Cruel Cruel World
Chapter 6: I Just Want You to Love Me
I don't want someone telling me what to do.
I don't wanna find out my temper grew wings, and flew to you.
The next morning, Kelly woke up early. She took Matthew's clothes out of the wash, and put them in the drier. Then, she went into the kitchen, and began to make breakfast.
She made French toast, and moved onto the scrambled eggs. She wasn't quite sure how Matthew wanted his eggs, but she knew more than likely, he'd like them scrambled even if scrambled wasn't his first choice. After all, who didn't like scrambled eggs? She added a bit of shredded cheese in them just to flavor them up a bit. She knew her kids always liked cheese in them. It made her feel better cooking for someone other than herself. She missed cooking for her children.
She was just about to fry up some bacon when she heard Matthew get up, and used the bathroom.
She gathered up the bacon, and began to fry it, wondering if he would come into the kitchen, or be too embarrassed to seeing as he was only in his underwear.
Apparently, he didn't mind his lack of attire, for he appeared in the doorway a minute later.
"Hey," he said simply.
"Hey yourself," she said, flipping the bacon. She looked up at him. "How are you feeling?"
Matthew placed a hand to his forehead. "Like someone attacked my head with a jackhammer. I just took the medicine you left out for me. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I knew you'd need it." Kelly turned back to frying her bacon. "I hope you like French toast, scrambled eggs, and bacon. I'm making us some for breakfast."
"Sounds good, thanks," Matthew said.
"Your clothes are in the dryer. I washed them for you," Kelly said, not looking up from the pan. She finished frying the bacon, and reached for the first plate.
"Thanks for that too. I threw up all over my shirt last night, didn't I?" Matthew asked.
"That you did!" Kelly placed the bacon on both plates, then looked over at Matthew. He was blushing.
She smirked. "You threw up all over my coffee table too. Do you remember that?"
Matthew winced, and put his hand over his forehead. "Vaguely." He blushed an even deeper shade of crimson. "Sorry about that."
Kelly scooped some scrambled eggs onto the two plates between the French toast, and the bacon. "Don't worry about it. I got it cleaned up. It wasn't that big of a deal. It's not like you threw up all over my white leather couch. If you had, well, then I'd have to kill you." She smirked and winked at him to show she was only teasing.
"I wouldn't have blamed you," Matthew said.
"Powdered sugar for the French toast?" Kelly asked, holding up her powdered sugar shaker.
Matthew nodded. "Please."
So, Kelly shook powdered sugar over both of their French toasts, and then set the shaker down.
"I have grape juice and orange juice. Take your pick," she said to Matthew once she had gone to the fridge and opened the door.
"Grape, please," Matthew answered.
Kelly took out the pitcher of grape juice, and shut the fridge door. She then went over to the counter, grabbed them both a glass, and poured the grape juice into the glasses.
"Thank you," Matthew said as he brought his own plate and glass out into the dining room.
Kelly followed behind him with her own plate and glass. She set her food down in front of the chair that was directly across from the chair he chose to sit in, then went back into the kitchen to grab their napkins and utensils. She also grabbed the pitcher.
Finally, she joined Matthew at the table again. She handed him his napkin and fork, set the pitcher down in the middle of the table, then sat down in front of her own meal.
"I really am sorry for being a pain last night. I know that's the last thing you need right now," Matthew said to her.
Kelly shrugged. "Hey, don't worry about it. It took my mind off things if anything."
Matthew blushed again. "I kind of feel weird, eating breakfast in my underwear with you."
"Don't worry. There's not much to see anyway," Kelly said, keeping a straight face.
"You're mean. Wicked and mean," Matthew said simply.
Kelly grinned, and peered up at him over her breakfast. "Boo, hoo, hoo!" she continued to tease.
Matthew stuck out his tongue at her, revealing his chewed up French toast.
Kelly wrinkled her nose. "You're disgusting!"
Matthew took a sip of his grape juice to wash it down, then laughed. "Just getting a little playback!"
Kelly grinned. "In all serious, you know I was only teasing. You know I dream about you every night. Having you here in front of me in your underwear, well... Woo! Someone please hose me down!" She winked just in case he hadn't detected the teasing in her tone.
Matthew grinned. "I knew it! I can't blame you though. A lot of people want a piece of me." He blew on his knuckle, and rubbed his freshly blown on knuckle against his chest.
"I hope they're satisfied with an incredibly small piece!" Kelly joked again.
"Okay, now you're just being cruel," Matthew joked back.
Kelly giggled. "I tease! I tease. You know I love you and your—wait." She blushed when she realized what she had been about to say.
Matthew laughed. "Me and my what, Kel?"
Kelly blushed fifty shades of crimson, and looked away in embarrassment. "Shut up!"
"Ah, you love my—"
Kelly cut him off. "I didn't mean to say that. I got my train of though mixed up since I was joking with you about it."
"Sure, that's what it was," Matthew teased back sarcastically.
Kelly ignored that comment. "I only meant I love you as a whole. You're incredibly handsome, and you're a really good friend." She pointed her fork at him. "Don't let that go to your head." She took a sip of her grape juice.
Matthew smiled, turning serious now. He took her free hand in his. "And you're incredibly beautiful, and a good friend. I mean, it's not many friends who would take me in at an ungodly hour when I'm drunk off my ass, and then still be nice to me, and let me stay with them after I puked all over their coffee table." He winked.
Kelly shrugged. "We've been friends for almost six years now. What kind of friend would I be if I turned my back on you when you needed me the most?" She gently squeezed his hand, and smiled at him.
"A smart one," Matthew deadpanned. He then squeezed her hand in return. "But I really appreciate all you did for me last night. You're an amazing friend, and I love you."
Kelly felt her heart jump a little. "I love you too."
The drier beeped then, signaling that Matthew's clothes were dry.
"I'll go get that," Kelly said.
Matthew shook his head. "You didn't finish eating yet. Neither did I. It can wait. Besides, I've already been eating in my underwear with you. I might as well finish, right?"
Kelly grinned, and shook her head in amusement. "Right!"
They grinned at each other, then released the other's hand, and went back to finishing breakfast.
Don't want somebody telling me what's not right, but I just want you to love me. Oh I just want you to love me.
After breakfast, Matthew helped Kelly carry the dishes to the sink, then he went to get dressed back into his clothes.
As Kelly loaded the dishwasher, she couldn't help but think about breakfast with him and smile. Things had been just like old times. They had flirted, he had joked, she had laughed. Maria hadn't even been mentioned.
She sighed. "Why can't you love me in the way I want you to, Matthew?" she asked with a sigh. Of course she said it quietly, for it was only meant for her ears.
"Did you say something?" Matthew asked, coming into the kitchen, fully dressed now.
Kelly blushed, and quickly looked away before he could notice that she was blushing. "No, just thinking out loud. It helps me plan things better when I verbalize it." She hoped he hadn't heard what she said and was just playing dumb.
Matthew went over to the counter, turned his back to it, placed his hands on the countertop, and boosted himself up so that he could sit on the counter. He then looked at her. "What'cha planning?"
She sighed. "Just how I'm going to get my babies back. Helena hates it in France. I just don't know how much more of this I can take!"
"I know it's hard to, but you have to have faith, Kel. I know you'll get them back. This is just a minor setback. You have a lot of support, and I know if you keep on trying, you will get them back," Matthew assured her.
Kelly sighed. "I hope so. I'm so worried Daniel's going to turn them against me. He's already got Hermés convinced that France is thee place to be. I just hate him! I know I shouldn't hate, but I hate him. Gosh, I don't know why I ever married him!" She cried out in frustration.
Matthew nodded. "I understand. But remember, you wouldn't have Hermés or Helena at all if you hadn't been with him."
Kelly sighed, and hung her head a bit. "I know."
"Come here." Matthew motioned her over to him with his hands.
Kelly walked over to him, and he opened his arms to her. She walked into them, and let him hold her for a moment. She could smell the fabric softener from his clothes. It felt good to be in his arms, and it soothed her. That is, until he ruined it by mentioning Maria.
"I remembered what Maria and I were fighting about," he stated.
Kelly pulled out of his arms. Really? I'm hurting here, and you're going to turn this back to Maria? Really? "What was the fight about if? If you don't mind me asking."
"I wouldn't have told you I remembered if I didn't wanna tell you what it was about," he said with a wink and a smile. "She was angry that fans were picking on her, and calling her a horse, and that I didn't stand up for her."
Kelly bit her tongue to stop from snickering.
When she didn't say anything, Matthew continued. "I told her that yelling at the fans wouldn't be very professional of me, and that it would only make things worse, and make people hate me. Heck, they'd probably hate her worse."
Kelly nodded. "I'm sure you're right."
"I told her it doesn't matter what the fans think anyway. All that matters is what I think, and I think she is a beautiful, wonderful woman, and I love her. She said if I really loved her, I'd stick up for her. I told her she is overreacting, and she said I'm not being a very good boyfriend, and that I'm acting like an ass. I told her she's acting as bad as the fans see her as. She screamed at me to get out of her face. I said, fine, then I left. I went to the bar, and began to try to drink my problems away. I honestly don't remember getting here. I just remember bits and pieces, like throwing up on your coffee table, then my shirt," Matthew explained.
Kelly felt her heart sink. He thought Maria was beautiful, and he loved her. It came straight from his mouth. Maria was an idiot for getting upset with him. Simple as that.
"By the way, have you seen my phone? I bet she's worried sick about me. I better call her," Matthew said, breaking her from her thoughts.
Kelly nodded. "Yeah, I put it in my drawer so that it wouldn't get lost or barfed on." She winked at him, then put on a smile that she hoped didn't look as fake as it was.
"Good idea!" Matthew said with a wink back and a laugh.
"I'll go get it for you." She went to the bedroom, grabbed it from her drawer, and brought it back to him.
Matthew held it up. "Thanks!" he said before getting right to dialing Maria up. "Hey, Maria, it's me," he said after a brief silence. "I'm sorry. I was so drunk last night, I stayed at a friend's. I'm so sorry about last night." He paused for a moment as she said something. He smiled. "I think we both said some things we didn't mean. Look, I'm on my way back home now. We'll talk then." He grinned. "You're so bad!"
Kelly felt her stomach churn. She walked out of the room. He would't even admit to Maria that he was at her place. "A friend's" place had been so vague. And Maria being "so bad?" She could only imagine what Maria had said. She didn't want to know.
She plopped herself down onto the couch, and tried not to cry. This was the last thing she needed. She guessed the old saying was right. When it rains, it pours.
I don't wanna have to lie bout what's inside when there's always been a tiny part of me I'm trying to hide.
Matthew came back into the room a couple minutes later, the phone call over with apparently.
"Well, thanks so much for last night." He kissed Kelly's cheek. "I owe you one."
"Don't be silly. You don't owe me anything. I helped you like any friend would," Kelly said modesty.
Matthew shook his head. "You'd be surprised how many 'friends' you can't really count on when you need them the most. Thank you for not being one of them." He kissed her cheek again. "See you at work tomorrow?"
This time, Kelly kissed his cheek in return. "You betcha!"
Matthew grinned. "Great! See you then, and thanks again for last night, for breakfast, for everything."
Kelly shook her head, and hit the air. "Don't even mention it. What are friends for, right?"
Matthew grinned. "Right!" He opened the door, turned back and blew her a kiss, then left, shutting the door behind him.
Kelly walked over to the door, locked it, then turned around, rested her back against it, and slid down to the floor. She buried her face in her hands. He may have spent the night at her house last night, and he may play her former husband on TV, but in reality, he was going home to Maria, and leaving her in the dust. And, no matter how much she loved Matthew romantically, and wanted him to love her back the same way, he didn't, and probably never would.
She sighed, then got up to go take a shower.
I don't wanna see your expression when I let you down, and I just want you to love me.
Oh I just want you to love me.
Kelly arrived at work, determined to stick to her plan of not letting herself fall for Matthew. It was kind of too late for that, but she could work on it. She wasn't going to let herself fall any deeper in love with him. It wasn't going to happen. He was with Maria. He clearly wanted Maria—not her. Well, that was fine. Maybe it was better that way anyway. After all, what if she and Matthew were to date, then get into a huge argument, have a bad breakup, and end up not even being friends anymore? It would be terrible to say the least. Besides, right now, she didn't need a relationship. She had to concentrate on getting her children back, and that was that.
She didn't see Matthew at first. Even though she knew they'd never be anything more than friends, she still loved being with him, and she loved acting with him. There had never been another costar that she had enjoyed working with so much. She tweeted that she was on set with him today, for she knew the fans loved them together. She wished Matthew would take some advice from the fans.
Matthew soon tweeted her back that he was just getting ready, and that he loved their scenes in the park.
She smiled to herself. She loved them too.
It didn't take long for him to be ready, and for filming to start. They had some nice scenes, and even some downtime between takes to just enjoy the nice day.
"Let me take a pic for the fans," she said, pulling out her iphone. She kissed his cheek, and took a pic. She figured, she may not be able to date him in real life, but what was the harm in a little flirting? Absolutely nothing at all.
"Get one of us both looking at the camera," he ordered then.
So, Kelly got one. She posted the pics to Twitter, then they started up a conversation while waiting.
"So, how was that trip you went on with Maria and Aven?" Kelly asked. It was part of her plan to rid her self of her feelings for Matthew. She would keep reminding herself that he was with another woman.
"We had fun! We had a great time. Aven loved everything we did. There was even this hotel we stayed at where the rooms were on a train. It was supposed to give you a sleeper train feel," he explained.
"Really? Sounds neat!" she said, feigning enthusiasm.
He nodded. "The rooms were a little small, but much bigger than your usual Amtrak room."
He told her a little bit more about the trip, but she found herself daydreaming abut what a trip would be like with her, Matthew, Aven, and no Maria. Heck, they could even bring Hermés and Helena along. That is, if she ever got them back. Her heat sank again.
"What's wrong?" he asked, looking at her in concern.
She held back her tears. "I'm just missing my kids again."
He hugged her. "You'll get them back. You just have to be patient, as hard as it is. Daniel may have won the battle, but he won't win the war."
"I hope you're right," Kelly said, relaxing into his shoulder.
Matthew broke from her then, pulled out his iphone, and it looked like he was texting something. When he stopped, he grinned up at her. "Check your tweets."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "What? Why?"
"Just do it. You'll see." He smiled and winked at her.
Kelly smiled too, and pulled out her iphone. "Okay..." She looked. He had just tweeted her a picture of their shadows as she was kissing his cheek. He said their shadows were hooking up behind their backs.
She grinned at the picture, then up at him. "When did you take that? I didn't even see you take it!"
He grinned. "I snuck one when you were busy kissing me. I know, when ladies kiss me, they can't focus on anything but me," he joked.
Kelly rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Well, you are quite dapper, charming, and irresistible." She played with the collar of his coat.
He grinned. "What's this? A compliment from Kelly Rutherford? Wow! I should write this one down for the books!"
She laughed, and playfully shoved him. "Shut up!"
He grinned. "Well, thank you for the compliment, Kel. I find you pretty irresistible too." His face turned serious, and he leaned in to kiss her.
Kelly's heart sped up for a moment, for she thought he was going to kiss her lips. Then she realized, he was aiming for her cheek even though his eyes had been locked on hers in an "I wanna kiss you sort of way." She held back a sigh. She should have known.
She smiled, and politely kissed his cheek in return.
"I'll always be here for you, Kel," he told her.
She gave him a weak smile. "I know." Just not in the way I want you to be. The thought made her sad. The situation even sadder.
There's a haiku poem inside of my head, but the words are written in invisible ink. Now the world is changing. I can barely keep up. What was hot is over. What was down is not. Now Adam and Eve are trying to split up, and I can't take anymore, 'cause I just want you to love me. Oh I just want you to love me.
Filming wrapped for Kelly before it did for Matthew. She didn't want to stay long. Being around Matthew was too painful.
"You leaving now?" he asked her when he saw her getting ready to leave.
She nodded.
"See you tomorrow?" Matthew asked her.
"Briefly, but yes." She had even less to tape than she had today.
"See you then. I'll be looking forward to seeing you." He took her hands in his own, and kissed her cheek.
She smiled weakly, kissed his cheek, and squeezed his hands. "Me too."
She had left.
The next day came by fast, and their taping went by even faster. They didn't have scenes together that day, but she did manage to take a picture of Matthew with Penn for her twitter.
Before Kelly left, she realized she might not see Matthew over his birthday. She wanted to see him on his birthday, but she figured he'd have other plans with a certain girlfriend of his.
"If I don't see you until after your birthday, have a good one," she said to him before she left.
He smiled at her. "Thanks! You might not. I'm leaving Thursday night. Maria and I are spending my birthday in California with some friends."
Of course you are. "Well, have fun." Kelly pat his shoulder, and gave him another weak smile. "I'll text you on your birthday."
"Okay, cool. Sounds good." He grinned at her. "I'll text you back if I'm sober enough." He laughed. "I'm sure there is going to be some heavy partying going on."
Heavy partying going on? What was he, twenty something? Kelly looked at him quizzically. "Are you sure you need to be drinking again? Didn't you learn your lesson after getting drunk, and throwing up all over my coffee table?"
He placed his hands over her shoulders. "Relax! I can handle myself. It's just a little bit of fun on my birthday. I mean, come on. It wouldn't be a party without a few birthday drinks, right?"
"If you leave it at a few," Kelly said.
He kissed her cheek again. "I appreciate you're concern, Kel, but you don't have to worry about me. Really. And, hey, if I do get drunk, at least I'll be too far away to come bother you at your house. I highly doubt I'd be able to get myself on a plane," he teased.
Kelly smiled, but it was weak.
"And, when I get back, maybe you and I can do something together? A little late celebration for my birthday maybe?" Matthew asked, gently nudging her, and giving her a sly smile.
Kelly smiled more sincerely this time. "You just want a present!"
"Am I that transparent?" Matthew joked.
Kelly laughed. "Don't worry. You'll get what's coming to you."
"Why doesn't that sound assuring?" Matthew joked.
Kelly grinned. "You know I love you. Just text me when you get back, and we'll get together. I'll give you the present to end all presents!"
"Your presence will be all the present I need." Matthew said with a smile.
Kelly smiled back, feeling her heart flipflop again.
Matthew got a text then. He read it, and smiled. "It's Maria telling me that Aven says to hurry home! Maria says they both miss me." He quickly texted Maria back.
Kelly wanted to kick herself for forgetting even for a second that she was supposed to be getting rid of her romantic feelings for Matthew—not continuing to harbor them.
Matthew finished his text, then stuffed his phone back in his pocket.
Kelly then hugged him tightly. "Goodbye," she said.
He hugged her tightly back in return. "Goodbye. See you when I get back. Have a good weekend."
"You too." She then left in a rush, the wind blowing her trench coat behind her. She highly doubted Matthew had gotten the true meaning behind her goodbye, but there it was.
Goodbye, Matthew. I'm gonna try my best to let you go.
After all, Matthew had never really wanted her. She had just been someone to flirt with between girlfriends. She saw that now, and as long as she could help it, she wouldn't be fooled again.
Love me. Oh, I just want you to love me.