A few hours had passed since Deacon and Maddie's blow up. Deacon hadn't come home. Rayna was getting worried. It was after 1am.
She'd put Scarlett to bed, and took Maddie downstairs for a long stern talk about her behavior, and some of the things she'd said to Deacon.
"I'm very disappointed in you, Maddie. You know how hard your daddy worked on that nursery for Mason. Why would you ruin it with pink marker like that?" she'd asked
"…I'm sorry, mama. Everything is for the baby. Daddy likes Scarlett more than me too." She said lip trembling
"Maddelynn Grace Claybourne, you know that's not true! Daddy loves all 3 of you the same."
"No he doesn't. He never plays guitar for me anymore. He yells a lot. He makes us go to bed without stories, songs, or snacks. He took my TV away."
"…..and he spanked me. He said he'd never spank me. He gets mad when you do. Why did he hit me, mama?" she asked crying completely shocked Deacon had spanked her for the first time ever.
Rayna was more shocked. She never thought she'd see Deacon lay a hand on one of the kids. He'd suffered so much abuse as a child. He swore he'd never do it. Rayna knew that was why he was so upset when he left. His face was so full of regret.
Maddie was right. Deacon had scolded Rayna more than once when she herself lost her temper enough to spank Maddie. He didn't like it, and didn't want her raised that way. Unfortunately, with Maddie's difficult and strong personality physical punishment was all that really seemed to work.
"He hates me!" Maddie sobbed into Rayna's side.
"Sweetie, he doesn't hate you. He loves you so much, and you really hurt him tonight. You said some pretty mean things to him. You need to tell him you're sorry."
"…but mama, he took my TV away!" she started to argue
"Young lady, you know you made him mad way before he took your TV away. You and Scarlett didn't listen when he asked you to stop fighting. He asked you nicely several times before he got mad."
"…but I wanted to watch my shows, mama!"
"...and if you'd listened to him when he asked you to not argue with Scarlett anymore he would have let you watch your shows. He probably would have read you a story too before bed."
"Honey, I know you and daddy used to be so close, and you were used to having him all to yourself, but things have changed. That's part of life. Scarlett is part of this family now. Mason will be in a few weeks. You need to learn to share daddy."
"Don't you love having Scarlett here. You always have a friend to play with."
"Why doesn't he pay any attention to me?" she asked tears falling as she reached for Rayna and wanted to be held.
"Honey, can you just sit beside me? I'm really uncomfortable with you on my tummy. You're squishing Mason"
"Can he hear us, mama?" she asked putting her little hands on Rayna's bump for the first time ever. She hadn't been the least bit interested till now.
"Yes, sweetie, he can. Would you like to talk to him?"
"Yeah…Hi Mason. I'm your big sister Maddie. I'm sorry I markered your room. Daddy's really mad about it." She said her lips practically on Rayna's belly as if she had to be right there for Mason to hear her.
Mason suddenly went crazy kicking. Maddie's face lit up as Rayna's tummy rippled under her little hands, and Rayna lifted her shirt so Maddie could see it better.
"What's he doin in there, mama?"
"It feels like summersaults." Rayna laughed as she moved to try to adjust Mason to a more comfortable position.
"Does it hurt?" she asked quizzically
"Sometimes, yes. Your brother can kick really hard."
"Mason, stop hurting mama" she got close to scold her little brother
"He doesn't mean to, sweetie. He's just a baby."
"I'm sorry I said I hate you, Mason. I love you." She got close again and hugged Rayna's belly as Mason kicked again
"He hears you." Rayna said as Maddie's face lit up again marveling at the moving bump. Maddie looked so much like Deacon. Their faces lit up in the same expression when feeling Mason kick.
"Is daddy coming back?" Maddie asked looking sad
"Of course he's coming back, baby."
"Is he still gonna be mad at me?" she asked looking like she might cry
"He may be, sweetie. I'm sure he'll get over it though." Rayna pulled Maddie close to her side on the couch.
"I told him I didn't want him to come home." She looked so sorry Rayna's heart broke
"He knows you didn't mean it. I promise he'll be here when you wake up tomorrow."
"If I tell him I'm sorry, will he love me again?" she asked breaking Rayna's heart as the pregnancy hormones raged.
"He's never stopped loving you, Maddie. No matter how mad you make him, or how much you hurt him I promise you, your daddy will NEVER stop loving you."
Maddie drifted off to sleep at Rayna's side with her little hand on Mason. She could be so difficult, and completely unbearable, but at times like this watching her sleep she was so angelic. Rayna's heart nearly exploded with love for the little girl in these quiet moments.
Rayna couldn't move without disturbing her. She really couldn't carry her upstairs at 8 months pregnant. She sat watching her sleep and watching the clock. It was nearing 2am when she heard Deacon pull into the garage.
He quietly crept into the kitchen thinking everyone would be asleep. He was surprised to find Rayna on the couch with a sleeping Maddie next to her.
"Ray, what the hell are you doin up?"
"Maddie and I had a long chat. She fell asleep. I can't really get away." Rayna laughed as Deacon looked at Maddie wrapped around Mason.
"I'm surprised she's that close to the baby. She usually flips out at the mention of touching him." Deacon said looking sad.
"Well, we talked. I think maybe I got through to her a little. She felt him kick and it seems more real to her now, I think"
"I wouldn't hold your breath, Ray. She's awfully damn difficult!" he said sarcastically
"Deacon, I really really really need you to make an effort with her. She's only 5. She's had so much to deal with in the past year. She was so close to you, and now you barely acknowledge her. I know she's difficult, but she just wants your attention, honey. She loves you, but she feels so left out with Scarlett and now Mason."
Deacon took a deep breath, and sat next to Rayna on the couch with Maddie between them. He brushed her little cheek with his thumb.
Her face was red, and warm. He could see recent tear marks.
"She OK? I didn't mean to lose it with her, Ray. She just…." He started crying thinking about spanking her and yelling at her the way he did.
"I'm sorry. I said I'd never be like my….." he broke down again feeling like he'd really hurt Maddie.
"Deacon, you are NOTHING like your father. You love your kids, and I know you'd never really hurt them. You spanked her. So what! I've done it. I'll probably do it again, and honestly maybe you should too if she gets that out of hand again. It seemed to open her eyes a little. Lord knows nothing else does with her." Rayna sympathized completely with Deacon. She'd had knock down, drag outs with Maddie herself.
'I can't Ray. It absolutely killed me. I sat in a bar parking lot for over an hour. I wanted a drink so damn bad. I'll never touch her like that again." He said shaking with tears in his eyes
"OK, well…maybe SHE doesn't need to know you won't again. Hopefully just the memory and thought that you might spank her will keep her on her toes." Rayna laughed
"So, you went to a bar?" she asked worried
"I didn't go in. I thought about you and the kids and a new baby, and all we've been through. I couldn't do that to you, Ray. I haven't had a drink since the night of the accident, and I don't plan to." He said as Rayna squeezed his hand over their sleeping child.
"OK, Deacon. Can you take her up to bed please? I really need to get up. My back is killing me."
Deacon gently layed Maddie down on the couch as he helped Rayna up and pulled her into his arms.
"Do you have any idea how much I love you and the kids?" He asked leaning in for a kiss
"Not as much as I love YOU and the kids." She smiled and kissed him back deeply as she ran her fingers through his hair, down his neck and massaged his tight shoulders.
"I'll meet you upstairs." She smiled seductively in his arms as she wiggled away, and started turning off lights before bed.
"My side of the bed, or yours?" he smirked as he turned his attention to Maddie.
Deacon gently picked up Maddie and started upstairs. She woke half way up the staircase.
"Daddy…" she sleepily said in his arms
"What, sweetie?" he whispered kissing her ear
"I'm sorry, daddy. I love you. I don't want you to leave, and never come back."
"I'm not going anywhere, baby. I love you too." He hugged her tighter.
He was about to lay her in her bed when she asked…
"Hold me, daddy. Pleeeeaase?" as much as he wanted to get to Rayna he knew Maddie needed him more right now.
"OK, for a little while." He said as he sat in the chair next to her bed with a sleepy Maddie wrapped around his neck nuzzling his chin scruff.
"Will you sing the butterfly song, daddy?" she asked so heartbreakingly sweet he couldn't say no. He struggled for a few seconds thinking what song she meant. He hadn't sung since before the accident, and didn't remember a lot of even his own lyrics, but he just happened to have heard THAT song on the radio an hour or so ago.
"Sure, sweetie." He said kissing her little head
"Butterfly Kisses" Bob Carlisle
There's two things I know for sure: For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; Sweet 16 today Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; All the precious time She'll change her name today. Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there, I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.
She was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
and I thank god for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;
"Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning And butterfly kisses at night.
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
But I remember...
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy,
But if you don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right
to deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night.
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said
"I'm not sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry"
Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right.
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses
I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses...
Maddie was sound asleep by the time he finished with tears in his eyes. He gently tucked her into her bed and kissed her cheek.
When he walked into their bedroom Rayna had tears streaming down her cheeks.
"What's wrong, baby?" he asked pulling her close as he climbed onto the bed.
"I've missed hearing you sing to the kids so much. That was beautiful, Deacon. What are you so afraid of? You can still sing. Why don't you anymore?"
"I dunno, Ray. At first I really couldn't remember a lot, and my hands just wouldn't play a guitar. I'm still not so sure I'll ever be good enough with a guitar again to perform live. It just seemed easier not to the more time passed."
"What about singing? You don't need a guitar to hide behind, Deacon. You've always been a great frontman. You just never really give it a chance."
"I did for a while, Ray. The one album."
"….and people loved it." She encouraged him
"Why don't you call Sarah tomorrow, and see if you can get your Thursday night Bluebird spot again?"
"We'll see, Ray. Let's just go to sleep, OK?"
"Think about it, please Deacon? You need a purpose again. Something to keep your mind busy. The doctor said you need to go back to doing things you loved again."
"I have you for that!" he smirked as he pulled her close for a deep kiss.
"I've been doing you daily for months." He laughed and kissed her again
"I'm serious, Deacon!" she was fighting his advances.
"So am I. C'mere…I need you. I want you. I gotta have you." He whispered as he traced her belly with his finger so lightly it drover her crazy.
He gently rolled her on her side, and slowly made careful, gentle love to her. He was so soft and light she barely felt anything, but it drove her nuts with anticipation.
He kissed her from head to toe, taking special care to kiss her baby bump and gently caress his unborn son.
"He's not moving. I think we wore him out. Get some sleep, Ray. He'll be awake again soon giving you hell." Deacon said as he kissed Rayna one last time, and then kissed Mason goodnight.