Decided to update because the new movie came out XD.
This one's not as crack, sadly. But I'll be sure to have fun with the next one. Not like anyones reading! Heh heheheh.
REVIEW
WOOOOSSSSHHHHH WOOOOSSSSH
The Death Eaters flew around London in black disgusting farty mist. They destroyed a bridge and shit, and knocked people down and made people shit their little British pants. Poopy British Fags. XD
Shoooooo Fudgy-Lumpkins was talkin to somebody or something about something important that we're gonna skip because it's retarded at we don't care. Sound good to you? Sounds good to me. Good? Gooooooddd.
Ok…. Sooooo on the way to the Hog of Warts, Malfoy is sittin on da train with his hommie skillet biscuits from the hizz house of the Slytherin. Fo shizzle my nizzle. What is a nizzle, and how do you fo shizzle it? You tell meh.
Harry strutted down the aisle wearing his birthday suit, which caught Malfoy's attention. He got pissed off cause Harry's cocker doodle doo was bigger than his, by a whole 3 inches, so he decided to beat the shit out of him and leave him on the empty train. Luckily, Luna Lovegood found him and, after a quick raping, decided to take him back to the school after rambling about the mysterious bugs surrounding his head. Sounds like an STD to me… (Whistling suspiciously. SUSPICOUSLY!!!) (cough, thanks Ron, cough).
Otayyyy blah blah blah, dinner with Dumblay-door, blah blah blah. Slughorn! Yay for a fat old man who thinks he's a chair!!! :D
"Ohhhh hello Harry! I'm Slughorn! I'm a creepy old man who likes to pick "special" students, take them aside, rape them, then add them to my "collection"! Nice to meet you!" Slughorn bellowed, grabbing Harry's hand and shaking it.
Harry shook back, his face pale. "I don't want to be raped!"
"Too bad," Dumbly-Door stated dully. "When Slughorn sees a cute little boy and wants to rape him, there's no stopping him. He raped your mother too."
Harry smiled, "So he might be my father?! Oh happy day! Now Snape won't kill me!"
"No, I'm not your fajar," Slughorn laughed, "for I have no penis! I use my fingers!"
………….
Harry took a step back. "How do you do this…?" he asked, curious. Perhaps him and Dumble-doories could try this out sometime?
Slughorn shoved his fingers into Harry's mouth and slid them around a little. "Like this," he smiled evily.
"Don't mouth-finger my little boy-bitch!" Dumblies shouted, pushing Slughorn onto the ground.
Come back to the castle with us and become the sixth Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! …Oh shit, you're going to be the Potions master. Snape's been promoted finally. Because he did a favor for me in the broom closet…."
Slughorn said, "Enough! I don't want to hear of your cock being sucked like a fudge-sickle! Let us depart!"
Back at Hogwarts~~~~~~~
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
So Harry finds this magical porn book that belonged to the half-blood dick. As in a man who could only get half an erection, therefore could not satisfy said Lilly Potter, and lost her to James. Yes, yes, it was said and sentimental in the book, but we're going to ruin it by being perverted, alright?
So the book had lots of sex-secrets and sketches of naughty naughty things. Harry was greatly amused by this, and decided to horde it like a police man hordes doughnuts. He only showed Ron and Hermione though, because they're his best friends and deserve to see pornos with him. That's what friends do for each other, right? Nevermind that Hermione is a girl. She's a man in this chapter.
Hermione stroked his beard and bitched, "Harry, you should give that book back to the mouth-fingerer. He needs it to rape you."
Harry refused, obviously. He ran to his room crying and screaming about his newly-found secrets of the Kama-Sutra. You don't know what that is? Look it up. I'm warning you though, graphic images may pop up, so make sure your parents aren't around childs. You will find out things you did not need to or want to know. Well, I shouldn't say that, because you might be a rapist pervert who wants new ways to attack his victims.
FLYING PENIS!!!
Ahem.
So the next day was Quittich (spell fail. I don't really give two fucks. It's spelled like that now, alright?), tryouts. Ron went psycho and murdered everyone else on the team so he would win. Then everyone congratulated him and some random stalker chick raped his ass because she was madly in love with him. She sniffed his boxers every night while he was sleeping and she sucked on his toothbrush and other creeper-ish things. Her name; Lavender Brown. Sexual offender. Age, 16. Soon to be rapist of Ron Weasly. Poor poor Ron.
So Harry had the hots for Ginny, mostly because she dressed like a skank.
Nice legs, Daisy Dukes, makin me to WHOOO HOOO. Low cut, see through WHOOO HOOO WHOOO HOOO.
Cause I just set them up, just set them up, just set them up, to knock them down.
STARSTRUCKK you fags! Well that's Ginny for you. So Harry used his new magical spells of awesome awesomeness to seduce Ginny and get her preggers.
"YOU GOT MY SISTER PREGNANT YOU MAN-HOE!" Ron screamed, gouging Harry's eyes out with a spoon. And then he ate them, with Hershey's syrup on top. …:D
Harry cried with his now non-exsistant tears from his non-existant eyes. "She came onto me!"
"I thought you loved me!"
"I only has loves for Dumbly-Door!"
Ron sobbed hysterically then killed himself.
One less retard to write for. I'm not lazy or anything. Really. I kill off the characters I don't really care for.
Hermione, come here. Stab stab. Yay.
Ginny, you and your little demon fetus too. Stab stab stab. Hoe.
So then they find the Room of Requirement. And they needed a circus, with clowns and bearded ladies, so they got that. Then Harry needed a toilet, so one appeared and he shit in front of everyone. And Dumbly-Door needed an ice cream truck with creepy music for unknown purposes, so he received it. How all of these things happened at once, I will never understand. Flaw number 700, J.K. Rowling.
So Harry dumped Ginny's dead body in there, and it magically turned into a forest for better hiding of the body. He then raped her corpse and walked away, whistling.
Sooooo Dumbley-Door called Harry into his office where he had to stick his face in a giant gallon of cumy-cumz. He there saw images of Tom Riddle and his past of being a male prostitute at Hoggy-wartz, dancing sexually with snakes for people, all so he could earn enough shillings to buy things to put pieces of his soul into. Because he was a Satanist who wanted to split himself into seven pieces so no one could kill him ever and he would never die. That way, he could be the longest-living prostitute on the face of the earth! Yayyyyyy for eternal male pole dancers!
Even if they're bald with fishnets and thongs. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. The inside is all that counts. Yes, you superficial whores, that is the truth.
But, behold! One of the memories with Slughorn was incomplete! Harry had to go on an epic journey to retrieve it!
So Harry put his Link costume on and laced on his sword, and rode off with Midna to go save Zelda! Dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn (breathe, breathe) nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn(penis licker) nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn(are you seriously still reading this?) nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn (you have no life~!) nnnnnnnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnn (did you catch the m's?) nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn (good job Copernicus).
Don't you just love typing 2525252525 on a calculator? It's amazing. And BOOBS. Ha, Immaturity is immature.
Where were we? Why does this always happen in ever chapter? I get so distracted…
Start your way the holy way with Christ Chex! :D
So after Harry gets the memory from Ganondorf he brings it back to Dumbles and puts it in the gallon of cum. Then they go to the lighthouse from the ring and find the bird fountain with the evil necklace in it. And creepy dead men that look like starved cannibals try to rape the shit out of the dehydrating Dumbly-Doorsey but he blows them away with his flaming cock of fire.
They get the necklace and go back to school only to find out it was a fake! Damn Chinese and their fraudulent Gucci bags and horcruxes.
Meanwhile Snape was raping Malfoy in the hallway because he wasn't doing too hot of a job in killing da master of heads. …Dirty thoughts welcome here.
So Malfoy summons all the death eaters to the school through the thing in the Room of Requirement that looks like Pyramid head stretched out.
Bellatrix, being the insane crack-whore she is, started screaming and running around in circles: "I KILLED SIRUIS BLACK! I KILLED SIRUIS BLACK!"
And Snape got tired of Malfoy being a fag so he pointed his dick at Dumbley-Door and screamed "DO A BARREL ROLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Look up Brian Peppers on Youtube. Do a barrel roll, biznatch).
Dumble-Door fell back over the railing, barrel rolling down to the ground. Splat. His guts and brains spilled out everywhere and the students came and feasted on his flesh. Yum. Old man meat.
The end. Tune in next time to the Corny Collins show to see the last adventure of Voldy-Boo!