I woke to a note left on the pillow next to mine- Tino went off for a run. I felt relieved- he didn't have to know that I was sneaking out to practice.

I found my checkered, red-and-black scarf and tied it around my face. It seemed a little more stylish than a bandana. After situating a trapper-hat on top of my head, I left for practice. I didn't have time to gel it, after all…and I hated gel, anyhow.

Sascha waited outside the club, a blue bandana over his chin. He was wearing an ushanka, as well.

"Ready for practice?" He asked, coughing to force his pitch to deepen.

"Definitely," I replied, taking a puff of my asthma inhaler in the process. He smiled fondly.

"My boyfriend uses the same stuff."

"Really?"

"Yep. And he takes about twenty allergy pills. It's insane."

I laughed. "I do, too. There's so much stuff growing out here."

"Yeah. Does your guy know you're here?"

"Nope. He hopefully will never find out."

"How do you keep it from him?"

"I don't know. I'm typically a very honest person. I don't think it's crossed his mind that I could be doing something deceptive. I'm only trying to help."

"I know how that feels. Okay; let's work on your grappling technique, shall we?"

Tino showed me a few tricks (we decided that, with my strength, a throw would be my best move), and we sparred for a while. His punches were surprisingly substantial, and he was going easy on me. I realized that I didn't really know how to take a hit.

"Sascha, I need you to help me out with something."

"Sure thing."

"Punch me as hard as you can in the stomach."

He widened his eyes. "You're not serious, are you?"

"I need to build up my endurance. You know how to take hits, but I really can't."

He shook his head and chuckled. "I really don't want to have to do this, but I suppose you're right…in a delusional way."

I laughed. "Yep. Now hit me."

He lunged forward, attempting to hit my navel, but mid-lunge he tripped and struck something far more sensitive.

"Holy mother of God!" I struggled not to drop to my knees, though my whole body felt like it was tearing apart. "Kunem, kunem, kunem…"

"Perkele, I'm sorry!" He rushed over to me, his voice filled with concern. It sounded familiar. "I didn't mean to do that. Sascha, breathe, man…breathe."

"It's fine," I sucked in air through my teeth, "Just…give me a little recovery time. Fuck, you landed a good shot. Too bad that's against the rules."

"I feel awful. Dude, we should just end practice. The fact that you can stand through that is impressive. You'll definitely be able to take a hit."

"I hope. Are you sure you don't need any more striking practice?"

"I'll be fine…Christ, that was unfortunate."

I tried to smile. "You're telling me. Don't worry about it. I'll see you for practice on Thursday."

He nodded and began to turn away.

"Sascha, one more thing." I smirked, "You aren't really Russian, are you?"

"Of course I am."

"And yet perkele is a Finnish word. I have Finnish friends."

He laughed. "You've got me- I am. But you're not any bit Russian, either."

"How do you know?"

He looked at me for a moment, examining my uncovered features. "I just do."

I chuckled. "What do I look like?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "Like someone I know." He shook his head. "But I know you're not him."

"You wouldn't know me."

"You're probably right. You don't have his crucifix."

I could feel myself sweat- I'd taken mine off this morning. Still, I remembered that this was Los Angeles- nearly everyone wore a crucifix.

I quickly ignored that notion. The likelihood of Sascha and I actually knowing one-another was extremely slim.

Still, I supposed I needed to be careful. Though there were few Finns in Los Angeles, the ones that did live there all knew one-another. Even people that Tino would never choose to associate himself with were still on his radar- he knew of every scandal, every affair, every childbirth, every marriage that happened within the Finnish community. Sascha could very likely be an acquaintance.

…

It was all I could manage to stay awake while giving lessons and working a late-night shift at Zankou. By midnight, I wanted nothing more than to lie in bed and sleep until noon.

Tino was home from his lesson, busily working on his thesis. I put my hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek before trudging to bed. He wished me sweet dreams.

I still smelled like oil and paprika, but a shower would just have to wait.

…

"How was your hike with Sadik?" I settled into the LA-Fitness pool, grateful for the relief of cool water on my sore muscles.

"Excellent," Hera smiled, "he really appreciates nature. It's nice to see that."

"He's a nice guy. I'm glad that you two are together."

"Well, I wouldn't quite say we're a couple yet... It's not official."

"Have you guys kissed?"

"On the cheek. I'm waiting for the third date."

I grinned. "Good choice."

"Thanks. How was practice with that Sascha guy?"

"Really weird. He's a nice guy, but he's suspicious of everything. I feel like he's analyzing my every move. Plus, he's Finnish, so Tino most-likely knows or knows-of him."

"You have to be careful- Finns have a weird way of knowing about one-another's lives... They don't even have to ask. Finnish people have freaky ESP."

"It's probably because their ancestors had to sense if a predator was about to sneak up behind them in a barren, snowy wasteland. Or something like that. Weird genetics. Enough of that. Tell me more about your dates."

"Well…he and I have a lot in common. We both love Carpintaria, cats, and food, which is already a winning combination… He seems like a really caring person. I want to get to know him better."

"You'll be glad that you did. His sister, Serpil, is really nice. She would love you."

"I sure hope so. I don't want to get too invested in this yet, though."

"You have plenty of time."

He was quiet for a moment, before he inhaled and continued:

"These are strange years. Nobody ever told me that."

"I agree. It can only keep getting better, though."

I truly believed what I had just said.

…

"You're getting better at striking," I mused, lifting Sascha's elbow as he repeatedly hit a punching bag. "I think we're going to do well in the upcoming fight."

He relaxed. "I hope so." He headed over to his water bottle, gulping it down. "Tell me a bit more about yourself."

"There's not much I dare to."

"Tell me why you fight, then."

I wiped the sweat off my forehead with a towel. "I love my boyfriend. He's so wonderful, and he works so hard…he's, um, learning a trade. We have next to nothing; we're practically living off top ramen. I just want to help him get his degree. He's put so much effort into this, and I'm willing to put my dream on hold if it means that he can accomplish his. Why do you?"

"For the same reason- my boyfriend works too many jobs just to support me. I…want to be an actor. He's helping me out with that. Landing me gigs and such. He's working all these odds-and-ends jobs to aid me. I work hard, too, but I still wish I could contribute more…I hope I'm not encroaching, but why exactly do you decide not to tell him?"

"I wouldn't want him to think any less of me. I would never, ever hurt him, and I don't want him to think I'm some brute. Plus, he would be so afraid for my sake. I could get my ass handed to me at any time."

"I'm sure he wouldn't think less of you- if he knows you as well as he does, he'll be sure of how kind you are."

"I suppose…what about you?"

"My boyfriend would probably have a heart attack if he knew I was fighting. I'm a small guy. He worries for me a lot- I never told him this, but once a guy tried to rob me, and I had to get my knife out to convince him to back off. If my boyfriend knew, he would have panicked- 'I should have been with you! Oh, are you okay? My love, I am so sorry!' I don't want him to be scared. Los Angeles is really different from where I used to live- there are so many more dangers, but I can handle them."

I realized that, like Sascha's boyfriend with Sascha, I always strove to protect Tino, even though he could take care of himself just fine. Perhaps I was being overbearing with my worries? I would have to work on that- I would never want to stifle Tino's independence.

Still, if it were him that were nearly mugged, I would have surely developed an ulcer. I supposed that, for Tino's sake as well as my stomach's, I needed to put more faith in his ability to defend himself.

…

Mathias, once out of the hospital, started work again immediately- though from his home office. He was happy to have the chance to see Lilly more often, even if it meant letting Tino go. The Finn didn't seem too concerned about his own financial situation.

And, truth be told, Mathias couldn't afford any extra expenses. His procedure was pricey enough, and he felt like he was swimming in debt.

But at least the shaking had stopped.

A thought crossed him- one that terrified him to the core. He shook it out. He had given up gambling years ago- he would not put his husband or his daughter in an even worse situation. Still, it tempted him.

He would have to find another job, that much he knew. But what would he do?

…

I realized that I needed to take my shower quickly. There was an ugly bruise in between my legs, one that I hoped Tino wouldn't have to see. I washed the area carefully, breathing unsteadily. It still hurt like a bitch.

No such luck. Tino had woken up and entered our bathroom, stripping off his clothes to join me in the shower. He pulled away the curtain and stepped in, about to give me a kiss before he stopped in his tracks.

"What happened to you?" His eyes were as wide as saucers.

"I was playing guitar and fell of my stool…my guitar was between my legs. Don't worry- I'll be fine."

Tino eyed the area suspiciously. He glanced up at me, analyzing my face. His stare seemed so stoical, almost like…

"Do you need any Aleve?" His gentle voce stirred me from my thoughts. "I don't have any, but I can go buy some, I'm sure."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully, Sascha hadn't told him anything about whacking another guy where it hurt. "Some Aleve would be great."

He chuckled. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh. That just seems really painful."

"It's certainly not pleasant. It doesn't stop me from enjoying the sight of you naked, though."

"With your libido, I'm not surprised."

I leaned forward to kiss him, only furthering his point.

…

"This plank has to be covered in algae." Sadik grinned, trying desperately not to slip on the ladder that led up to said platform. He and Heracles were just off the shore of Carpintaria, enjoying the ever-warm southern Californian weather.

"That, and tar." Hera smiled and sat on the oversized buoy, watching the benign waves float toward the beach.

"Uck, speaking of which, I got some on my feet."

"Well, that's a given at Carp. You get to keep it as a souvenir."

The Turkish man laughed. "And take off some of my skin, while I'm at it."

Heracles chuckled, his windswept hair falling heavily over green eyes. Sadik swept a few loose strands back and tucked tem behind Hera's ear. His hand lingered, resting against the Grecian's cheek for a moment before dropping down to the support of the platform.

"We might see a dolphin today, if we're lucky…" Heracles commented, scanning the endless blue.

"I feel lucky." Sadik smiled, a hint of embarrassment puckering his lips, "How about you?"

Heracles extended his hand, lacing his slippery fingers with Sadik's. "I do, too…now that you're here."

Hera could swear he felt his heart drum in his ears, felt his face and hands and entire countenance burn, when Sadik leaned forward to kiss him. It was dizzying, intoxicating vertigo- and he loved every second of it.

…

Sascha hummed to himself as we waited for our match. With our scarves properly fastened over our chins, we were ready to compete.

I stared in the mirror, frowning underneath my cover. My father would be so ashamed if he knew what I was doing, if he knew I had to cover myself from embarrassment. Still, I couldn't help but feel proud of myself. I had someone to fight for.

Like the calm before a storm, Sascha sang slowly, quietly. "Katson autiota hiekkaranta…"

I smiled to myself. That was one of Tino's favorite songs. "Ajatukseni mun kauas kantaa…" I rejoined.

He raised an eyebrow. "You know this song?"

"Finnish friends."

He chuckled. "That's right. Are you ready?"

I nodded. "Yes. You?"

"I am. Let's get out there."

…

Our competitors were formidable- two tall, built men. Brothers from Germany. It was a struggle for me to remain composed as Sascha and I entered the ring.

The bell rang, signaling the beginning of our round. Sascha sprang forward right away, grappling the albino brother's leg between his and struggling to knock him to his feet. He took a series of hard jabs, but endured them well. Still, once his competitor fell to the ground, Sascha was dragged down with him. Still, he could handle the wrestling. Now I needed to take out my challenger.

I blocked a few of the attempted hits that the German assailed, crouching low. He was punching quickly, and tiring himself out at that. As long as I kept blocking,-

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I nearly stumbled backwards, but caught myself. My competitor's jab to my collar-bone had connected, and it was going to leave a rather colorful bruise.

I needed to throw in some hits. I first aimed for my competitor's rib-cage, a maneuver that he easily evaded. This would be tougher than I'd originally thought. I had to think strategically. I faked a punch to his left side, only to connect on his right.

"Scheisse!"

Bingo. I zeroed in, hitting the side of his cheek to disorient him. Still, he seemed too alert. He tried to clock me in the nose, but I simply crouched lower. This position gave me an advantage- I knocked him off his balance and pinned him down, though he didn't go down without one final fight. He struggled, trying to overtake me in any way possible. This submission was not going to be easy.

A whistle sounded, loud and clear. Sascha had beaten his opponent. He came over to aid me, quickly getting our competitor in a choke-hold. Within ten seconds of what must have been like torture, the German capitulated. We had won.

"Let's give a great round of applause to our winners- Kamikazian and Kalevala!" Eileen spoke cheerfully, but her troubled eyes worried me.

The sound of the crowd cheering was almost too much. I felt my vision blur, and the ground swayed beneath me.

I was having a panic attack.

I turned to Eileen, my eyes frantic.

"I need to go to your office!" I struggled to convey over the clamor of the room. She took my hand, ordering Sascha to get a cold seltzer water from the bar as we rushed to the small, quiet, Ikea-bedizen room.

…

Once inside, she turned to me. "Panic attack?" she asked with sympathetic eyes.

I nodded, trying to keep the bile that revolted against my throat inside my stomach.

"I used to get those when I was younger."

"This is the first time in years…"

"Ye must be really stressed, then." Eileen frowned. "Is something on yer mind?"

I sighed. "On my subconscious, at the very least. Eileen, I wish I could tell you. But I can't- you wouldn't be able to keep it to yourself. Not because I don't trust you, but you would rightfully be loyal to someone else first."

"I don't tell secrets, as long as they aren't puttin' anyone else in danger."

"I'm the only one affected by it…but it has to do with someone else you know, indirectly. I don't feel right burdening you with this knowledge."

"It won't pass m' lips, and that's a promise. I want to hear what's going on- I know quite a bit about this business. I can help." She extended her hand, and after a moment, I shook it.

"I need to do this before Sascha comes in…" I pulled the scarves away from my face and scalp, shutting my eyes tightly. I couldn't stand to have another person analyze me.

"Oh my God," she inhaled sharply, "Alex?"

My eyes still closed, I nodded.

"Please don't tell him- I don't like it, either. We need the money so badly…"

"I know ye do. Oh God, Alex, I don't know what to tell ye. Ye really need to talk to Tino about this- just trust me on this one."

I shook my head. "I can't. He wouldn't want me to-" I felt my stomach convulse and let out a strangled cry, running out the fire exit and into the alley outside. It was too much anxiety for me to handle at once- my stomach emptied itself. Despite my successful fight, I felt like shit.

"Ya okay?" Eileen put her hand on my shoulder and swabbed my mouth with sanitizing wipes. We heard another door open.

"Put these back on," she whispered, rushing back into the room to distract Sascha.

I entered the room again, the blond man visibly worried.

"What happened?"

"I got a little sick. I think I might have the flu."

He didn't seem to believe me, but he didn't question my statement, either. "What are our winnings for this week, Eileen?"

"Not quite as high, I'm afraid. Ye both get about $750, but that's after all the taxes are taken off."

"That's fine. Any money is welcome."

She smiled sadly. "I'll make out yer checks right away."

Once the notes were issued, I turned to Sascha. "I'll see you at our next practice?"

"Sure thing. I'd stay to chat with you guys, but I need to catch my ride home."

I nodded, waving as he left the room. I turned to Eileen, who looked down solemnly and ran her fingers through mussed red hair.

"I have a story to tell ye, Alexianos."

I glanced at her. "Of course."

"Tino knows this one. It's mighty embarrasin', so please don't laugh."

I didn't dare, so I simply nodded and smiled encouragingly.

"Ye might notice that I'm a bit older, even for someone in my career. I'm no spring chicken- let's face it; I'm nearly forty years old. Aeden is only thirty-three. An' he's a saint to me, at that," she sighed, "I didn't go directly to Uni. M' dad tried to get me on the right track- he was real worried for me. M' mum , too. An', before I knew it, I was in awful shape. I was in a part of the movie industry that I'd rather not talk about- I'm certain ye know the kind. An', a few years later, a coworker nearly raped me. I was able to protect myself, thank Heavens, but that's when I knew I had to get out. I'd always been a smart bird, an' I couldn't waste m' God-given talents. It didn't make me happy- it just gave me something to do. An' so, I picked myself up, I went to Uni, an' I realized just how much I wanted to make medicine. I lived with m' parents for a while. It was awfully hard- my parents were ashamed of my past, but they told me to keep lookin' forward. I told them about everythin'. They helped me file charges against the attacker. Ye gotta tell yer loved ones the truth, Alex. That's what I'm getting' at."

"Eileen," I took her hand in mine, "there is not a doubt in my mind how strong you are. To go through that is something I can't even fathom. But I don't have your strength yet. I want to tell Tino, but I can't."

"Don't doubt yerself," she looked at me seriously, "Every truly brave person has been weak at some point. Our trials only make us stronger, ya know. An' ye, Alexianos, are one tough guy. Which is why ye need to tell Tino. He loves ya like nothin' else in this world- more than I love chocolate, if ye can imagine! He's goin' through a lot for yer sake, too."

"Don't I know it…I'll try to tell him, but I can't make any promises."

"That's a start," she grinned, "Ye'll be glad ye did."

…

Tino felt his nervous energy accumulate into a massive tension headache. He willed the guilt away- it wasn't serving any practical purpose, after all. And yet, he couldn't help but fret. Fret that Alexianos would find out. Fret that he would get hurt, or worse, killed (it happened more often than one thought!), and leave his lover thrice abandoned. How could he do that to Alexianos? His jan, his kulta, his love? Alex would die for his sake in a heartbeat, but he would lose his mind if Tino ever had to do the same.

Tino sighed, breathing air from puffed cheeks out rounded lips. It was pure torture- how would he get through this? He never considered himself very religious, but he found himself praying feverishly- praying for himself to be protected, praying for Alexianos to be ignorant to it all.

He heard the front door open and shut his eyes quickly. Alex tiptoed over, kissing Tino's cheek gently before picking him up and carrying him to bed.

"Yes ts'avum yem," Alexianos whispered before turning out the light. I'm sorry.

Tino felt like crying. He'd been lying to his lover, and yet Alex apologized for coming home late? It was nearly too much to bear.

"Mi." Don't be.