Disclaimer: Boku no Hero Academia does not belong to me, nor will it ever belong to me.

Warning: Rated T, though it might go up.

A/N: Ahhhhh, finally I'm done with this chapter. Most difficult chapter I had to write up until now (not to mention that stuff kept coming up for me to do, which didn't give me as much time to concentrate on this chapter). Well, it's here now and hopefully, I did a good enough job!

Enjoy~

Chapter 7

It was a forced change… but a necessary one nonetheless. For the sake of keeping his sanity intact least, he drowned away in depression.

The first days of having his quirk, Izuku often lost control over the shadows which swallowed him whole whenever negative emotions overwhelmed him. It did not help that whatever sentient being his quirk was made of encouraged his depressive state of mind. It's actions and words contradicted itself, the hands often protective of Izuku, caressing him gently, softly, in a manner of comfort, and yet the whispers which followed, though kind in tone were anything but, cutting deeply into Izuku's insecurities, repeating words which Izuku had been forced to listen to for almost his entire life. However, this time those words scalded him that much more as they seemingly came from his own conscience.

Shigaraki and Kurogiri did not know how to deal with Izuku's quirk, believing that it was just a matter of controlling the sentient being, unaware of the whispers which the shadows fed to Izuku. But eventually, they came to realize that the activation of its "defensive mode", as they had started to call it, happened whenever Izuku started feeling anything akin to sadness, depression or fear. It was like a cry for help.

When Izuku was covered in black ink, it was near impossible to snap the boy out of that state as his quirk completely took over control. It would only deactivate when everything which posed as a potential threat to the host vanished from the room or Izuku fainted from exhaustion. Both cases led to Izuku simply losing consciousness, with the former waking up after about 30 minutes, while the other required long hours of rest.

It was a tedious quirk and Shigaraki wondered why exactly his Sensei had given Izuku precisely this quirk. The boy had already a low self-esteem and the quirk seemed to only be making things that much worse. He needed the boy alive, needed his mind warped in hatred and disgust towards the hero society, towards All Might, not broken by his own insecurities. Izuku needed to be irredeemable. No hero was to rescue him. All Might needed to lose all hope in Izuku's salvation and be aware that it was all his doing and his mistakes.

The boy needed to be broken, but not like this… Which is what baffled Shigaraki. It simply didn't make sense to him. Sensei would never do anything to jeopardize his plans in any way. On the contrary, he often helped make them easier to deal with, so Shigaraki believed that this quirk was also meant to somehow lessen his burden in controlling Izuku and turning him into a proper villain.

Unfortunately, Shigaraki had no idea how to utilize whatever aid Sensei might have given him. He had absolutely no clue what to do, a situation Shigaraki rarely ever found himself in. It was thinning his nerves, how the boy simply started wailing, crying, wallowing in self-pity. It irritated him, unable to stop himself from shouting at the boy to simply make it work, tempted to simply touch him, have him crumble into dust and be done with it. The displeasure with their newest addition made the itch under his skin worsen the more days passed without result, the scratching and harming he inflicted upon himself becoming more frequent as Izuku's health and mental state deteriorated.

Kurogiri wasn't having an easier time trying to somehow teach Izuku control.

When Izuku was under the influence of his quirk, he couldn't remember any of his actions on the outside world but could recall some memories while locked in his mindscape as his quirk took control. The memories were unpleasant, hurting the boy's emotional state the longer he owned the quirk. Even when he was sleeping, for once not having succumbed to the influence of his quirk and fainted, the whispers would continue to haunt him in his dreams, leaving him restless due to the numerous nightmares the whispers caused.

It had been only the first week and Izuku was already having dark bags under his eyes, his skin an unhealthy color. His emotions were all over the place and the best way he would describe himself at those moments was crippled.

It was quite apparent that Izuku was slowly but surely losing his mind.

Though insanity was quite common in the midst of villains, the kind of insanity Izuku was succumbing to was damaging to his health, rendering him almost useless unless his quirk was on auto-defense. And that was also only ever useful for keeping Izuku's physical body safe from any oncoming attacks and nothing else.

Shigaraki's displeasure continued to rise with this turn of events and Kurogiri was simply at a loss, not knowing how to handle neither his leader nor their new protege.

Eventually, both villains came to one conclusion: the quirk which Izuku had been gifted wasn't one to be controlled. It relied too deeply on the boy's emotional state. Izuku succumbed so often under his quirks influence that they didn't even know if Izuku could control even a measure of his power while conscious.

Meanwhile Izuku, as hard as he tried to control his quirk, he only managed to further hurt himself the more he concentrated, the more desperate he became. He often questioned why he was given exactly this quirk. All For One had told him that he had chosen it specifically for him, that it was most fitting for Izuku's personality. So why, why was he being forced to suffer through depression and sadness, why was it that even his own quirk was so against his own existence?

More than ever before, Izuku was truly considering committing suicide and finally end his useless existence. Because in the end, with or without quirk, he would always remain Deku it seemed.

But as it turned out, fate did not wish for Izuku to disappear from this world just yet. It was at the height of desperation and depression that Izuku would display feelings he rarely, if ever, allowed himself to feel and express.

"Midoriya-kun, control your emotions, do not let depression take over," Kurogiri's voice was gentle and polite, clearly meaning to act as a voice of reason, a guide for Izuku to create some measure of control of the shadowed hands. With the way the quirk relied so heavily on emotions to activate and act, the only solution Shigaraki could come up with was to simply train Izuku to not feel.

Izuku tried to take a deep breath, letting the air out slowly as he repeated the process. He needed to clear his mind, try to ignore the cruel whispers which kept gnawing at his mind, but the shadows simply refused to subdue from his body as stress and panic became more prominent.

This whole thing they were doing, all this training they were trying to put Izuku through in order for him to control this curse which had been gifted to him, it seemed so completely useless. It's been days, weeks, hell it even felt like months and years, and nothing had changed.

Izuku always succumbed to his quirk's control. Izuku not once could break out of that controlled state.

At that moment, despite Kurogiri's advice, despite the time the man spent in his presence to comfort and give him courage, the task which had been handed to him seemed so impossible. Much like the road of heroics he had once wished to walk upon and now recognized how futile it was.

Controlling this quirk… his quirk… in his eyes, it seemed just as futile.

Izuku fell to his knees, his palms on the ground as he stared at the dirt in front of him. He could feel the hands creeping up his body, feel the control they were slowly gaining of his person. He was nothing but a meat suit for this monster he harbored inside himself.

That's right Deku…

You're nothing but useless…

Let us protect you from your own foolish mistakes…

It's better if the world doesn't need to suffer your existence….

"Izuku! Control them!" Shigaraki's voice was impatient, his hand scratching his neck violently, ripping the skin with his nails.

Amongst all the whispers, the demands of both Shigaraki and Kurogiri, in the midst of all this chaos which seemed to surround Izuku, something just… snapped.

This word be damned…

"Shut up!"

In the pit of his stomach, Izuku could feel a searing white flame start to build up, emotions amplified as the whispers in his head shifted with the change of emotions.

It was so unfair. Since his birth, everything had been simply unfair! Growing up with a figure such as All Might as his idol, with a heart so full of kindness as he wished to do nothing more than help others with a smile on his face. Why was it him, why did the world choose him to be born quirkless and hopeless! Why was it that the most undeserving got what he could have utilized so much better!

If he had had a quirk, he could have been preparing to become a hero now, not a damned villain!

Why was it that of all the people to save him from his own self, his biggest hero refused to lend him a hand! Why did he have to suffer through all these hardships to even get a sliver of happiness, when others who not once lift their fingers simply have all the happiness of the world handed to them!

It was simply unfair!

So unfair Deku…

You never did anything wrong Deku…

The world is to blame Deku…

This society is to blame Deku…

So rotten…

So hateful…

Absolutely loathsome…

Izuku screamed in rage as he felt hate, disgust and anger bubble up in the pit of his stomach, his fist punching the ground as if to punish the world for the injustice done to him since his birth. It served only to further harm himself, however, no matter how hard he tried to fight and resist. It was a perfect analogy of how the world treated him, as he fought harder and harder only to simply be punished in return for ever trying.

The shadows which had been crawling up his body did retreat in the end, but not for long. Instead, they morphed into something truly terrifying, the hands merging together as eyes upon eyes blinked open, rising behind the boy ominously. Unlike the slow and caressing hands which climbed Izuku's body to gain control, this cloak of darkness simply attacked Izuku to swallow him in a monstrous mantel.

Izuku's emerald eyes bled red. But his mind was still awake, still conscious to the outside world.

Izuku was in control and he wanted to do nothing more than to simply rip this entire world apart with his own two hands.

He rose from the ground slowly, fascinatedly watching his hands covered in black ink and crimson eyes. He lifted his eyes to see Shigaraki and Kurogiri in shock, this transformation completely new to both of them. Shigaraki kept scratching himself, his one visible eyes shot wide open as he did not know what to make of this turn of events.

The shock on their faces… was quite amusing.

Izuku stepped forward and Kurogiri did not hesitate to lift his dark mist to protect both of them from whatever attack Izuku might launch at them.

Izuku did not plan on attacking either of them. It was not them Izuku wanted to destroy and make bleed. It wasn't them Izuku's hatred and rage were directed at. Izuku's true target was far bigger.

"I'm in control…"

Not quite…

A Villainous Twist

Three months had passed by since Midoriya Izuku joined the League of Villains.

The changes which he experienced in his stay with the two villains as well as the occasional visit of Giran had been slow, reluctant and often left Izuku tired, helpless and frankly, confused. His quirk, Shadow Life, as he had started calling it due to its properties and behavior, was a package of negativity and adversity. It relied heavily on his emotions, seemingly feeding off of Izuku's emotional state, the more negative his emotions, the stronger his quirk's hold on Izuku as well as increase in power.

After finally starting to get a grasp of his quirk after that fateful change, he had started writing in a new notebook, "How to Villain No. 1", similar to his hero research notebooks he used to write, only dedicated to his own quirk and development as a Villain. It described how his quirk worked, how to break out of his state if he succumbed to depression and not lose consciousness after using it and how to control the shadows without going into Shadow Mode.

It wasn't just his control on his quirk which changed in this course of time. His personality… remained much the same. He was still quiet, shy and yet passionate. He was still very much Izuku, still kind, still willing to help, still appreciating human life and salvation but… he was a little bit more selfish, starting to learn how to put himself before others, be more confident about himself and… to not deny himself some feelings he always associated as villainous.

He no longer dreamed to become a hero, he had closed off that path the second he joined. It would do him no good to stick to heroic morals any longer. And Shigaraki did not hesitate to reprimand him, remind him that he no longer walked a path of light but one of darkness.

"Midoriya-kun, you're mumbling again."

The bar was as always empty the only people present being Kurogiri, Shigaraki and himself. The PC was on, Sensei most likely listening in as he so often preferred but not responding. The man was extremely pleased with Izuku's development and his quirk, Shigaraki sharing the sentiment.

"Sorry, Kurogiri-san! I was simply revising our last training session! Shadow Life is quite diverse and yet I have such few tools to work with as it only allows certain skills when I'm under the influence of certain emotions," Izuku explained as he furiously wrote down into his notebook, casually controlling the tiny black hands swiveling around him on the side as side training.

He had become quite used of the hands circling him as well as the whispers which Shadow Life so liked to surround him with. The nightmares inflicted by his quirk never stopped and he doubted they would ever stop, leaving him often with few hours of sleep, his eyes now permanently carrying dark bags, his skin color slightly off. Nonetheless, even if the nightmares shook him still, he knew how to deal with the negativity much better now, embracing the depression and rage which Shadow Life kept amplifying.

Izuku had finally understood why Sensei had gifted him with Shadow Life, why he deemed it perfect for him. Izuku was often naïve and in the past, he forgave many things which others could have never, but he wasn't dumb per se. The way his quirk was influencing his emotions and personality was clearly meant to ease him into the life of a villain and despite the hardships he had been forced to face, despite all the days and weeks he felt like absolute garbage due to depression, he was still thankful.

It made it easier to further himself from ever becoming a hero, it helped him forget his former dream, instead focusing his admiration to the people who truly gave him salvation. And it helped him accept Shigaraki's morals and worldviews much better.

"Sensei should have given you a quirk easier to manage. We can hardly use you for any controlled missions as we can't have you run on a rampage for you to utilize its maximum power. Have you tried to make the eyes open at will yet, Izuku?" With the changes Izuku had been going through, the irritation Shigaraki used to constantly feel in his presence had faded quite a bit, though the uncontrollability of his quirk still grated on his nerves from time to time.

Izuku, as of now, was only able to use the Shadow Hands, and even they were limited in numbers unlike when he went into Shadow Mode where they seemed to be endless. Seeing how otherwise helpless Izuku was, he had taken it upon himself to start teaching the boy in close combat as Kurogiri wasn't well versed in martial arts due to the nature of his quirk.

It had pleased him to discover that Izuku was a quick learner, even if he tended to overanalyze things in the heat of the moment. The more the boy shifted to their side and grew more and more into a villain, the more he discovered what an asset Izuku would be to them once he learned how to better control Shadow Life. His analytical mind also attributed to their cause and Shigaraki often found himself caring about Izuku's opinion when he found himself at a stalemate.

"I don't know if it's even possible to use them outside of Shadow Mode: Berserker. I've been trying, but there's been no progress at all." Izuku shook his head disappointedly as five snakelike hands danced at his will.

"The skills are there, so there should be a way to utilize them with a calm mind," Izuku observed as Shigaraki lightly scratched his hand, a sign of annoyance, but not quite bad. He simply nodded, agreeing with the sentence, returning his attention to his notes and analyzes he had made since he requested the empty notebook.

The bar fell into silence, only Kurogiri's occasional shuffling behind the bar and Shigaraki's card game breaking the quietness. It was a comfortable atmosphere, something he had only ever felt in the presence of his mother. Even if it didn't quite appear like so, he felt much closer to the villains which had taken him under their wings, their mentoring helping him in many ways to improve himself, not just with his quirk, but his character as well.

Izuku believed that this is what friendship felt like, in a way.

It saddened him that his mother would never come to see Izuku be happy with other people than herself.

Every fleeting thought of his mother pierced his heart painfully, the sadness of abandoning her overwhelming. He tried to often forget about her and simply not think at all as to how Inko was doing. But the woman sometimes managed to sneak herself into his thoughts, which left him crippled with depression. She would often accompany him in his nightmares, rendering those nights worse than usual.

But he no longer shed tears about her loss. Izuku hadn't shed tears for a long while now.

A bitter smile crossed his features as he let go of his pen and closed his eyes as to calm himself. He couldn't let Shadow Life take control of him so randomly and abruptly. Instead, he shifted his thoughts to hateful thoughts, to the injustice of this world and to All Might's lies and incompetence at truly rescuing anyone and everyone.

It was easier to manage anger rather than sadness, feeling grateful when he felt the familiar burn in the pit of his stomach, Shadow Life morphing slowly but not approaching to take control.

"Everything alright, Midoriya-kun?" Kurogiri's voice seemed to echo louder than usual.

"Yes, Kurogiri-san," his voice was tired. "I'm fine…"

He wasn't…

A/N: Izuku's quirk has a name now! Yay! ANd he started a new book series (bc, of course he would lol)

Hope you've enjoyed this chapter and leave a review for me to hear your thoughts 3