Hey everyone; sorry for not updating for a while, but I really struggled with this and I've had quite a lot to handle as I'm going on vacation in a week or so, plus I've picked up extra shifts at work so I've been busy. Personally I'd rather go a bit longer than publish something I'm really not content with so that's another factor to why this chapter has been delayed a bit. Now it's done though, and I hope you enjoy reading it. As always I'd love to hear what you think about it, constructive criticism is more than welcome.
Liv was lying on the cold ground; tears brimmed her pale blue eyes. As a wave of punches and kicks rained over her once again, she crossed her arms above her stomach; praying that these monsters would not hurt her baby. Their dark laughter rang out through the air. "You really think you're gonna be a mother? Bitch, you don't fucking deserve a child!" a cold voice filled with hate whispered in her ear; she could feel his breath on her neck. "Shut the fuck up" she responded, an image of Gemma appearing in her mind. The older woman would have fought back; would have refused to give them the satisfaction of breaking her. Olivia would have to channel some of that strength. It didn't take more than a couple of seconds before his hand connected to her cheek. "Watch how you talk to me whore, who the fuck do you think you are, you're nothing more than a common biker whore" he shouted at her as he once again pushed himself inside of her from behind.
Liv woke up screaming, tears running down her cheeks until, her body shaking. She was frantically looking around, slowly realizing that she was in her room; in her apartment; she was safe for now. Drawing deep breaths she tried to collect herself; making the tears stop flowing down her cheeks. It took her a couple of minutes to calm down. She kept her eyes focused on the photo hanging on the wall; it was a photo of Liv, Jax, Opie, Donna and Tara on the day of their high school graduation. It had been a good day. Her father had promised to show up, but as usual he'd bailed on her. At the age of eighteen she'd been used to it, and it really didn't bother her that much. She'd prepared herself to walk across that stage to the sound of polite clapping. However as her name was called up, she could hear hollering, whistles and whoops; glancing to the crowd she noticed all of SAMCRO standing up and giving her quite an ovation. The proud look in Gemma's eyes was the biggest reward that Liv could ever be given. Yeah, that really was a good day.
A small smile spread across her lips and out of habit she stretched her arms above her head, but stopped mid-way realizing that it wasn't a good idea as the pain shot through her body. Grimacing as she placed her arms beside her body, she stared up into the white ceiling. During the last three weeks the questions had plagued her mind.
What had she done to deserve this?
Why go after her and not an Old Lady?
Who were the men who attacked her?
Could she have done anything else to save herself?
Why hadn't she accepted Chibs' offer to learn how to defend her self properly?
With a heavy sigh she slung her legs over the edge of the bed, setting her feet down on the slightly cold floor. Dragging a hand through her hair she stood up from the bed. Black spots filled her vision as she walked towards the bathroom. Two days had passed since her return from the hospital; Tara hadn't been around since the first night as she'd worked a shift at the hospital. Chibs had visited yesterday wanting to make sure she was alright. He truly was one of the best.
Since returning she hadn't been able to eat properly; she had no appetite. As she was about to strip out of her clothes the sound of the ringing phone filled the house. With a sigh she turned around and walked to the kitchen and grabbed the wireless phone. "This is Liv" she said.
"Hello, Miss. Donovan. This is Dr. Porter from S:t Thomas Hospital" the man on the other end of the line. Liv drew a deep breath; she knew what this was about. "We have the result of the tests we did while you stayed at the hospital" the doctor informed her.
Liv drew a sharp breath. "Alright, well, what were they?" she asked, not finding the right words even though it was a simple question.
"Miss Donovan, we usually have a meeting with the patient where we inform them of the results and talk about the consequences of it" the doctor replied.
Liv shook her head in response, and cursed her own stupidity after a moment; the doctor could obviously not see her response as he was on the other end of the line. "Please, just tell me" she stated determinedly as she tried to prepare herself mentally for the answers she would soon be given…
As she sat at her kitchen table, a glass of wine in one hand and a pencil in the other, tears slid slowly down her cheeks. Finishing the last of the twelve letters by signing her name at the end of it, she felt the pain in her right hand. Obviously she wasn't used to writing this much by hand. As she stuffed the letters into envelopes a feeling of self-loathing overwhelmed her. Doing it like this, through a letter rather than face to face, was the coward's way out; and she knew it. As she carefully wrote the name of each of the receivers of the letters, she thought of what they meant to her; which part they played in the family she had created for herself. The family she was about to lose.
Once again she felt the tears burn in her eyes, closing them she tried to push the tears down. She was tired of crying, tired of being a victim. Eleven years ago a man named Dr. Raymond Williams had given her one of the most heart-warming compliments she'd ever received; Olivia, after everything you have gone through these last three years, I believe that you can handle anything life throws in your way. Because you are a fighter, a survivor. Don't ever forget that.
He was a good man, the doctor. He had been the one responsible for her case and he'd gone out of his way to help her. If there was one person on this earth to whom she owed her life, it was Dr. Raymond Williams. Letting him down was not an option; even though the man had passed away five years ago, she believed he looked after her from heaven; her guardian angel. If she was to let this break her, the bastards that did this to her would win, and she would have let Dr. Ray down.
After receiving the results of the tests, she'd made her decision. It was time for her to leave Charming. It might be briefly or it might be permanently; she really wasn't sure. One thing she was certain of was that she needed to get the hell out of here; this town which she once considered her home had become poison. By being here it felt like she was slowly dying. For the first time in eleven years she understood the feeling that Tara had when she left; the need to get away from everything. With a sigh she stood up from her seat and walked into the living room to see the most important parts of her life packed into cardboard boxes. Her car was not exactly spacious, but it could fit the most important of her belongings. Slowly she walked over the wall where her collections of framed black and white photos of the people in her life hung. Her gaze travelled over the wall, the tears sliding down her cheeks as she took all of them in.
One of them was of her sitting on the bar counter in the clubhouse, her brown hair braided in a thick braid hanging down her back; her blue eyes sparkling with joy as she held a guitar in her arms. It had been a present for her eight birthday from Bobby; the same man who was sitting on a stool beside her in the photo, a wide smile on his face as he watched his self-proclaimed disciple with a fond look in his eyes.
Another one was from Christmas morning fifteen years ago; Liv had been fourteen at the time. She was sitting on the floor, surrounded by gifts from the members of the club as Jax and Opie sat on the floor beside her, surrounded by their own pile of gifts. Bright smiles upon their newly awakened faces; you could see Piney and Clay sitting in the enormous chairs behind the trio, content smiles on their faces as they watched the teenagers unravel their presents. It must have been Gemma who snapped this photo.
Her gaze travelled over the wall as a certain photo captured her attention. It was from the night of her senior prom; it was taken outside of the clubhouse and almost everyone whom she considered family was in the photo with her.
Tig crouching down beside his beloved dog, Missy;
Otto with his left arm wrapped around the petite shoulders of Luanne, a bright, excited smile on the blonde woman's face as her husband looked down on her, pure admire in his eyes;
Bobby with a huge grin on his face, his bushy hair framing his round face perfectly;
Piney with a grin on his face and a bottle of Tequila raised in a salute;
the large form of Opie standing behind the petite form of Donna, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, a huge smile upon her friend's face;
Jax with a smile on his face which would make most girls drop their panties in a heartbeat, his arm wrapped around Tara's waist as she stood beside him, a carefree smile on her beautiful face;
Liv was standing beside them, a smile on her face and her short hair styled by Gemma for the occasion;
Gemma with a wide smile on her face and Clay's arm around her shoulders as the King and Queen of Charming took enjoyed the happiness of the three teenagers they considered their own;
Chibs with a timid smile and the patch on his leather vest reminding Liv that the Scottish man had been a prospect for the club at the time. This was her family; her support system; her strength. Liv learned a long time ago that loving someone did not make you weak, it made you strong. Because the love you harboured for the person would make you able to do anything to keep them safe; and to Liv that was a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness.
As she pulled her car into the driveway she took a deep breath. Even though she really did not feel like facing anyone and informing them of her decision at the moment, she knew that it was necessary for her to do so. Because otherwise the Sons would believe that something had happened to her; being kidnapped or some shit like that; and she couldn't have them send out search parties for her. So rationally she choose the one man who would accept her decision and not tie her down to force her to remain in Charming; Bobby.
Before exiting the car she grabbed the box where she'd placed the twelve letters she'd written earlier. Walking towards the front door she prepared herself mentally. A minute passed from her knocking on the door until it was opened by a tired looking Bobby. He blinked rapidly a few times as he seemed to be under the impression that he was dreaming. "Liv? Whatcha' doing here in the middle of the night?" he asked her, clearly shocked at the appearance of the younger woman.
Liv shifted uncomfortably. "Sorry to disturb you, Bobby, could I just talk with you for a moment. It won't take long" she assured him; hoping that he'd say yes.
"Of course, sweetheart, come in" he said with a nod and stepped to the side allowing her to walk past him inside.
"I need you to do me a favour" Liv stated making a frown appear on the older man's face. He was aware of the fact that if Liv came to him for a favour, it would most likely not bid well for the future of the club; she wasn't the kind of woman who asked for favours from anyone.
"Alright" he said slowly, thoughtfully as he tried to figure out what she wanted from him.
"Can you please give these to everyone" she said as she pulled out the white envelopes from her worn, over-sized bag. "And tell them that I'm sorry" she added as an over-thought.
The crease between Bobby's eyebrows deepened as he studied the young woman standing in front of him in his hall; her blue eyes tired and her pale skin seemed paler than usual. "For what?" he asked her as he took the bundle of letters which were tied together with a dark brown band.
"For leaving" she stated casually which made the bushy haired man's eyes nearly fall out. Before he could respond she held up a hand. "Please don't, I've made my choice and that's it. I'm doing this for me; I need it" she explained, hoping that he'd understand her desperate need to flee this town. "Just tell 'em that I'm sorry that I left like this; that I wasn't strong enough to face 'em all and say goodbye; that I did say goodbye, but in my own way" she told him and Bobby remained quiet waiting for her to continue. "Thank you for doing this, Bobby" she said with a small, grateful smile before she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his beard clad cheek, and then she was out of the door.
Snapping out of his trance, Bobby pulled the curtain slightly to the right making it possible for him to see the woman speed out of his driveway. With a heavy sigh he thought about what this would do to the club before letting the curtain fall down and return to his warm, but lonely bed once again…