and neck again. Soubi visibly flinched and gasped in pain as Ritsuka went a little too rough on the multiple scars on his neck.

"Sorry," Ritsuka apologized sincerely. He had forgotten how raw scar tissue could be and that this one would never heal. Even though he hated this scar, he started to wash it gently because it was a part of Soubi, and therefore should be treated gently. He was reminded of how this scar could never go away and how, up until losing his memory, it had kept Soubi confined in Seimei's hold with absolutely no escape.\

Ritsuka started to wash Soubi's back, careful to go easy on the skin there, too, since his flesh was marred by long, healing white scars that Ritsuka was sure were from a whip. It dawned on him, then, how much Soubi had been hurt. The whip scars, the Beloved scar, some other scars that Ritsuka had found on his body…they all were signs of physical abuse. He didn't care how much Soubi had said that it was training and punishment and that he deserved it. It was abuse, no matter how much Soubi denied it. Seimei had abused his power over Soubi and made painful scars on his body and even worse ones on his mind.

Soubi was quiet as Ritsuka gently cleaned him. It was a comfortable silence, though, and Soubi seemed to be enjoying it and not in any pain. Meanwhile, Ritsuka went back to remembering the night he had gotten sick with the flu.

"Relax, Ritsuka," Ritsuka paid no attention to Soubi's soft, comforting voice. Soubi had never done anything to hurt him, but for some reason, right now he believed that he was going to. Soubi could hurt Ritsuka much easier than Misaki could, and it'd probably be a lot more painful, too. This man, who he had always looked up to, was going to try to kill him.

The cutting in the bathtub was what had landed Ritsuka here in the first place. Misaki had dragged Ritsuka out of his room and into the bathroom, where she had spent hours attempting to kill this Ritsuka so her Ritsuka would come back. Just like every other time, she spent the most time cutting him and Ritsuka eventually passed out to the stream of crimson blood going down the drain. He woke up in the snow, fully dressed in sopping wet clothes, laying on the side of the street. He had called Soubi and told him he was going to be coming over.

Ritsuka couldn't do this again, not twice in one night. He started to fight against Soubi, attempting to get him to let go of him. He tried to hit him and scratch him, but failed due to his spinning head and wobbling consciousness. He couldn't even tell which way was up. Black spots clouded his vision and he was suddenly afraid he was going to pass out.

Ritsuka grabbed onto Soubi's hair, pulling harshly. He had to get out of here before he got hurt again. Why, after everything, was Soubi going to hurt him?

"Ow! Ritsuka!" Soubi grabbed Ritsuka's hand, forcing him to let go of his hair. For a moment, Ritsuka regained his sane mind state and felt bad about hurting him. The delusions took back over and he clung on to Soubi, begging him to put him down.

"Stay there," Ritsuka instructed Soubi, hoping that he'd understand. He had just finished washing him and had been extremely careful with him since he had new scars from the attack.

Ritsuka padded out of the bathroom and to the linen closet, quickly finding a towel. It was in the main room, right by the kitchenette, which meant Ritsuka passed the couch to go to it. Something caught his eye, something he had been stupid not to look for earlier. Soubi's phone was on the coffee table in plain sight.

Soubi really had been surprise attacked. Soubi never went anywhere without his phone, especially if he was expecting a fight. Ritsuka picked it up, suddenly forgetting all about Soubi and how he could very easily accidently drown himself.

This is wrong, his mind told him as he opened it and found its battery half full. This is invading Soubi's privacy. Soubi would never do this to him, unless Ritsuka disappeared, was hurt, or killed and he needed to find out who did it. That was the only time Soubi would look through his things. Ritsuka wanted to find out who did this to Soubi so he could get them to reverse the spell. That justified snooping, didn't it? It was still an invasion of privacy, but it was for Soubi's sake.

"Ritsuka!" Ritsuka's head snapped up and he realized that he had left Soubi alone in a tub of water. He ran to the bathroom, carrying the towel, to find Soubi coughing and shaking.

Ritsuka knelt down, coaxing him into a standing position. He could still walk and do basic things, but nothing more. He wrapped the towel around him, taking his hand and leading him out of the bathroom.

Ritsuka was exhausted. It had been an extremely long day. Ritsuka and Kio had slept at the hospital and taken Soubi home around noon. Kio had stayed for a while and made them dinner, but had gone home afterwards, though not before he made Ritsuka promise to call him if anything went wrong. It was late, now, and Ritsuka had decided to give Soubi a bath before going to bed. Soubi looked tired, too, but he was still wide awake, unlike Ritsuka, who was falling asleep whenever he sat down.

Even though he wanted to, he wasn't going to sleep with Soubi. He wanted him to know that they weren't just 'friends', but sleeping in the same bed might be too much too quick. A little loneliness didn't matter compared to scaring Soubi. If Ritsuka scared him, he would be less comfortable around him. Soubi would just be in the next room, anyways. It wasn't like the nights Ritsuka missed Soubi when he was at his house sleeping alone.

Ritsuka sleepily helped Soubi get dressed and ready for bed, feeling a bit like a parent. He pushed those feelings away quickly. Soubi needed him now. He would learn eventually, but for now he needed him. It didn't matter how Ritsuka felt about it. He wanted to do this; he wanted to make up for not doing his part in their relationship. If Soubi would do this for him, he would do this for Soubi.

"Time for bed, Soubi," Ritsuka had his hand again, gently pulling him to the bedroom. Soubi looked a bit confused, but he probably knew to some extent what Ritsuka was telling him. It was a bit cold in the house and Soubi was shivering, but it didn't look like it was from the cold. For some odd reason, he looked scared, and he had since Ritsuka had rushed back to the bathroom to see him coughing and shaking. When Soubi had yelled for him his voice had seemed strained, too. Soubi had nothing to be scared of, since he had lost his memory. Nothing in the bathroom had scared him, so it had to have been a memory. That wasn't possible, though. Soubi didn't have any memories other than being in the hospital and being home with Ritsuka. Nothing could've scared him about being home. In fact, he seemed to be very happy there. It had to have been something at the hospital. Had it been one of the doctors…or a visitor?

Ritsuka got Soubi into bed quite easily and covered him up well, making sure that he would be warm. It was still winter, after all, and the apartment often got cold in the night. Ritsuka smiled down at Soubi, the first smile to naturally come to his lips since bringing Soubi back home. Soubi suddenly wrapped his arms around Ritsuka's neck and brought him down so that their lips touched. Ritsuka turned red and pulled away after a moment, thinking how much that reminded him of the good-night kisses that Soubi and Ritsuka had shared nearly every night.

"G…Good night, Soubi," Ritsuka stood up straight, meeting Soubi's blue eyes before turning off the light. He sighed, going back out into the main room. He looked for a long moment at Soubi's phone again before picking it up and sitting down on the couch. He opened Soubi's messages first, finding quite a few from a number that wasn't registered. Some were just telling Soubi to call whoever it was, but others were sexual in nature, even explicitly. Jealousy flared up in Ritsuka. Soubi and Ritsuka had been together. If…if Soubi had had sex with whoever this was, that was cheating. Soubi would never do that…would he?

Ritsuka sat, trying to decide whether or not to call the number. As he did, he found himself remembering the same memory he had before.

"Please, Soubi!" Ritsuka pleaded, grasping onto Soubi as if his life depended, which he truly did think it did. "Don't hurt me!" Tears ran down his face and he was no longer intent on hurting Soubi, but more on getting him to stop so that he wouldn't hurt Ritsuka.

Soubi stopped and tried to pry Ritsuka's hands off of him. He wanted Ritsuka to stand up, but Ritsuka wasn't having it. He kept his arms firmly around Soubi and wrapped his legs around his waist. He wasn't going to let Soubi hurt him. Not when he had been through a beating that night, already.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Ritsuka!" Soubi's voice was firm as he forced Ritsuka against the wall, pinning him there roughly. He used one hand to pull down Ritsuka's dirty pants and the other to keep Ritsuka against the wall. Ritsuka sobbed, still incoherent and delusional. His mind told him that Soubi had finally gotten fed up with Ritsuka and was going to rape him and then hurt him.

Next came Ritsuka's shirt and he was completely naked, then. Ritsuka closed his eyes and let out a blood-curdling scream, fully expecting Soubi to do something horrible to him. Instead, he felt Soubi pick him up and set him down. Ritsuka's eyes shot open as he felt the warmth of the hot bath surround him. Soubi wasn't making any effort to try to drown him, now.

Ritsuka raised his hand, watching the warm water slowly drip off of it. He suddenly came to his senses when he looked at Soubi and saw a small red scratch Ritsuka had made on his face. Soubi never had any intention to hurt Ritsuka and Ritsuka had been stupid for thinking he did. He had just wanted to clean the child and Ritsuka had freaked out on him. Ritsuka frowned, feeling bad about fighting Soubi.

"I'm going to go put some clean clothes on," Soubi rose, smiling down at the boy who had just tried to hurt him moments ago. All Ritsuka could do was nod. "I'll be back soon," Soubi added as Ritsuka leaned back and closed his eyes again.

Soubi was back quickly, just as he promised and Ritsuka looked up at him sadly. "I'm sorry," He told the man quietly. "I didn't mean to attack you like that. I really didn't. I…I wasn't in the right mindset, I guess…"

Soubi knelt at the side of the bathtub so that he was eyelevel with Ritsuka. "I would never hurt you," He said, pushing up the sleeves of his shirt.

"I know that!" Ritsuka said a little too quickly. Soubi wouldn't hurt Ritsuka. Never intentionally. Soubi could, at times, hug him a little too tightly or when he would have to hold Ritsuka down for good reasons (as he had had when he stripped Ritsuka to get him in the bath) he would occasionally be a little too forceful, but that was only because Soubi sometimes didn't know his own strength.

"I mean…" Ritsuka struggled to find the words and he looked down, breaking their gaze. "The only reason I fought you was because Mom hurts me in the bathtub a lot… She did that earlier today. So I just thought… Listen, I was delusional, okay? But I'm fine now."

When he glanced back up, Soubi was smiling again. "I understand," Ritsuka blushed at seeing that smile from Soubi. "Can I wash you?"

Soubi was always like that. When he thought Ritsuka might not want him to do something, he always asked before doing it. For at least the first month or so after Ritsuka and Soubi started to sleep in the same bed, he would ask first. Ritsuka didn't mind him asking things like this, since Ritsuka might have objected if he had just started to bathe Ritsuka.

Ritsuka was a bit skeptical about it, though. It wasn't that he was worried that Soubi was going to touch him inappropriately; it was that Ritsuka didn't want to inconvenience him. He had already caused so much trouble for Soubi that night. The older man had devoted his entire night to taking care of a very sick Ritsuka. It just wasn't fair to Soubi.

"I can do it myself," Ritsuka started, though truly he did want Soubi to bathe him. "I…I don't to bother you any more tonight…"

Soubi reached out, resting his hand in the space in between Ritsuka's kitten ears. "I know you can do it yourself," Soubi said gently, his hand stroking Ritsuka's hair gently. "But please let me do it. You never bother me. Don't think you're a nuisance to me."

"A…alright."

Soubi was gentle and careful. His hands were soft and talented and they lulled Ritsuka into a world of comfort and happiness. When Soubi started gently rubbing his back as he washed it, Ritsuka put his head on Soubi's shoulder and closed his eyes, just concentrating on Soubi's hands. He fell into a semi-conscious sleep where he was able to hear, but still felt asleep. When Soubi started washing his chest, Ritsuka fell completely asleep, his head on Soubi's shoulder as the man leaned over the side of the bathtub.

Ritsuka bit back the tears, a lump rising in his throat as he did so. Soubi promised to never hurt Ritsuka, so why would he go and have sex with someone else? It didn't seem like something Soubi would do. He was extremely loyal, even though people, both women and men, flirted constantly with him. Soubi wouldn't turn on Ritsuka. He never seemed interested in anybody else but Ritsuka, which had always made the boy very happy. Whoever was texting him all those sexual messages was probably just some stalker. Then again… Soubi was an adult, after all. Ritsuka often wondered if sex was like an addiction, something you needed after you had it. If that was the case, Soubi would probably have a lot of unresolved sexual tension.

Ritsuka knew for a fact that Soubi was sexually attracted to him, despite what Soubi said during their first meeting. Ritsuka had found this out for the first time when he suddenly woke up one night to find something pressing against his backside, just above his tail. Soon after Ritsuka woke up, he heard Soubi quietly moan Ritsuka's name in his sleep, making it apparent that he was having a wet dream. Ritsuka hadn't thought anything of it, since he knew that Soubi couldn't control what happened in his sleep and that he'd never try anything.

The second time was had been just about a week prior to Soubi's hospitalization. It had begun with Ritsuka reading a book on Soubi's bed one afternoon. Soubi had apparently gotten bored of painting and decided to try to catch Ritsuka's tail, instead. This amused the both of them and it evolved into a game. Somehow, one thing led to another and they ended up making out on the bed. This had been the closest they had ever gotten to sex, with Ritsuka laying on top of Soubi, kissing him hungrily. Soubi had had his hands under Ritsuka's shirt, resting on his chest while Ritsuka pressed his growing arousal against Soubi's leg. Soubi had stopped suddenly and left Ritsuka alone on the bed, though not before Ritsuka felt that Soubi was just as hard as he was, if not more.

Ritsuka sighed again, though the end of his sigh came out as some sort of growl. He tossed Soubi's phone back onto the table and turned out the lights, curling up on the couch with the red blanket Ritsuka had taken to the hospital with him.

"Soubi!" Ritsuka yawned as Soubi buttoned up one of his own nightshirts on Ritsuka, just after waking him up and getting him out of the bath. "How come…" Ritsuka yawned again, loudly this time. "How come you didn't wake me up?"

"You looked tired, Ritsuka," Soubi told him calmly.

Ritsuka let his eyes fall shut, though he wanted desperately to keep them open. "I wanted to talk to you…" Ritsuka murmured, hoping Soubi could make sense of his slurred words. He was tired and sick, though the bath had made him feel a lot better.

"We can talk in the morning."

"You promise?" Ritsuka opened his eyes a little to watch Soubi button the last three buttons.

"I promise."

Ritsuka clutched the blanket in both hands, pissed off at himself because he couldn't keep from crying. He wanted Soubi back. He wanted him to remember everything, instead of being like the oversized toddler he was now.

That's selfish of me, Ritsuka thought suddenly. He finally has a chance to be happy and I want to ruin it for my own reasons. Soubi didn't remember Seimei or anybody else that had abused him. The scar on his neck held no meaning to him. He wasn't attached to Seimei or anybody now. He was free.

Ritsuka cried and cried, one part of him wanting Soubi back, and one part of him wanting himself to stop being so selfish.

"Did you change the sheets?" Ritsuka had his arms wrapped loosely around Soubi's neck as the other male carried him back to the bed.

"Yes I did," Soubi gently kissed his head as he set him down in the bed. Ritsuka opened his mouth to speak, worried about the two demons, Natsuo and Youji, knowing that he wet the bed. If those two knew about it, they would never let him live it down. Soubi spoke before he did, though, "Don't worry. I made sure they didn't know. What did you want to talk about?"

"Mmm…" Ritsuka tried to recall what he wanted to tell Soubi while in the bath. In the meantime, Soubi settled down beside him, keeping very close. Ritsuka was on his back, lying in the crook of Soubi's arm. This felt so perfect. "Ah! It was your painting."

"Oh? What about it?"

"I like it," Ritsuka told him sleepily. "It's really nice."

Ritsuka didn't even hear the quiet sound of light footsteps. "Ritsuka!" Ritsuka shot up, immediately ceasing to cry. Soubi had come into the room and was staring at Ritsuka with wide, fearful blue eyes.

Ritsuka rubbed his eyes, wiping the remaining tears away. "What is it, Soubi?" Ritsuka asked. In response, Soubi simply grabbed Ritsuka's wrist and pulled him upwards. "What are you doing?" Ritsuka was wide-awake again and tried to get Soubi to let go, but his grip was too strong. Soubi dragged him into the bedroom and Ritsuka finally got the hint.

"You want me to sleep in here with you?" He asked slowly, trying not to confuse Soubi. Soubi just nodded. Ritsuka was relieved; he always had problems sleeping alone. He climbed into bed with Soubi, curling up instantly close to him. They both fell asleep in a matter of only minutes.

I personally love the image of Soubi splashing Ritsuka with water.

Yes, I am trying to make Soubi out to be very cute and innocent and, most importantly, childish. Ritsuka's memory is there to sort of compare and contrast Soubi without and with his memories.

Thanks to lovelessreviewer, big machine, Gmcbpi, Lolita otaku, Toffee, lyrica, Riaries, EternalTearsOfBlood, LadyOfWinds, Promocat, Tlcatlady, and Tamer Lorika for the reviews! You guys really motivate me to write and put up new chapters. I like to know that people are interested and have questions, so please keep it up!

Review for moar!

~Wolfie