(Warning: chapter contains sexual content towards the end)

I never said a word to anyone about 'my world' ever since. I figured that Denny didn't want me to let anyone else know. Even if it was okay, why should I tell anyone? It was my world, not Liz's, not Jan's, not Antonio's, not anyone's. It was mine.

I asked Crystal if I could be taken to the park more and more. Luckily she and Ms Gabatino agreed to take some of us to the park once a week. Every Sunday afternoon to be exact that's if it wasn't raining or cold.

Time passed by. Each and every Sunday we'd be taken to the park and I'd run back through the forest without telling anyone why. I'd meet Denny again who was now always wearing those clothes I imagined him in. He looked better in those after all. He'd show me something new each time. One Sunday he let me ride the white stallion by myself. Another time he let me walk on water again. Another Sunday he taught me how to climb trees.

Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. I never stopped seeing Denny. I'd accidently call him daddy at a couple of points until he corrected me. But I was starting to see him as something else than a daddy.

By the time I reached 9 years old Ms Gabatino let me go to the park by myself as long as I brought a friend with me which normally was Elizabeta. But if so I'd bring Liz and another girl with me to distract Liz so I could go off into my world by myself.

For all those four years, nobody ever found out. I never told anyone and I didn't plan to.

The last time I ever saw Mathias was the day before my 10th birthday. I was being dragged away by Ms Gabatino to concentrate more in my classes instead of fantasizing. Everyone knew I was such a dreamer and some thought I was crazy. I didn't care.

July, 1998. I was 16 years old.

Time continued to move along. I matured and so did everyone else. Jan had grown so tall. He was now 21 years old. I was 16. Some of us were planning on what colleges we wanted to go study in. Some were looking for jobs. Ms Gabatino had organized professional teachers to come in and teach us in our classes now that we were older. Some of us like Arthur, Alfred and Matthew had left the orphanage. I was going to miss them, even if we never really spoke.

Jan had his own job; unfortunately he had taken up smoking ever since he had turned 13. Luckily I didn't take up the habit but some of the other boys did to their own misfortune.

Jan never treated me much like a sister anymore. He grew so cold and vicious. The day mother died must have really affected him. I was told once that sometimes something can affect someone more than others. I think this case came for Jan.

Oh, and not to mention Jan started to do this funky thing with his hair now where he'd just put tons of hair gel in to spike it up. It looked weird at first but we all got use to it.

It was a summer's morning in the middle of July. I sat on my bed wearing my favourite hello kitty t-shirt and my crimson skirt. I had the bedroom window wide open to let in some air, since it was boiling today. I had my hair tied up in a little ponytail so it wouldn't heat up my neck. I layed on my bed, reading a book I had borrowed from our library. I and Jan had our own rooms now that we were older. I felt so much better especially now that I was older I wanted the privacy.

I sighed to myself, blowing a strand of hair out of my face from my bangs and dropped my arm and the book I was reading. It was too hot to do anything today. I just wanted to nap all day, but I knew that Ms Gabatino was going to force me to get some work done around the building sooner or later. Now that we were all older we weren't expected to be waited on hand and foot. Things became much stricter.

A knock came to my door and I sat up, adjusting my bra strap underneath my shirt and shifted on the bed. "Come in."

Antonio peered his head in, a flashy grin appearing to his lips once he spotted me. "Hey~" His voice was a lot deeper now and he too had grown. He was 18 and looked a lot more masculine than he did eleven years ago, obviously. He was growing closer to me, but we were just friends. The other's thought there was something going on between us even if we said there wasn't.

"Hey Toni" I beamed, holding onto my crossed-legs as my Spaniard friend came to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Some of us are going to the park to play some football. We haven't been there in a while. You wanna join us? You're a good goalie."

The first thing which popped into my head as soon as he mentioned 'park' was Mathias. I grinned at his compliment forcefully and shook my head.

"No I'm not good, Toni…But sure, I'll tag along." Liz and I were normally hanging around with the boys nowadays. Liz was still the bossy one though.

"Gracias!" He chirped, shifting himself on my bed. It made me feel a little nervous when he got so close and we were together in a room on our own and things suddenly became quiet; like they did now.

I smiled, pressing my lips shyly together and lowered my head a little, brushing a strand of blonde hair back behind my ear.

"…Emma?" Antonio whispered. I kept my eyes down and didn't reply, feeling my heart starting to thump faster and faster within my chest. I could hear the sounds of the bed making a squeaking noise when Toni had shifted closer to me. I was starting to tremble but I felt frozen.

"Em?" He breathed my name again, leaning closer to me. I barely lifted my head and I could already feel his warm breath breathing against my lips.

Antonio shut his eyes and so did I.

His lip contact was literally centimetres away from mine, until my clumsiness knocked my book off of the bed and we both flinched, Antonio sitting back away from me immediately. Even with his tanned skin I could tell he was blushing.

"Shit…" He sighed, brushing my hand back through my hair and stroking my little ponytail.

"I'm so sorry, Emma…" Toni muttered, looking away from me.

"No, Toni it's fine! Just…" I bit my lip, leaning down and trying to pick up the book whilst looking at him, which was quite difficult when your mind and your heart were all over the place. "Just…please, give me a bit of time before…y'know... anything happens between us…"

"I understand," Toni smiled and stood up.

I groaned and leant over my bed, almost hanging upside down as I grabbed my book. Just then something from under the bed caught my eye. Something I had abandoned for years.

"I guess I'll see you later…" Toni's voice sounded in the background.

I reached underneath my bed, pulling out an old dusty stuffed bunny from underneath the bed, sitting myself comfortably again on the sheets and staring at the toy, my face falling along with my heart.

"…Uh, Emma?" Antonio became a little concerned as he watched me.

"It's George…" I whispered, stroking my nails gently through the toy bunny's fake white fur.

"I'll meet you downstairs later, Em," Toni sighed and already left my room.

I flinched and whipped my head up, about to say something to my friend but he was already gone. Great - There was going to be total awkwardness between us now after that little thing.

I bit my lip and flickered my emerald eyes back down to George, feeling my eyes sting. Why did I suddenly want to cry?

"Oh God…" I sniffed, brushing my arm across my eyes. "I haven't seen you in years Denny…I'm so sorry I've made you wait…" I quivered quietly to myself. Another sniff and I placed George on my pillows carefully before shoving on a pair of my black converse shoes and leaving my bedroom. I wasn't planning to go play football with Toni.

I wanted to see Denny again.

I wanted to see if my childhood was real.

Everything in real life had just caught up with me. I couldn't believe I hadn't gone to see Denny for all these seven years.

I scurried downstairs and there Antonio was with Lovino, Feliciano, Gilbert, Ludwig, Francis and Toris. Woah wait, Toris?

I knew Antonio was staring at me, feeling bad for what he did, well, tried to do but I ignored him completely, stepping up to the Lithuanian boy.

"Hey Toris you joining us in football today?" I asked him with a smile, untying the red ribbon in my hair so I could re-tie the ponytail. I was surprised he was coming. He normally didn't hang out with us.

He nodded and gave a crocked smile to me. It was quite sweet. I'm glad I got to know him more during my teenage years.

"Ah, yes of course. I mean, actually, I've been feeling a bit rough lately and Crystal s-suggested that I go out and get some sunshine," he replied.

"Get some sunshine?" I chuckled and shook my head, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Well it's a hot day. Just don't tire yourself out too much, kay? Oh and you're now on my team. Hey guys I call Toris!" I beamed, holding my hand straight up in the air as I shoved passed the boys and out the front door. I had become much more confident with the boys over the years.

They laughed and we all set out down the street and made our way to the park. I felt a little sick on the way. I was nervous to see Mathias again and awkward between me and Antonio who carried the football under his arm. I walked behind them, watching him talk to Gilbert who was constantly rolling up in laughter. I swore to myself, if Toni dared told Gil about what he did, I'd kill him.

We soon reached the park; at fucking last. I wasn't sure if I could bare Gilbert's laughter for much longer. Antonio twisted around to face us all, his eyes constantly looking over to me, the football held in his hands. "Okay guys. We split up again like last time. Gil, Francis, Lovi, you're on my team; the rest of you with Emma."

I licked my dry lips and rolled my eyes. Toni always liked to be the boss of the gang. A little butterfly suddenly fluttered in front of me and I flinched blinking rapidly. The insect fluttered away from me and towards the direction of the forest of trees.

I pulled my hand up, "Hey Toni I need to quickly go to the toilets I won't be long," I said, smiling at him.

Antonio looked a bit worried by my smile but nodded. "Si, Emma, we'll just practice until you get back." Toni signalled for the boys to head on out to the AstroTurf which had recently been built in the park.

I on the other hand jogged off in the direction of the forest of trees, my ponytail swishing from side to side as I ran. I hopped over each tree root with ease. I couldn't help but smile to myself, because I remembered being a little girl and hopping over these things, finding it quite difficult at the time.

I prayed to God that the hedge was still there and nothing happened to it. It had been a long seven years Denny. Don't worry, I'm returning again, dear.

Either I had really been away for so long or this place seemed to have more trees grown than I remembered. Biting my lip I glanced up at the branches. They didn't seem so high than from the last time I remember. Maybe it was because I've grown so much since then.

I peeked around the corner of one familiar large tree. I felt my eyes sting again.

The hedge was still there and so were the roses and the butterflies. It was just as beautiful as it was seven years ago. Sucking up a breath I stepped closer to the hedge, looking for that hole which I use to climb through to get to the world Denny was in.

When I did find it I frowned. It was small. Either the plants over grew it or I had grown - Probably both.

With a sigh I knelt down, yanking off some of the twigs and lose bits of plant covering the hole, almost desperately. I started to get frustrated and just growled, forcing myself inside the hole, feeling the twigs scratch against my back, causing me to winch but I ignored it. Dammit I wished I was little again.

When I crawled out of the other side I collapsed onto my front and grumbled, eventually pulling myself up onto my knees and pulled myself up to my feet, glancing around and walking on like I normally did when I was a little girl and visiting this place.

I felt nervous for some reason. I had never seen Mathias be anything but happy. I was afraid I'd see him mad at me for not seeing him for so long.

I reached the centre of the field, curling my arms around myself as I twisted around in slow circles, cautiously looking around for Denny, or anything which could be Denny.

I bit my lip, imagining what it'd be like if I lost Mathias. If Den was gone forever because he was mad at me or something. The sky started to darken and I could hear the sounds of muffled thunder crashing in the distance. I wiped my hand over my eyes and started to shiver, not even realising I was crying again. Well, almost crying. I wanted to cry. Damn hormones. I just wanted to see Denny's face again.

"I'm so sorry…" I whispered, pushing a tear back up my face, just as I felt a drop from the sky hit the top of my head. "Please show yourself, Denny…"

Where was he?

I suddenly felt a hand squeeze my shoulder and I screamed, twisting around. The sky had cleared and I groaned, rolling my eyes and lowering my head with annoyance.

Den stood there in front of me, bursting out into fits of laughter. I cut him off by stepping up to him and glaring straight into his eyes. "Do you have to freakin' do that to me every time I come into this stupid place? What's wrong with you?" I snapped. The smile never left Mathias' lips.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry…wow, you've grown, huh? Not so little anymore are ya? A lot more stubborn too I see," He said, placing a hand on my forehead.

I sighed and shoved his hand away, shutting my eyes and shaking my head furiously.

Alright that was it. I couldn't play stubborn for long. I flinched forward and wrapped my arms around Mathias, burying my face into his chest, my face being pressed up against that bright red tie I had first seen eleven years ago.

"I'm so sorry you've had to wait for me for so long…" my voice muffled into his shirt. "Real life has made me busy and I've just drifted away from here…I was convinced at one point that this wasn't all real and I was just insane but I couldn't… I knew you were real…" I said, raising my head to look up at Denny, my eyes starting to water because I felt so bad.

Mathias on the other hand seemed confused and concerned, gently stroking his large gloved hand ontop of my head comfortingly. "Hey hey it's alright. Remember I told you it doesn't matter how long, I'd always be here?" He smiled. "I'd never grow old either…"

I bit my lip and quietly chuckled, already starting to feel a little better. "…I remember….say, how old are you anyway, Den?"

"Me? Hmm… Let's keep that a secret."

"No really!" I giggled, not realising the sky brightening up again just as my moods did.

"…. 27"

I raised an eyebrow. "So… you're 27 forever?" I asked.

Mathias nodded. "You got the picture."

"Pt, I see. Wow..." I hugged him again, resting my head against his chest again. He had this scent, this really calming scent on him. "I promise I'll try to come here more often," I said inaudibly.

Mathias stood still. I could barely feel his heartbeat, unless I was mistaking it for my own.

We remained there for a long quiet moment before Mathias pulled me back, giving a smile. "Hey, I've always wanted to tell you this, but I was worried you wouldn't understand as a kid."

"I'm 16 now," I said proudly.

"Ja, ja. Well… you remember the deer? And the way they prance around? Have you notice they always gallop together in a sort of rhythmic beat?"

"…hm…. No not really to be honest… why?"

"Well, those deer…they represent your heartbeat," he told me.

My eyes widened a fraction and I felt my cheeks warm up when he placed his hand on my chest where my heart was. I would have slapped him if I thought he was being a pervert but I knew he wasn't like that.

"…I…" I could barely speak right now. I flickered my eyes up to Mathias' blue oceans, almost becoming mesmerized. Why hadn't I noticed how gorgeous his eyes were when I was little?

I hesitantly reached a hand up, my touch coming in contact with the side of his face. I had never touched him before in this way. I never even realised it. He remained as still as a statue for me as I gently brushed my thumb across his cheek, a barely faint smile appearing to my lips. I swallowed when I thought about how awkward I was probably making him feel and that only made me think of Antonio for some reason. I yanked my hand back and turned away, my head lowering with pain.

"…Emma?" Mathias frowned, placing a hand on my shoulder and turning me around again. He placed his fingers underneath my chin, the tip of his thumb pressing against my lips. I stared wide eyed up at him and blushed.

"…Antonio nearly kissed me…" I whispered admitingly, my eyes half closing with guilt.

"I know," Mathias muttered in reply, his eyelids also becoming heavy.

"…" I placed a delicate hand on his chest, not wanting to go into a conversation about this. "I don't want to talk about anything that happens there…"

"Then we won't."

I remained quiet for a minute.

"You don't know how you feel about him, do you?" Mathias said as if he could read my emotions clearly like a book.

I shook my head. "He's my friend… I even see him as a brother sometimes. I see all of them as my family, nothing else."

"hm…" Mathias was quiet for once. It made me wonder what on earth was going on in his head. Probably chaos, I wondered if he was mightily depressed when I was gone.

"But Antonio has always been there for me… He's cuddled me during my depressions and protected me when my brother Jan tried to hurt me."

I felt Mathias stiffen. I imagined him to probably go beat Jan up if he were in the real world right now. "I see…"

I rested my head against his chest again and closed my eyes, affectionately nuzzling my face against him. "Denny…"

"Ja?"

"…I …I love you."

"…." Mathias was quiet again and so was everything else. I opened my eyes barely, thinking I had gone deaf for a minute. All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing. I raised my head again and looked up at Denny hopefully. He had a look on his face that looked tired. I had never seen that on him before. It caused my heart to snap.

"I think you should go back now…" he whispered, gently placing a hand to the side of my face and stroking his thumb across my smooth skin, just as I did to him before. I grabbed the front of his sleeveless jacket gently, desperation sparkling in my eyes. "Non! Not yet, we haven't spent time together! I want to see the deer again and the lake and—"

Mathias cut me off by clearing his throat. He took my hand and started to walk on with me. I felt a little stupid right now. What the hell was going on with me?

"I-I'm sorry if I did something wrong, Den…" I whimpered. "It's wrong of me to say that…" I said quietly as he led me towards the forest of trees again. "But I…I-I just really don't know what to think anym—"

I froze and everything was quiet again. For a second I thought I felt a bullet had just fired into my stomach.

Mathias had stopped us and twisted around, cutting off my words by pressing his lips gently to mine. I felt like my soul was being sucked right out of me, despite the kiss being so gentle. I felt like I was going to faint. Those seconds felt like forever before my eyes fluttered closed, a heavy sigh exhaling out of my nose. I barely opened my mouth and pressed my lips back up to his. Den had his hand pressed to the arch of my back to support me whist I pushed myself up onto my tip toes so I could reach him.

He suddenly pulled back from our kiss and pushed me in front of him roughly, nudging me towards the hedge.

No.

Wait, not yet!

I blinked rapidly and twisted around, "Denny I-!"

He had already disappeared.

Just like that, I was left alone. I had no choice but to return back to the real world and come back another day.

When I did return I leant against one of the trees, trying to calm myself down from this panic attack that had suddenly came over me. It was only mild and it was only due to stress. In the end I just buried my face in my arms, leaning against the tree and sobbed to myself.

Did Den love or hate me?

Denny…do you love me too?

I don't understand, Den.

Mathias, please…

After cleaning my face with my own hands I headed back to the boys to proceed our game of football. I felt a little better once we got started since it took my mind off of things and whatnot. I even felt better around Toni to. But the worst thing was that Mathias was my new problem. All I wanted to do was see him again.

Later that afternoon I told the boys I wasn't feeling well and with persuasion of calming Toni down and telling him that I'd be alright I journeyed home by myself, wandering down the street alone and thinking to myself as I watched my converse covered feet step along the concrete ground.

Mathias… why must you do this to me? Why wasn't I smart or strong enough to figure out a way where we could all be happy?

I wanted to see Den again. I wanted to kiss him again, feel his arms around me. I wanted to know more about him. I wondered what his body was like, what it'd be like to touch his body. I never desired this ever in my life but it was desperately nagging at my mind. I just wanted to remove those old man clothes he'd constantly wear. Gosh, why did I have these thoughts?

I just…

I think I am in love with Den.

Once I arrived inside the Yerres building I headed straight up to my room, shutting it behind me and pressing my back against the door, sighing heavily as I pressed my fingers to my aching temples.

Everything was quiet again. The only sounds to be heard was the other teenage orphans downstairs chattering, and the sound of Ms Gabatino's voice and the sound of cars passing by outside.

I flopped onto my bed, pulling the ribbon out of my hair and feeling much more comfortable now for some reason. I kicked my shoes off and rolled over onto my back, staring up at the pale white ceiling like I had done many times before.

I could feel something uncomfortably pressed against my head and reached behind me, grabbing my bunny George and held him up. "…Denny…" I whispered and suddenly narrowed my eyes, throwing the rabbit across the room with a huff.

Within seconds I relaxed again, concentrating on the sound of my heartbeat. My eyes remained still and staring, my golden hair sprawled out on the pillow behind me. I swallowed, my mouth feeling dry and having a horrible taste in my mouth from not having much water in the past couple of hours.

Fucking hell. He wouldn't get out of my head, dammit.

My feet shifted a little as I rested my hand on my stomach. I paused. My hand gradually slid down my body, passed the material of my skirt and stopped when I felt the bare skin of my thigh. My heart was thumping again, harder and faster. I closed my eyes.

All I could feel were his imaginary fingertips pressed against my lips again and automatically my hand slipped up my skirt. I pretended that it was his hand sliding up my skirt. My other hand stroked across my stomach; his other imaginary hand.

I pretended that his hand reached up my skirt and his fingertips pressed between my legs. My toes curled a little at the imagination. Why was I imagining him doing things to me?

I ignored my other half's arguments and gently massaged my right hand's fingertips against my panties, my legs barely trembling. My eyes remained closed the whole time.

My left hand slipped up my shirt, resting on my bare stomach. The fingers belonging to my other hand pulled my panties to the side. I stroked my forefinger downwards and pressed it against my clitoris, gently massaging my skin again and again.

"nhn…"

I hissed and pushed another finger to rub against my clit as my other hand slipped up to cup my clothed breast. What was I doing? I had to stop being insane but… it felt good when I imagined him.

"nngh…D…Den…" I moaned quietly, gently slipping a middle finger inside of my vagina, curling my toes tightly.

I rolled over onto my front on my bed, my body pressed down on my hand, my finger remaining inside of me, which started to push itself in and out of me. "n-nnh….oui…"

I started to pant and started to gently grind my hips against my hand. It felt so good. It made my heart do those fluttery flips again. I moaned quietly again and started to slowly hump my hand rhythmically. "a-ah D-…" I stopped myself from saying his name and felt my cheeks heat up. I continued to grind my hips against my hand, adding a second, then a third finger inside of myself, humping harder and faster against my hand. "f-fuck…" I moaned more and more. I started to feel this amazing thing inside of me build up more and more as I continued to hump, burying my face into the pillow and moaning into it, moaning his name one last time.

I tensed up and held my breathed, arching my back and pushed my fingers in as far as they'd go in my vagina, my muscles tightening, my heart beating loudly in my ears.

The feeling went away and relaxed. I pulled my fingers out of myself, letting my arm dangle over the edge of the bed.

I suddenly felt so pathetic.

All of that good feeling had rapidly faded away after my own climax.

I just imagined that I was making love with him. Is that really wrong of me?